His Baby Dilemma

by Catherine Lanigan

  Jules squealed with delight when he saw Grace. He let go of the walls, threw up his hands and promptly fell back on his bum.

  He stared at them both and let out a cry.

  “Oh, Jules.” Grace went to the playpen and picked him up. Jules quieted immediately. She kissed the top of his head and got a whiff of...lemon? “He smells exactly like you.”

  “I know. We took a shower together this morning. He loved it.”

  “You what? How could you do that? What if he slipped?”

  Mica puffed up his chest and grinned. “I put him in a sling around my neck. It was a father-son bonding thing. He washed my hair. I washed his.”

  Grace had to chuckle. “And I forgot his baby shampoo.”

  “Didn’t need it. He liked my soap, too. Don’t worry, I put that baby lotion on him so his skin doesn’t dry out. You can’t be too careful, you know. Winter and this dry indoor heat. I have a humidifier, though.”

  Grace stared at Mica, agape. “Seems you’ve thought of everything.”

  “Tried to.”

  Mica walked over and took Jules in his arm. Jules practically jumped on Mica. “Now, watch this.”

  Mica put Jules on the floor. “Okay, buddy. Let’s show Mommy how you can walk.”

  Mica held Jules’s left hand with his right. Jules steadied himself, then lifted his right leg, took a step. Then he lifted his left leg and took another step.

  “Way to go, Jules! Super-baby! Right, Mommy?”

  “Oh, Mica.” She laughed, feeling a warm glow inside. At that moment, Mica’s pride was effervescent—and she loved him all the more for the joy he found with Jules. “He started doing that just before we left Paris.”

  “Oh. I thought it was special for me.”

  “Afraid not.” Without warning, her eyes flooded with tears. She nearly missed Jules’s third and final step, before he twisted to the left and fell at Mica’s feet. Still laughing, Jules crawled lightning-fast over to Grace, grabbed a fistful of her pants to pull himself up and, quite wobbly, hugged her leg.

  Grace slid her hands under his arms and lifted him. She kissed his cheek and Jules clapped his hands.

  “Grace, you’re crying,” Mica said, reaching over and wiping her cheek.

  “I am.”

  “Why?”

  “No one has called me Mommy before. It—it...”

  “You don’t like it?”

  She shook her head. “The opposite. It sounds so...lovely.” She kissed Jules’s cheek again. “But you’ve always been my super-baby.”

  “He is special. It’s that Barzonni gene pool. Brains. Good looks.” He chuckled.

  Grace caught his mirth. “You are so full of it.”

  “No! It’s true! Can’t I be the proud dad?”

  Grace felt her heart melt. She could feel her love radiating toward Mica, and as she watched his deep blue eyes soften and an affectionate smile fill his face, she knew he felt it, too.

  “Of course you should be proud,” she said. “I know I am. He’s a remarkable baby.”

  Mica touched Jules’s cheek, his eyes never leaving Grace’s face. “He’s you. You’re the remarkable one.”

  “Mica—”

  He leaned over and kissed Jules’s cheek, then quickly raised his head and captured her lips once again. It was a brief kiss but packed with enough emotion to knock Grace off balance.

  As he pulled away, he said, “This is how all mornings should start out, don’t you think?”

  “I, uh...”

  “I thought you’d agree.”

  “I didn’t. I do. I mean...”

  “I’m making us breakfast.” He changed the subject.

  “I thought you didn’t cook,” she said, still thinking about this imagined morning filled with kisses.

  “Oh, I’ve got some surprises up my sleeve.” Chuckling, he motioned toward his galley kitchen. “Now come right over here and sit at the counter. Jules already christened his new high chair last night.”

  “What did you have for dinner?”

  “Pizza. He loved it.”

  “Jules? Had pizza?” she asked, hoping her horror didn’t show. It would be just like a guy to think a baby could have pizza. She hoped he hadn’t let him sip a cola, too.

