Any Way the Wind Blows

by E. Lynn Harris

  I guess the most amazing thing to happen was that I actually had a very civilized and cordial meeting with Yancey. She had called and said she had something very important to tell me. At first I told her I didn’t have time, and then she pleaded, saying it would be the last time she would bother me. I was ready to move on, and so I agreed to meet her.

  We met at the entrance of Central Park at Columbus Circle and spent an hour walking through the park. It was a warm, beautiful day; spring was pretending to be summer with its eighty-plus temperature. We stopped and got some lemonade and then sat down on a bench to talk more. When I finished my drink, Yancey nervously shifted the conversation about what she had done wrong with me and her life.

  “I’m trying to make a clean break, and I’ve decided to go public about Madison,” she said. Her voice was both intimate and sad, she had a wounded tone, and not the sexy, sometimes bitchy, tone I was used to.

  “Does that mean you’re going to become a part of her life?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. It might be a little hard,” Yancey said softly.

  “Why?”

  Yancey told me that she had called her former boyfriend Derrick to give him the news about her going public. She told him the record company wanted her to do a cover story with LaVonya, and she had agreed to talk about the daughter she gave up. When she spoke with Derrick, he didn’t object but told Yancey not to reveal Madison’s name or where she lived. Derrick had met a woman and was ready to get married and his new bride wanted to adopt Madison.

  “How do you feel about that?” I asked.

  “It’s probably the best thing. Derrick said his fiancée, Beverly, is a wonderful woman and she loves Madison. All I ever wanted for her was to grow up differently from the way I did. To have someone who really loves her. Sounds like she will finally get that,” Yancey said.

  “So you still don’t want children?”

  “I still don’t think I’m capable, emotionally or physically,” Yancey said. Then she touched my knee delicately and with a slight hesitation asked, “What about you? Do you still want children?”

  “More than I can explain,” I said.

  “Then I hope you get a whole football team,” Yancey said.

  I looked at my watch and noticed it was almost five. “I guess I better be heading home. I’m going to Jacksonville to spend some time with my Pops.”

  “How’s he doing?” Yancey asked.

  “Everything is cool, but the older I get the more I realize I have no idea how much time we have left,” I said.

  “I’m sorry about what happened,” Yancey said softly.

  For a moment I looked at her with a puzzled expression, wondering what she was talking about, but then she said, “I know what Bart did. But he wasn’t alone. Ava talked him into calling your father. I wasn’t involved, but I think something I did caused Ava to put the plan in place,” Yancey said.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked suddenly, feeling leery again about Yancey. Maybe she was still acting with me, every word rehearsed.

  “Ava wanted to manage my career, and I wanted no part of that. When she came to New York and wouldn’t take no for an answer, I told her I was letting you manage my career. I guess that tipped her over the edge and she wanted to get you out of my life once and for all.”

  “But how does she know Bart?”

  “I don’t really know. But I think LaVonya had something to do with it.”

  “How do you know Bart?”

  “He was in my video. He still doesn’t know that Ava is my mother.”

  “How are you going to stop her?”

  “I think going public with my secrets will do it. That way she can’t hold anything over me. She’s used my secrets against me to keep me under her control. I won’t let her do that ever again.”

  “Yancey, I can help you.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve still got the tapes. Maybe if Ava knew you had them, it would keep her in her place,” I said.

  “You would do that for me?” Yancey asked.

  “Sure. My days of trying to get back at people are over. But Ava and Bart still need to be taught a lesson,” I said.

  “So you really are trying to change. That’s wonderful. So am I,” Yancey said as she touched my knee again, but without hesitation.

  “I’ll send you all the tapes by messenger when I get back,” I said as I leaned over and gave Yancey a simple kiss of forgiveness on the cheek. She looked into my eyes with a grateful smile, and we walked hand in hand slowly out of the park. I realized that the love I had for Yancey would never end as long as I kept the good memories, like today, close to my heart.

  • • •

  When I got home I realized my day of surprises was far from over. Standing in my lobby, looking like she was carrying an exercise ball in her stomach, was Rosa.

  “Why haven’t you returned my calls?” Rosa asked.

  “I’ve been busy,” I said as I headed toward the elevator.

  “Basil, I’m not leaving until we talk. It’s important,” she said, her voice getting louder.

  I turned around and looked at Rosa; she was staring at me so intensely, like she was demanding that I notice and listen to her. I didn’t want a scene in the lobby, so I said, “Why do you need to talk to me? Did you get a phone call too?”

  “A phone call? What are you talking about?”

  “Never mind. Come on up. You’ve got five minutes,” I said.

  Rosa and I rode up the elevator in silence. When we got to my apartment, I stood in the foyer and looked at Rosa and said, “Now tell me what’s so important.”

  “Can I sit down?”

  I started to say no, but it looked like she could drop her load any minute and I didn’t want to deliver some other man’s baby in the foyer of my home.

  “Come on, and make this quick. I’ve got some packing to do,” I said as I walked to my sofa and sat down.

