Heart of Sin

by Nicola Jane

  I let go, pressing my hand to my mouth to stop the scream that wants to rip out of me. I shake so hard I’m pretty sure I pass out for a second. Vass begins to slow his pace and I wonder how the hell he controls himself so well. “If you won’t get me a drink then I’m going to spend all night buried in your pussy,” he whispers. He pushes himself up onto his hands so his arms are straight. He looks down between us, watching our connection as he pushes himself in and out slowly. “I can see your come on my cock,” he pants. Vass pulls out of me and sits back. He wants me to suck him. I get a flash of the picture he sent me and the competitor in me steps forward, pushing the doubts aside. I kneel in front of him, staying up on my knees with my ass in the air. I press my tongue against the head of his cock, licking the bead of pre-come from the end. I look up at him as I take him into my mouth, relaxing my throat so that I can take him in further. He hisses and grips the mattress. I continue the slow torture of deep throating Vass’s cock until I feel it swell. He suddenly pulls me away and takes a few deep breaths, “Not yet,” he says, regaining control of himself.

  I sit on his lap facing him, I want to ride him until I make him so lost in me he won’t think about drinking. I take his face in my hands and reign kisses over his stubble, along his jaw and over his cheek. He lines himself up with me and I slide down his cock. Our lips lock together and I keep the kiss gentle as I fuck him, rocking back and fourth in a slow rhythm. I run my hands through his hair, my long nails scraping softly against his scalp as I deepen the kiss. For the first time I feel so connected to him that I want to cry and as I continue to rock I feel him stiffen and then he groans quietly in my ear as he releases his orgasm inside of me. His cock is still semi hard and I continue to move whilst my fingers rub fast at my clit. Vass takes my nipple in his mouth and it’s enough to send me over the edge, panting as I come for a second time. He snatches up my hand and sucks my fingers into his mouth his tongue moving around each one as he tastes our combined juices.

  Vass keeps us connected even though he’s only semi hard and he pulls me on top of him as he lays down. “Rest,” he orders closing his eyes.

  “Like this?” I ask with a laugh.

  “I told you, I’m staying inside of you all night.”

  Vass

  I must fall into a pretty deep sleep and I’m woken when my cock stirs to life inside Alivia. I turn her over so that I am on top, fucking her like I can’t get inside her deep enough, each thrust harder than the last. The night continues like this, sleeping for half an hour or so and then being woken by Alivia twitching in her sleep which makes me hard and so I fuck her again. By six AM I feel so exhausted but the need to drink is still on my mind. I reach for her again but she moves away. “No more,” She groans clamping her legs closed. Like that will stop me.

  “Yes more,” I grit out flipping her over and pushing a pillow under her stomach so that her perfect rounded ass is raised. I rub some lubricant against her ass and she flinches, reaching back and batting me away from that area. I put pressure against her ass with my thumb until it slips inside causing Alivia to wince in pain. “Vass,” she hisses. I press my hand to the middle of her back, holding her there whilst I play with her tight ass. I palm her pussy and she shudders, she must be sore down there but her little moans of pleasure tell me she’s enjoying this despite her odd protest.

  I kneel behind her, she begins to object, moving forward to get away from me. I grip her waist, “Alivia, keep still,” I order, her movements stop. I press the head of my cock against her ass and begin to ease it through the tight hole. Liv grips the pillow and buries her face into it to muffle the scream that escapes. Once I am fully in, I stop, giving myself a chance to compose. “The least you owe me is your virgin ass,” I whisper, wrapping her hair around my fist and tugging her head back. I begin to move and she hisses as the pain becomes more intense. I feel her relax and her painful moans are replaced with grunts of pleasure. “Do you like me fucking your ass?” I pant into her ear. Alivia nods, pulling her hair tighter in my grip. I slap her ass hard and she jumps.

  “Yes Sir,” she groans.