  “I gave him a couple bites of the cheese. Not too much. I only wanted to see his expression when he tasted it. Mom gave me some macaroni and cheese. He likes those little pieces that he can pick up. No Italian sausage. She said it was too spicy for him.”

  “She’s so right.” She put her hand over her mouth to stifle her smile. Thank goodness for Gina’s expert child-rearing.

  Mica pulled a bowl of cut-up strawberries out of the refrigerator. “I cleaned these last night. Here’s some cream. I didn’t put sugar on them. I thought Jules should get used to natural flavors.”

  He spooned a small amount of berries onto a plastic child’s plate and then put the plate on the tray in front of Jules. Jules picked up a strawberry piece and rather than smashing it, as Grace expected, he put the strawberry in his mouth and swallowed it whole. He clapped and smiled. “Ba!”

  “He likes it!” Mica said.

  Mica turned to the counter and opened a carton of eggs. “I’m doing scrambled. That okay?”

  “Sure. But Mica, seriously, I can help.”

  “You are helping,” he said, looking at her over his shoulder. “You’re here.”

  The shroud of gloom that descended upon her was so real, she thought she could feel its fabric. She was leaving even sooner than expected. She’d been right that something had changed between her and Mica. Every moment with him today was bliss.

  Everything in the kitchen slowed as Grace thought about the announcement she was going to have to make to Mica. He tore off pieces of paper towel and put strips of bacon on the towel, covered it and put it in the microwave. He scrambled eggs in a frying pan on the stove. English muffins popped out of the toaster. She heard him talking to her, but his words sounded as if they were being spoken underwater.

  He was happy this morning. Genuinely happy. All because Jules had stayed overnight. He’d kissed her as if he loved her.

  Sun splashed through the kitchen window, flooding the apartment with warmth and all the hope that came with a new day. She’d never seen Mica like this. Smiling at her, stopping every so often to kiss the top of Jules’s head. Jules reached up to give Mica a piece of strawberry, which Mica then gobbled down while making faces at Jules.

  It was the picture of domestic bliss.

  Shockingly, Grace realized this was what she’d dreamed of in her other life, as that young girl who’d given her heart to Mica.

  Even last year, when she’d fallen for Mica so intensely, she had wanted this in the deepest caverns of her heart. She hadn’t let herself indulge in that fantasy because her career was too important. The stakes were too high. She hadn’t wanted to get distracted.

  But today, she was living her dream.

  Perhaps that was why time seemed to slow down. It was her moment to relish this absolute happiness. The joy Mica and Jules shared seemed like a miracle. Jules had always been a friendly baby, but this was extraordinary. Grace could never have orchestrated this kind of instant kinship. Such things were out of her power.

  Mica set a plate in front of her, then poured coffee. Offered her cream and sugar. Then he sat next to her with his own breakfast.

  “Tell me what you think. I put chopped chives in the eggs. I forgot to ask you. Mom grows the chives in the winter, so I can vouch for their freshness.”

  Grace tasted the eggs. “Delightful.” She lowered her fork as she swallowed over the massive lump of emotion. Her chest burned and her heart swelled. She wiped her hands on the paper napkin.

  “Oh, Mica,” she muttered.
r />   “What?”

  “I think I liked you better when you were being a jerk to me.” She fought back her tears but it was useless.

  “Grace, what’s going on?”

  “You’re being so, well, wonderful.”

  “I can actually do that, Grace. When I’m not being a jerk.” He lowered his voice. “I’m sorry for all that.”

  She laid her hand on his knee and looked into his eyes—eyes that had and would haunt her every day and night of her life. “Now I’m going to be the jerk.”

  “Grace...” His voice was apprehensive. She could almost hear the shields go up around his heart. The heart that had been so open to her and Jules only a second ago. The heart she was about to break.

  “I have to go back to Paris.”

  He gave her a funny look. “I know that.”

  “No, something’s come up. We have to leave tonight.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Yes. I changed our flight.”

