Heart of Sin

by Nicola Jane

  “Why don’t you drink?” she queries. I knew this would come up but I’m not ready to answer that.

  “I do, water, coffee,” I joke and she rolls her eyes.

  “You know what I mean,” she mutters.

  “Me and alcohol just don’t have a good relationship,” I say with a shrug. She senses my reluctance to talk which I appreciate.

  “So, going back to your Grandmother, Why is she so desperate to see you settled?”

  “She owns half of The Luxe,” I say and I notice the surprise in Alivia’s face. “She’s wanting to sign it all over to me so I own a hundred percent instead of fifty but she has set conditions.”

  “Those being that you settle down?” she asks and I nod. She takes a drink from the bottle and the bubbles spill over the rim and run down her hand.

  “I can get you a glass,” I offer and she shakes her head.

  “No, I like to slum it sometimes. It reminds me of when I was a teenager drinking on the park with the local hoodrats,” she says with a grin.

  “Hoodrats?” I query.

  “Yeah you know, the local bad boys,” she says, “Although we weren’t drinking Champagne back then, more like cheap cider.”

  “I never did that,” I say, “I feel like I missed out.”

  “You really did, cheap cider, shared between ten kids from the bottle and a quick sloppy snog with some boy that thinks he’s a gangster, my life rocked back then.”

  She nudges her shoulder in to mine and we smile. “My grandmother doesn’t want me to be like my father or grandfather. She thinks The Luxe ruined them and their relationships. She doesn’t see that by forcing me to marry just to get the other fifty percent is going to cause the same problems. What woman is going to marry someone that spends half of his time participating in orgies or nipping off to see his submissive every night?” I ask.

  Alivia thinks for a moment, “Maybe she thinks that if you find the actual one then you won’t turn to those things anymore?”

  “But I like those things, I want that life.”

  “But she doesn’t want that for you,” says Alivia. “It sounds like she just loves you and wants the best for you. Even if the best means you thinking it’s wrong now. Twenty years down the line when you’re balding and over weight you’ll thank her for the back up plan,” she says with a smirk.

  “I will not be fat or balding!” I laugh. “Would you want your husband to be like me?”

  She shakes her head, “I’m not sure I could handle a man that goes to have sex with other women, I don’t know a woman that does,” she says honestly, I’m surprised how her comment bothers me.

  “That’s why Annalise was perfect, she’d have put up with that because she liked it too,” I say.

  “No, she wouldn’t, she would have marched you up that isle and then once you were hers she would have put her foot down even if it meant you just had sex with her at the club. She didn’t seem the type to share her man.”

  “Either way it doesn’t matter anymore. My Grandmother didn’t fall for it, she is insistent that it should be a genuine love, and apparently she can spot that.”

  I watch Alivia drink some more of the Champagne, spilling it down her chin, she laughs and wipes it away. “My mother was mortified when she thought I’d hooked up with you,” she says. It’s not unusual for parents to hate me when they first find out I’m in their daughters’ life. I don’t blame them; I wouldn’t want my daughter to be with someone like me. I usually win the mothers around with my charm but fathers never fall for my bullshit. Men have that knack of knowing an ulterior motive when they spot one. “So now I have to spend the weekend with them to convince them I haven’t lost my mind or given my heart to a playboy,” she says laying back and looking up at the sky.

  “Did you do this with the hoodrats in the park?” I ask, laying on my side so I can see her face Illuminated by the white of the moon, it makes her look even more beautiful than normal.

  “Of course, I wanted to be popular and to do that I had to make sacrifices, letting Tommy Oakham finger me was one of those sacrifices,” she says.

  I laugh, “Tommy Oakham was the man, I’d high five him.”

  “He was a twat in the end, told everyone I stunk of fish down there, I was mortified and spend the rest of that term being called fishy.” I press my lips together to keep my laugh inside, she sees me and lightly smacks me on the arm, “I did not smell. He wanted to go further and I said no.”

  “Typical boy, making up rumours when he got his ego bruised,” I say shaking my head.

  “I can’t imagine that’s ever happened to you,” she says arching her brow.

