Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  “Um Jade, this is…Michael.”

  “Oh, lovely to meet you Michael.”I smile.

  The man looks at me, and he looks seriously hurt. I extend my hand and Michael takes it, a sizzle of power runs up my arm, and I snatch it away. Oh, he is one of us. An old friend of Jacks perhaps?

  “Nice to meet you Jade.” He says in a cool, collected voice. He has a strong accent, its kind of cool.

  I watch as Jack and Michael share unspoken words. Jack shakes his head furiously at Michael who simply nods. They must have been having a pretty serious discussion.

  “Jack, bring Michael back and have some breakfast with us. There is plenty.”

  “Ah, no its ok.”

  “Oh please?” I beg.

  “We would love to.” Michael says.

  I smile. “Come on then.”

  I skip ahead, happy as anyone can be. Michael and Jack follow me back to our room. When we get in, Jax is on the phone. I choose not to disturb him, but I can hear his conversation and can’t help but listen in.

  “No Liz, I can’t meet you. I changed my mind.”

  Pause.

  “Yeah, well, I changed.”

  Pause.

  “She is with me, I am with her. I am not interested in other women.”

  Pause.

  “That was last night, things happened over night. I am not discussing this with you. We are done alright? See you.”

  He hangs up and turns. When he sees Jack and Michael, he narrows his eyes.

  “You found Jack. Morning Jack.”

  “Morning Cap, sorry, she invited us back for food. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Jax shrugs. “Nah, stay. Who is your mate?”

  “This is Michael. Michael, this is Jax Watts. He is the Captain of the ship and Jades…ummm…”

  “Its ok Jack, I get it. Pleasure to meet you Jax.”

  They shake hands and I see Jax’s eyes narrow. He looks from me, to Michael, then back to me? What? I grin and shove the gift bag at him.

  “I got you something.”

  “With my money?”

  I thump him, and he laughs. “Alright, what is it?”

  He opens it and pulls out the little ship; a grin spreads across his face.

  “Very cool darlin, very cool.”

  “You like it?” I beam.

  “Oh yeah.”

  He bends down and takes me into a deep, breath taking kiss. Oh my. I pull back flushed. Michael and Jack both look away, oops.

  “Breakfast time.” I announce.

  I turn on my heel and begin preparing some food. Jax sits on the breakfast stool grinning at me. I wink at him, then turn and skip through the kitchen as I prepare to cook.

  “You look damn sexy cooking.” He murmurs.

  “Thanks. So Jack, how did you meet Michael?” I ask.

  “Yeah Jack, do tell.” Jax mutters.

  I turn and glare at him. “Don’t be rude Jax.”

  He snorts. “Oh, no, don’t you worry about me.”

  I blink. “Why are you acting strange?”

  He snorts again, and Jack shoots him a warning look.

  “What is going on?” I demand.

  “Really baby, you haven't picked it up on your own?”

  “Jax, don’t.” Jack warns. Michael just stands there with a confused look on his pretty face.

  “Oh Jack, don’t want to get into trouble?”

  “You know nothing.”

  “What is going on?” I demand again.

  “Look at Michael, Jade.”

  I blink, has Jax gone mad? “What are you talking about?”

  “Look at him.”

  “I have looked at him!” I hiss.

  “Not properly you haven't, if you did we would not be having this conversation.”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “Enough Jax!” Jack snaps again.

  “Look at him.” Jax says calmly, ignoring Jack.

  I turn and look at Michael who is standing dead still. What am I supposed to be seeing here? I take in his thick dark hair and pale skin, its lovely, but I don’t see why I should have some sort of flash back looking at it. I look at his tall, built frame. So the man has an impressive body. Was this about Jax being jealous? Seriously? I meet Michaels eyes, they are a lovely blue; they kind of…oh god. Oh god in heaven. His eyes; look exactly like mine.