  Her hand slips under her stomach and she presses it against her pussy, she begins to shudder, gripping my cock tighter as she climaxes. The pressure is enough to drag another orgasm from me, I fall over her as I spill inside of her ass. A wave of sickness passes through me and sweat drips down my back. I flop down beside her, throwing my shaky arm over my eyes. I’ve been inside her for most of the night and all I can think of is getting a fucking drink. I turn away from her and wrap the sheet over me. I feel her eyes burn into my back and then I feel the mattress lift as she stands. Once she’s left the room I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Alivia

  I read a quote once, ‘Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about,’ I thought it was sweet, it was in some woman’s magazine and at the time I was dating Daniel. This past week, watching Vass fall apart, makes me see that quote as a pile of crap. Vass can’t go a day without thinking about alcohol but he has to give it up before it takes him completely. Clarisse assures me that it will pass, that the worst is over.

  My days have been spent watching him sleep. He shakes and shivers the whole time, occasionally groaning like he’s in physical pain. I have to change the bed sheets twice daily because he sweats continuously. My nights are spent comforting him, keeping his mind focussed on my body and not his next drink.

  I speak to his Mother and Grandmother every day with updates. They are worried and his Mother keeps talking about sending him back to rehab but I’m with Clarisse on this one, I’d rather we try first, instead of making him more miserable.

  I sit on the toilet, the seat closed and I peer at the little white stick. I know it said to wait two minutes but seriously, does that change the outcome. I stare and stare, the first blue line appears, according to the instructions that means that the test is working. I look at my watch, it’s been thirty seconds, Jesus this seems like a lifetime. I look back to the stick and freeze, No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening. I stuff the test in my waist band, dropping my shirt over it to hide it. Vass is sitting up in my bed watching television. He smiles and holds a hand out. I notice that he isn’t shaking.

  “Did I tell you how grateful I am?” he asks for the tenth time. I smile and head to my drawer. With my back to him I take out the stick and shove it under my underwear, checking one last time to confirm the two blue lines, half of me hoping that I’d imagined them.

  “You seem better today; would you like to try some dinner?” I ask and Vass nods.

  “Yeah, I do feel hungry actually,” he says. He hasn’t eaten a thing at all since he arrived preferring just to drink water. I go downstairs and make Vass a cheese sandwich. When I get back upstairs, I halt mid-step. Vass is holding the white stick, staring down at it intently. I gently place the sandwich down on my dressing table a panic gripping me, I wasn’t ready to tell him yet, I’m still processing it myself.

  “Vass, listen…” I begin but when his eyes finally meet mine I’m so taken back by the anger that I close my mouth immediately.

  “You’re fucking pregnant?” he asks, venom in his words, “You think I can be a father, look at me?” he yells. I’m so caught off guard by his reaction that my mouth opens and closes a few times before I can form my words.

  “Vass I know it’s a huge shock, it is for me too,” I say calmly.

  “A shock, A god damn shock. It’s the worst news I’ve ever had, EVER!” he yells turning away from me and throwing the plastic stick across the room. Tears fill my eyes and I fold my arms across my chest, my protection mode kicking in.

  “You don’t have to be so cruel; we can talk about it once you’re calm.”

  He turns to face me, a cruel grin on his face, “There is nothing to talk about. I thought you were different and it turns out you were just like the rest,” he spits out, “You think having my kid will pin me dow
n, keep me with you, you think I’ll pay you thousands of pounds in maintenance?” I shake my head, disgusted that he would ever think that, the tears now spilling down my cheeks.

  “No, I don’t…”

  “Because let me tell you something Alivia, it won’t, so save yourself the heartache,” he says angrily.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I don’t want this baby. If you do, then you do it alone in the knowledge that I will not be involved.” I suck in a breath, I wasn’t expecting this reaction. I knew he wouldn’t be happy but I didn’t expect the venom in in voice. Vass’s mobile lets out a shrill ring and we both glance to the table where it vibrates. He reaches for it and answers the call. “Yeah?” He falls silent and presses his lips together, “Right, okay I’m on my way.” He drops his mobile on the bed and then begins to pull on his clothes.

  “Where are you going?” I ask, “We need to finish this conversation.”

