Four by Sondheim
Page 9
(HERO exits into house. SOLDIER staggers to his feet)
SOLDIER: You are under arrest!
(PSEUDOLUS blows at him, SOLDIER falls back down. DOMINA enters from ERRONIUS’s house, followed by SENEX. PSEUDOLUS ducks into SENEX’s house)
DOMINA: Dearest Senex, you saw through my disguise!
SENEX: Yes, beloved.
(She embraces him. He looks around for PHILIA)
DOMINA: Forgive me for mistrusting you. My darling, it’s just that you have been a little distant these last twenty-nine years.
SENEX (Backing off): Yes, beloved, yes.
(Exits, as she follows)
DOMINA: Senex! Senex!
ERRONIUS (Entering): Third time around!
(Starts for his house, as HYSTERIUM is entering from same house. Seeing ERRONlUS, he runs back in)
The spirit!
(Sneaks over to side of his house. HYSTERIUM peeks out of door, then tip-toes out, not seeing ERRONIUS)
Who are you?!
(HYSTERIUM trips and falls. ERRONIUS helps him up)
Let me help you.
HYSTERIUM: Thank you. I am quite all right.
ERRONIUS (Seeing ring): Wait!
HYSTERIUM: What is it?
ERRONIUS: My dear one! My sweet one! My little one!
(Kisses HYSTERIUM)
HYSTERlUM: Why do older men find me so attractive?
ERRONRUS: My daughter!
HYSTERIUM: What?
ERRONIUS: You wear the ring with the gaggle of geese!
HYSTERIUM : I am not your daughter!
(MILES and SOLDIERS run on, spot HYSTERIUM)
MILES: There she is!
ERRONIUS: Yes!
MILES: My virgin!
HYSTERIUM: I am not a virgin!
ERRONIUS: Those filthy pirates!
HYSTERIUM: I am not your daughter! I . . . uh ... I am an Etruscan dancer.
(Dances a few steps as SENEX re-enters)
SENEX: Dancing with impatience, my dear?
MILES: Who is it speaks so boldly to my virgin?
SENEX: Your what? She is my maid!
ERRONIUS: She is my daughter!
(All tug at HYSTERIUM)
HYSTERIUM: Please! No fighting! That hurts! Please!
(In the tussle, without knowing it, HYSTERIUM loses his wig)
MILES: You are not the virgin!
HYSTERIUM (Walks into ERRONIUS’s arms): Of course not! I am this old man’s baby daughter.
SENEX: Hysterium!
MILES: The eunuch!
ERRONIUS: My daughter is a eunuch?
MILES: Seize that man!
(Points to HYSTERIUM. SOLDIERS point swords at him)
DOMINA (Entering): Senex!
MILES: You, again?
SENEX: Sir, you are speaking to my wife!
MILES: You are married to that . . . that . . .
SENEX: Yes, I am married to that . . . that! And I shall thank you to release my slave and remove yourself from in front of my house!
MILES: Your house? This is the house of Lycus.
DOMINA: Lycus?
(All babble at once)
MILES: Quiet! I declare this area under martial law!
PSEUDOLUS (Entering from SENEX’s house, indicating HYSTERIUM): Release that man!
MILES: Release that man!
(Recognizes PSEUDOLUS)
You!
PSEUDOLUS: Sir, this quivering creature is blameless. It is I, and I alone, who have caused you this grief.
MILES: Men, unseize him and seize him!
(SOLDIERS surround PSEUDOLUS)
And now, death by evisceration!
(PSEUDOLUS reacts horribly)
HYSTERIUM: Oh, Pseudolus!
PSEUDOLUS: Calm, my friend.
(To MILES)
Sir, I believe a doomed man is allowed a final request?
MILES: Yes.
PSEUDOLUS: Allow me to take my own life.
MILES: Sir, I have seen kings with less courage.
PSEUDOLUS: So have I. Hysterium, the potion. You know the one I mean.
HYSTERIUM: The potion?
(Picks up cup from where he placed it earlier)
PSEUDOLUS: Thank you, dear friend. Give the hemlock to Socrates.
HISTERIUM (To SOLDIERS): Which one of you is Socrates?
PSEUDOLUS: Give me that!
(Takes cup, raises it)
I go to sail on uncharted seas. To the harbor, to the harbor...
(PHILIA and HERO sneak out of SENEX’s house, exit unseen)
... from which no mariner returns. Farewell.
(Drains potion, dies noisily and elaborately. MILES leans over him)
Kiss me!
(He apparently has taken the wrong potion. Jumps up)
Somebody kiss me! Anybody!
(To HYSTERIUM)
I could kill you ... you darling!
MILES: Seize him!
(SOLDIER grabs PSEUDOLUS)
PSEUDOLUS: Thank you! I needed that!
MILES: Stop that!
(Smacks PSEUDOLUS in back of head. LYCUS enters with PHILIA. HERO follows)
LYCUS: Great Miles Gloriosus! I would not reveal my true identity until I could deliver that which I had promised. Sir, I am Lycus. Philia, go to the man who bought you.