  It hits me hard then, so hard I stumble backwards. The shape of his jaw, the dimples when he smiles…oh god the man is a dead ringer for me. All except his pale skin and dark hair. I yelp and my hand covers my mouth. This cannot be happening; Jack knows my father? Is this my father? No, wait. The man is far too young, is this my brother? Did my real father have other kids? It would explain his gift. I turn to Jack.

  “Explain, now.” I hiss.

  “Jade…I wanted to tell you…”

  “Tell me what?” I scream.

  “Jade, his name is Michael, but we all call him…”

  “Mack.” I whisper. I remember my mother saying that name. God this man was not my brother, he was my father, but how?

  “You know of me?” The man finally says.

  I turn and stare at him. “I…I…cant deal with this.”

  Jax takes my hand and gently rubs his fingers over my knuckles. “Hey, its alright.”

  “How long have you known Jack?”

  “Since I first met you.”

  I step forward and slap him; he winces. “How dare you? All that time, all that fucking time you knew.”

  “It wasn’t the right time to tell you!”

  “Really? I think it was the perfect time. I hated my life; you knew I hated it. I married a man I did not have to. He tried to kill me, did you know that?” I scream.

  “What?” Jax growls.

  “I ran because he was plotting my murder. My fucking parents didn’t believe me; it is when I found out about…” I stab my finger towards Mack. “Him.”

  “I never meant to cause you pain.” Jack whispers.

  “Well you did! I could have gotten out of that life, away from it all. How could you Jack?”

  “I’m sorry angel.”

  “I think you should leave.” Jax snaps.

  “I want to know something first,” I whisper and turn to Mack. “Did you know about me?”

  Mack nods, I am trying to ignore the love radiating off him. “Yes. It is a long story.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “Jack told me you ran away.”

  “How old are you?”

  He looks at Jack, then back to me. “Um, Fourty.”

  “Bullshit!” Jax and I say at the same time.

  “I…its another long story.”

  “I got this power from you, didn’t I?”

  “Yes.”

  “I cant take this right now. I cant.”

  I am about to kick them out, when my phone rings. I glance down. It is my mother. I flush. She has been ringing for days. Guilt slices through me. I should have given her something at least, not just run. I have no voice mail on my phone for a reason, so she has not been able to leave messages. The woman can’t text for her life, so she just rings. I hesitate, then realize she is the perfect person to explain this little mishap to me. I answer it.

  “Mum.”

  “Jade! Where the hell are you?”

  “That doesn’t matter.” I murmur.

  “I am having your phone tracked, I had to get you to answer to activate it. We are going to find you and bring you home.”

  “Don’t,” I snap, panic rising through me. “I will toss the phone and run. You will never find me.”

  “God dammit Jade, what is wrong with you? Poor James is beside himself with worry.”

  “Poor James was trying to kill me.” I screech. She was still on his side.

  “Nonsense, stop your immature behaviour and get home now.”

  “I said, no.”

  “Don’t you tell me no young lady. We have done so much for you and this
is how you repay us? By running off to Keegan. We will find you.”

  “I’m not with Keegan mother. I am alone and on the run. You won’t find me; I assure you. I will change my god damned name.”

  “You selfish little brat, I wish to god I never had you.”

  I flinch. That hurt like hell. I feel tears fall down my cheeks. “Yeah, well I wish to god you weren't my mother. I wish to god you cared the way you bloody well should. You took his side over mine. You didn’t even give me a chance. Go to hell mother.”

  “He wasn’t doing anything!” She snarls.

  “Oh, well I guess that means everything is A OK then. Oh and by the way mother, I know about Mack. In fact, he is standing right next to me.”

  There is a long, long silence. “Mack is with you?”

  “Yes, he is. Why the hell did you lie to me?”

  “I…it was a small affair. This life was better for you.”

  “No, it was not.”

  “Mack…is really there?”

  “Why don’t you say hello to him? I mean, considering you wish you never had me and all, I guess you can blame him for that.”

