Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  I hear a few gasps and Jax’s gaze falls on me in pure horror. Ok, I know that was way out of line. I feel heat creep to my cheeks, and I slide my chair out.

  “I am not hungry.”

  “Sit down.” Jax mutters, in a small but angry voice.

  “I will wait in the room.”

  “SIT DOWN.” He roars and yanks my hand down.

  I fall into the seat, heat soaring through my cheeks.

  “She will have the same, I apologize for her rudeness.” Jax mumbles, handing the woman a hundred dollar note as a tip.

  “No problem sir.” She smiles, before shooting me a glare and walking off.

  It is then; I notice the entire table is staring at me. My heart leaps into my throat as shame takes over. God, what is wrong with me?

  “What the hell was that about?” Jax growls, loudly enough for everybody to hear.

  “Nothing,” I mutter. “Sorry.”

  “This is not over.” He snaps, before turning back to his beer.

  I stare down at my hands not daring to look up. Jack reaches under the table and takes my hand in his, giving me a reassuring squeeze. It is a kind gesture, but it helps naught. I am so ashamed of my behaviour, and even more hurt that Jax had been so harsh in his comment about us being together. Our meals come out, and I stare down at mine with need. I am starving, but at the same time, I am trying to prove a point.

  “Eat.” Jax orders.

  “What if I am not hungry?” I snarl.

  “Then you go nowhere tonight.”

  “You can’t stop me.”

  “Infact I can, I can throw you over my shoulder and stop you in a second.”

  I stare at him, and his expression is dead pan. He is serious. Asshole. I pick up my knife and fork, give him a cold smile and begin to eat. It is divine. There is not a word spoken as dinner is devoured. When it is finished, and everybody has consumed another drink, we stand and pay before leaving. We step outside; the air is crisp and cool. It is a clear night, and people excitedly stroll down the streets in anticipation for their big Saturday night.

  “Which club cap?”

  “The usual.”

  The men begin walking, I follow behind them. When Jax catches up to me, I sigh. Here we go.

  “What was that about in there?”

  “Nothing.” I mutter.

  “Are you so hurt that I said we are not in a relationship, you knew that Jade.”

  I feel angry, my emotions getting the better of me. I turn and face him. “You know what hurts? Is not that you so rudely snap that we aren’t in a relationship, but the fact that you treat me the way you did today, and yet I am still not good enough for you. You won’t sleep with me because I am not sexy or pretty or…I don’t know…fun.”

  He looks shocked. “Is that what you think? That I won’t fuck you because you are not good enough?”

  “Yes, it is what I think. You have no freaking issue fucking Gazelle or perving on every other attractive woman that walks past. You are openly showing me that you are interest in them, but not in me.”

  “Is that so? I assume that you think I take all women out to do what I did with you today? That I give them all very expensive jewellry?”

  I flush. “Maybe not but Jax…all I wanted was you.”

  My voice drops a few notches and he clenches his fists, his jaw ticks.

  “Jade, I told you and told you that it won’t happen. I will give you a good time, like today, and I will spoil you, but I cannot give you the things you so desperately seek.”

  “Then you won’t have an issue with me getting them elsewhere?” I snap, then turn on my heel and storm off.

  I catch up to the group easily enough and walk with them until we stop at an extremely loud, thumping club. Sam grasps my hand and drags me in. It is jam packed, and the music is blaring. Blue neon lights flash over the dance floor and people jiggle about; grinding against each other. Sam gets me a drink, and I shoot it down, quickly getting another. I don’t see Jax, and I choose not to look for him. Knowing my luck, he would be one of the people grinding on the dance floor.

  Sam drags me out to the floor after a few more drinks, and we begin dancing. I have never gone dancing, and it feels terrific, exhilarating. I feel sexy and free. I wiggle my hips, raising my arms above my head in a slow, seductive movement. I feel a set of hands land on my hips and spin around to abuse the offender, only to see it is Jax. I can smell the alcohol on his breath; his eyes are glassy.

  “I…Jax what do you want?”

  “Only to dance.” He murmurs in a sexy, deep voice.

