For some reason that relaxes me as I glance over my shoulder to look at him laughing and pushing Danny.
“You think...you think he’s ready to...settle down?” I ask quietly, hating that I actually let those words slip past my lips.
“When the right woman comes along, I don’t think anything will be able to stop him.”
I look sideways, laughing at Emily’s smirk and roll my eyes.
“No matchmakin' tonight, okay? We’re...navigatin'.”
Emily lifts her hands in defense as we finally get to The Row and the boys catch up to us, holding open the door as we slip inside. There’s a band already playing as we get seated in the back and I watch all three of their faces as they take in the smooth, gravely voice of Wesley.
He’s been a great friend since college and he has an amazing voice. All he needs is one big break, but who doesn’t in this city. Packed with talent, singing their hearts out every night until one person takes a chance on them. Wesley’s been playing gigs all over Nashville for only three years, some do this their whole life.
“He’s amazing!” Emily yells over the guitar and drums.
“You should tell him. I always love to see if he can make it out of here or if his head gets too big too fit,” I tease.
I feel a heated stare on me and glance over to Lorenzo, meeting dark eyes and a furrowed brow.
“You know him?”
“Have for about six years. We went to college together.”
“I see.”
His lips press together in a line and I shake my head, unsure of where this side of him is coming from. I’ve never seen him...jealous.
The waiter comes over, simmering the tension suddenly hitting our table and the band takes a five minute break as I watch Wesley come over to our table.
“Well look what the cat dragged in!” Wesley’s deep southern drawl makes me smile and I stand, wrapping my arms around his waist as he wraps me in a big bear hug.
“Sounded a little pitchy tonight,” I tease.
“Well shit, did I?”
“She’s lying, you were great. I'm Emily,” Emily laughs, standing to shake his hand.
“Well pretty lady my next one is for you then,” Wesley drawls, pulling her hand toward his lips.
I stop the movement, smacking down Emily’s hand and not looking over at Danny or Lorenzo.
“Wesley, this is Danny, Emily’s husband. The man that put that baby in her belly.”
Wesley’s eyes widen and he looks down at Emily's small belly.
"Well shit, you look gorgeous, darlin'. I'm sorry, brother."
He tips his hat toward Danny, motioning for a bartender.
“Get them a round on me. I just hit on his baby mama,” Wesley whispers to our waiter.
Danny stands, shaking Wesley’s hand with a laugh and a slap on his shoulder.
“No worries, man. Appreciate it. Set sounded great,” Danny says, pulling Emily down to sit on his lap and planting a very public kiss on her lips.
I smile, looking over to Lorenzo as he slowly gets to his feet without a smile on his face and a hand extended to Wesley.
“Lorenzo,” he responds, grabbing Wesley’s hand roughly.
“Great grip, brother. Hope y’all are enjoyin’ the show and my girl here is showin’ y’all the best of Music City.”
Wesley bumps my shoulder and I roll my eyes, pushing him back to the stage before he tips his hat at me with a wink.
What the hell has gotten into these men tonight?
“You ever date him?” Lorenzo asks as we sit back down, watching the band start back up.
I shake my head, taking a sip of my beer, looking at him out of the corner of my eyes.
“Lying?”
“Why would I lie?” I snap through gritted teeth.
“Ever fucked him?”
I choke on my beer and stare daggers at him.
“That’s really not any of your business but if that pissin' match was an indication, I think it’s safe to say he knows you’ve fucked me.”
I down the rest of my beer, motioning for another from the bartender and Lorenzo finishes his own, motioning for another too.
I cross my arms in front of my chest as Wesley starts another song, the lyrics passing over me like wind. I don’t hear anything except the blood whooshing in my head at the anger simmering inside my body.
“You have no right to be jealous. Who I did before I met you is none of your damn business.”
Lorenzo shakes his head, leaning an elbow on the table in front of me so I have no choice but to look at him as he pushes my chin to make sure I am.
