Never Let Me Go

by Kianna Alexander

  Realizing she was looking beyond him into the house, he stepped aside for her to enter.

  She moved past him, and as he closed the door, she made a beeline for Sasha. “There’s Mama’s baby girl!” She scooped the baby up, nuzzling her small body against her. Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, I missed you so much, sweetie.”

  Sasha babbled softly as she lay against her mother’s shoulder.

  “I know, honey. I know.” Juliana spoke in hushed tones, her voice heavy with emotion.

  Watching Juliana interact with their daughter, he felt something inside him, something he couldn’t name. For so long, Juliana Morales had been his ex-girlfriend, just another woman in his past. But from the moment he’d seen her give birth, then held their child, he saw her in a different light. Things would never be the same between them; he didn’t feel the love and passion for her that he once had. But there was something new in his heart for her now, a different affection. He realized it was gratitude, for the gift of his child.

  Her face damp with tears, she looked his way. “She’s gotten so big. Is she walking yet?”

  “No. She’s trying, though. Sometimes she’ll stand for a few seconds before she loses her balance.”

  Her chest contracted as she blew out a breath. “Thank goodness. I was so afraid I might miss her first steps. Mama doesn’t really understand newer phones, so she probably wouldn’t have recorded it.”

  “We think she’s pretty close.”

  She eyed him. “We?”

  “Her nanny and I.” There’s more to it than that, but it’s way too soon to get into the details of that. He crossed the room, closing some of the distance between them but still giving Juliana space. “And don’t worry. If she takes a step after you go back, I’ll personally see to it that you get a video.”

  Another tear fell, and she brushed it away. “Thank you, Maxwell.”

  “No problem.” He gestured to the sofa. “Have a seat.”

  He waited for her to sit with Sasha in her lap, then sat a respectful distance away. She arranged her body in her usual position, shifting a bit on the diagonal and tucking one long leg beneath her, leaving the other leg draped over the edge of the sofa, her boot resting on the floor.

  Juliana smiled as she bounced Sasha on her lap. “I see a resemblance between you. It’s much stronger now than before I deployed,” she remarked. “She’s definitely got your eyes.”

  “She’s got my heart, too.”

  Juliana smiled. “I know. We may not agree on much, but I think we can concur that our baby is about as precious as they come.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I wanted to talk to you. You know, to thank you.”

  His brow creased. “Thank me for what?”

  “For the way you stepped up and took over Sasha’s care.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t think I did anything special. Sasha’s my daughter, and she needed me.”

  A wistful expression came over her face. “You’ve grown so much as a father, Max. You really have.”

  He chuckled. “I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.”

  “It’s definitely a compliment.” She sat back, clasping her hands together. “Your actions helped me to maintain my focus on the mission. Knowing I didn’t have to worry about Sasha allowed me to do my best work.”

  “How did you find out about what happened to your mother, anyway?”

  “The Red Cross. They contact the unit if there’s any family emergency back home.” She leaned forward again. “They told me that Mama was in the hospital, and Sasha was with you.”

  “I see.” He scratched his chin. Maybe now was a good time to bring it up. “I’ve been thinking. Since you’ve got at least a few more years in the military, what do you think about letting me have full custody of Sasha?”

  Juliana’s brow rose. “Really? When she was younger, you said you didn’t think you could handle more than joint custody.”

  He nodded. “I remember. Things are different for me now, though. I feel far better equipped to take care of her. And if I’m ever in doubt, I’m not raising her alone. Beyond the nanny, I’ve also got my parents and my sisters to help out. Hell, I’m sure even my frats would step up to help if I were in a jam.”

  “Oh, you mean the Wild Bunch? That’s comforting.” She giggled. “How are those guys doing, anyway?”

  “They’re good. As a matter of fact, Xavier and his wife are about to have a baby of their own.”

  “Awesome.”

