Shatter Me Complete Collection

by Mafi, Tahereh

  “It’s almost ten at night,” Kenji tells me. “It’s hard to tell underground, but we all try to be aware of the clocks. We have monitors in the hallways, and most of us try to wear watches. Losing track of night and day can screw us up pretty quickly. And now is not the time to be getting too comfortable.”

  “How do you know Warner isn’t dead?” I ask, nervous.

  “We just saw him on camera,” Kenji says. “He and his men are patrolling this area pretty heavily. I managed to hear some of their conversation. Turns out Warner got shot.”

  I suck in my breath, try to silence my heartbeats.

  “That’s why we got lucky last night—apparently the soldiers got called back to base because they thought Warner was dead. There was a shift in power for a minute. No one knew what to do. What orders to follow. But then it turned out he wasn’t dead. Just wounded pretty bad. His arm was all patched up and in a sling,” Kenji adds.

  Adam finds his voice before I do. “How safe is this place from attack?”

  Kenji laughs. “Safe as hell. I don’t even know how they managed to get as close as they did. But they’ll never be able to find our exact location. And even if they do, they’ll never be able to break in. Our security is just about impenetrable. Plus we have cameras everywhere. We can see what they’re doing before they even plan it.

  “It doesn’t really matter, though,” he goes on. “Because they’re looking for a fight, and so are we. We’re not afraid of an attack. Besides, they have no idea what we’re capable of. And we’ve been training for this shit forever.”

  “Do you—” I pause. Flush. “Can you—I mean, do you have a . . . gift, too?”

  Kenji smiles. And disappears.

  He’s really gone.

  I stand up. Try to touch the space he was just standing in.

  He reappears just in time to jump out of reach. “HEY—whoa, careful—just because I’m invisible doesn’t mean I can’t feel anything—”

  “Oh!” I pull back. Cringe. “I’m sorry—”

  “You can make yourself invisible?” Adam looks more irritated than interested.

  “Just blew your mind, didn’t I?”

  “How long have you been spying on me?” Adam narrows his eyes.

  “As long as I needed to.” But his grin is laced with mischief.

  “So you’re . . . corporeal?” I ask.

  “Look at you, using big fancy words.” Kenji crosses his arms. Leans against the wall.

  “I mean—you can’t, like, walk through walls or anything, can you?”

  He snorts. “Nah, I’m not a ghost. I can just . . . blend, I guess is the best word. I can blend into the background of any space. Shift myself to match my surrounds. It’s taken me a long time to figure it out.”

  “Wow.”

  “I used to follow Adam home. That’s how I knew where he lived. And that’s how I was able to run away—because they couldn’t really see me. They tried to shoot at me anyway,” he adds, bitter, “but I managed not to die, at least.”

  “Wait, but why were you following Adam home? I thought you were looking for me?” I ask him.

  “Yeah—well, I enlisted shortly after we got wind of Warner’s big project.” He nods in my direction. “We’d been trying to find you, but Warner had more security clearance and access to more information than we did—we were having a hard time tracking you down. Castle thought it would be easier to have someone on the inside paying attention to all the crazy shit Warner was planning. So when I heard that Adam was the main guy involved in this particular project and that he had this history with you, I sent the information to Castle. He told me to watch out for Adam, too—you know, in case Adam turned out to be just as psycho as Warner. We wanted to make sure he wasn’t a threat to you or our plans. But I had no idea you’d try to run away together. Messed me the hell up.”

  We’re all silent for a moment.

  “So how much did you spy on me?” Adam asks him.

  “Well, well, well.” Kenji cocks his head. “Is Mr. Adam Kent suddenly feeling a little intimidated?”

  “Don’t be a jackass.”

  “You hiding something?”

  “Yeah. My gun—”

  “Hey!” Kenji claps his hands together. “So! Are we ready to get out of here, or what?”

  “I need a pair of pants.”

  Kenji looks abruptly annoyed. “Seriously, Kent? I don’t want to hear that shit.”