  Rosa stood silently for a few moments and then she moved toward the living area and took a seat on the sofa next to me. I didn’t want to look at her, so I just looked around my living room like I was seeing it for the first time. I noticed the new Paul Goodnight painting my art dealer had sent for approval, a tall metal and glass lamp in the corner of the room, next to the maple armoire that held my television and DVD player. I wanted to look anywhere but Rosa’s face.

  After a few moments of silence, I heard Rosa’s voice. “I know what I did was wrong, and I hope you’ll forgive me. But, Basil, I lied to you. The baby I’m carrying is yours,” Rosa said, her voice breaking over the words.

  I turned around, stunned, and looked into Rosa’s eyes. They were shiny with tears, and my heart was beating faster with a strange mixture of rage and excitement. I didn’t know if Rosa was playing some kind of sick game with me or if she was telling me the truth.

  “What did you say?”

  “This baby is yours,” Rosa said as she gently patted her stomach.

  “Rosa, what kind of game are you running on me?” I yelled.

  “Basil, I lied to you because I thought if you found out I was carrying your baby, you would want to get married. I don’t want to get married.”

  “What about this other guy you told me about?”

  “There was no other guy. I was lying. This is your baby. I’m a hundred percent positive.”

  I jumped up from the sofa and started shaking my head from side to side. The anger had passed, but I suddenly didn’t know how I should feel or what I should do. A part of me wanted to rush over and hold Rosa in an unbreakable embrace, and yet I didn’t trust my emotions.

  “Rosa, are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. I’m sorry, Basil. I realized I had made a mistake the moment the lie left my mouth. I was being selfish. I know how much you want children, and so do I. I suddenly didn’t want to share my baby with anyone.”

  “What made you change your mind?” I asked, determined to detect any falseness in her voice, before I surrendered to
my dream of being a father.

  “My father. He told me a child needed both parents. I realized that even if we weren’t married we could still make this work.”

  I moved over to the sofa and sat down and looked at Rosa. Tears were pouring from her eyes, and I pulled her to my chest. Stroking her hair softly and gently, I whispered, “We’re gonna make this work for the baby.”

  The Diva Is Dismissed!

  How did you find out about Madison?” I asked as I took a sip of my herbal tea. I was sitting on a brown leather love seat in a suite at the Four Seasons, directly across from LaVonya.

  “Let’s just say a little birdie told me,” LaVonya laughed as she placed a slice of Muenster cheese on a cracker.

  I stood up and said sternly, “I don’t have time for games. I don’t care if it’s People magazine or a reprint of the Bible. I’m not talking until you tell me where you got your information.”

  “Cool your heels, honey. Sit down. If it’s that important, I will tell you. But I better not hear of you telling anybody that I revealed my sources,” LaVonya said.

  “This is the only story of yours I am concerned about.”

  “It’s one of your rivals,” LaVonya said.

  “I don’t have any rivals,” I said. “My record is number one for the third straight week, it just knocked Destiny’s Child from the top spot.”

  “Yeah, you’re the flavor of the moment, but keep your eyes in the back of your head. There’s a young lady named Marlana who’s on your tail. And just between me and you, I don’t think she likes you too much,” LaVonya said as she took a sip of sparkling water and then dabbed her lips with a cloth napkin.

  “How does she know about Madison? I barely know that girl,” I said.

  “But your former roommate, or house-sitter, what’s her name, whatever, told her,” LaVonya said.

  “Windsor told her?” I asked as I suddenly felt my face become warm.

  “Yeah, that’s where she got her information. But I wouldn’t be upset with Windsor. She loves you and didn’t do it to hurt you. She was trying to encourage Marlana not to give up her child for adoption. She used you as an example of someone who might have regretted giving up her child. Marlana tells me Windsor really loves you and thought sharing information about you would help Marlana. This Windsor sounds like she should start some type of diva rehabilitation service. Helping divas who have lost their way. It’s such a shame that Marlana used the information against you, but it will all wash out in the end. I just sorta took over when she got busy with her career and couldn’t harass you anymore,” LaVonya said with a satisfied smile on her face.

  “How kind of you,” I said sarcastically.

  “So are you ready? Can I turn my recorder on? People and Diva can’t wait to get this story.”

  I stood up again and said, “Sorry, but I think they’ll have to wait.”

  “What are you talking about?” LaVonya asked as she clicked her tiny recorder off.

  “I’m on my way to another floor, where I have an interview with Monique Greenwood of Essence. I’m giving them an exclusive. And I thank you so much for the information,” I said as I grabbed my purse and headed for the door.

  “Wait a minute. You can’t walk out on me like that. I’m getting paid big money for this story.”

  As I reached for the doorknob, I turned around, looked at LaVonya and said, “You were going to get big money. I don’t think it’s a good idea to work with a writer who reveals her sources so easily.”

  • • •

  Club Mix (The Finale)

  I Learned from the Best

  A lot of good came from seeing Basil. For the first time I feel as if I have a clean slate and a real chance for love with Desmond. It feels wonderful to not have secrets. The response to the Essence article has been overwhelmingly positive and I looked fabulous on the cover.