  “I already did finish it. My Grandmother is in hospital.” This takes me by surprise, I only spoke to her this morning. I go to my wardrobe and pull out some shorts. Vass looks at me in confusion. “What are you doing?” he asks.

  “Coming with you,” I say. I have to put us aside for a moment and deal with his Grandmother.

  “No,” he says sharply and I stop, one leg in my shorts and the other mid-air. “Clarisse will come. I’m fine from here,” he says, looking away.

  “Oh right, so I’m done with then?” I snap, “I spend a week not sleeping and comforting you, letting you use my body to distract you from drinking yourself stupid and now that’s done I can fuck off?”

  “I hate it when you curse like that,” he mutters shaking his head.

  “Well apparently I’m not what you’re looking for anyway so I’m not too worried about that,” I snap, pulling off my shorts and stuffing them back into the wardrobe.

  Vass sighs and buries his head in his hands, “What a cluster fuck,” he grumbles.

  “You know what Vass just go, get out,” I snap pulling at his arm. He stands and I drag him towards my bedroom door. I need to be away from him, I can’t breathe when he’s near me like this. I shove him from the room and slam the door in his surprised face. I lean back against it and slide down until my ass hits the floor. I don’t stop the tears this time. I let them fall and snap shot this pain into my memory so that I never feel like this again.

  Vass

  I wink at the pretty nurse as she hands me the pot of pills for my Grandmother. “Please make sure she takes them as soon as she wakes up. Maybe she will shout at you a little less,” she says.

  “I doubt that very much but I’d much rather she yells at me than at you,” I smile. I watch the sway of her ass as she leaves. Three day’s I’ve been here, going home to shower and change and then back here to sit with my dying Grandmother. The doctors tell me she won’t get out of here but there’s a lot of fight left in her yet, I can tell every time she is asked to take her medication and she causes a fuss.

  “Stop flirting with the nurses,” she grits out, opening her eyes.

  “Were you pretending to sleep so you couldn’t take your meds?” I ask suspiciously.

  “There is no point, they don’t help,” she tells me again.

  “Just do as you’re told for once,” I sigh grabbing her frail hand and emptying the tablets into her palm. She begrudgingly throws them into her mouth and sits whilst I hold the glass for her to swallow the water. The door opens slightly and I turn just in time to see the back of a female’s head as she leaves. I frown at my Grandmother and she gives me a guilty smile. I place the glass down and head towards the door just in time to catch a glimpse of Alivia rounding the corner. I run to catch her up, “Alivia,” I shout.

  She turns to me slowly. “Sorry, I was just here to see your Grandmother,” she mutters.

  “Are you back in London for good?”

  She shakes her head, “No, I came to see Clarisse and thought that I’d come and see Angela whilst I’m here.” I can’t help but look down at her stomach, of course its flat.

  “Well she’s awake if you want to see her now,” I say.

  “It’s fine I can come back later when you’ve gone,” she shrugs and turns to walk away.

  “Alivia, wait, can we talk?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “It’s not a good idea Vass,” she says with a small smile and then I watch as she walks away. That feeling of loss begins to overwhelm me again and I take a few deep breaths before running after her. I grab a hold of her wrist and she spins to face me, “What the hell…” she starts but trails off when she realises it’s me holding her.

  “We have to talk Alivia, we can’t leave it like this.”

  “You made yourself very clear Vass,” she snaps.

  “We are talking, you can come on your own free will or I can throw you over my shoulder and force it, it makes no difference to me sweetheart,” I say firmly.

  She shakes her head in annoyance and then marches towards the hospital exit, “Fine.”

  I follow her outside to a wooden bench. We sit down and Alivia stares straight ahead, her body language clear, she doesn’t want to be here with me.

  “I was in shock, I didn’t expect that,” I start and she laughs sarcastically, “You told me you were on the pill,” I continue.

  “I was on the pill,” she growls, “I didn’t lie to you.”

  “Then how the hell did it happen?” I ask.

  “I don’t know, I’m not a doctor,” she snaps.

  “I’ve never wanted kids Liv, It isn’t something that appeals to me,” I explain.

