JOHANNA:
Kiss me!
ANTHONY:
Of course.
JOHANNA:
Quickly!
ANTHONY:
You’re sure?
JOHANNA:
Kiss me!
ANTHONY (Taking her in his arms):
I shall!
JOHANNA:
Kiss me!
Oh, sir ...
(Lights dim on them but remain; light rises on the JUDGE and the BEADLE, still walking together. Music continues under)
JUDGE (Strolling with BEADLE): Yes, yes, but surely the respect that she owes me as her guardian should be sufficient to kindle a more tender emotion.
BEADLE (Sings):
Excuse me, my lord.
May I request, my lord,
Permission, my lord, to speak?
Forgive me if I suggest, my lord,
You’re looking less than your best, my lord,
There’s powder upon your vest, my lord,
And stubble upon your cheek.
And ladies, my lord, are weak.
(Music continues)
JUDGE: Perhaps if she greets me cordially upon my return, I should give her a small gift ...
BEADLE (Winces delicately):
Ladies in their sensitivities, my lord,
Have a fragile sensibility.
When a girl’s emergent,
Probably it’s urgent
You defer to her gent-
Ility, my lord.
Personal disorder cannot be ignored,
Given their genteel proclivities.
Meaning no offense, it
Happens they resents it,
Ladies in their sensit-
Ivities, my lord.
JUDGE (Feeling his chin): Stubble, you say? Perhaps at times I am a little overhasty with my morning ablutions ...
BEADLE:
Fret not though, my lord,
I know a place, my lord,
A barber, my lord, of skill.
Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord,
Some eau de cologne to grace my lord
And musk to enhance the chase, my lord,
You’ll dazzle the girl until
She bows to your every will.
JUDGE: That may well be so.
(They have reached the JUDGE’s house)
BEADLE: Well, here we are, sir. I bid you good day.
JUDGE: Good day.
(He muses, turns)
And where is this miraculous barber?
BEADLE: In Fleet Street, sir.
JUDGE: Perhaps you may be right. Take me to him.
(They start off. Light up on JOHANNA’S room. JOHANNA and ANTHONY get up from a couch)
BEADLE (Sings):
The name is Todd ...
JUDGE:
Todd, eh?
ANTHONY:
We’d best not wait until Monday
JOHANNA:
Sir, I concur, And fully, too. BEADLE:
Sweeney Todd.
ANTHONY:
It isn’t right.
We’d best be married on Sunday.
JOHANNA:
Saturday, sir,
Would also do.
ANTHONY:
Or else tonight.
( The JUDGE and the BEADLE move past the house)
JOHANNA:
I think I heard a noise.
ANTHONY:
Fear not.
JOHANNA:
I mean another noise!
ANTHONY:
Like what?
JOHANNA:
Oh, never mind, Just a noise Just another noise, Something in the street, I’m a silly little Ninnynoddle — ANTHONY:
You mustn’t mind, It’s a noise, Just another noise, Something in the street, You silly —
BOTH (Falling into each other’s arms):
Kiss me!
JOHANNA:
Oh, sir ...
ANTHONY:
We’ll go to Paris on Monday.
JOHANNA:
What shall I wear?
I daren’t pack!
ANTHONY:
We’ll ride a train ...
JOHANNA:
With you beside me on Sunday,
What will I care
What things I lack?
ANTHONY:
Then sail to Spain ...
JOHANNA:
I’ll take my reticule. I need my reticule. You mustn’t think Me a fool But my reticule Never leaves my side, It’s the only thing My mother gave me —Kiss me! Kiss me! ANTHONY:
Why take your reticule? We’ll buy a reticule. I’d never think You a fool, But a reticule —Leave it all aside And begin again and Kiss me!
We’ll go there, Kiss me! We have a place where we can I know a place where we can go Tonight. Kiss me! We have a place where we can
Go ... Go tonight.
BEADLE (Simultaneously with the above):
The name is Todd.
JUDGE:
Todd?
BEADLE:
Todd. Sweeney Todd.
JUDGE:
Todd...
BEADLE:
Todd.
JOHANNA: ANTHONY:
I loved you Even as I saw you, Even as it does not Matter that I still Don’t know your name, sir, Even as I saw you, Even as it does not Matter that I still Don’t know your name ... I loved you Even as I saw you, Even as it did not Matter that I did Not know your name ...
Johanna ... Johanna ... Johanna ...
BEADLE (Simultaneously with above):
Todd ... Sweeney Todd.
JUDGE and BEADLE:
Sweeney Todd.
ANTHONY: Anthony ...
JUDGE: Todd ...
BEADLE: Todd.
JOHANNA: Anthony ...
JUDGE: Todd, eh?
JOHANNA: ANTHONY:
I’ll marry Anthony Sunday, That’s what I’ll do, No matter what! I knew you’d come for me one day, Only afraid that you’d forgot. You marry Anthony Sunday, That’s what you’ll do, No matter what! I knew I’d come for you one day Only afraid that you’d forgot.
