Cinder

by Harley Wylde

  Her small body felt a little too perfect lying so close to me. Taking her without a condom was fucking stupid as hell, but she’d been so hot and wet, and felt so incredible. It was something I’d remember for the rest of my life. I couldn’t regret what I’d done. I hoped she was right about not being able to have kids. Small humans weren’t something I wanted running around my house right now, or ever. The time for me to have a family had come and gone. Just because Scratch made it look easy didn’t mean it was. I knew Torch had started a family later in life too, but that kind of thing just wasn’t in the cards for me.

  Right now, I’d focus on keeping the women of the club safe, making sure The Inferno didn’t get anywhere near Meg, and then I’d have to talk to her about the future. Hers, not ours. There would never be an us. Maybe I could convince her to go to Devil’s Fury or Hades Abyss. Even the Dixie Reapers would be a good place for her. Anywhere other than here, where I’d have to see her every day.

  I glanced at the clock by the bed. Only five in the morning. I had a little ways to go until I met with Havoc, Scratch, Jackal, and Shade. I hadn’t come up with a single damn idea on how to handle this shit. Might have had something to do with the sexy woman in my bed. The first time hadn’t been enough. I’d taken my time the second round, made sure she came at least four more times. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a woman in my bed. I knew it hadn’t happened in the last twenty years. I never brought women to the compound, and if I’d fucked a club slut, I’d done it at the clubhouse and never in one of the beds. That was just an invitation for them to stick around longer, and once I got off I was done with them. At least, when they weren’t Meg.

  Having Meg under my roof all day, every day was going to be different. Part of me wanted to keep her here in my bed, but I knew it would be better to send her back to the guest room. As amazing as it had been, we didn’t need to repeat the last several hours. The little devil on my shoulder whispered that The Inferno already thought she was mine so I should enjoy the benefits. The voice of reason, on the other hand, said it was all kinds of wrong to give her ideas that this could become something permanent. I’d need to speak with her later about her plans for the future, but for now I’d just enjoy holding her against me.

  Even after the sun was blazing through the window and I knew it was time to go, I wanted to linger a while longer. I’d never held a woman all night long, and it was fucking with my head. The fact it was Meg, and that she trusted me enough to fall asleep in my bed, made me feel all twisted up inside. I eased away from her, careful not to wake her, and I went to grab a quick shower. I had to admit I felt more relaxed than I had in a while, despite the trouble hanging over our heads, and I knew it was all due to the woman still sleeping soundly. I washed but didn’t linger in the shower, then dried off and pulled on some clothes.

  I gave her one last look before I walked out of the bedroom and went to meet the others. Whatever it took, I’d keep her safe. When she’d told me that she wasn’t going back to that way of life, and I’d realized she meant to end her life before things could get that far, it had felt like someone was twisting a knife in my gut. I didn’t like the thought of a world without Meg. Even if she wasn’t here with me, knowing she was safe and happy somewhere was good enough.

  Havoc, Scratch, Jackal, and Shade were already waiting when I got there, each of them eyeing me with some concern.

  “You’re never late,” Havoc said.

  “It’s by five minutes,” I said. “I’m an old man and like my sleep.”

  Scratch snorted and I knew he didn’t buy my bullshit, but no one called me on it. Shade handed me a small stack of papers and I glanced down to see playground schematics on top. I flipped the page and read over the reports he’d managed to gather on each of our prospects and patched members, present company excluded. I didn’t see any big payouts that didn’t come from the club, but it didn’t mean someone hadn’t betrayed us. There was no way those pictures could have gotten into the hands of The Inferno any other way.

  “What if it’s not a Prospect or one of our brothers?” Scratch asked.

  “Who the fuck else would be able to give them pictures and info on the women and kids?” I asked.

  “Club sluts,” Havoc said. “You know as well as I do, those women would turn on any of us for the right price, especially if they feel slighted in any way. With more of us settling down, they’re seeing their chances slip through their fingers.”

  “What chance?” Jackal asked. “Like any of us want to be shackled permanently to club pussy.”