  “I’ve had hard times. Maybe I didn’t finger a girl in the park whilst drunk on cheap cider but I got caught having sex by my headteacher once. It was embarrassing,” I say with a smirk, “Mainly because it was his wife I was fucking, the fact that she was my English teacher really didn’t help.”

  Alivia gasps, pushing up on her elbows, “No way, that did not happen,” she screeches laughing.

  I nod, “It really did, just one of the moments in my life that my mother compared me to my father. She seems to think it’s in the Fraser DNA.”

  “Wow, that shocks me, it shouldn’t knowing you like I do after just one week but my god, I hope she was fit and not some eighty year old teacher.”

  “Of course, she was newly qualified, it ended her career before she’d even completed her first year.”

  “Ouch, I feel bad for her,” she says.

  “I was just a kid, she should have known better,” I say in my defence.

  “Um, somehow I don’t feel like you were the innocent party in any of it. She was swayed by your boyish charm and enticing eyes,” she says.

  I lean forward, my face inches from hers, “Why don’t my eyes work on you then?” I ask with a smile.

  Alivia sucks in a breath, “Because I know they are dangerous.”

  I move back and hear her exhale. “You’re right, so dangerous,” I say with a shrug, “Maybe we should get back to the party.” I stand and hold my hand out to pull her up. I keep hold of it, it feels nice. When we get back inside the starters have already been served. We take our seats and I tuck in to the Pâté, avoiding looking at my Grandmother because I already know she will look smug.

  Before the main meal arrives I am pulled off to meet various associates of my mother. She likes to drop in that her son is Vass Frazer to all those that don’t yet know. I glance back to the table, my seat has been filled by Evan Johnstone, a lawyer that often chats to my dates in the hope it will piss me off. I fucked his wife, it was years a go but the guy just can’t forgive and forget. It makes it awkward when we move in the same circles. I’m sure is wife is here somewhere chatting up some other bachelor. I continue my conversation, if I rush over then he’ll know it’s bothering me. I didn’t even bring Alivia but there is no way I can sit back whilst that sleaze bag falls all over her. When I look back the seats are empty. I look around the room, trying to find them. My eyes finally catch a glimpse of Alivia in Evan’s arms on the dancefloor. He’s holding her close and I clench my fists.

  “They look cute together don’t they, is she the type to hook up?” whispers Anna, Evan’s wife.

  “He’s still pissed about us Anna, can’t the guy move on?” I sigh, “It’s getting boring, his constant need to chase my dates.” Anna runs her hand down my back and rests it against my ass.

  “I still think about us. It replays over and over,” she sighs dreamily. “You’re like an addiction.”

  “It was years ago Anna,” I say.

  “I know, I can only imagine how good you are now, years of practise,” she says placing a well-manicured hand to her chest.

  “Excuse me, I have a date to rescue,” I mutter making a beeline for Alivia.

  “May I cut in?” I ask politely. They stop and Evan takes a step back so that I can take Alivia. I place my hand on her lower back and guide her further in to the moving crowd. I p
ull her towards me and she places her hands on my shoulders, her eyes smiling at me.

  “What?” I ask gruffly.

  “Are you jealous?” she grins.

  “No don’t be silly. I just hate him.”

  “He said you’d be jealous and cut in,” she says wiggling her eyebrows playfully.

  Something about the haunting music that the band are playing and the playful gleam in her eyes have me holding her closer, she looks at me quizzically and I lean in so that our mouths are almost touching again, “I don’t like other men dancing with my dates,” I whisper.

  “I wasn’t technically your…” she begins but I cut her off placing my lips against her. It’s cautious at first because I know that she isn’t afraid to pull away and slap me but when she doesn’t I risk slipping my tongue in to her warm mouth, sealing our lips together in a hungry kiss. Sparks pass through us and Alivia’s small hands grip my shoulders tighter. I cup either side of her face, taking everything she lets me. When I pull away we are both panting and staring into each other’s eyes hungrily. She wants me.