  He moves around behind me, not taking his hands from my hips. I feel his chest press against my back and his…oh…erection press against my bottom as he grinds against me, moving my hips in rhythm with his. Lips trail down the back of my neck, sending shivers up my spine. His hands travel up my stomach and rest on the flat plains. We continue to move together, our bodies combining in a sexual rhythm.

  After a moment, I feel him let go and turn to see another girl has caught his attention. A very, very attractive blonde wearing next to nothing. She grasps his shirt and yanks him towards her; I don’t see him protest. Jealousy rips through me, sending hot flames to my cheeks. When a young, handsome man grasps my hips and pulls me towards him, I don’t protest. Screw you Jax.

  I let him grind me so hard it hurts. I let him touch me, even though the thought makes me feel sick inside. When Jax turns and lays his eyes on us, I can nearly see them change to red. He walks over, grasps the man with ease and tosses him off me. The man leaps up, shoving Jax hard in the chest. Oh crap, now it is on.

  “Back off, she’s mine.”

  “Well mate, if she is yours, then why are you over grinding some other chick. Some man you are.” The random snarls.

  Jax hit’s him hard, and he goes soaring back into the crowd of dancers. In seconds, the bouncers are over grasping Jax’s arms.

  “I’m going.” He hisses, shoving them off and storming out.

  I grasp my bag and hurry out after him. The cool night air hit’s my face and sends me into mild shock, geez it was stuffy in that club. Jax is tearing down the street; I can see in his stride that he is wild. I run up behind him, grasping his arm. He reels around, shoving me, and I fall to the ground. When he realizes it is me, he curses and leans down, taking my arm and lifting me to my feet.

  “Shit Jax, I was only seeing if you were ok.”

  “What the fuck for? You were having a good time.”

  “Really? We are going there? You ran off with barbie, and that is ok but when I do it…”

  “I know ok, I fucking know. I wanted you Jade, so god damn much it hurt. I turned away, knowing if I didn’t I would fuck you then and there. When I looked back you were with that dick and…I felt angry. What you said before, you are wrong. So fucking wrong. I want you Jade; every god damned part of me wants you.”

  His voice is true, deep and husky. I leap at him, wrapping my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck. I take him into a deep, searing kiss. He groans, backing me into a dark alley. With a quick glance, I realize nobody is around. I do not think we will make it back to the hotel. He nibbles down my neck and when he meets my shoulder he clamps down on it. I moan in pure pleasure and grip his back.

  “Jax, I do not want to wait.”

  He makes an odd guttural noise and reaches down, tearing my panties to the side. I feel him shift his jeans and with one, hard thrust; he is deep inside me. I groan, oh god yes, finally. His breath is on my ear, his moans melting through me. He is desperate, I am desperate. Our lips lock in a frenzied kiss, our moans trailing into each other’s mouths. My nails claw into his back; his fingers grind into my hips.

  “Jade…I’m gonna come.”

  “Oh god, Jax…”

  I feel my body erupt around his; my screams trail down the alley way. His own release isn’t far behind, and his ragged moan is loud and desperate. After a minute, we slow, and he lets me down. I adjust myself as he d
oes up his jeans. I take another glance around; nobody is about, thank god. That would be horribly shameful.

  “Let’s get outta here,” He says, in a raspy voice. “I am not done.”

  “You’re not?” I whisper.

  “Not nearly.”

  He takes my hand, and we walk with quick speed towards the hotel. When we get in, he hurries me up the stairs and into the room. Once we are inside, he spins towards me and takes me into another hot sizzling kiss.

  “Jade…”

  “Yeah?” I breathe.

  “I am going to make love to you.”

  I pull back and glance at him. “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  His eyes are serious; he is serious. Holy shit.

  “But you don’t make love, you fuck…”

  “And I just fucked…it wasn’t enough. I want to do this.”

  “No pain?” I whisper.

  “No pain.”

  I swallow, why the hell am I suddenly nervous? “Ok.”

  A ghost of a smile plays across his lips as he leads me to the bed. With a flick of the remote, a soft song comes, and I blush. Why do I feel so nervous? We have never been so close. How will it feel? God, my heart is pounding.