  Havoc shrugged.

  “I can pull their records,” Shade said. “I’d rather believe one of them capable of this shit than someone I call family.”

  “Me too,” I agreed. “Havoc, I need an alarm installed on my house, state of the art. Whenever we aren’t with the women, they can all hang out at my place, kids too. I’m sure Meg would like the company.”

  Scratch arched a brow. “Meg, huh? Thought she went home last night.”

  “Yeah, to his,” Shade said, smirking a little.

  “Enough. She’s staying as a guest. I gave her the spare room. She didn’t want to be alone on her birthday, and after what Shade told me, there was no way I was sending her back to her house. If I don’t know who to trust inside my own damn gates, then I can’t guarantee she’s safe here.”

  That seemed to sober them.

  “Scratch, you, Clarity, and the boys need to move inside the gates. Jackal, same goes for your family. I don’t want anyone within easy reach of The Inferno until this shit is settled,” I said. “And if I find the fucker that put a target on our women, I’m going to tear them apart.”

  “Get in line,” Havoc said. “No one’s coming after Jordan and my daughter. Then again, might be amusing to watch them try.”

  Jackal grinned. “If Jordan is taking on one of those bastards, I want ringside seats and popcorn. I bet she’d make him cry like a little bitch.”

  “That’s because his woman is scary as fuck,” Scratch said. “They’re like a match made in hell.”

  “She’s a sweetheart,” Havoc said. “Just don’t piss her off or she turns into a rabid Chihuahua.”

  Shade stared at him a moment before snickering. “I’m so telling your woman you compared her to a Chihuahua. She’ll have your balls.”

  Havoc winced and shifted his stance, obviously picturing that very thing. I didn’t envy him whenever Jordan went off on one of her rants, but I had to admit they were pretty damn perfect together. Anyone less ballsy would have been steamrolled by Havoc, but Jordan could stand up for herself and wasn’t afraid to fight someone three times her size. Fuck if she didn’t win most of the time too. Not that I would expect any less of a woman who was not only married to my Sergeant at Arms, but also related to two other bikers.

  Speaking of that little shit… “Are we sure CJ isn’t doing this? I hate to even ask, but as many problems as we’ve had from him regarding the women of the club…”

  “It’s a valid concern,” Jackal said. “Sorry, Havoc. I know he’s technically your family through Jordan, but the guy’s an asshole.”

  “I’d have to agree,” Havoc said. “Cinder, I know you’ve been giving him chances left and right because of his connection to Jordan, but I don’t know if I can trust that guy to have my back.”

  “We can discuss CJ later, unless we find out he’s behind this shit,” I said. “Shade, see what you can find on the club pussy. If one of those bitches turned on us, I want to fucking know.”

  “If Jordan finds out a woman put her and our kid in danger, I don’t know that I can rein her in. She’s going to go nuclear on any woman not attached to someone. Meg excluded, of course. She loves Meg,” Havoc said.

  “Where’s Meg right now?” Shade asked.

  “Asleep,” I said.

  “But if everyone you trust is right here…” Shade let the thought trail off and I cursed before taking off. I heard my brothers on my heels and I hop
ed that I was panicking for nothing, that Meg was still safe and sound right where I’d left her. I knew that someone was after her, yet I’d left her unprotected. Just proved that fucking her had been a mistake. It was making me sloppy, and if I screwed up, then people could die.

  “Where are the others?” I asked.

  “I left Jordan and Lanie at home, but my woman is armed to the teeth. No one’s coming through that door and getting out alive,” Havoc said.

  “I had a panic room installed after that shit with Janessa,” Jackal said. “I left Josie and the kids tucked in there. They have snacks, drinks, and a half-bath in case they need to be in there a while.”

  “Clarity and the boys are at home, but I had cameras installed around the outside of the house, as well as motion sensors and a state-of-the-art alarm system. No one’s getting to them without the police being notified, as well as me,” Scratch said.