BEADLE (Simultaneously with above):
Ladies in their sensitivities, my lord ...
JUDGE:
Pray lead the way.
BEADLE:
Have a fragile sensibility ...
JUDGE:
Just as you say.
JOHANNA: ANTHONY:
I feared you’d never come, That you’d been called away, That you’d been killed, Had the plague, Were in debtor’s jail, Trampled by a horse, Gone to sea again, Arrested by the ... Marry me, marry me, miss, You’ll marry me Sunday. Favor me, favor me With your hand. Promise, Marry me, marry me, That you’ll marry me —Enough of all this ...
(He crushes her to him; they kiss)
BEADLE (Simultaneously with above):
When a girl’s emergent,
Probably it’s urgent ...
Ladies in their sensitivities ...
JUDGE:
Todd...
JOHANNA (As she sinks to the floor with ANTHONY):
Oh, sir ...
ANTHONY:
Ah, miss ...
JOHANNA:
Oh, sir ... ANTHONY:
Oh, sir ... Ah, miss ...
Oh, sir ... Ah, miss ...
Oh, sir ... Ah, miss ...
Oh, sir ... Ah, miss ...
Oh, sir ... Ah, miss ...
(Light leaves them, comes up on the pieshop-tonsorial parlor. Upstairs, TODD is silently cleaning his razor. In the shop, MRS. LOVETT and TOBIAS unfreeze from the position in which they were last seen)
MRS. LOVETT: Maybe you should run along, dear.
TOBIAS: Oh no, ma’am, I daren’t budge till he calls for me.
MRS. LOVETT: I’ll pop up and see what Mr. Todd says.
(Humming, MRS. LOVETT starts climbing the stairs. As she enters the parlor)
Ah me, my poor knees is not what they was, dear.
(She sits down on the chest)
How long before the Eyetalian gets back?
TODD (Still impassively cleaning the razor): He won’t be back.
MRS. LOVETT (Instantly suspicious): Now, Mr. T., you didn’t!
(TODD nods toward the chest. Realizing, MRS. LOVETT jumps up. For a moment she stands looking at the chest, then, gingerly, she lifts the lid. She gazes down, then spins to TODD)
You’re crazy mad! Killing a man wot done you no harm? And the boy downstairs?
TODD: He recognized me from the old days. He tried to blackmail me, half my earnings forever.
MRS. LOVETT: Oh well, that’s a different matter! What a relief, dear! For a moment I thought you’d lost your marbles.
(Turns to peer down again into the chest)
Ooh! All that blood! Enough to make you come all over gooseflesh, ain’t it. Poor bugger. Oh, well!
(She starts to close the lid, sees something, bends to pick it up. It is PIRELLI’s purse. She looks in it)
Three quid! Well, waste not, want not, as I always say.
(She takes out the money and puts it down her bosom. She is about to throw the purse away when something about it attracts her. She slips it too down her dress. She shuts the chest lid and, quite composed again, sits down on it)
Now, dear, we got to use the old noggin.
(As she sits deep in thought, we see the JUDGE and BEADLE coming up the street)
BEADLE (Pointing): There you are, sir. Above the pieshop, sir.
JUDGE: I see. You may leave me now.
BEADLE: Thank you, sir. Thank you.
(He starts off as the JUDGE approaches the parlor)
MRS. LOVETT (Coming out of her pondering): Well, first there’s the lad.
TODD: Send him up here.
MRS. LOVETT: Him, too! Now surely one’s enough for today, dear. Shouldn’t indulge yourself, you know. Now let me see, he’s half seas over already with the gin ...
(As she speaks, downstairs the JUDGE clangs the bell. TODD runs to the landing and peers down the stairs. The BEADLE is still visible, exiting)
TODD: Providence is kind!
MRS. LOVETT: Who is it?
TODD: Judge Turpin.
MRS. LOVETT (Flustered): Him, him? The Judge? It can’t be! It—
TODD: Quick, leave me!
MRS. LOVETT: What are you going to do?
TODD (Roaring): Leave me, I said!
MRS. LOVETT: Don’t worry, dear. I’m — out!
(She scuttles out of the tonsorial parlor and starts down the stairs as the JUDGE ascends. They meet halfway. She gives him a deep curtsy)
Excuse me, your Lordship.
(She hurries back to TOBIAS in the shop)
JUDGE: Mr. Todd?
TODD: At your service, sir. An honor to receive your patronage, sir.
MRS. LOVETT (To TOBIAS): Now, dear, seems like your guvnor has gone and left you high and dry. But don’t worry. Your Aunt Nellie will think of what to do with you.
(Picks up the bottle of gin and pours some more into his glass. Still holding the bottle, she leads him toward the curtains )
Come on into my lovely back parlor.