  “Well, unless you want to see me naked, I suggest you do something about it.”

  Kenji shoots Adam a dirty look and stalks off, grumbling something about lending people all of his clothes. The door swings shut behind him.

  “I’m not really naked,” Adam tells me.

  “Oh,” I gasp. Look up. My eyes betray me.

  He can’t bite back his grin in time. His fingers graze my cheek. “I just wanted him to leave us alone for a second.”

  I’m blushing through my bones. Fumbling for something to say. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”

  He says something I don’t hear.

  Takes my hand. Pulls me up beside him.

  He’s leaning in and I’m leaning in until I’m practically on top of him and he’s slipping me into his arms and kissing me with a new kind of desperation, a new kind of passion, a burning need. His hands are threaded in my hair, his lips so soft, so urgent against mine, like fire and honey exploding in my mouth. My whole body is steaming.

  Adam pulls back just a tiny bit. Kisses my bottom lip. Bites it for just a second. His skin is 100 degrees hotter than it was a moment ago. His lips are pressed against my neck and my hands are on a journey down his upper body and I’m wondering why there are so many freight trains in my heart, why his chest is a broken harmonica. I’m tracing the bird caught forever in flight on his skin and I realize for the first time that he’s given me wings of my own. He’s helped me fly away and now I’m stuck in centripetal motion, soaring right into the center of everything. I bring his lips back up to mine.

  “Juliette,” he says. 1 breath. 1 kiss. 10 fingers teasing my skin. “I need to see you tonight.”

  Yes.

  Please.

  2 hard knocks send us flying apart.

  Kenji slams open the door. “You do realize this wall is made of glass, don’t you?” He looks like he’s bitten the head off a worm. “No one wants to see that.”

  He throws a pair of pants at Adam.

  Nods to me. “Come on, I’ll take you to Sonya and Sara. They’ll set you up for tonight.” Turns to Adam. “And don’t ever give those pants back to me.”

  “What if I don’t want to sleep?” Adam asks, unabashed. “I’m not allowed to leave my room?”

  Kenji presses his lips together. Narrows his eyes. “I will not use this word often, Kent, but please don’t try any fancy secret-sneaking-away shit. We have to regulate things around here for a reason. It’s the only way to survive. So do everyone a favor and keep your pants on. You’ll see her in the morning.”

  But morning feels like a million years from now.

  Chapter Fifty

  The twins are still asleep when someone knocks. Sonya and Sara showed me where the girls’ bathrooms are so I had a chance to shower last night, but I’m still wearing Kenji’s oversized clothes. I feel a little ridiculous as I pad my way toward the door.

  I open it.

  Blink. “Hey, Winston.”

  He looks me up and down. “Castle thought you might like to change out of those clothes.”

  “You have something for me to wear?”

  “Yeah—remember? We made you something custom.”

  “Oh. Wow. Yeah, that sounds great.”

  I slip outside silently, following Winston through the dark halls. The underground world is quiet, its inhabitants still asleep. I ask Winston why we’re up so early.

  “I figured you’d want to meet everyone at breakfast. This way you can jump into the regular routine of things around here—even get started on your training.” He gla
nces back. “We all have to learn how to harness our abilities in the most effective manner possible. It’s no good having no control over your body.”

  “Wait—you have an ability, too?”

  “There are exactly fifty-six of us who do. The rest are our family members, children, or close friends who help out with everything else. So yes, I’m one of those fifty-six. So are you.”

  I’m nearly stepping on his feet in an effort to keep up with his long legs. “So what can you do?”

  He doesn’t answer. And I can’t be sure, but I think he’s blushing.

  “I’m sorry—” I backpedal. “I don’t mean to pry—I shouldn’t have asked—”

  “It’s okay,” he cuts me off. “I just think it’s kind of stupid.” He laughs a short, hard laugh. “Of all the things I should be able to do,” he sighs. “At least you can do something interesting.”

  I stop walking, stunned. Horrified. “You think this is a competition? To see which magic trick is more twisted? To see who can inflict the most pain?”