  “I have never done this before, so bare with me.” He says in a quiet voice, lifting my dress over my head.

  “Oh…me either.”

  He grins and leans down to slide my panties off. When I am completely naked, he stands back and gazes at me for a long moment.

  “I am going to go real slow, can you take that?”

  “Can you?”

  He smiles, playfully. “I will try.”

  He removes his own clothes then; I watch as every item is peeled from his glorious body. When we stand naked in front of each other, I feel my cheeks roar to life. I don’t know what to do, is it much different? Am I meant to do anything in particular? Jax steps forward and lifts me into his arms, any other time I would have giggled but now…god now…he makes my heart wild.

  He lays me on the bed, letting his body fall over mine. He kisses a trail down my neck and over my shoulders. He slides his tongue down to my breasts and makes slow, delicious circles on my skin. I whimper as he takes a nipple into his mouth and gently sucks it, swirling his tongue around and around. He moves to the other and repeats the same process.

  I moan and let my fingers glide through his unruly hair as he kisses down my stomach, around my belly button and down to the junction between my legs. I throw my hands down beside me, gripping the sheets ready for the pleasure I know will come, but he keeps going. Over my hips, down my thighs, down my knees to my feet. I am panting by this stage, desperate, needy.

  “Oh Jax, please.”

  “Slowly, baby.”

  He kisses a slow, painful path back up my legs until he finally lays a deep lick into my most sensitive flesh. I cry out, a strangled sound. He licks me so slowly, so sensually, I feel my body building at a torturous pace to its release. When it finally comes, I scream, oh I scream loudly. Pleasure jerks my body beneath him.

  He makes his way back up my body and presses a sweet kiss to my lips. When he sits up over me with his legs either side of my body, I blush. Wow, he is so freaking hot and hard. He takes himself into his hand and begins a slow movement up and down. His eyes close, his lips part slightly. I feel my heart go into over drive, god what a sexual sight. I lean up, shoving at his chest so he falls back onto the bed. His eyes open, and he looks at me with a hooded expression.

  “I want to do for you what you did for me.”

  His eyes burn into mine as I begin the same path on his body. Kissing down over his chest, kneading his muscles with my hands, taking his nipples into my mouth. He groans and his hands grip my wrists. Shaking him off, I move down further. I slide my tongue over his abdominal wall, then over his hips and down to his thighs. He is pleading now, just like I had, but I continue down his legs, then slowly, slowly back up again.

  When I reach his extremely hard erection, I feel nerves soar through me. I don’t know…if I am any good at this. I snake my tongue out and run it around the base of his erection; he growls and his hands shoot into my hair. Ok, so that must feel nice. I slide my tongue up and down the length of him, before taking him into my mouth and slowly moving up and down, up and down. His groans echo through the room; his hands are yanking my hair with frenzy.

  “Enough,” He says, yanking me up. He is panting, and his body is rigid. “I won’t last.”

  He rolls me over so his body is over mine, his eyes met mine as he leans down and kisses me softly. It has to be the softest kiss Jax has ever given me. I open my mouth, and a little cry of pleasure comes out. He slides his hand down my left leg and takes hold of my calf, pulling my leg up over his hip, before slowly pressing towards me. Jax has always been rough, thrusting in without warning but now he slowly inches himself in, never breaking the breathtaking kiss.

  When he sinks himself deeply, he begins a slow, amazing pace. Soft moans came from my mouth now instead of frenzied ones. His breath is deep and heavy on my face, but he isn’t groaning and growling like he usually does. Instead, his eyes are closed, and his lips are slightly parted, small moans escape them every now and then. A swell of something unusual rises in my stomach, I feel…love. I feel it radiating off him, the way his body moves, the way his hands stroke my skin, his fingers making small circles onto my arms as he slowly thrusts in and out.

  His lips graze over mine every few moments, then slide over my cheek to meet my earlobes. The pace never becomes quicker; he never begs me to hurt him or slams into me so hard I couldn’t think. This, no this is beautiful. He is beautiful. I put my hands in his hair, running my fingers through it as the build up of pleasure gets higher and higher. It is a slow process, but I can already feel it will be mind blowing.