“That’s all fine and good but since I’ve been inside you, I’d hoped there’s been no one else that has been either.”
I scoff, thanking the waiter as he drops two beers in front of us and I down half before answering him.
“I wanna tell you to go fuck yourself but I think you’d enjoy it.”
“As long as you watch again, Watson.”
I roll my eyes, downing the rest of my beer and then it hits me. Nausea and heat suffocate me as I push Lorenzo off me, stumbling out of the booth and making it into the bathroom and a stall with no time to spare.
Everything I’ve drank today painfully comes back up along with the flimsy breakfast I had. I moan and groan as my stomach empties into the toilet, wiping at my eyes that are now watering. My head pounds as I flush and stand, leaning the back of my head against the stall.
“Fuckkk,” I sigh, taking a minute to compose myself before I drunkenly walk my ass to the sink and slam my hands on the counter.
My head is too heavy as I drop down to my elbows, leaning my head down into the sink, fearing for the head pounding if I move too fast.
“Girl, what in the hell? How much did you drink?” Emily's voice says from behind me.
“I...only had the beer at my house and two here. I...didn’t eat much today. I...f-feel like death.”
I don’t even recognize my voice as Emily lifts my arm up over her shoulder and reaches for a paper towel, wetting my cheeks.
“You look like shit. You’re white as a ghost. We need to get some food into you. Do you think you can sit at the booth and eat?”
I press my lips together, nodding my head and then feel the nausea creep back up at the movement. I push Emily away, running back to the stall and dry heave, not having anything else to even throw up.
“Fuckin' shit balls,” I groan, pressing my palms to the back of the stall as I drop my head down, trying to get control of myself.
“I’m going to get Lorenzo. He’s going to need to carry you out of here.”
“S-stay,” I mumble. “Stay and eat with your husband. Tell Wesley I asked him to tell you the hot spots. Have a g-good time tonight.”
Emily nods, giving me a small bottle of Listerine.
“I’ve had it in my purse for the morning sickness. Swish it around when you think you’re finally done.”
I nod to her as she leaves the bathroom as I walk slowly to the sink. Washing my face again, I cup some water and gargle it and then the Listerine.
“God, I’m gonna die,” I whisper, looking at my reflection.
“Let’s hope not.”
I see Lorenzo in the reflection of the mirror behind me and before I can tell him to stay away from me, he lifts me, bride over the threshold style and out of the back door to the street.
“You’re lucky my sense of direction is impeccable. I’ll get us back to your apartment.”
“Are Danny and Emily g-gonna stay? I told her to—”
“She told me and yeah. I’ll head back to the hotel later. We have seperate rooms anyway.”
“Stay with me,” I whisper, cupping his cheek.
He stops walking, looking into my eyes and I don’t know if it’s because I’m drunk or if it’s because it’s Lorenzo and I have such strong fucking feelings for him, but I swear he looks straight through to my heart and can see how hard it’s beating. How much he affects me, ho
w much I want him.
"What happened these past few weeks?"
"I don't wanna talk about it tonight."
“Has it only been me, Jenna?” he whispers, pushing his forehead to mine.
“You know the answer to that Lorenzo. It’s always been—”
He steals the words from my mouth with his lips and I try to push him away but he holds on harder.
“Enzo, I just threw up,” I groan, against his mouth.
"I know, I know I just...it’s been too long. Fuck, I missed you. Wesley just...I’m sorry I overreacted. I have no claim on you, you can do what you want but...it would kill me Jenna. I want you to be mine and only mine.”
"Wesley and I were always just friends."
"Even if you weren't, I had no right to be jealous."
I nod and then wince, forgetting my dire state.
“Can we...go home? I’m...I might be sick again.”
“Shit, yeah.”
Lorenzo walks slowly with me down the street, his steady breathing and smell the only thing relaxing me.