(PHILIA sighs, goes to SENEX. DOMINA reacts)
SENEX: No, no.
PHILIA: Aren’t you the . . . ?
SENEX (Whispers): Quiet! We’re under martial law.
LYCUS: There is the captain! Captain, here is your virgin.
MILES: And worth the waiting for.
(To PSEUDOLUS)
Out of the great joy of the occasion, forgiveness. You are free.
PSEUDOLUS: Free . . . to be a slave.
(Slumps against pillar)
ERRONIUS: I cannot understand it. There was the ring. The ring with the gaggle of geese.
MILES: What did you say, old man?
(MILES extends his hand)
ERRONIUS: The ring!
MILES: Father!
ERRONIUS: You’ve grown!
(They embrace)
PHILIA (Showing ring on chain about her neck): Are these many geese a gaggle?
ERRONIUS: How long have you had this?
PHILIA: I’ve had this since, I don’t know when I’ve had this since.
ERRONIUS: My daughter!
MILES: My sister?!
HYSTERIUM: Pseudolus, did you hear that?
PSEUDOLUS: Silence! Stand back, everyone! My dear old man, I take it your daughter is free born?
ERRONIUS: Without a doubt!
PSEUDOLUS: Lycus, as all of us know, the penalty for selling a free-born citizen is to be trampled to death by a water buffalo in heat!
MILES: Seize him!
LYCUS: Careful, I’m a bleeder!
PSEUDOLUS (To LYCUS): Bring out those girls!
(To audience)
I told you this was to be a comedy!
(As LYCUS brings COURTESANS out of his house)
Hero!
HERO: Mother and father, I wish to marry.
SENEX (Aside): Son, if you are only as happy as your mother and I, my heart will bleed for you.
PSEUDOLUS (Sings, to audience, indicating HERO and PHILIA):
Lovers divided
Get coincided.
Something for everyone —
HERO and PHILIA:
A comedy tonight!
PSEUDOLUS (Indicating SENEX and DOMINA):
Father and mother
Get one another.
DOMINA:
Something for everyone —
SENEX:
A tragedy tonight!
MILES (Holding the GEMINAE):
I get the twins!
They get the best!
ERRONIUS :
I get a family . . .
HYSTERIUM:
I get a rest.
SOLDIERS (Holding the other COURTESANS):
We get a few girls.
LYCUS:
<
br /> I’ll get some new girls.
PSEUDOLUS:
I get the thing I want to be:
Free!
ALL:
Free! Free! Free! Free! Free!
(PSEUDOLUS exits joyfully)
Nothing for kings,
Nothing for crowns,
Something for lovers, liars and clowns!
What is the moral?
Must be a moral.
Here is the moral, wrong or right:
PSEUDOLUS (Re-enters with GYMNASIA):
Morals tomorrow!
ALL:
Comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy,
Comedy, comedy,
Tonight!
(Curtain)
Set and Costume Designs by Tony Walton
the first sketch for the set
a model of the final set
ADDITIONAL LYRICS
with Commentary by Stephen Sondheim
“Invocation” and “Love Is in the Air”
“Invocation” was the original opening number for the show, but the director, George Abbott, felt that the tune wasn’t hummable enough, so I replaced it with “Love Is in the Air, ” which we used during the tryout in New Haven and Washington. The problem with “Love Is in the Air” was that it misled the audience into believing that they were going to see a charming vaudeville instead of a knockabout farce. When Jerome Robbins came to Washington to help us out, he suggested to me that the opening number should be a bouncy song with a neutral lyric so that he could stage a collage of low-comedy vignettes against it. The result was “Comedy Tonight, ” which was staged with brilliant invention and which overnight turned the show from a flop into a hit.
“Invocation”
COMPANY (To the Gods):
Gods of the theater, smile on us.
You who sit up there stern in judgment, smile on us.
You who look down on actors (and who doesn’t?),
Bless our little company and smile on us.
Think not about deep concerns,
Think not about dark dilemmas.
We offer you rites and revels,
Smile on us for a while.
(To the audience)
Gods of the theater, smile on us.
You who sit out there stern in judgment, smile on us.
Think not about deep concerns,
Think not about dark dilemmas.
We offer you rites and revels,
Bless our play and smile.
Forget war, forget woe,
Forget matters weighty and great,
Allow matters weighty to wait
For a while.
For this moment, this brief time,
Frown on reason, smile on rhyme.
Forget pomp, forget show,
Forget laurels, helmets and crowns,
Receive lovers, liars and clowns
For a while.
For this brief moment, this brief span,
Celebrate the state of man.
Forget war, forget woe,
Forget greed and vengeance and sin
And let mime and mockery in
For a while.
Gods of the theater, smile on us.
Gods of the theater, bless our efforts, smile on us.
We offer you song and dance,
We offer you rites and revels,
Grace and beauty,
Joy and laughter,
Sly disguises,
Wild confusions,
Happy endings.
If we please you,
Bless our play,
Smile our way.