  Right. So, everyone had protected their families except me. Even if Meg wasn’t really mine, she was still my responsibility, and I’d been so worried about her reading too much into us having sex that I’d left her vulnerable. Made me the biggest asshole ever.

  When I reached the house, I saw the front door was ajar. My heart pounded as I raced inside and started searching for Meg. Havoc was by my side, his gun drawn as we cleared each room. I found her in the guest room, putting some clothes into the dresser. She turned and gave me a hesitant smile when she noticed me in the doorway. I was glad that she was safe, but I wanted to know who the fuck had been in my house while I was gone. Especially since I hadn’t asked anyone to do shit.

  “Where’d the clothes come from?” I asked.

  Her smile faltered and she glanced at the shirt she still held. “Killian stopped by earlier and asked if I needed anything. I told him I wanted my clothes, but that you’d asked me to stay put this morning. He went and packed a small bag for me.”

  “Killian was here?” I asked. “Did he say why he stopped by?”

  She shook her head, then worried her lower lip. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No, sweet girl. This isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have left you unprotected, not until I know who we can trust at the compound.”

  She twisted the shirt in her hands before shaking it out and putting in the dresser. She was tense, but her shoulders were hunched a little. I may not profess to know everything about women, but it was obvious she felt uncertain where she stood with me right now. I hated that, hated that one moment of weakness had done this to her. It wasn’t fair, and we needed to talk, but not with an audience.

  “Glad you’re safe, Meg,” Havoc said.

  “Thanks, Havoc.” She gave him a fleeting smile before glancing at me and then looking away.

  Fuck. Why did shit always have to get complicated? This was why I didn’t have a steady woman in my life. Too much damn trouble and drama.

  “Everything okay?” Jackal asked from the hallway.

  “She’s fine,” I said, turning to leave, but Havoc stepped in the way. He glanced at Meg, then gave me a pointed look.

  “Remember who you’re talking to,” I warned him.

  “I know exactly who I’m talking to, Pres.” He lowered his voice. “Doesn’t mean as my brother and my friend that I can’t let you know that you’re being a dick and hurting her feelings.”

  Jackal and Shade took a step back, but Scratch just leaned against the wall with his arms folded, probably waiting to see if there would be a show. I wasn’t going to deal with this right now, not with Meg right behind me. After all the violence she’d seen, I didn’t want her to watch me put my fist through Havoc’s jaw.

  “Get the fuck out. All of you. Shade, find the info I requested and call me when you have something. We’ll figure out our next step after that,” I said.

  Havoc gave me a stony glare before walking off, and I knew I’d pissed him off. Not because of how I’d spoken to him, but because of how he perceived I was treating Meg. Truth was, I didn’t want to talk to her around them. What I needed to say was better done in private. After they were gone and I’d made sure the front door was locked, as well as the back door and all the windows, I went back to Meg’s room and found her sitting on the side of the bed, staring at the floor.

  “We need to talk,” I said.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I know that last night was just a one-time thing.”

  It was the fact she wouldn’t look at me that bothered me the most, that and her dejected tone. She might know that last night wouldn’t be repeated, but it was obviously not what she wanted. I’d been afraid of her getting attached. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, but maybe this little slight now would save her a lot of heartache later.

  I ran a hand through my hair and looked around the room, hoping that inspiration would strike and I’d know exactly what to say to make her feel better. Didn’t work. No matter how long I stared at her, Meg refused to meet my gaze. It made my gut twist, knowing that I’d done that to her, hurt her without meaning to. I’d known being with her last night was wrong, but I’d done it anyway. Now I was going to pay the price, and so was Meg.

  “Meg, look at me,” I said.

  She slowly lifted her head and met my gaze, but she couldn’t hide the pain she was feeling. Yeah, I was definitely the biggest asshole on the planet. Hurting Meg was like kicking a puppy.

  “I told you that I don’t do that happily ever after shit. Doesn’t mean you won’t make some guy a great girlfriend or wife.”

  “I knew last night that you wouldn’t want anything permanent with me,” she said. “But I don’t regret what happened. At least now I know what it’s supposed to be like.”