  “That’s not what I meant—”

  “I don’t think it’s interesting to be able to kill someone by accident. I don’t think it’s interesting to be afraid to touch a living thing.”

  His jaw is tense. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just . . . I wish I were more useful. That’s all.”

  I cross my arms. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  He rolls his eyes. Runs a hand through his hair. “I’m just—I’m very . . . flexible,” he says.

  It takes me a moment to process his admission. “Like—you can bend yourself into a pretzel?”

  “Sure. Or stretch myself if I need to.”

  I’m gawking so openly I must be embarrassing myself. “Can I see?”

  He bites his lip. Readjusts his glasses. Looks both ways down the empty hall. And loops one arm around his waist. Twice.

  I’m gaping like a dead fish. “Wow.”

  “It’s stupid,” he grumbles. “And useless.”

  “Are you insane?” I lean back to look at him. “That’s incredible.”

  But his arm is back to normal and he’s walking away again. I have to run to catch up.

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I try to tell him. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” But he’s not listening and I’m wondering when I became a motivational speaker. When I made the switch from hating myself to accepting myself. When it became okay for me to choose my own life.

  Winston leads me to the room I met him in. The same white walls. The same small bed. Only this time, Adam and Kenji are waiting inside. My heart kicks into gear and I’m suddenly nervous.

  Adam is up. He’s standing on his own and he looks perfect. Beautiful. Unharmed. There’s not a single drop of blood on his body. He walks forward with only a slight discomfort, smiles at me with no difficulty. His skin is a little paler than normal, but positively radiant compared to his complexion the night we arrived. His natural tan offsets a pair of eyes a shade of blue in a midnight sky.

  “Juliette,” he says.

  I can’t stop staring at him. Marveling at him. Amazed by how incredible it feels to know that he’s all right. “Hey.” I manage to smile.

  “Good morning to you, too,” Kenji interjects.

  I startle. I’m pinker than a summer sunset, and shrinking just as quickly. “Oh, hi.” I wave a limp hand in his direction.

  He snorts.

  “All right. Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Winston walks toward one of the walls, which turns out to be a closet. There’s one pop of color inside. He pulls it off the hanger.

  “Can I, uh, have a moment alone with her?”

  Winston takes off his glasses. Rubs his eyes. “I need to follow protocol. I have to explain everything—”

  “I know—that’s fine,” Adam says. “You can do it after. I just need a minute, I promise. I haven’t really had a chance to talk to her since we got here.”

  Winston frowns. Looks at me. Looks at Adam. Sighs.

  “All right. But then we’ll be back. I need to make sure everything fits and I have to check the—”

  “Perfect. That sounds great. Thanks, man—” And he’s shoving them out the door.

  “Wait!” Winston slams the door back open. “At least get her to put the suit on while we’re outside. That way it won’t be a complete waste of my time.”

  Adam stares at the material in Winston’s outstretched hand. Winston rubs his forehead and mumbles something about people always wasting his time, and Adam suppresses a grin. Glances at me. I shrug. “Okay,” he says, grabbing the suit. “But now you have to get out—” And pushes them both back into the hallway.

  “We’re going to be right outside,” Kenji shouts. “Like five seconds away—”

  Adam closes the door behind them. Turns around. His eyes are burning into me.

  I don’t know how to calm my heart. I try to speak and fail.

  He finds his voice first. “I never had a chance to say thank you,” he says.

  I drop my eyes. Pretend heat isn’t fighting its way up my face. Pinch myself for no real reason.

  He steps forward. Leans in. Takes my hands. “Juliette.”

  I peek up at him.

  “You saved my life.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek. It seems so silly to say “You’re welcome” for saving someone’s life. I don’t know what to do. “I’m just so happy you’re okay,” is all I manage.

  He’s staring at my lips and I’m aching everywhere. If he kisses me right now I don’t think I’ll let him stop. He takes a sharp breath. Seems to remember he’s holding something. “Oh. Maybe you should put this on?” He hands me a slinky piece of something purple. It looks tiny. Like a jumpsuit that could fit a small child. It weighs less than nothing.