  I throw the phone at Mack, who catches it swiftly and puts it on loudspeaker. I cant fault the man for that; he was letting me hear so there were no secrets.

  “Grace?”

  “Mack?”

  “What is going on here? I find her alone…you and Steffan said you would always take care of her. It was part of our agreement; you know that.”

  “She ran away!”

  “Because her fiance tried to kill her.”

  “He did not, she is delusional.”

  Jax growls, but I take his arm and gently stroke it. “It’s ok.” I whisper.

  “She is not delusional. God Grace, what have you become? You are certainly not the incredible woman I fell in love with. That life has ruined you. Jade did well running.”

  “Mack…its not like that. I haven't changed. I love my…our daughter.”

  “Then why is she alone? Why did you stop me from getting to know her? WELL?”

  Mack is scary when he yells.

  “I…you know why. I couldn’t have anybody know she wasn’t Steffans. He took care of her, loved her like his own.”

  “Bullshit!” I snap.

  “Tell her to stop this, she knows he loves her!”

  “Well Grace, clearly she doesn’t. Don’t come after her, you have no legal hold on her.”

  “Mack please; she needs to be here…”

  “No, she is a grown woman.”

  “Why are you doing this to me?” She cries.

  “I am not doing anything. I am finally going to see the daughter you took away from me!”

  “I didn’t take her. I had no choice; you know that!”

  “No Grace, you always had a choice. I sent money, letters and cards, did she ever get them?”

  “Well…no.”

  I feel my heart clench. He wanted to know me, and she stopped him? God, the poor man.

  “And what about the times I was in town and would ring and ring…”

  “Mack please.”

  “You kept my baby away from me, I tried and tried and you wouldn’t let me love her. How could you?”

  “I…Mack…it was for the best. If anybody found out…”

  “Steffan would look pathetic, so I have heard. What about her Grace? And how it would have affected her life?”

  “She had a marvellous life!”

  “Well then why is she here? I am done Grace; I am going to tell her the truth.”

  “Mack, please send her home. I am begging you.”

  “Goodbye Grace.”

  He hangs up the phone and hands it back to me; I promptly drop it onto the floor and crush it with my foot, over and over. It is in pieces. I am sobbing heavily. I turn, and all three men are staring at me, each with a different expression.

  “Food’s there. I need air.”

  I turn to hurry towards the door. Jax follows me. “We wont be long.”

  We walk out of the hotel; Jax says nothing as I storm down the street. He takes my hand mid way down the road, and I slow. God, what would I do without him? We walk, hand in hand, for about an hour. We stop off at a lovely beach and sit in the sand. Jax turns to face me.

  “You ok?”

  “No, I am not ok. My mother said she wishes she never had me, my father shows up, and I find out he has been kept from me for years and years. I don’t know how to feel about all this.” My voice comes out strangled.

  Jax takes me into his arms and kisses my hair. “Its ok baby, I got you.”

  “Its all just too complicated!”

  “Yeah, at least you know.”

  “Yes, I guess so.”

  He holds me for ten or fifteen minutes, then pulls back. “Hey, I got something that makes all girls happy.”

  “Now Jax, we cant have sex on the beach.”

  He laughs, which makes me laugh. “Mind above the gutter darlin. No, something else. Come on.”

  I take his outstretched hand, and he pulls me to my feet. We walk across the road to an ice cream parlor. I grin.

  “You do know women well.”

  Once we have gotten two chocolate cones, we sit out on one of the tables and eat them. Oh yes, this makes everything better. Jax pops into a shop next door to buy me a new phone, we are mid way through setting it up, when a very attractive blonde woman walks over. I recognize her as the blonde Jax was kissing last night.

  “Jax?”

  He freezes, then turns. “What are you doing here?”

  Her eyes scan me, and then pop open. “You ditched me for…for the princess of Russia! Oh my god, Jax you do know she is missing? Oh my god you took her.”