My thoughts go back to these past three weeks. Weeks I wished like hell I could forget, but I can’t.
The first conversation I had with my father slams into me, causing me to shudder as my eyes close.
I open the diner door, immediately connecting with the blonde haired man with piercing green eyes, my eyes. I feel nausea start to creep up but I push it down, grabbing any ounce of composure I can to face him.
He stands, a big smile on his face as he opens his arms for me. I eye him, shaking my head as I sit down, taking a big gulp from the water in front of me.
“I’m so happy you came. Wasn’t sure if you would, it’s been a few days.”
“I...had to just wrap my head ‘round all of this. Figure out what I wanted to say to you,” I respond softly, finishing off my water and motioning for another one.
“Well, can I start?” my father asks.
I nod, thanking the waiter for my water as I sip this one slowly now, sneaking peeks at my father as he fiddles with his hands on top of the table.
“You’re...you’re so beautiful, Jenna. I...I can’t believe how much you’ve grown.”
“That’s what happens,” I snap. “You abandon your kid and she doesn’t just stay the same little girl you left.”
He exhales, running a hand down his face and I see a hint of regret, a sliver of sadness.
“Jenna, I would have never given you the life you deserve. Your mama and me...we were fire and gasoline, waitin’ to just explode. I thought leavin’ y’all was the best thing...for both of you. I know I dragged your mama down my path and I had no idea she...she left you.”
“Well she did,” I yell, slamming my fist down on the table. “You both did! I was eleven years old and all alone! So many questions, so many nights I didn’t know what I fuckin’ did for y’all to just up and leave me like that!”
I stand, shaking my head as I reach for my purse in the booth.
“This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have come.”
I turn to leave, running out of the diner and taking a big gulp of air before I run toward my car. I get inside, leaning my head back against the headrest and breathe in and out, holding back the tears because he doesn’t deserve them. Seeing him again makes all of those feelings come to the surface, angry, hurt emotions combust inside my body.
A knock on my window causes me to slowly open one of my eyes and I shake my head.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to hear me. You may not understand it, you may still hate me but I want you to hear me, Jenna. Please.”
“I don’t owe you a damn thing!”
“You don’t, but I owe you.”
I press my lips together, brushing a tear off my cheek and take a few more seconds of silence before I open up my door and get out, shutting and locking the door behind me.
“There’s a park over there. Wanna sit?”
I silently nod, following my father across the street to a park, sitting on the opposite side of the bench, as far away from him as I can.
“I wasn’t right, Jenna. I drank, I did drugs, I tried to get sober for your mama when she found out about you, but a few months after you were born, I went right back to it. She was hell bent on changin’ me, never touched the stuff, never understood it and it went on like that for years. I’d go on a bender, she’d pull me back for a few months and the cycle would just repeat itself.”
“I don’t remember any of that, of you not bein’ there until you left us for good,” I admit.
“Oh, I was there. I couldn’t stay away no matter how much your mama wanted me to. I ain’t proud of it, Jenna. I’d come over high and drunk but I just had to see y’all, make sure you were still there and didn’t leave me.”
“Then why didn’t you just stay sober if you were scared of losin’ us?”
“Because it’s a disease, Jenna. It’s a terrible disease that don’t give a shit ‘bout what you want or who you’re gonna lose, as long as you feed it. I couldn’t see any of that at the time, not fully. I finally realized I was only hurtin’ y’all. Your mama started to drink, dealin’ with me was no easy feat and you were a good baby but parentin’ ain’t meant to be like that...takin’ care of me more than you. For once, I had to put aside what I wanted and I had to think of you and your mama. I left, went over to the West Coast, as far away from y’all as I could get. Got cleaned up but would relapse, over and over, I just couldn’t find nothin’ to ground me.”
“You seem sober now, what changed?” I ask, curiously.
“I uh...I met someone. She...she was a nurse at the rehab facility I checked myself into. She helped me a lot, we...fell in love. She had a little girl, reminded me of you. I thought maybe this was my second chance. I had to make it right.”
