by Cary McNeal
* * *
474
FACT : Laws that prohibit convicted felons from casting a ballot deny an estimated 5.3 million Americans the right to vote. But there is good news. After nearly ten years of intense study and debate, a team of America’s top thinkers has come up with an innovative solution to this problem: don’t be a felon.
Marc Mauer and Ryan S. King, “Uneven Justice: State Rates of Incarceration by Race and Ethnicity,” Sentencing Project Advocacy Group, July 2007, www.sentencingproject.org.
* * *
475
FACT : Hispanics are jailed at nearly twice the rate of whites. But they don’t mind.
Most of them are used to sharing a room with five other people.
Marc Mauer and Ryan S. King, “Uneven Justice: State Rates of Incarceration by Race and Ethnicity,” Sentencing Project Advocacy Group, July 2007, www.sentencingproject.org.
* * *
476
FACT : Currently, one in nine African-American males aged twenty-five to twenty-nine is incarcerated. But he’s already in contact with the Cincinnati Bengals about signing once he gets paroled.
Marc Mauer and Ryan S. King, “Uneven Justice: State Rates of Incarceration by Race and Ethnicity,” Sentencing Project Advocacy Group, July 2007, www.sentencingproject.org.
* * *
477
FACT : Timothy Cole, an African-American student, was arrested in 1985 and accused of being the rapist who’d been terrorizing the Texas Tech University campus. Jerry Wayne Johnson, the attacker, began writing confessions to Texas courts in 1995 after the statute of limitations had ended. Cole died in prison in 1999. Johnson says he came forward out of guilt, which surfaced after he was off the hook. Guilt’s smart like that.
Christal Bennett, “Family of Dead Inmate Seeks Exoneration,” Fox News Lubbock, June 30, 2008, www.truthinjustice.org.
* * *
478
FACT : Hanging originated about 2,500 years ago in Persia as a method of execution. It became the favored method in many countries because it remained a visible deterrent to crime but was less gory than beheading. You might know Persia better as modern-day Iran, and, if you do, you can’t be too surprised that they invented hanging.
“Hanged by the neck until dead,” Capital Punishment U.K., www.capitalpunishmentuk.org.
* * *
479
FACT : Crucifixion was the most common form of execution in ancient Rome, but today is an official method of capital punishment in just one country: Sudan. Modern-day crucifixion—from the fine folks who brought you Darfur.
Tom Head, “Death by Crucifixion: An Overview and History of Death by Crucifixion,” About.com, www.about.com.
Donald G. Kyle, Spectacles of Death in Ancient Rome (Rout-ledge, 2001).
“Sudan: Imminent Execution/ Torture/Unfair Trial,” Amnesty International, www.amnesty.org.
* * *
480
FACT : Viktor Bout, known widely as the “Merchant of Death,” is the most notorious arms dealer, and has accumulated a private air force as large as that of NATO countries. His client list is said to include Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, the U.S. military in Iraq, NATO forces in Afghanistan, and the United Nations in Sudan. I’ll take “Things That Might Be A Conflict Of Interest” for $600, Alex.
“Spider Men,” Crimes and Punishments, Lapham’s Quarterly, Spring 2009.
Douglas Farah and Kathi Austin, “The New Republic: Viktor Bout And The Pentagon,” 2006, www.globalpolicy.org.
* * *
481
FACT : Charles Taylor, one of West Africa’s most bloodthirsty warlords, drugged his legions of child soldiers, called “Small Boy Units,” with cocktails of cocaine, gunpowder, and amphetamines. He is presently defending himself in a court in The Hague, Netherlands against charges of killings, mutilations, rape, and sexual slavery. They should try him in Iran. They invented hanging, you know.
“Spider Men,” Crimes and Punishments, Lapham’s Quarterly, Spring 2009.
* * *
482
FACT : The Russian mob flourished after the Soviet Union fell in 1991, deeply involving itself in prostitution, drug trafficking, sexual slavery, extortion, and political corruption. For latecomers to capitalism, they got the hang of diversification in a hurry.
“Spider Men,” Crimes and Punishments, Lapham’s Quarterly, Spring 2009.
* * *
483
FACT : Yakuza, the Japanese mafia, consider themselves descendents of samurai. These gangsters dress kidnapped women in short, pleated skirts and knee socks to cater to a “school girl” sex market.
They also sell unwanted Chinese boys on the Tokyo black market for as much as $5,000. They also cut off Andy Garcia’s head in Black Rain. I realize it was just a movie, but come on, that was just uncalled for.
“Spider Men,” Crimes and Punishments, Lapham’s Quarterly, Spring 2009.
* * *
484
FACT : Pirate attacks off the Horn of Africa tripled in 2008. Somali pirates assaulted more than a hundred ships and captured at least forty, extorting up to $150 million in ransom from ship owners around the world. Among crafts hijacked: a Ukrainian freighter carrying thirty-three Soviet tanks, and a supertanker delivering $100 million in Saudi crude oil to the U.S. Worse, they always demand the ransom in gold doubloons and barrels of rum, which are hard to find nowadays.
