by Cary McNeal
Kim Krisberg, “U.S. Lagging Behind Many Other Nations on Infant Mortality Rates: Healthy Behavior, Healthier Babies,” The Nation’s Health, American Public Health Association, February 2009, www.apha.org.
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FACT : The March of Dimes released the inaugural Premature Birth Report Card in November 2008, giving the United States a D. The study states that the leading cause of death in an infant’s first month is preterm birth (prior to thirty-seven weeks). So when people say they are proud to be an American, what they really mean is that they’re just glad to be alive at all.
Kim Krisberg, “U.S. Lagging Behind Many Other Nations on Infant Mortality Rates: Healthy Behavior, Healthier Babies,” The Nation’s Health, American Public Health Association, February 2009, www.apha.org.
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279
FACT : Tennessee’s state health department reports that the 2006 infant mortality there surpassed the national rate by over 31 percent, with the black infant death rate over twice as high as the white infant death rate. See? Even babies don’t want to live there.
Kim Krisberg, “U.S. Lagging Behind Many Other Nations on Infant Mortality Rates: Healthy Behavior, Healthier Babies,” The Nation’s Health, American Public Health Association, February 2009, www.apha.org.
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280
FACT : Ten percent of U.S. adults eighteen and older—or about 24 million people—experienced serious psychological distress in 2008, for which less than half received mental health services. That’s where liquor comes in.
“Question of the Month: What Percentage of U.S. Adults Experienced Serious Psychological Distress in the Past Year?” The Nation’s Health, American Public Health Association, February 2009, www.apha.org.
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FACT : Mental health concerns are one of Americans’ top reasons for seeking medical treatment. Depression and other mental problems prompted 156 million of us to visit doctors, clinics, and hospitals in 2005. And twice that many to visit liquor stores.
“Question of the Month: What Percentage of U.S. Adults Experienced Serious Psychological Distress in the Past Year?” The Nation’s Health, American Public Health Association, February 2009, www.apha.org.
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282
FACT : Poisoning was the second most common cause of deadly injury in the United States in 2004, following vehicular crashes. What if you are poisoned and then crash your car and die? I bet those are hard to categorize.
“QuickStats: Death Rates from Poisoning, by State—United States, 2004,” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, September 14, 2007, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, http://wonder.cdc.gov.
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FACT : Nearly 70 percent of poisoning deaths in 2004 were ruled accidental. Another 19 percent were suicides, while the rest were categorized as homicides or undetermined. What some call accidental is really just Darwinism at work—cleaning out the gene pool and what not.
“Question of the Month: “What is the second leading cause of death by injury in the United States?” The Nation’s Health, May 2008, www.apha.org.
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284
FACT : A December 2008 report by Trust for America’s Health warns that budget cuts could stymie our nation’s preparedness for emergencies. The report was issued within days of an independent commission on weapons of mass destruction’s warning about the likelihood of a nuclear or biological attack on America within the next five years. Here’s the good news: I just saved some money on my car insurance.
Teddi Dineley Johnson, “Budget Cuts Threaten Nation’s Public Health Preparedness: Report Calls Biological Attack Likely,” The Nation’s Health, February 2009, www.apha.org.
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285
FACT : Tuberculosis (TB) is among the most widespread and frequently fatal infectious diseases in the world. TB is caused by Mycobacterium tuberculosis, which infects an estimated one-third of the world’s population. TB also stands for Tampa Bay and their NFL team, the Buccaneers, whose players are among the most fatal to your fantasy football team.
“Plan to Combat Extensively Drug Resistant Tuberculosis,” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, February 13, 2009, www.cdc.gov.
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FACT : From 1985–1992, the United States experienced an unprecedented TB resurgence, accompanied by a substantial number of patients who did not respond to traditional treatment and died. Doctors soon determined that these individuals had multi-drug-resistant TB, a new strain of the disease. TB or not TB? That was the question.
“Plan to Combat Extensively Drug Resistant Tuberculosis,” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, February 13, 2009, www.cdc.gov.
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287
FACT : From 2005 to 2006, age-adjusted death rates for diabetes declined over 5 percent for whites and blacks. But rates for black males have generally increased, now surpassing rates for black females.
