Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  “Open your eyes Jade.” Jax howls again.

  “Jax, you have to go,” Sam shouts through the noise. “We got her.”

  He strokes a hand over my cheek, then turns and joins in the rotten battle. It is then, I say a silent prayer for him and the rest of the crew, please god, don’t take them from me. Margy clutches my arms and Sam holds my body upright as slowly they make their way towards the small room, set up with medical supplies. When we get inside, they lay me on the bed, forgetting the fight above and swinging into nurse mode. Margy tears off my shirt and Sam prepares gauzes and antibiotics.

  “It’s deep Sam, too deep.”

  “What does that mean?” I shriek.

  “We have to get it out honey, or you will die of infection when your body tries to remove it itself.”

  “I won’t die, I will heal myself. You know that.”

  “That means if we don’t get it out soon, that bullet is going to heal in the bone.”

  “What?”

  They exchange looks. “For now, we will clean it up. We will consult with the Cap first.”

  “Jax, is hurt too.” I sniff.

  They exchange another glance. “He will be ok honey.”

  “Margy, I will get some morphine into her. It will help the pain.”

  I feel a sting in my arm minutes later as they inject me with pain relief. I sob and snivel as they wipe clean the area, what seems like hours pass when finally the door opens. Jax comes bounding in; he is untouched aside from his bloody arm and he looks normal again. He is breathless but aside from that; he hardly looks as though he has just defeated a hefty amount of pirates.

  “Jax, is everybody ok?” Margy questions.

  “Fine, no deaths. Not on my side anyway. The men are clearing up, how is she?”

  I am squirming in pain; he steps beside me, wiping back my hair from my sweaty brow.

  “It’s deep Cap, we don’t have much choice but to get it out. If we don’t hurry, it is going to heal into the bone.”

  “What are you waiting for then?”

  “It’s going to be more painful than you could ever imagine, we cannot numb her. We have nothing to do so. It is so cruel; we wanted to see if you approved.”

  “What are the other choices?”

  “It heals in her bone, and she lives in pain for the rest of her life, possibly looses the use of her arm.”

  “Then get it out.”

  “NO!” I scream, twisting and turning. “Please god no!”

  Jax grasps my hands, leaning down to meet my eyes. “You can do this kid. Do you trust us?”

  “Oh god please.”

  “Get rum, lots of it. MOVE.” He commands and Sam hurries out.

  She returns with four bottles. Margy pours one over my chest, and I scream, Jax clutches the other bottle, taking a whopping scull before holding it to my lips.

  “Drink as much as you can, knock yourself out Jade.”

  “I can’t!”

  “You can!”

  I swallow and swallow; the liquid scalds my lips, but it helps, the pain seems less now.

  “We are ready Cap, hold her down.”

  “PLEASE NO.”

  He leans over me, pressing his body over half of mine. He puts his forehead against mine, looking directly at me.

  “Don’t look at anything else but me, I got you mate.”

  I am quivering; my body is in shock and I am petrified. I hear Sam say she is ready and then I feel it, the shattering pain as they sink a knife into my shoulder and begin digging around to dislodge the bullet that has already begun to infuse itself to my bone. I scream, so loudly I am sure I burst Jax’s ear drums. I cry and curse, begging for them to kill me. I tear at his arms, scratching and tearing at his skin. Then finally, I pass out. I am sure it is my body's way of saying it is too much, it takes me away from the pain; it saves me.

  CHAPTER 14

  I wake to the ship thrashing, side to side it rocks. I sit up. What is happening? Where am I? I run from the bed, distressed. I remember being shot, oh god, did that pirate capture me? I tear up onto the deck, Jax’s ship, I am on Jax’s ship. It is pouring down rain; my hair is drenched in mere seconds. The wind is howling, and the ship is being thrust about in the ocean.

  I turn and run back downstairs, where is everybody? Oh god, has something happened to them? I tear into the dining room; the crew are all chatting frantically. Jax looks over at me and jumps to his feet. I rush over, falling into his arms. He is soaking wet too. He pulls me back and looks down at me, his green eyes search my face.