Matthew Power, “Hostile Takeovers,” Crimes and Punishments, Lapham’s Quarterly, Spring 2009.
* * *
485
FACT : In 1977, convicted killer Jack Henry Abbott contacted Norman Mailer, offering to provide an account of life behind bars. Mailer helped Abbott publish In the Belly of the Beast, and fought for his parole, which Abbott was granted in 1981. Though he became a celebrity, Abbott was later arrested for another murder, and returned to prison. Abbott was working on I Need Another Sucker when he died in prison in 2002.
Crimes and Punishments, Lapham’s Quarterly, Spring 2009.
* * *
486
FACT : In 1991, Milwaukee police officers, responding to a 911 call, found a naked teenage boy attempting to flee from an older man. The soft-spoken thirty-year-old man explained to the police that he and the boy were merely lovers having a domestic dispute. The man was so polite and persuasive that the police let him take the boy back to his apartment, where the man, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, strangled the boy, had sex with his body, and dismembered him. Dahmer was arrested two months later and convicted of fifteen murders. He was killed by another inmate in prison in 1994. Most Americans remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news that Jeffrey Dahmer had been killed.
Wait—no, I’m thinking of JFK. Never mind.
Harold Schechter and David Everitt, The A to Z Encyclopedia of Serial Killers (Simon & Schuster, 2006).
* * *
487
FACT : Dr. Henry Howard Holmes was America’s first serial killer. Holmes built a Chicago mansion complete with trap doors, secret passageways, and rooms lined with asbestos that could be turned into gas chambers. Upon his capture in 1894, Holmes confessed to twenty-seven murders. He was hanged in 1896. Holmes wouldn’t confess to more of his murders because he didn’t want people to think he was an animal.
“World’s worst killers,” BBC News, October 30, 1999, www.news.bbc.co.uk.
Harold Schechter and David Everitt, The A to Z Encyclopedia of Serial Killers (Simon & Schuster, 2006).
* * *
488
FACT : Sisters Delfina and Maria de Jesus Gonzales owned a Mexican brothel called Rancho el Angel, where they killed prostitutes and customers. Upon the sisters’ arrest in 1964, police found the bodies of eighty women, eleven men, and babies. The Sisters Gonzales killed a lot more employees than clients. What they lacked in workplace morale, they made up for in business sense: employees are easier to replace than customers.
“World’s worst killers,” BBC News, October 30
, 1999, www.news.bbc.co.uk.
Amanda Howard and Martin Smith, River of Blood: Serial Killers and Their Victims (Universal-Publishers, 2004).
* * *
489
FACT : In the sixteenth century, Hungarian Erzebet (Elizabeth) Bathory tortured and murdered more than 600 peasant girls employed in her service and daughters of gentry sent to her estate to learn courtly etiquette. What is the proper etiquette when one is tortured? Should you send a thank-you note to your torturer?
What if there was more than one? Can you thank them both with one card, or do you have to send a separate card to each?
“World’s worst killers,” BBC News, October 30, 1999, www.news.bbc.co.uk.
Peter Vronsky, Female Serial Killers: How and Why Women Become Monsters (Berkley Books, 2007).
* * *
490
FACT : On August ii, 1892, Lizzie Borden was arrested for the murder of her father and stepmother, who were both killed by blows from a hatchet. The attack not only crushed the skull of Lizzie’s father, but also cleanly split his left eyeball. Borden was acquitted for the crime. “And when she saw what she had done / She crushed his skull and cleanly split his left eyeball in half.” Nah, it doesn’t really work.
Edwin H. Porter, The Fall River Tragedy: A History of the Borden Murders (The Lawbook Exchange, 2006).
* * *
491
FACT : In 1989, Erik and Lyle Menendez were charged with the murder of their wealthy parents.
The boys were not considered suspects until six months after their parents’ death, when their lavish spending caught investigators’ attention. The Menendez brothers were convicted and sentenced in 1996 to life in prison without parole. They were also given a copy of “Lying Low For Dummies.”
S. L. Alexander, Media and American Courts: A Reference Handbook (ABC-CLIO, 2004).
* * *
492
FACT : Kidnappings have reached an all-time high in Mexico. According to 2008 statistics, about sixty-five people are kidnapped each month. Many families avoid reporting it to the police, whom they distrust.
Not only the rich are targeted; kidnappers have demanded as little as $500. I heard about a minor league baseball player who was traded for some bats and ten pounds of catfish. A $500 ransom isn’t quite that insulting, but it’s close.
Ken Ellingwood, “Fear of Kidnapping Grips Mexico,” Los Angeles Times, September 1, 2008, www.latimes.com.