I always pronounced it “dia-bee-tees,” but then I heard that old guy on the TV commercial call it “dia-beetus,” and now I just don’t know what to believe anymore.
M.P. Heron and others, “Deaths: Preliminary Data for 2006,” National Vital Statistics Report, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, June 11, 2008, www.cdc.gov.
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288
FACT : A study published in March 2009 reported overweight eighteen-year-old men were as likely to die by sixty as occasional smokers; obese young men, much like heavy smokers, doubled the risk of dying early. So you have a choice, young fatties: donuts or cigarettes. It’s a tough one, I know. Good luck.
Roni Caryn Rabin, “Obese Teens as Likely as Smokers to Die Early, Study Finds,” New York Times, March 3, 2009. www.nytimes.com.
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289
FACT : In 2005—the most recent year numbers were available—over 186,000 women and 1,700 men were reported with breast cancer; roughly 20 percent of them died from the disease. Just one more reason not to grow man breasts (or “moobs”), fellas.
“U.S. Obesity Trends 1985– 2007,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity, National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, July 24, 2008, www.cdc.gov.
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FACT : A 2007 report showed just one U.S. state with an obesity rate under 20 percent: Colorado. Thirty U.S. states had an obesity rate equal to or greater than 25 percent, and three states—Alabama, Mississippi, and Tennessee— were at or above 30 percent. They will change their name from the Bible Belt to the Loosened Belt.
“U.S. Obesity Trends 1985–2007,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity, National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, July 24, 2008, www.cdc.gov.
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291
FACT : In humans with celiac disease, the body’s immune system damages the lining of the small intestine when it processes gluten, hindering the body’s ability to absorb nutrients from food and causes numerous digestive problems. Untreated celiac disease can be life-threatening. Other names for celiac disease are celiac sprue and gluten intolerance, but I like to call it “pootin’ gluten.”
“What I Need to Know about Celiac Disease,” National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, National Institutes of Health, www.digestive.niddk.nih.gov.
“Celiac Disease Facts,” University of Maryland Center for Celiac Research, www.umm.edu.
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FACT : Up to 70 million Americans are affected by digestive diseases such as pancreatitis, cirrhosis, gastritis, reflux, viral hepatitis, and more. And you don’t want to sit near any of them, trust me.
“Digestive Disease Statistics,”
National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, National Institutes of Health, www.digestive.niddk .nih.gov.
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FACT : Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia can cause low blood pressure, diabetes, heart and kidney problems, brain damage and death. Other than that, they’re harmless.
“Eating Disorders,” Medline Plus, National Institutes of Health, Department of Health & Human Services, February 27, 2009, www.nlm.nih.gov.
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FACT : About 5 million Americans suffer from heart failure; 300,000 of them die each year. I assume they’re including the dead ones in the “suffer from” number.
“Heart Failure,” Medline Plus, National Institutes of Health, Department of Health & Human Services, www.nlm.nih.gov.
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FACT : Conditions that affect less than 200,000 people nationwide are characterized as orphan diseases. These include Lou Gehrig’s disease, cystic fibrosis, Tourette’s syndrome, and lesser-known conditions such as Job syndrome, Hamburger disease, and gigantism. Collectively orphan disease plagues up to 25 million in the U.S. Huh, I always thought orphan diseases were things like lice and rickets.
Carol Rados, “Orphan Products: Hope for People With Rare Diseases,” FDA Consumer Magazine, November-December 2003, www.fda.gov.
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FACT : The medical condition known as heart failure does not mean that your heart has arrested or is about to quit working, but that the organ isn’t pumping enough blood through the body. Either way, it sucks.
“Heart Failure,” Medline Plus, National Institutes of Health, Department of Health & Human Services, www.nlm.nih.gov.
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FACT : Humans can grow horns. Called cutaneous horns, they grow when the skin surface thickens, typically in response to disease. I’m pretty sure my old boss had some but not because she was diseased—because she was the Devil.
Diane Mapes, “These Aren’t Devil’s Horns, They’re Real,” The Body Odd, MSNBC.com, www.bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com.
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298
FACT : A ninety-two-year-old Chinese woman recently gave birth to a sixty-year-old baby. No baby wants to come out of the womb, but some are a little more stubborn than others. Oh, and by the way—ouch.