  “I don’t want to get too far off topic. So what do you think about me having full custody of Sasha? We could always go back to joint once you retire.”

  She sucked in her bottom lip, the way she always did when deep in thought. After a few moments, she spoke. “I think it makes sense. To be honest, I’m not planning on getting out any time soon.”

  “That’s what I figured. I think this might be a good way to give Sasha some stability.”

  She laughed wryly. “Max, I never planned on being anyone’s mama. I just wanted to climb the army career ladder. Make it to first lieutenant, go to med school after I retired.” She set their squirmy daughter down on the floor.

  “And you know I never planned on fatherhood, either.” He had to chuckle, because it was so obvious fate had had other plans for them both. “And yet here we are. The world’s most unlikely parents, with this beautiful baby girl.” He gestured to the baby, who was busy banging on the keys of a small toy piano.

  “I hope you don’t hate me for saying this, Max.” Juliana folded her hands in her lap as she looked into his eyes. “But I’m absolutely not interested in getting back together.”

  “Don’t worry. I feel the same way.”

  “I still think it’s important for us to be able to co-parent.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t hate you. I can’t say I’m happy about being left out of this very important loop, but I could never hate you.” He watched as Sasha crawled over to him, holding up her arms to be picked up. He hoisted her into his lap, snuggling his face against the crown of her soft curls. “How could I hate you when you gave me the best gift I’ve ever gotten?”

  She sniffled, a watery smile on her face. “Damn it, Max. Don’t make me cry.”

  “So is that a yes? To me having full custody?”

  She nodded. “There’s some paperwork we’ll have to do, but hopefully the process won’t be too complicated.” She placed a hand on his arm. “I’m trusting you. Don’t let me down, Max.”

  “I won’t. I promise.” A knock on the door caught his attention. “Excuse me.” Wondering who could be visiting out of the blue on a Friday afternoon, he took Sasha with him to answer the door.

  When he checked the peephole, his jaw dropped.

  * * *

  Yvonne stood on Maxwell’s porch, waiting for him to open the door. She’d passed an unfamiliar car on the way up to the door, a sleek royal-blue four-door with out-of-state plates. She could only assume the car belonged to Sasha’s mother.

  While he’d given her a key, she knew better than to just walk in. He and his ex have some serious matters to discuss, and I wouldn’t want to barge in on them while they’re talking. Or whatever.

  She knocked again, in case he hadn’t heard her the first time. Maybe they’d gone into his office to talk? Or out on the back patio? It was a nice enough day for it; the temperature had already climbed to near seventy degrees.

  There were all kinds of things they could be doing, but she didn’t want to think about that. Get your mind right, Yvonne.

  Finally, the door swung open. He stood there, dressed in the same black sweats and green TDT tee he’d been wearing earlier, and she felt a modicum of relief. Why am I even thinking that? I don’t have any reason to think he’s still attracted to her. But what if she still has feelings for him? “Yvonne.
What brings you back? I thought you were gone for the weekend?”

  She smiled, hoping he couldn’t read the discomfort on her face. “I did, too. But I left my dang phone. I think it’s still upstairs on my bedside table.”

  “You could have used your key.” He stepped out of the way so she could come in.

  She hesitated, wishing she could see around him well enough to know what she was walking in on. “I didn’t want to interrupt anything.” She swallowed.

  “We’re just sitting in the living room, talking.” He studied her for a moment, his eyes slightly narrowed. “You can come in now, Von.”

  She clutched her purse handle, stepping inside the house. She heard him close the door behind her as she walked into the foyer. Halfway to the staircase, she glanced into the living room. She smiled at Sasha, playing on the floor with her toy piano. Another person inhabited the space as well, her dark hair and clothing a stark contrast to Maxwell’s mostly white living room.

  At that moment, the visitor glanced her way. A razor-cut bob framed a beautiful, brown-skinned face. A familiar face.