  “Did you say ‘our’ flight?”

  “Yes. I was wrong to ask you to take care of Jules for me. This trip here has shown me that I can’t stand to be without him for even one night. I thought I’d go crazy last night without him.” She dropped her face to her hands and allowed a sob to escape. She had to toughen up. Mica would be furious. He might even slap her with a lawsuit, send lawyers after her, to stop her from taking Jules away. He could do all kinds of things. He could break her heart over and over again.

  “So, you’re taking Jules back with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t understand. You don’t have anyone to help you.”

  “I called Aunt Louise last night after talking to Etienne and Rene. When I told her the situation, she said she would close the ice-cream shop for a month so she can help me. That gives us time to find a nanny or an au pair.”

  “And you don’t need me?”

  Need him? Did he just ask that? She’d never needed him more in her entire life.

  His eyes held such longing, she felt a sapling of hope bloom inside her.

  “I do need you, Mica,” she blurted.

  He stared at her for a long moment. “Apparently not.” He dropped his gaze and tossed his napkin over his cold food.

  She stood. “You stubborn Barzonni. What do I have to do or say to get through to you? I love you, Mica.” He turned back to her, startled. “I do. That has never been the issue. This time here has only sealed my fate. I’ll never love anyone like I love you. But that’s not enough, is it, Mica? Go ahead, say it. I’m not enough for you.”

  “That’s not it, Grace.”

  “Then tell me what it is,” she groaned. “And it better not be about your arm.”

  “It is and it isn’t. When you got here and told me about Jules, I was angry and hurt. I felt betrayed. Maybe I still do feel that way—a little. But I also saw your side of things. It’s been slow in coming, but I’ve figured out some things for myself and about my career. And much of that is because of you. You’re passionate and motivated. No obstacle is going to stop you. When I’m with you, I feel like I can take on anything. I feel a power I haven’t felt since, well, college. You give me purpose, Grace. And more than that. When I’m with you, I’m happy. And that’s very rare for me. When Jules and I were here alone last night, this place felt so empty. I missed you, Grace. I really missed you.”

  She was stunned. “You—missed me?” Was that possible? She’d counted the days, the weeks, she’d hoped upon hope to hear him say that.

  “Yes.” He reached for her hand. “I thought that over the next few days... I had plans...”

  “What plans?”

  “Just to be with you. Tell you that...” His voice caught in his throat as if this was the most difficult thing he’d ever said.

  Was he changing his mind? Did he even know his feelings for her?

  Grace felt the pressure of his fingers as they tightened around hers. His eyes were filled with earnest intensity. She could almost touch the love coming from him. He was in love with her but he wouldn’t say it.

  “Tell me what?” she urged, holding her breath.

  He glanced away and when he met her eyes again, his were guarded. “You’ve made this decision to go back to Paris and take Jules with you.”

  “I don’t have much choice,” she replied.

  “You sure about that?”

  She hesitated. The choice she made right now would affect all their lives. Only a moment before, her decision to leave for Paris, to accept her duty to her team, had been the only option. She hadn’t dared to dream Mica might declare his feelings for her.

  But now?

  She’d betrayed him—again.

  She loved this man more than anything. But her actions told a different story. Leaving now would crush him. She’d hurt him deeply by keeping Jules from him for months. Now she was taking Mica’s son away again. She was a force of destruction. Yet she’d never felt as small and insignificant as she did now.

  The dark shadow that fell over Mica’s face mirrored the black feeling in her own heart.

  In the short time she’d been back in Indian Lake, she’d witnessed Mica’s transformation from despair to distrust, to affection and finally to love for his baby son. And he’d finally allowed her to see that he cared about her as well. And in one moment, with one decision, she’d ruined it all.

  She was leaving him behind.

  She didn’t blame him for holding his tongue.

  He took a deep breath. “Look, Grace, I want the best for Jules, for you, for...us,” he said, his voice infused with emotion. Grace could only stare at him. Her heart skipped a beat.