  “What are you doing?” she pants, gently touching her plumped lips. I shake my head, I can’t speak and I can’t give her any answers because I don’t know where that came from. I control every move I make and that was not planned.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Alivia

  “I have a few people I need to speak with before I call it a night,” says Vass suddenly, “I’ll make sure there’s a car out front to take you home whenever you’re ready, just give your name to the door man.”

  I feel confused as he marches away from me, his strides long and purposeful like he can’t wait to get the hell away from me. I’m still touching my swollen lips, they tingle from our kiss and those butterflies are swirling around my stomach so hard I feel nauseous. He regrets kissing me and now I have to face him tomorrow knowing he regrets it.

  I decide to leave, the fact that he isn’t even taking me home is a big hint of how he feels, he doesn’t want to get my hopes up or give me the wrong idea. I make my way back through the crowds and collect my jacket from the table. Vass’s grandmother takes my hand and pulls me gently until I’m sat next to her.

  “Alivia, thank you so much for coming this evening. I hope you’ve had a nice time?”

  “It was lovely, thanks for inviting me. I have to go now, I have work in the morning,” I say with a smile.

  “Is Vass taking you?” she asks looking around for her grandson.

  “No, he’s arranged a car,” I say, trying to look like that doesn’t affect me.

  “A car, well that isn’t very gentlemanly after he just stuck his tongue down your throat,” she says.

  My face flushes red with embarrassment and she pats my hand with a kind smile, “Vass is panicking right now because he doesn’t know how to feel. He likes you a lot and he’s scared that if he lets you in he might fall in love, he’s fighting it.”

  “Vass doesn’t like me like that, you have to let him live his life the way he wants. He’s happy,” I say.

  She rolls her eyes, “He isn’t happy, he thinks he is but once he falls in love, that’s when he will know what happy is. I want to see that so desperately.”

  “Then let it happen naturally, if its meant to be for him then it will be,” I say. He’s only thirty, I don’t understand why she wants to rush it. Surely, he will fall in love naturally one day, we all do.

  “I don’t have long left,” she says with a sad smile, “Less than six months. I’d love to see him settled before then.” Vass never said it was her dying wish, now I feel terrible for her and for him.

  “I’m sorry,” I say and she smiles.

  “Don’t be I’ve accepted it. But you can’t deny a dying woman her one wish,” she says.

  “Me?” I ask and she nods, “I don’t understand.”

  “You’re the one. You can make him see,” she says.

  I laugh and shake my head, “No I can’t, did you see how fast he ran after he kissed me. He see’s me as an employee and maybe a friend but nothing more. You need to find another victim,” I say standing, “Goodnight, and thanks again for the invite.”

  I make my way outside, a heavy feeling in my heart. I’m sad for Vass’s grandmother, I can’t imagine how she must feel knowing what’s to come. The pressure for Vass to carry out her wish must be hard, he’s torn because he doesn’t want to marry anyone but he wants to please her and as an added bonus he’ll get The Luxe. I’m glad I’m not in his position right now.

  I don’t sleep well. I spend most of the night tossing and turning, Vass’s kiss weighs heavy on my mind along with the revelations of the evening. By the time six AM comes around I’m annoyed and tired. I shower and decide to go in to work early. I have lots to do today so the early start won’t do any harm.

  By the time Vass roles in to the office I’ve made a good dent in my to do list. “Good morning,” I say putting on my bright and breezy tone. I will make sure he doesn’t know how pissed I am for the kiss yesterday and his reaction afterwards.

  “Morning,” he mutters. He shuffles some papers on Bianca’s old desk. “I just wanted to speak to you about last night,” he adds looking uncomfortable.

  “Okay,” I say, closing my laptop and folding my arms, “I’m listening.”

  “It shouldn’t have happened, I’m your boss and if things like that were to happen, I’d have to fire you. I don’t want to do that.”

  “Oh my god, is that what you do to stop yourself wanting more?” I ask with a sarcastic laugh. He frowns, looking up at me.

  “What do you mean?” he asks.

  “You sleep with an employee and then to stop you wanting her again or getting in to some kind of messy relationship, you fire her?”

  “No, I don’t its just easier for everyone because there’s no awkwardness after. You can’t have sex and then go back to being normal.”