  In a couple of weeks, I leave to do my first feature film in North Carolina and Desmond will direct me. I’ll play the trophy wife of an older man in a film the studios are calling a black Big Chill. Denzel Washington is playing my husband. So I must be livin’ right.

  Before I start filming, I’m going to visit Windsor and Wardell. Recently, she delivered a healthy eight-pound baby boy, Kelson Adams-Pope. When I spoke with her, she sounded happier than I’ve ever heard her, and for someone like Windsor, I guess that’s what’s called being delirious with joy. I decided not to tell her about what Marlana did, because in the end Marlana helped me shed some more layers of my past. Besides, I know Windsor would never do anything to hurt me. Every time I talk to Windsor or see her, she teaches me the power and beauty of friendship.

  My CD is currently multiplatinum and my second single, “I’m Not in Love,” hit number one on all the charts—pop, contemporary and R & B. The first triple number one for Motown in a long time, so life is good.

  Basil sent me the tapes, and I called Ava to let her know I had them. The conversation was an Ava special, and she yelled, hollered and called me all kinds of names. She told me I didn’t have the sense God gave a goose, and reminded me she knew where all the bodies were buried. I knew she was talking about Madison, so I sent her a copy of the Essence article and copies of the tapes, and enclosed a little warning that the masters were now in my hands. Still, nothing gave me more satisfaction than finally getting in the last word with Ava. I said, “I bet you’re having second thoughts now about trying to be my friend rather than my mother.”

  “You’re such a bitch,” Ava screamed.

  “Thank you. I learned from the best,” I said as I hung up the phone, with the knowledge I’d also learned some lessons from people like Basil, Desmond and Windsor that Ava could never teach me.

  Every Time I Feel the Spirit

  After Warden Wylie releases me, I’ve got big plans. I’m going to buy me a used car and travel across the United States and see what I can learn about this country and myself. I plan to visit Cleveland and maybe look up Hattie, and then West to California. I think Hollywood might be interested in the stories I can tell.

  Spending so much time with Wylie has not been the ocean of time I imagined. I’ve actually learned some things about the public relations business. Wylie suggested I read a book called The Personal Touch by this sister named Terrie Williams, and I picked up a few things about life and business. I’m also seriously thinking about finishing up my education, ’cause this body ain’t going to last forever.

  Nothing much about my day-to-day friendship with Wylie has changed. Well that’s not totally true. He makes me work and I make him go to the gym. He’s lost about twenty pounds and if he keeps it up, we might wind up competing for male attention. We still laugh a lot and he hasn’t turned me into a saint. And quite frankly, I think Wylie likes it that way.

  I still have a lot of questions about my life, and whenever I’m searching for answers, Wylie quickly shares some wise saying his mother told him or something from the Bible.

  One day when I was musing over why I’d met people like Basil and Ava, Wylie quoted me some scripture and told me to read John 3:8. I looked it up and found: “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” Wylie told me he thought it meant that people come into our lives for different reasons, good and bad, and if you’re in the Spirit, you can survive anyone and anything. I don’t know if I believe that or not, but it’s probably one of the reasons Wylie has remained my friend.

  A few weeks ago, Wylie took me to see August Wilson’s King Hedley II, on Broadway. I was enjoying the play and leaned over and whispered, “Thanks for being my friend, Wylie. Thanks for showing me tough love and not giving up on me.” The old lady sitting in front of us turned around and shushed me. It was a normal reaction for me to shout, “Bitch, don’t shush me.” She was so startled, she huffed her way out of the theatre. I looked at Wylie, ready for him to tell me how wrong I was, but instead he just burst out laughin
g and said, “I guess you told her.” We were laughing so hard I was surprised they didn’t kick us out of the theatre.

  At that moment I realized I had spent my life looking for love that could never be true and missed things that were right in front of my eyes: a good laugh, words that make you think (even lines from the B-I-B-L-E) and friendship. That’s all love, all the time.

  That’s the Way Love Goes

  Any man who doesn’t respect a woman after watching her give birth isn’t a man. The new love of my life was born today: a beautiful baby girl, Talley Alexandria Henderson, weighing in at 6 pounds, 3 ounces. With just one look at Talley, I knew she was mine. I can tell already she’s going to be a heartbreaker, and the first heart she’ll break will be mine, her daddy’s.

  There’s no way to describe the way I felt watching her come into the world. I felt humble. I felt scared. It was an amazing event that covered my body with a chill as cold as winter, and then when I heard her scream, I felt a warmth that felt like the sun was shining just on me and my daughter. When Rosa, with tears streaming down her face, passed Talley to me and I looked into the baby’s face, I cried, but this time the tears that streamed down my face were tears of pride and joy. This crying thing ain’t that bad after all. I know I might be alone again in my life, but I will never be lonely. The girl I’ve been waiting for has finally arrived.

  Raymond was right: One person can alter your life forever when you least expect it. It was finally time to embrace life and never question where or to whom it might lead.

  I’ve learned that you have to be able to flow. Any way the wind blows is cool with me.

  FIRST ANCHOR BOOKS EDITION, JULY 2002

  Copyright © 2001 by E. Lynn Harris