Smile this moment, then at length
Go, and with a new-found strength
Resume war, resume woe,
Resume matters weighty and great,
Resume man’s impossible state,
But now smile.
For this moment,
This brief stay,
Bless these players,
Bless this play!
“Love Is in the Air”
PROLOGUS and PROTEANS:
Love is in the air
Quite clearly.
People everywhere
Act queerly.
Some are hasty, some are halting,
Some are simply somersaulting,
Love is going around.
Anyone exposed
Can catch it.
Keep your window closed
And latch it.
Leave your house and lose your reason,
This is the contagious season:
Love is going around.
It’s spreading each minute
Throughout the whole vicinity,
Step out and you’re in it:
With all the fun involved,
Who can stay uninvolved?
Love is in the air
This morning.
Bachelors beware,
Fair warning:
If you start to feel a tingle
And you like remaining single,
Stay home, don’t take a breath,
You could catch your death,
’Cause love is around.
“Farewell”
This song was written specifically for Nancy Walker when she agreed to play Domina in the 1971 revival.
Cue into “Farewell”:
DOMINA: Senex, lead the way!
SENEX: Yes, dear.
DOMINA: Oversee the slaves.
SENEX: Yes, dear.
DOMINA: And Senex —
SENEX: Yes, dear?
DOMINA: Carry my bust with pride.
SENEX (To audience): A lesson for you all. Never fall in love during a total eclipse!
(Exits)
DOMINA (Sings):
Farewell, beloved son.
(Kisses HERO)
Farewell, devoted slave.
(HYSTERIUM kisses her hem)
Farewell, my ancestral home.
Farewell, my Rome.
Farewell, you temples and basilicae,
More rich than Athens or Pompeii.
Though country life be more idyllic, I
Could never long stay away.
Farewell, responsive son.
(Kisses HERO)
Farewell, respectful slave.
(HYSTERIUM kisses her hand)
Farewell, resplendent Rome.
Farewell, my home.
Farewell.
(Exits. HYSTERIUM starts to rise and HERO opens his mouth to talk to him when suddenly DOMINA re-enters; HYSTERIUM immediately falls to his knees again. DOMINA caresses her house)
Farewell, inestimable domicile.
Farewell, domestic work of art.
Although I journey far, I promise I’ll
Keep every portico,
Every pediment,
Every plinth in my heart —
I start.
Farewell, angelic son.
Farewell, efficient slave.
Farewell, exquisite Rome.
Farewell, my home.
Farewell!
(Exits. Again, HYSTERIUM and HERO start to continue the action, but again DOMINA re-enters)
Could anyone conceive a view
More beautiful than this and these?
One look before I take my leave of you:
(Sentimentally, to HYSTERIUM)
So scrub my atrium, leave it stainless.
Wash my architrave when it’s rainless.
Keep my progeny chaste and brainless . . .
Please,
No tears . . .
(Standing back from them)
My frieze . . .
My dears ...
Farewell, beloved son.
(Kisses HERO)
Farewell, devoted slave.
(Is kissed by HYSTERIUM)
Farewell, ancestral home.
Farewell, my Rome, farewell.
Farewell.
(Exiting, her voice fading into the distance)
Farewell . . . farewell . . . farewell . . . etc....
(HYSTERIUM and HERO wait until her voice has faded almost into nothingness, then start once more to resume the action only to have DOMINA re-enter again, this time from the other side of the stage)
Farewell!
(She exits for good)
The action continues with Hysterium’s speech, “Well, to work, to work!”
“The House of Marcus Lycus”
This was cut down to a minimum because Burt felt strongly that the presentation of the girls from the House of Lycus should be either a dance or a song, but not both — and since there was so much singing in the expository first forty-five minutes of the show, we opted for the dance.
LYCUS (As FEMINA enters and parades): To make her available to you, I outbid the King of Nubia. Femina. With a face that holds a thousand promises . . . and a body that stands behind each promise.
(Sings)
Hot-blooded, cool-headed, warm-hearted, sly.
Light-footed, dark-featured, dim-witted, shy.
Only recently arrived from Greece,
Likes her love experimental.
Every inch of her a masterpiece —
High standards, low rental . . .
(As VIBRATA enters, speaks)
Now may I present Vibrata. Exotic as a jungle bloom, wondrous as a flamingo, lithe as a panther . . . For the man whose interest is — wild life.
(Sings)
Uncanny, unnerving, unblemished, untaught,
Unstinting, unswerving, unselfish, unbought.
Here’s potential that is still untapped,
Here are fires still unstarted.
Here are raptures that are still unwrapped,
Whole sections uncharted . . .
PSEUDOLUS:
Hot-blooded, warm-hearted . . .
LYCUS: Unselfish, uncharted . . .
There is merchandise for every mood Light-footed, dark-featured . . .
At the House of Marcus Lycus. Unblemished, dim-witted . . .
There is latitude and longitude Cool-headed, low rental . . .
At the House of Marcus Lycus. Unstinting, unswerving . . .
’Neath the cherry-blossom and the quince