Diane Mapes, “The Curious Case Of The Stone Baby,” The Body Odd, MSNBC.com, www.bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com.
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299
FACT : A sixty-year-old British woman cannot recognize voices, even those of family members. She can’t comprehend who is talking to her unless she can see the speaking person’s face. Even if her child calls on the telephone, it is as if she is hearing that voice for the first time. The only exception is Sean Connery’s voice. But only when he says, “Suck it, Trebek.”
Brian Alexander, “Unable To Recognize Voices, Unless It’s Sean Connery,” The Body Odd, MSNBC.com, www.bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com.
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FACT : Researchers in Germany have discovered that, if exposed to an unpleasant smell, sleepers will have bad dreams. When exposed to pleasant smells of roses, the opposite occurred and their dreams were subsequently positive. That is, if you consider dreaming that you’re a gardener positive.
Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, “Bad Smells Can Give You Nightmares,” The Body Odd, MSNBC.com, www.bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com.
CHAPTER 7
And in My
Spare Time,
I Enjoy
Dying
Bad News about the
Things You Do for
Fun—or Used To
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FACT : Boating accidents claim an average of 700 lives each year. The majority of them on water.
“Water-Related Injuries: Fact Sheet,” Home & Recreational Safety, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, www.cdc.gov.
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302
FACT : Finger holes in bowling balls have been found to contain “substantial” amounts of fecal contamination. Pooping into those little holes isn’t easy, either, believe me. But when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Philip M. Tierno, The Secret Life of Germs: What They Are, Why We Need Them, and How We Can Protect Ourselves Against Them (Simon & Schuster, 2004), 108.
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FACT : The CDC estimates that 3.8 million sports and recreation-related concussions happen in the United States each year. They can only estimate because no one at the CDC has ever set foot on a sports field.
“Learn to Prevent & Recognize Concussions,” National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, National Center for Health Marketing, Division of eHealth Marketing, www.cdc.gov.
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FACT : Between two and three jockeys are killed each year—the same number of players who have died in professional baseball’s entire history—making horse racing one of the most dangerous sports.
Some years it’s 2.5, if a jockey is really small.
Noel Botham, The Best Book of Useless Information Ever: A Few Thousand Other Things You Probably Don’t Need to Know (but Might as Well Find Out) (Perigee, 2007).
“Baseball-Related Deaths Uncommon,” Tulsa World, July 24, 2007, www.tulsaworld.com.
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FACT : The game “hot cockles” was very popular around Christmas in medieval times. It entailed taking turns striking a blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person who was doing the hitting. I usually dread my mother-in-law’s Christmas visit, but that just changed. “Who wants to play a fun game?”
Noel Botham, The Best Book of Useless Information Ever: A Few Thousand Other Things You Probably Don’t Need to Know (but Might as Well Find Out) (Perigee, 2007).
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FACT : A NASCAR fan once sent over half a million e-mails to FOX network for airing a baseball game instead of a scheduled race. FOX cared.
Noel Botham, The Best Book of Useless Information Ever: A Few Thousand Other Things You Probably Don’t Need to Know (but Might as Well Find Out) (Perigee, 2007).
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FACT : Roughly 20 percent of all traumatic brain injuries to children and adolescents in the United States are caused in some way by sports and recreational activities. Most occur during bicycling, skateboarding, or skating. However, the number of injuries involving unicycles has increased 100 percent in the last decade, from one to two. But both were nerds, so who cares?
“Sports Injury Statistics,” Children’s Hospital Boston, www.childrenshospital.org.
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FACT : About 3 million youth aged fourteen and under are hurt annually during sports or recreational activities; more than 25 percent of those are treated in hospital emergency rooms. Most injuries occur as a result of falling down, being struck by an object, collisions, and overexertion during unorganized or informal sports activities. The sooner a kid becomes acquainted with pain, the better.
“Sports Injury Statistics,” Children’s Hospital Boston, www.childrenshospital.org.
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FACT : Sixty percent of sports-related injuries occur during practice. We call that a learning curve, and for things like rock-climbing, hang-gliding, and pole vaulting, it’s a drag.
“Sports Injury Statistics,” Children’s Hospital Boston, www.childrenshospital.org.
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