  Was it possible? Could her dream come true? She didn’t dare speak and break the moment.

  His eyes smoldered with yearning and hope. “I don’t understand,” she said, struggling not to cry.

  “I have some things I have to prove to myself. Kinda like you had to prove to yourself that you could tackle Paris and the design world. I can’t and I won’t walk in your shadow, Grace.”

  “Mica. What are you saying?”

  “You do need to go back, Grace. You have the world you’ve built for yourself back there. You’ll figure it out. You always have.” His words were like hammer blows. Hard enough to break her heart.

  “What about Jules?”

  “You and I will have to work that out. I’m sure we’re not the first parents who have had to figure out visitations and work schedules.”

  “Mica, I’m so sorry it worked out like this. I really do want you to know Jules...”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong, Grace,” he said bitingly. “I’m not abandoning my only son. I’m letting you go back to take care of your show. Trust me, I’ll be on the phone every day so that Jules can hear my voice.”

  Grace knew she deserved his derision. If anything, she wanted to hold him and tell him again that she loved him. But she didn’t think she could stand up to another rejection, either.

  He kissed Jules goodbye and then lifted his face to her. It was only a flash, but for a moment she almost thought Mica was going to kiss her.

  Wishful thinking, she thought as he turned quickly toward the door.

  “Goodbye, Grace.”

  She lifted her hand to wave and dropped it as he whisked out the door without a backward glance.

  He was right. It was time they parted.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  GRACE WAS PACKED by one o’clock and sitting in Mrs. Beabots’s front parlor with Mrs. Beabots, Aunt Louise and Jules, waiting for Mica to pick her up.

  “This is ridiculous—Mica’s driving all the way into town just to take you six blocks to the train station?” Louise bit into a lemon scone.

  “Now, Louise,” Mrs. Beabots said
. “Mica wants to see Grace before she leaves.”

  “He wants to see Jules, you mean,” Grace said, taking a piece of scone and handing it to Jules, who promptly put it in his mouth and reached for another piece. She had no appetite at all. The hollow feeling inside her had grown like a vast tunnel. In all her life, she’d never wanted to stay in Indian Lake so badly.

  Because she’d needed to leave for Paris earlier than planned and take Jules with her, she’d broken Mica’s heart again.

  What kind of person kept a baby from his father for sixth months and then yanked him away just when the two had bonded? She had no excuses for herself. Only blame.

  Mica’s anger and disappointment in her were justified. She was angry with herself. Maybe she’d been wrong to tell him that she loved him. Maybe she’d pushed him too much.

  Oh, Grace! Maybe. Maybe. When it comes to being a fool in love, you win the prize.

  Still, she couldn’t help wondering what decision she would have made if he’d admitted that he loved her.

  But he hadn’t said it.

  Her heart felt like a stone in her chest.

  Grace didn’t miss the look Mrs. Beabots and Aunt Louise exchanged. She pointed an accusing finger at them. “No. Stop thinking that, both of you. He doesn’t want me.”

  “I’ll bet my bottom dollar he never said that to you,” Mrs. Beabots protested.

  “Well, no. Not in those words. But he didn’t tell me he loves me. Even after I told him that I love him. He’s as silent as a tomb.”

  Mrs. Beabots nodded. “Raymond was like that. Strong, silent type. Frankly, dear, they’re more mush than the average man. You can trust me on that one.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” Louise said.

  Mrs. Beabots stood as Mica’s truck came up her drive. “Grace, he’s here. I’ll get the baby’s diaper bag. You get your things.”

  Suddenly, Grace was flustered. During her short stay, she’d come to feel at home here in Mrs. Beabots’s house. She liked the camaraderie, the closeness with her aunt, whom she loved dearly.

  “Oh, I’m going to miss you, Aunt Louise!”

  “Grace, I’ll be in Paris in three days.”

  “I know. It seems a long time from now.”