  “Baby, hey…its ok.”

  “I thought…I woke up alone and the storm. I…”

  “Shhh, your safe. We are all ok.”

  “God. Jax. He shot me.”

  “I know darlin, I know.”

  “Are you hurt?”

  I pull back and glance at his arm; it is bandaged up. I instantly reach my hand out to heal him, but he shoves it back.

  “Don’t even think about it.”

  “Your hurt.”

  “It’s a graze, I will heal.”

  “But…”

  “No buts!”

  I pout and he smiles down at me. “Stop that.”

  “Is there a storm?”

  “Yeah mate, its not too bad.”

  “And the other pirate?”

  He tenses. “We will talk of that later.”

  “We got this Cap, go and put her back to bed.” Rusty says.

  “Cheers mate, call me if it gets worse.”

  “Aye.”

  Jax takes my hand and leads me to my room; we cant go to his because that means we have to go on deck. He slides his wet shirt off and reaches for mine. I notice my arm is bandaged though I can already guess it is healed. It doesn’t hurt a bit. I let Jax remove my shirt, then unbandage my arm. He gazes down at it and shakes his head.

  “You are one lucky little girl being gifted. That would have left an awful scar.”

  “I guess.”

  He takes my chin in his hand and tilts my face up. “Its going to be ok.”

  “I know.”

  “I wont let him hurt you again.”

  “Jax, what did he mean when he said…he was sick of the old girl and wanted a trade?”

  Jax rubs his head then sighs. “Bella is on that ship.”

  “What?”

  “She left about six months ago.”

  It makes sense then. Him saying he had been without sex for a while. “Why?”

  “Leverage, anger, I don’t know. She betrayed me; that’s all I know.”

  “Oh Jax…I’m sorry.”

  “Nah, it’s for the best. She is a thorn in my side.”

  His face actually looks hurt…I blink a few times and reality washes over me. Surely not? He doesn’t care for her still, does he?

  “Jax…”

  “Don’t, don’t ask how I feel about her mate. Not now.”

  I nod, crushed.

  “Hey, your my girl now.” He says gently.

  “I..hope so.”

  “I know so. I have a lot to go over with you Jade. We are holding a meeting tonight ok?”

  “For what?”

  “We have to…sort a lot out.”

  “Like what?” I push.

  “Mate, can we just enjoy this?”

  I get a strong feeling I wont like this meeting. I close my eyes and follow silently as he steps into the shower. We hold each other for a long while, letting the water cascade over us.

  “You scared the shit outta me back there.” He murmurs into my hair.

  “Yeah ditto.”

  “Sorry mate.”

  “I thought he was going to kill you.”

  “Shhh, I know.”

  We enjoy the shower for a while longer, then get out and dress. Jax takes my hand and pulls me close. Why is he buttering me up? I know something is up.

  “We should go.”

  “Why do I have to go?”

  “You need to hear it.”


  “Why Jax.”

  “Because you just do!” He snaps.

  Without further argument, I follow Jax down the hall to the dining room. Most of the crew are there, I see Jack and smile, he gives me a weak smile back which tells me right away I will not like what is about to be said.

  “Sit.” Jax orders, shoving my shoulder so I am forced down onto a nearby chair.

  I glare at him, then take my seat without another word.

  “As you all know, we are having more issues with Bill.”

  “Who’s Bill?” I ask.

  “The other pirate.” Jax snaps.

  I put my hands up. “Just asking.”

  “As I was saying, we are having more issues. What happened was a close call, we need to establish a plan and finish this once and for all. I can’t do that without my half of the map so we need to figure out how to get it.”

  “Bella?” Rusty asks.

  “I don’t trust her.”

  “We are in the same boat as him, we can’t battle and sink him because he has what we want and visa versa. If that ship goes down, it’s lost to us.”

  “A bargain perhaps?”

  “No, it won’t work.” Jax murmurs.