  “When this is over, when The Inferno are sent packing and you’re safe, maybe you should consider going to live with the Devil’s Fury or the Dixie Reapers.”

  Her face paled and I saw her hands shaking in her lap. “You’re throwing me out?”

  “No! Fuck, Meg. I’d never throw you out. I just thought you might be better off with one of the other clubs. Any of them would be lucky to have you.”

  She glanced over at the dresser and her lower lip trembled. This was why I shouldn’t have fucked her. Any other woman would have thrown shit at my head for treating her this way. Not Meg. The only time I’d seen any fire in her at all was when she’d stepped in front of me last night, taking the punch meant for me. I’d thought maybe she was getting stronger, but now I had to second guess myself. Would Meg ever get better? She’d been with Silva the longest, had suffered the most abuse and trauma. It was possible the timid woman in front of me was all she’d ever be, and it broke my damn heart.

  I moved in closer and reached for her. She flinched as my hand neared her face, then she turned those big eyes my way. I cupped her cheek and knelt in front of her. There was something about Meg that pulled at me. It wasn’t just that I desired her, but I wished that I could make everything right in her world, take away the pain and bad memories. I knew that wasn’t possible. Only Meg could battle those demons. I knew she was trying, searching for her place among us, but it couldn’t be here with me. I was no good for someone like her.

  “Sweetheart, you deserve someone better than me. I’m not the settling down type. I’m getting close to sixty, Meg. A family just isn’t in the cards for me.”

  “Torch has a family,” she said softly. “And Scratch. They’re both around your age.”

  “Yes, they are. Do you think Torch would have settled down if he hadn’t taken his wife in trade? The only reason that woman was inked as his property was part of a deal with her daddy. I know Torch loves her now, but she was just a duty back then. And Scratch has a hero complex. The second he took Clarity into his house it was only a matter of time that he claimed her.”

  “And you aren’t like either of them?” she asked.

  “I’ve seen a lot of fucked-up shit, Meg. I know that I’m not the only ex-military guy in any of the clubs we call family, but I’ve done things
that would make most of their stomachs turn, all in the name of protecting my country and my family. You need someone who doesn’t have so much blood on his hands.”

  Looking into her eyes, all I wanted to do was press my lips to hers, strip both of us naked, and claim her again. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but it didn’t stop me from craving her. Now that I’d had a taste, I wanted more. It wasn’t fair to Meg, not when I couldn’t give her more than that. She deserved the world, and all I could give her were some orgasms with no promise of tomorrow.

  She leaned into my touch and her eyes slid shut. A look of bliss crossed her face, then she pulled away. Meg scooted back on the bed, putting more distance between us, which I fucking hated. I stood and went to the door. Looking at her one last time, I knew I was about to do something she might hate me for, but I thought it was the right thing. I shut her door behind me and went to my office, then pulled out my cell phone. I dialed Shade and hoped this shit didn’t blow up in my face.

  “What do you need, Pres? I’m still tracking the club sluts to see if anyone got a payday.”

  “I need you to look up something else for me, whenever you have a moment.”

  “Okay, consider me intrigued.”

  “I need you to look for Meg’s family,” I said. “She’s been adamant about not going home, but I think it might be the best thing for her. Maybe if she sees her parents still love her, then she’ll be willing to move on from here.”

  The line was so quiet I thought he’d hung up, but the screen said we were still connected.

  “Shade?”

  “I looked into each of the girls’ pasts when we brought them here. Including Meg. I know you didn’t ask me to, but I wanted to make sure trouble wouldn’t come our way.”

  “And?” I asked.

  “Her daddy was a cop. Got shot in the line of duty when she was just a kid. The mom died a few months after Meg was taken. It was ruled a suicide. She doesn’t have family, Pres, except us. Her dad was Officer Parson Vickers. Her mom was Nari Lee Vickers.”

  “Korean?” I asked.

  “Mom was full Korean and dad was half-white, half-African American. From what I can tell, they doted on her. I’m not sure why she didn’t want to return home, unless she somehow knew her mom was gone.”