(They disappear through the curtain)
JUDGE (Looking around): These premises are hardly prepossessing and yet the Beadle tells me you are the most accomplished of all the barbers in the city.
TODD: That is gracious of him, sir. And you must please excuse the modesty of my establishment. It’s only a few days ago that I set up quarters here and some necessaries are yet to come.
(Indicating chair)
Sit, sir, if you please, sir. Sit.
(The JUDGE settles into the chair; music under as MRS. LOVETT, still holding the gin bottle, enters her back parlor with TOBIAS)
MRS. LOVETT: See how nice and cozy it is? Sit down, dear, sit.
(She starts to pour him more gin)
Oh, it’s empty. Now you just sit there, dear, like a good quiet boy while I get a new bottle from the larder.
(She leaves him alone)
TODD: And what may I do for you, sir? A stylish trimming of the hair? A soothing skin massage?
JUDGE (Sings):
You see, sir, a man infatuate with love,
Her ardent and eager slave.
So fetch the pomade and pumice stone
And lend me a more seductive tone,
A sprinkling perhaps of French cologne,
But first, sir, I think — a shave.
TODD: The closest I ever gave.
(He whips the sheet over the JUDGE, then tucks the bib in. The JUDGE hums, flicking imaginary dust off the sheet; TODD whistles gaily)
JUDGE: You are in a merry mood today, Mr. Todd.
TODD (Sings, mixing lather):
’Tis your delight, sir, catching fire
From one man to the next.
JUDGE:
’Tis true, sir, love can still inspire
The blood to pound, the heart leap higher.
BOTH:
What more, what more can man require —
JUDGE:
Than love, sir?
TODD:
More than love, sir.
JUDGE:
What, sir?
TODD:
Women.
JUDGE:
Ah yes, women.
TODD:
Pretty women.
(The JUDGE hums jauntily; TODD whistles and starts stropping his razor rhythmically. He then lathers the JUDGE’s face. Still whistling, he stands back to survey the JUDGE, who is now totally relaxed, eyes closed. He picks up the razor and sings to it)
Now then, my friend.
Now to your purpose.
Patience, enjoy it.
Revenge can’t be taken in haste.
JUDGE (Opens his eyes):
Make haste, and if we wed,
You’ll be commended, sir.
TODD (Bows):
My lord ...
(Goes to him)
And who, may it be said,
Is your intended, sir?
JUDGE:
My ward.
(TODD freezes; the JUDGE closes his eyes, settles comfortably, speaks)
And pretty as a rosebud.
TODD (Music rising): As pretty as her mother?
JUDGE (Mildly puzzled): What? What was that?
(As the music reaches a shrill crescendo, TODD is slowly bringing the razor toward the JUDGE’s throat when suddenly the JUDGE opens his eyes and starts to twist around in curiosity)
TODD (Musingly, lightly): Oh, nothing, sir. Nothing. May we proceed?
(Starts to shave the JUDGE, sings)
Pretty women ...
Fascinating ...
Sipping coffee,
Dancing ...
Pretty women
Are a wonder.
Pretty women.
Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair,
Something in them
Cheers the air.
Pretty women ...
JUDGE:
Silhouetted ...
TODD:
Stay within you ...
JUDGE:
Glancing ...
TODD:
Stay forever ...
JUDGE:
Breathing lightly ...
TODD:
Pretty women ...
BOTH:
Pretty women!
Blowing out their candles or
Combing out their hair ...
JUDGE:
Then they leave ... Even when they leave you And vanish, they somehow Can still remain There with you, There with you. TODD:
Even when they leave, They still Are There. They’re there.
BOTH:
Ah,
Pretty women ...
TODD:
At their mirrors ...
JUDGE:
In their gardens ...
TODD:
Letter-writing ...
JUDGE:
Flower-picking ...
TODD:
&nb
sp; Weather-watching ...
BOTH:
How they make a man sing!
Proof of heaven
As you’re living —
Pretty women, sir!
JUDGE: TODD:
Pretty women, yes! Pretty women, here’s to
Pretty women, sir! Pretty women, all the
Pretty women! Pretty women ...
Pretty women, sir!
(TODD raises his arm in a huge arc and is about to slice the razor across the JUDGE’s throat when ANTHONY bursts in)
ANTHONY (Singing):
She says she’ll marry me Sunday,
Everything’s set, we leave tonight — !
JUDGE (Jumping up, spilling the basin and knocking the razor from TODD’s hand): You!
ANTHONY: Judge Turpin!
JUDGE: There is indeed a Higher Power to warn me thus in time.
(As ANTHONY retreats, he jumps on him and grabs him by the arm)
Johanna elope with you? Deceiving slut — I’ll lock her up in some obscure retreat where neither you nor any other vile, corrupting youth shall ever lay eyes on her again.
Four by Sondheim Page 30