“But it wasn’t me,” I whisper, angry tears dripping down my cheeks. “It wasn’t me! I was here with a mama who didn’t want nothin’ to do with me! Who left me just like my useless father did!”
I stand, my hands fisting at my sides as his words reel around in my head.
“Jenna, I didn’t know your mama left you. I swear it. I left the two of you and never looked back because I didn’t wanna ruin either of you ever again. My wife...she loves readin’ and when she came upon your page, I froze. You...you look so much like your mama and I did some diggin’ makin’ sure you were okay but then they had foster records of you and I thought somethin’ happened to her and…”
“Nothin’ happened to her. She’s alive and well and fuckin’ anything with a dick in Knoxville. I don’t know which one of y’all is worse. Thank you for clearin’ the air but I wish you hadn’t. I’m gonna go.”
I turn away from him, wiping the tears that are spilling out of my eyes, hating that I feel worse now than before I came. I wished I’d never even known my parents. Hearing how my father replaced me, finding out just a few days ago that my mother is actually only a few hours away from where I’m living but didn’t even bother to come and find me hurts more than anything I’ve ever been through, even losing Fynn.
“Jenna! Please, I want to make things right,” my father yells from behind me.
“I don’t want anything from you anymore! I wanted my father, I just...wanted my father but you...you replaced me!” I scream, whipping around and pushing against his chest.
“Jenna…” his eyes glisten and a small, small part of me wants to just wrap myself in his arms and pray I feel any type of love from the man that’s supposed to support me and love and protect me forever.
I don’t though, I stay planted in my spot and don’t move as a tear falls down his beard covered cheek.
“I thought I was doin’ right by you, baby. It was never your fault that I left and it was never your fault I stayed away. I was messed up and selfish and...please let me make it right. Come have dinner with me tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever you feel comfortable. I wanna hear about your life, I want to be a part of it now. I’m so...I’m s
o damn proud of you. I remember when you used to tell me stories and—”
“I ain’t sittin’ by a campfire and singin’ kumbaya with you. I’m hurt. I’m so fuckin’ hurt and right now, I just want to go. Please just...give me time.”
I turn away from him without a look back and take the car ride back to my hotel, curling up into the bed and cry myself to sleep, only waking when another nightmare hits. Lorenzo in that truck covered in blood...again.
I jump upright in bed, clutching my chest when a soft hand cups my cheek, pulling me back down. The touch makes me flinch, the nightmare so fresh in my mind but when I look down at a sleepy-eyed Lorenzo, there’s no blood, his face is clean and he’s safe.
“You okay, drunk girl?”
I giggle, shaking my head as I lean back down, facing him in my bed.
“I’m sorry. I should have eaten more. I didn’t mean to make a horrible first impression on your friends.”
“I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”
I look down and realize I’m in my nightgown and my breath still has that minty fresh after taste.
“Did you...change me?”
“You may have had a little puke on your jeans. I had to.”
I wince, covering my face with my hands.
“God, I’m so embarrassed. Did you brush my teeth too?”
Lorenzo laughs, leaning up on his elbow as he looks down on me, uncovering my face.
“That, I wish I video taped. You attempted to help me but you just looked like a rabid dog foaming at the mouth.”
I scoff, slapping his bare shoulder and only now do I realize he’s...shirtless.
“Did...we didn’t…”
Lorenzo shakes his head, cupping my cheek as he pulls down my bottom lip. My tongue instinctively juts out, touching his thumb.
“Somnophilia isn’t really my thing,” Lorenzo smirks.
“Well...good, that’s...that’s good.”
“But...you’re not sleeping right now,” Lorenzo whispers, kissing my cheek, making his way down the side of my neck as I hold onto every shred of self control I possibly can.
Bestselling Bastard : A Hero Club Novel Page 16