  Yvonne stopped in her tracks, her purse hitting the floor with a thud. “J-Rock? I mean…Juliana Morales?”

  Juliana sat up straight, then stood. “I recognize your face.” She paused, frowning as if trying to recall. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember your name.”

  Yvonne released a dry chuckle. “There’s no reason you should. But we went to high school together at DSA.” Why would Juliana Morales, the tall, gorgeous track star, remember the nerdy, quiet girl who’d been more interested in reading than going to pep rallies and dances? She’s even more beautiful now. When Maxwell told me his ex was in the military, this is the last thing I expected.

  “So you two know each other?” Maxwell’s wide-eyed stare communicated his surprise.

  “Just barely,” Yvonne replied.

  “Oh, wow. It’s pretty rare for me to run into anybody from high school.” Juliana blinked a few times. “Nice to see you again…”

  “Yvonne. Yvonne Markham.”

  Juliana snapped her manicured fingers. “Right, right. So…Yvonne, you’re Sasha’s nanny?”

  Drawing a deep breath, hoping to force out the humiliation building inside, Yvonne nodded. “I am.”

  “Wow.” Maxwell shook his head. “Small world, huh?”

  “Indeed.” Her throat tightened. “If you’ll excuse me, I just need to get my phone.” Without waiting for a response, she jogged up the staircase and hurried into her room. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it and took several deep, cleansing breaths.

  Juliana Morales…is Maxwell’s ex. Juliana friggin’ Morales is Sasha’s mother. If ever she could be knocked over with the proverbial feather, this was that moment. Juliana hadn’t bullied her or anything like that during high school. Like many of the other pretty, popular girls, she’d simply dismissed Yvonne, ignored her very existence. Yvonne could remember watching Juliana and her girl squad back then. They were the glamorous upperclassmen, athletes, and cheerleaders, already wearing makeup and the latest fashions. Juliana, nicknamed J-Rock, had one of the fastest set of legs on the entire track team and was a beast at the races. She led the pack of girls like a queen with her court.

  Meanwhile, Yvonne was the awkward freshman, still wearing candy-flavored lip gloss and constantly getting lost on Durham School of the Arts’ sprawling historic campus. She got a few new outfits at the beginning of school, and those had to last her through the entire year. Everything about Juliana’s squad had seemed so out of reach. Seeing Juliana now, with her perfect hair, perfect body, and perfect face, brought back all those old insecurities, old feelings of inadequacy Yvonne thought she’d outgrown.

  Well, if she wants him back, I’m screwed. She knew she was no slouch, but she wouldn’t be taking up a second job as a swimwear model, either. Competition for a man like Maxwell didn’t get any stiffer than the tall, leggy, raven-haired beauty of Juliana Morales.

  She took a few more deep breaths, and once she felt a little calmer, she started moving around the room, looking for her phone. She didn’t see it on the nightstand or any other visible surface. Squatting down, she found it on the floor in the narrow space between her queen-size bed and the nightstand. Pocketing it, she slipped out of the room and into the hallway.

  She could hear their voices downstairs, so she stopped and listened. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on them, but what’s a girl to do? She had to know what was going on down there, but she didn’t want to actually go down there. Not yet.

  So she took a seat on the top step. She could hear them going back and forth about custody arrangements.

  Haven’t heard her mention getting back together so far. Maybe I’m worried over nothing.

  Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and she scrambled to her feet. Dashing a few steps down the hall, she ducked into the guest bathroom. Inside, she pushed the door up but didn’t close it all the way and turned on the water, as if she’d been in there washing her hands. After a few seconds, she turned off the water and opened the door, returning to the hall.

  Juliana stood there, carrying Sasha. Maxwell was close behind her.

  “I wanted to see Sasha’s room,” Juliana said.

  “Why don’t you give Jules a tour, Von?” Maxwell walked past her to Sasha’s room and pushed the door open.

  “Sure.”