  He runs his hands down over any parts of my body he can reach, stroking me so gently I have trouble believing it is real. His hips flex, backwards, forwards, in and out. God he feels so good. I kiss his neck when his head comes down to bury in my shoulder. I wonder, for a small moment if he will find his release, knowing he finds it hard to do so without pain. My question is answered when he speaks in my ear, his hot breath teasing every nerve ending inside of me.

  “I am going to come, hard.”

  That is enough for me, my body explodes beneath him. I whimper as I feel myself tightening around him. When his release comes, he yells out so loudly it shocks me. I have never, ever heard Jax sound so vocal, usually a moan or groan is all I get. Now, however, they come out like an eruption and it goes on and on, he groans and groans as though his release is never ending. When he slows down, I speak.

  “Oh Jax, I don’t think it gets better than that.”

  He looks down at me, and his expression is a little confused. I reach up to touch his face.

  “Jax, are you ok?”

  “I never came like that in my life Jade, never. That was the most pleasurable feeling; I have ever had.”

  He sounds like this has shocked him, truly confused him.

  “That’s a good thing.” I say gently.

  “I have only ever known pain; it was all I could think about but that…holy shit that…”

  “I know.”

  “I am scared about what it means.”

  I blink and shake my head. “What it means?”

  “Jade, when I was inside you then, moving with you, feeling you around me…I…fuck.”

  He stands up and pulls on his jeans.

  “Jax, what are you doing?”

  “No, this isn’t happening to me. It’s not. Fucking hell.”

  “Jax…” I cry, sitting up. He yanks on his shirt and grasps his keys. “Where are you going?”

  “Why do you have to be so god damned fucking incredible? You make this so hard for me. I don’t want this; I NEVER wanted this but you…you change everything. I am not meant to love you Jade. You’re too good for me, why, God Dammit why?”

  I gape at him. �
�I…you…wanted this.”

  “It was a mistake, a gigantic fucking mistake. It’s over, do you hear me? I should never have fucked you.”

  “I thought…it wasn’t fucking.” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears.

  “I’m going out!”

  He storms out the door before I can get another word in. Oh hell no. He does not just get to do that. I slide out of bed and clean myself up before pacing the room and waiting for him to return. He doesn’t. I pull out my phone, furious. How dare he treat me like that? Stupid fucked up man.

  If you’re going to enjoy you’re night out, so am I.

  Like hell you are.

  Try and stop me asshole. I am going out. See you tomorrow.

  I change and pick up my purse. Prick can just go and shove it. I open the door to leave, only to find three pirates at my door. You have got to be kidding me. He did not send them over to stop me going out. Oh my god, what an ass. I glare at them. It’s Eddy, Mark and Jacko. I think. It’s so hard to remember all their names. Jacko, I think, gives me a sympathetic smile.

  “Sorry poppet, Captains orders.”

  I let of a string of curses and their eyes widen. “What the hell does he think he is playing at? Where the hell is he?”

  “Not sure.”

  “FIND OUT!” I demand.

  Jacko nods and pulls out his phone. “Err Cap, where abouts are you? We have a problem.”

  I hear Jax’s voice on the other line but don’t know what he is saying. Jacko nod’s a few times then hangs up.

  “He is at a pub down town. Said he won’t be home until early morning.”

  “Oh fucking hell no,” I snarl. “Which pub?”

  They eye each other. “We have strict instructions not to allow you out of the building.”

  “Then follow me but so help me god if you do not take me to him, I will scream this god damned building down.”

  Jacko actually swallows. “Aye lass, come along then.”

  I follow them out of the hotel and about three blocks down the road they stop at a small, cozy pub and nod. Well, here goes. I am raging now and cannot believe Jax actually sent his crew members to babysit me. Ass. I step in the quiet pub and spot Jax instantly. It is hard to miss him, considering he has his tongue down a blonde bimbo’s throat. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I want to drop onto the floor and die, but instead, anger swells higher inside me.