  “Depends how good the sex is I suppose,” I say, “Your mother chose me didn’t she?”

  “You know she did, she invited you here,” he says sounding exasperated.

  “I mean, to fulfil your dying grandmothers last wishes.”

  Vass’s face changes, he looks annoyed now, “Who told you she was dying?”

  “She did. We spoke last night, I put two and two together and realised that your mother wanted me to be that girl, the one you marry to appease a dying old lady.”

  “So, what if she did, I didn’t ask you did I? I haven’t made a move and when I did I regretted it,” he snaps.

  “What do I get out of marrying you?” I ask, twirling a pen in my fingers. Vass pauses his paper shuffling but doesn’t look up. “If I was to make an agreement with you. What would I get?”

  He looks to me, “What are you saying?” he asks.

  “That I feel bad that she’s dying, I like her and I think she should get her wish.” Vass pulls Bianca’s office chair towards my desk and sits down opposite me. “It wouldn’t be a real marriage. I know you don’t want that. It would have to be secret from the lime light, my parents can’t ever find out about it.”

  “Why would you do that?” he asks.

  “Because I like you Vass and I like her and I can see it from both points of view. You’ve helped me so much in such a short space of time with no questions asked, I feel like I want to return the favour. Its how friendship works,” I say with a shrug.

  “It’s a massive thing to ask of someone,” he sighs, rubbing his face.

  “You haven’t asked me, I’m asking you.”

  “What about your parents?” he asks.

  “They can’t know. I might tell them we are seeing each other just in case the papers won’t leave it alone but they take marriage seriously and rightly so, it would break their hearts if they thought I was making a mockery of it, even with good intentions.” My parents were married young, my father said he loved my mum from the day he met her and didn’t want to risk losing her so he proposed a month after they met. Six months after tha
t they were married. They are inseparable and still so in love. “We’ll need to come up with rules. Why don’t you come over to Clarisse’s tonight and we can go over some?” I suggest.

  Vass stands and rounds the desk, he leans down and kisses me on the top of the head, “You have no idea what this means to me, no one’s ever done something so massive for me without ulterior motives. It means so much,” he sighs. I suddenly feel good about myself, like my good deed will be rewarded in heaven.

  I tell Clarisse about my offer over lunch. “Oh my god, that’s huge,” she screeches running around to my side of the desk and hugging me.

  “We might need your input into the rules later, I have no clue what to implement so that we both know the boundaries.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be great at that,” she reassures me.

  The afternoon drags slowly. I don’t see Vass at all, he’s in and out of meetings so it gives me a chance to make a rough list of rules that I think we should discuss. Number one being no sex, it may be a marriage but only a pretend one and if we engage in intimate relations then I know without a doubt I’ll end up falling for Vass and that will only end in heartache for me. I sigh, I must be crazy agreeing to this. I’ll be a divorcee before I’m thirty.

  By the time I get home I’m talking myself out of this crazy idea. Clarisse freezes when I walk in to the kitchen, dumping my bag on the worktop. “What’s wrong Liv?” she asks concerned.

  “Am I crazy?” I blurt out and she looks taken back.

  “I hope not, I’ve said you can live here now,” she says with a small laugh.

  “I mean about the Vass thing. I’ve known him a week and now I’m offering to marry him to appease his dying grandmother, that’s crazy talk isn’t it?”

  Clarisse takes my hands in hers and pulls me to sit down, “No Liv, it’s not crazy. You have a kind heart and you saw a dying woman wanting the best for her grandson.”

  “But it’s a lie, we are lying to a dying woman,” I groan, “She’s going to look down from heaven when I sign that divorce and put a curse on me.”

  Clarisse laughs, “It’s a massive thing, I get it and I know you don’t know me well either but I can vouch for Vass, he’s a sex crazed man whore but he is such an amazing guy. He cares so much about others, look how he took you out to eat because he knew you didn’t have the money. He’s a good man and his Grandmother wants the best for him. So, what if the marriage is a lie, your fondness of each other isn’t. Let her die happy knowing that Vass is happy, and he will be, just in a different way to what she wants. You’ve made a friend for life in him and he won’t ever forget that you helped him out like this.”