  Moments later, all four of them were inside the nursery. Juliana placed Sasha on the brightly colored rug and turned slowly as if taking in the room’s decor. “Wow. This is really lovely.”

  Yvonne gestured to the sky-blue paint, floral-patterned curtains, and the colorful butterflies. “I painted the wall, but the butterflies are decals. And I bought those wooden letters that spell out Sasha’s name at the craft store and decoupaged them myself.” She paused. Oh boy. Am I bragging about my design skills to J-Rock Morales, as if I have something to prove to her? What’s the matter with me?

  “Wow. It’s amazing.” Juliana touched her forearm. “Thank you for giving my daughter such a beautiful space.”

  “It’s no problem. She deserves it.” Yvonne looked down at Sasha, crawling around the adults’ feet. “She’s one of the sweetest babies I’ve ever had the pleasure of caring for.”

  “That’s good to hear. My mama and sister said the same thing, that she’s a good baby.” Juliana smiled down at her daughter. “I’m glad she has someone so caring to look after her.”

  Yvonne smiled, taking the compliment at face value. There was nothing about Juliana’s expression or body language that made her think she was being insincere. I think I’ve been selling Juliana too short. She wasn’t mean to me, just oblivious.

  “So how are you going to be spending your leave, Jules?” Maxwell asked.

  “I’ll be getting a few things done around the house, making sure my bills are paid up until the end of the year when my deployment’s supposed to end.” Juliana shrugged. “You never know when command could hit you with an extension. But mostly, I’m looking forward to spending time with my little mijita.” She squatted down then, giving Sasha’s cheek a gentle pinch. “I just can’t believe how much she’s grown.”

  Wanting to know more about Juliana’s life now, Yvonne said, “Maxwell told me you’re an army medic. How long have you been in the service?”

  “I joined up right out of high school, so about eighteen years. Went to college on Uncle Sam’s dime, got my bachelor’s degree in biochemistry. I’m a warrant officer with the 261st MMB now.”

  “Wow. I bet you’ve traveled all over.” Yvonne leaned against Sasha’s crib, listening. She noticed Maxwell had sat down in the rocker and appeared similarly interested in what Juliana was saying.

  “Yeah. I’ve been to South Korea, Alaska, Germany. Always end up back at Bragg, though.” Juliana rubbed her hands together. “I’m hoping this is my last deploymen
t. I was going to stay in for twenty-five years. But I’m so close to my twenty now, and I may go ahead and take my retirement and get my medical board certification before Sasha gets too much older.”

  “What would you do with your medical degree, Jules? Hospital? Private practice? What specialty?”

  “Well, Max, I’d probably do private practice, since I’ve done pretty much all my work in a hospital setting. Specialty wise, I’m thinking about going into family practice.”

  Yvonne nodded, taking in all this new information. Juliana seemed like a very conscientious person, a good mother who’d taken her child into consideration while planning her future, even if that meant a departure from the path she’d originally set out on. It was a good sign, and it made Yvonne happy that both Sasha’s parents were ready to make the right adjustments to ensure their daughter’s well-being.

  “Maxwell, would you mind if I spoke to Yvonne alone for a moment?”

  He looked back and forth between the two of them. “I mean, I’m okay with it. Yvonne, are you?”

  “Sure.” Yvonne waved her hand dismissively as she grabbed the baby’s bag from the closet doorknob. “I’ll pack up some of Sasha’s things while we chat.”

  He stood and, after one more glance between them, slipped from the room, shutting the door behind him.

  Alone in the room with Juliana, Yvonne opened the dresser drawers and began sifting through the piles of neatly folded onesies. “Before you start, how long do you plan on keeping Sasha with you? That way, I’ll know how much to pack for her.”

  “About eight days. I’ll need the rest of the time for errands.” Juliana sat down in the rocking chair, and Yvonne could feel the former track-star-turned-doctor’s eyes on her back. “Yvonne, can I ask you a personal question?”