  I offer Adam a blank stare.

  He grins. “Try it on.”

  I stare differently.

  “Oh.” He jumps back, a little bashful. “Right—I’ll just—I’ll turn around—”

  I wait until his back is to me before I exhale. I look around. There don’t seem to be any mirrors in this room. I shed the oversized outfit. Drop each piece on the floor. I’m standing here, completely naked, and for a moment I’m too petrified to move. But Adam doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t say a word. I examine the shiny purple material. I imagine it’s supposed to stretch.

  It does.

  In fact, it’s unexpectedly easy to slip on—like it was designed specifically for my body. There’s built-in lining for where underwear is supposed to be, extra support for my chest, a collar that goes right up to my neck, sleeves that touch my wrists, legs that touch my ankles, a zipper that pulls it all together. I examine the ultrathin material. It feels like I’m wearing nothing. It’s the richest shade of purple, skintight but not tight at all. It’s breathable, oddly comfortable.

  “How does it look . . . ?” Adam asks. He sounds nervous.

  “Can you help me zip it up?”

  He turns around. His lips part, falter, form an incredible smile. His eyebrows are touching the ceiling. I’m blushing so hard I don’t even know where to look. He steps forward and I turn around, only too eager to hide my face, the butterflies racing through my chest. Adam touches my hair and I realize it’s almost all the way down my back. Maybe it’s time I cut it.

  His fingers are so careful. He pushes the waves over my shoulder so they won’t get caught in the zipper. Trails a line from the base of my neck down to the start of the seam, down to the dip in my lower back. I can hardly keep myself upright. My spine is conducting enough electricity to power a city. He takes his time zipping me up. Runs his hands down the length of my silhouette. “God you look incredible,” is the first thing he says to me.

  I turn around. He’s pressing his fist to his mouth, trying to hide his smile, trying to stop the words from tumbling out of his lips.

  I touch the material. Decide I should probably say something. “It’s very . . . comfortable
.”

  “Sexy.”

  I look up.

  He’s shaking his head. “It’s sexy as hell.”

  He steps forward. Slips me into his arms.

  “I look like a gymnast,” I mumble.

  “No,” he whispers, hot hot hot against my lips. “You look like a superhero.”

  Epilogue

  I’m still tingling when Kenji and Winston burst back into the room.

  “So how is this suit supposed to make my life easier?” I ask anyone who’ll answer.

  But Kenji is frozen in place, staring without apology. Opens his mouth. Closes it. Shoves his hands into his pockets.

  Winston steps in. “It’s supposed to help with the touching issue,” he tells me. “You don’t have to worry about being covered from head to toe in this unpredictable weather. The material is designed to keep you cool or keep you warm based on the temperature. It’s light and breathable so your skin doesn’t suffocate. It will keep you safe from hurting someone unintentionally, but offers you the flexibility of touching someone . . . intentionally, too. If you ever needed to.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  He smiles. Big. “You’re welcome.”

  I study the suit more closely. Realize something. “But my hands and feet are totally exposed. How’s that supposed to—”

  “Oh—shoot,” Winston interrupts. “I almost forgot.” He runs over to the closet and pulls out a pair of flat-heeled black ankle boots and a pair of black gloves that stop right before the elbow. He hands them to me. I study the soft leather of the accessories and marvel at the springy, flexible build of the boots. I could do ballet and run a mile in these shoes. “These should fit you,” he says. “They complete the outfit.”

  I slip them on and tip up on my toes, luxuriate in the feeling of my new outfit. I feel invincible. I really wish I had a mirror for once in my life. I look from Kenji to Adam to Winston. “What do you think? Is it . . . okay?”

  Kenji makes a strange noise.

  Winston looks at his watch.

  Adam can’t stop smiling.

  He and I follow Kenji and Winston out of the room, but Adam pauses to slip off my left glove. He takes my hand. Intertwines our fingers. Offers me a smile that manages to kiss my heart.