  “What about Jade?” A crew member says.

  Jax shoots a glare at him. “She will not be involved in this.”

  I blink. Wait, when did I come into this?

  “He wants her, we all saw that. It could work Cap.”

  “NO!” He roars. “She is leaving and will not be apart of this world.”

  “I’m leaving? What?”

  Jax sighs and rubs his head, then looks at me, his eyes full of regret. “Mate…after what happened, I organized a boat out for you. In two weeks, you will board it.”

  “NO,” I cry “Jax why?”

  “I can’t leave you on this ship, it’s too dangerous. Until this is sorted, you are leaving.”

  “You can’t do this to me.”

  “You don’t get a choice.”

  “You said…we were together. How can you justify leaving me alone?”

  “It’s safer Jade, I am not leaving you. I will visit each week, but until it’s sorted you could die. I won’t have it.”

  “SO COULD YOU.” I am screaming now.

  “It’s done Jade, you deal with it.”

  “NO.”

  He grinds his jaw and runs his hands through his hair. “Jade, this is not up for discussion. I am the Captain.”

  “And I am your girlfriend. I won’t leave. I won’t, do you hear me?”

  “You’re not my god damned girlfriend.” Jax screams. I blink and stand, backing up in agony.

  “Come on sweetheart.” Jacks voice fills my ears, though I can hardly see him, my eyes are so blurry.

  “Stay out of this, do you hear me. She leaves, end of story.” Jax hisses at him.

  “Don’t Jax, just because you won’t love her, does not mean others can’t. She deserves the best; it is not my problem you can’t see how god damn incredible she is.”

  “You think I don’t know that? You think I can’t see what a god damned beautiful girl she is, inside and out? You’re fuckin wrong Jack I can; I can also see how damned dangerous this life is for her while Bill is hanging around. I care enough to get her off this ship.”

  “You will lose the best thing that ever happened to you, I just hope you know that!”

  Jack leads me out and to my room, when we get in he sets me on the bed and pulls me into his arms.

  “Hey hey, its ok.”

  “He doesn’t want me here.”

  “He thinks he is doing the right thing.”

  “He is breaking my heart.”

  “Jax… has never actually had to worry about anybody else Jade. He cares for you, a lot. I hate what he is doing, but I truly think that he thinks it is the right thing.”

  “Thanks for sticking up for me Jack.”

  “Always.”

  “I love you, your my best friend Jack. I hope you know that.”

  “And I love you angel.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Get some sleep, you need it after the few days you have had.”

  I nod. Jack kisses my head, and I watch him leave. I curl up onto my bed, desperately trying to keep my emotions in tact. An hour later, Jax enters. He looks nervous and hurt. When he drops to his knees in front of me, I gasp. Wow, really?

  “I am sorry baby girl, please…forgive me.”

  “You…if you don’t want this you need to say so instead of leading me on a pretending.” I whisper.

  He takes my face in his hands. “I want you more than I have ever wanted anything. You changed me. I am a pirate, and I know that doesn’t give me an excuse, but I have never had to do this before.”

  “You were married.” I protest.

  “To a woman who couldn’t give a shit how I treated her. She loved herself and nobody else. She spent most of her time on land; I paid for a house and that is how it was. I dropped backwards and forwards seeing her, occasionally she came out with me. I never had to work Jade, never. Not for any woman, anywhere. I got used to it. Then you came along and changed everything. I want to chase you; I want you here with me, I want you.”

  I swallow. “You do?”

  “God yes.”

  “You..you hurt me so much Jax, your words hurt.”

  “I am trying,” He whispers, looking up at me. “I honestly am.”

  “If I didn’t know that, I would not be here. I just wish you knew how your words affect me. One minute your all baby girl and darlin, and the next you are all harsh and cruel.”

  “What I said back there Jade, I didn’t mean it. I want..” He takes a deep breath. “I want you to be my girlfriend, I need you to be my girlfriend.”

  I let out a choked sound. “You do?”