  He stands and grips her arm. “Shut it. I did not take her at all; she is with me by choice. She is not a princess by blood, so there is no hold on her. Drop it.”

  “You have stooped Jax,” She hisses. “Do you honestly think you can give a princess what she needs? The girl has been raised with everything she could ever want, what in the hell is she going to want with a dirty, scummy pirate?”

  I stand and shove her harshly. “Fuck off.”

  “You know its true. He will never give you enough. You are with him for his extraordinary looks, but it will fade when he cant please you anymore. Good luck with that Jax.”

  She flicks her hand and turns, strolling off. Bloody woman ruined everything. I turn to Jax, who is staring at his hands.

  “Jax, its just words.”

  “Yeah, we should go.”

  He begins walking back to the hotel; I hurry to catch up. He doesn’t speak to me the entire way back, and when we get in, he walks straight into the kitchen and pops a beer. Its only lunch time. I walk over and put my hand on his, but he pulls it away.

  “They are just words Jax.” I whisper, hurt.

  “Why are we doing this? In the end, you are going to want something I cant give and its all going to end in heartbreak so why the fuck are we bothering?”

  “Jax.”

  “She was right, compared to the life you lived, I will never be good enough.”

  “I hated that life.” I cry, tears spill down my cheeks.

  “You hated your parents, and the control.”

  “Don’t pretend to know me Jax, she was wrong. I love everything about you and your life; I love the crew, the ship, the adventure. I do not want all those things again; I just want you.”

  He stands and slams his beer down. “For now, until you get fucking sick of it. Then you will want more, and I wont give it to you. We should end it now before it gets there.”

  “Jax no,” I whimper. “Please, its not what I want. I don’t want anything more from you.”

  “For now!” He roars. “In five years time it will not be the same. Don’t you try and tell me you never want kids or to be married, or to live in a beautiful house.”

  “Jax…”

  “No, she was fucking right. We are setting ourselves up
for hurt.”

  “I…thought you cared. I though I meant something to you.”

  “You mean everything to me!!” He screams. “Everything!!”

  “Then…don’t do this…”

  “I don’t want the hurt as much as you don’t, I will want to keep you, and you will want what I cant give. It will never work.”

  “Jax, don’t…”

  “You should stay here, I will go alone.”

  “NO!” I wail. “Jax no.”

  His green eyes meet mine, and they are full of pain. He puts his beer down, takes his keys and walks out. I fall to my knees and sob. What has she done? She has put doubt into his mind and into his heart.

  CHAPTER 12

  I don’t answer the door or phone for anybody; I just sit on the floor, unable to function. About four hours later, I finally get up from my position on the floor and shower. I make myself a cup of tea and sit outside on the balcony, my mind in a haze. It is all too much. I do not even know if Jax will come back, chances are I will walk out later, and the entire crew will be gone. I decide to risk it and send Jax a text from my new phone. I have to tell him.

  Don’t doubt me Jax. I love you, and that is not something I give easily. I know who you are and what you are. I know you don’t want to give me the life you think I want. I am not right into children or marriage, I just want freedom. The same freedom you want. I want what we have, and if all else fails, I want our friendship. Don’t kick me off Jax, without you and the crew, I have nothing. You are my family, above all else. Please, don’t send me away.

  I wait and wait for a reply. Half an hour later I get one.

  I am not kicking you off. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I need time and space. Stay in the hotel tonight, I wont be home. Tomorrow, I will get you and we will leave. The crew love you and I wouldn’t leave you with nothing.

  I feel like I have been kicked in the gut. With shaky hands, I reply.

  Where will you stay? Are we over Jax? I would appreciate if you would tell me before moving on to another girl…I don’t want lies.

  I haven't moved on or fucked anyone else and I am not going to. I don’t know if we are over, I just said I need time.

  Ok.

  Don’t go out, there are too many people looking for you.

  I am not staying in all night Jax. I will go see Sam.

  Don’t.Go.Out.

  Stop it, you cant do that to me.