* * *
493
FACT : Richard Kuklinski was known as a diabolical contract killer. He committed his first murder at age fourteen, and later became a mob hitman, using weapons like cyanide and chainsaws to commit brutal murders. Kuklinski was nicknamed Iceman because he sometimes froze corpses to disguise the time of death. At least he was doing something he enjoyed.
They say that’s important.
Charles Montaldo, “Profile of Richard Kuklinski: The Iceman,” About.com: Crime/Punishment, www.crime.about.com.
Douglas Martin, “Richard Kuklinski, 70, a Killer of Many People and Many Ways, Dies,” New York Times, March 9, 2006.
* * *
494
FACT : In 1978, over 900 Americans died in a mass murder-suicide led by Reverend Jim Jones, a self-appointed minister and phony faith healer who had led disciples of his People’s Church to create a “socialist paradise” in South America. After a visit from California Representative Leo Ryan—whom Jones’ followers gunned down—Jones ordered his followers to drink poisoned Flavor Aid. Some say they drank Kool-Aid, but I don’t buy it. If they had, Kool-Aid Man would’ve burst through a wall, everyone would’ve said, “Hey, Kool-Aid!” and Kool-Aid Man would’ve yelled, “OH YEAH!!!” And then it would have been a big party, and everyone would be having too much fun to commit suicide.
“Inside the Jonestown Massacre,” CNN.com, November 13, 2008, www.cnn.com.
Richard Rapaport, “Jonestown and City Hall Slayings Eerily Linked in Time and Memory,” San Francisco Chronicle, November 16, 2003, www.sfgate.com.
* * *
495
FACT : By law, all citizens must take a bath at least once a year in Kentucky. Whether they need it or not.
“Ky Law Mandates Bathing Once A Year,” redOrbit.com, November 23, 2003, www.redorbit.com.
* * *
496
FACT : After pleading guilty to theft and vandalism in 1994, Michael Fay, an American teenager living in Singapore, was caned—a punishment in which criminals are given blows to the bare buttocks with a bamboo cane. Americans were outraged, and the U.S. government tried to stop the punishment, but failed. The only outrage is that they didn’t put it on TV for everyone to see. Even pay-per-view. I would’ve paid.
Cyndi Banks, Punishment in America: A Reference Handbook (ABC-CLIO, 2005).
* * *
497
FACT : Two Domino’s Pizza employees in North Carolina were arrested in 2009 after a video surfaced on the Internet that showed one of them putting cheese up his nose while preparing sandwiches, farting on salami slices, and blowing his nose on the food, as the second employee filmed it and boasted about giving the tainted food to customers. Farting on salami seems a little redundant.
“Domino’s Prankster A Sex Offender,” The Smoking Gun, April 16, 2009, www.thesmokinggun.com.
* * *
498
FACT : In 2009, a mother in North Dakota faced child neglect charges for drunkenly breast-feeding her infant. Police witnessed the incident while responding to a domestic abuse call at her home, saying she was “extremely intoxicated.” She was arrested because alcohol can pass from mother to child via breast milk. Local headlines: “Loaded Boob Charged With Loaded Boob” and “Lit Twit Hit For Unfit Tit.”
“Mother Faces BWI Charge,” The Smoking Gun, April 28, 2009, www.thesmokinggun.com.
* * *
499
FACT : A fifty-one-year-old Cape Coral, Florida man was arrested in 2009 for having a “threesome” in his car in a grocery store parking lot—with two inflatable sex dolls. “They just laid there,” the man later complained.
“Sex Doll Threesome Gets Man Off,” MSNBC.com, May 4, 2009, www.msnbc.msn.com.
* * *
500
FACT : Two Florida women were arrested for theft in 2009 after taking nearly $200 worth of merchandise from a Wal-Mart in Port St. Lucie. They were caught a short time later after inadvertently leaving behind a packet of recently developed pictures—including some of themselves—in an envelope that listed one’s name and phone number. Like their photos, the two were finished in less than an hour.
“Shoplifting Suspects Caught After Forgetting Photos in Wal-Mart Cart,” FoxNews.com, April 11, 2009, www.foxnews.com.
CHAPTER 11
When It
Rains,
It Pours
A S#*tstorm
of Scary Facts
about the
Weather
* * *
501
FACT : New research predicts that the Earth’s temperature could rise by 3°–6°C (37.4°–42.8°F) by the close of the twenty-first century, enough to have a serious impact on human life through rising sea levels, flooding, widespread drought, and more. I plan to be long gone by then, so good luck with that, kids.
Michael D. Lemonick, “Global Warming: Beyond the Tipping Point,” Scientific American, October 2008, www.sciam.com.
* * *
502
FACT : Scholars estimate that up to 50 million people worldwide will be displaced by 2010 due to serious weather-related environmental changes caused by global warming. I wonder how many of them ever said, “Change is good.”
Larry West, “Scholars Predict 50 Million Environmental Refugees by 2010,” About.com, www.about.com.
* * *