  “You think I do? My life is a mess right now, I live with my parents,” she hisses, “I was just as shocked as you and instead of talking to me, working it out together you accused me of trapping you for your money!” she spits out, complete disgust on her face, “I don’t want anything from you. Not a thing.”

  “I shouldn’t have said all of that stuff,” I say regrettably.

  “What about the part where you basically told me to get rid?” she snaps. I hesitate and she laughs, “I didn’t think so,” she says standing.

  “Alivia it’s…”

  “No Vass, I’ve heard enough. I am just as shocked as you, I am terrified in fact. I wish I’d never gone for an interview with Glamour Cosmetics, I wish I’d never met you but I’m going to have this baby because despite what you think about my intentions they were always about helping you and after everything I stupidly fell in love with someone that was never going to love me back.” I hang my head to avoid seeing the tears in her eyes, the guilt overwhelms me. “I forgot to give you these,” she adds holding out a plastic bag. I open it and peer inside, the car keys to her company car and her engagement ring are inside.

  “Alivia you can keep these,” I say holding out the bag to her.

  She shakes her head, “Thanks but like I said, I don’t want anything from you.”

  My mobile rings and I pull it from my pocket, frustration clear in my voice as I answer. “Mr Fletcher, it’s the hospital, your Grandmother has taken a turn.”

  “Christ, okay I’m on my way back,” I mutter. Alivia has already began to walk away. I let her this time.

  I go back to my Grandmothers room, there are Doctors and Nurses standing by my Grandmothers bed, their faces solemn. A Doctor approaches me, “I’m so sorry Mr Fletcher, there was nothing else we could do,” he says, “She passed peacefully.”

  They begin to leave the room, leaving me alone with her. I take her hand, it still feels warm. I must sit there for some time before a nurse comes in with a clear plastic bag.

  “These are her possessions,” she says quietly placing them on the bed. I give a slight smile and take the bag.

  “I’m done now,” I mutter, standing and kissing her one last time on the head before leaving.

  When I get back to The Luxe I head straight for my office. I empty the plastic bag onto my desk. Inside is her jewellery, she always loved her jewe
llery and it suddenly hits me that I have no one to pass any of this to. There’s two envelopes inside the bag. One addressed to me and one addressed to Liv. I frown, why would she leave a letter for Liv.

  I rip the one addressed to me open and realise exactly why Liv has a letter. I laugh to myself, the sneaky old girl just had to give it one last shot.

  Clarisse comes in and stops when she sees me, “Oh, I didn’t expect you in. How’s your Grandmother?” she asks.

  “She’s passed,” I say and Clarisse looks horrified.

  “Oh god Vass, I’m so sorry I didn’t realise,” she gasps, “Are you okay?”

  I shrug, “I think it’s still sinking in. She was ready, her pain was too much so I’m pleased it’s come to an end for her sake but I’m going to miss her so much.” Clarisse takes a seat.

  “And you’re not feeling the need to reach for the bottle?” she asks cautiously.

  I shake my head, “I’ve thought about it, but I’m controlling it pretty well. Has Liv gone back to Brighton?”

  “No, she goes this evening. I think she was meeting Daniel her ex, something about getting the last of her stuff.”

  “I need to see her, My Grandmother left her something,” I say standing.

  “I’m cooking her dinner before she leaves so she’s going back to my place, go and wait for her there.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Alivia

  One thing I won’t miss about London is the traffic. I pull my suitcase up the garden path to Clarisse’s thankful that I’m finally done. Getting my last few clothes from Daniel’s place was unbelievably awkward but once I’d made the decision to move back home to Brighton there was no point in leaving anything here London, it’s not like I’ll be coming back anytime soon.

  I let myself in and dump the case in the hall. I decide to make a start on dinner because Clarisse has been at work all day. She insisted on us having one last dinner together but as I keep telling her, we’ll stay in touch. I haven’t told her about the baby yet. I saw a Doctor back in Brighton and then I had a scan because I wasn’t sure on dates with me being on the pill. We managed to pinpoint a time when I was sick, the time Vass came to care for me. The scan confirmed it making me six weeks pregnant.