  “Yeah, give me a chance to try this. I want you.”

  “Oh.” I sob.

  “Take me in all my bull headedness baby girl, I...care about you more than anything in this world right now. I know its probably not enough but…”

  I put my finger to his lips. “Its enough, it will always be enough.”

  CHAPTER 15

  The next two weeks with Jax are bliss. We laugh, play, make love and hang out, nothing could make me feel better. Everything in my life right now is perfect. Just perfect. He is everything I have ever wanted and more, and he is trying. Really trying. I love him for that. We haven't heard much from Bill, but we all know he will pounce soon; real soon. One evening a few weeks later, everything changes.

  “Hey Jade, guess what?” Rusty asks, sauntering over with a grin.

  “Oh Rusty, your face is a cracker. What is it?”

  “We are going on a holiday!”

  “We are?” I squeal, really?

  “Sure are, Jax is organizing it as we speak.”

  “Oh my god, I am so going to jump his bones for this.”

  I run from the room beaming, I have been desperate for some time out. I get up on deck, and it is dark. I begin walking towards Jax’s room when I hear a loud thump. Turning, I see Bill standing beside me. Oh shit. I back up against the railing.

  “Well well.”

  He grasps my shoulder and tears my shirt so quickly I do not realize what is happening, his eyes widen at the fact that I have no wound from the gun shot he gave me weeks ago.

  “I heard it was true, god damn.”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “Show me what you can do and if you scream I will blow this ship to pieces and kill your lover.”

  I shoot a glance over his shoulder; I can’t see the other ship, it is far too misty and dark. I turn my eyes back to his and watch him slice a cut in his arm.

  “Take it from me.”

  “No, get away from me.”

  He drives a fist into my face, hard and crushing. I fall backwards, but he catches me. “I assure you, I will slaughter this entire ship, now take it from me.”

  I close my fingers over his arm and take the
slash onto my self, where it begins to tingle instantly. It isn’t deep so it is healing rather quickly. I still groan in pain; he shoves a hand over my mouth.

  “You’re more value than I thought.”

  He tries to yank me to the side, and I quickly realize his intentions, he wants to take me aboard his ship. I lash my foot out, and it connects with his shins, he stumbles backwards and curses. In a second, he leaps forward with his gun and hits me across the face, I feel my cheek split, my head swirl. I stumble but manage to keep my footing.

  “You aren’t taking me anywhere.” I spit, kicking out and connecting with his gun, it tumbles from his hands and across the deck.

  “Bitch!” He roars, punching me hard again.

  I duck the second blow and drive my body into his middle section, ramming him against the railing. He roars in pain, and I hear a few bones break. I grasp hold of his man hood and twist as hard as I can, he howls so loudly it echos across the water. Minutes or even seconds later, Jax and the crew are on deck. Jax has me in a second, yanking me off Bill and crushing my back to his chest; his arm falls firmly around my waist. I kick out again, connecting with Bills face as he crunches over to grasp his groin.

  “Don’t fire.” He yells, his voice strangled and I hear the cocking of guns over the water. So his crew is there, in the dark.

  When a large spotlight comes on, I see them, standing and pointing their weapons at Jax’s ship. I see something else too, Bella, standing between them with a gun pressed to her head. Bill stands, his voice hissing as he speaks.

  “I won’t kill you Jax because you have too much I want, but mark my words, I will get her, and she will be mine. Send her to shore, go ahead, I will find her there too. I know your plans…and she will be mine.”

  “You will never have her, men…kill him.”

  “Ah ah ah,” He murmurs and turns to face Bella. “You kill me, they kill her…and her…”

  I notice then; half the guns are pointed to me. I make a strange whiney sound and Jax clenches me tighter. I glance up at him, to see his gaze is fixed on Bella. I can’t make out his expression but he orders his men to put their guns down.

  “Good boy Jax, I will see you again soon mark my words. I have leverage now. I have two things you want, soon, I will have three.”

  “Over my dead body.” Jax snarls.