My Life with the Walter Boys

by Ali Novak

  “Make sure you weave it in and out of the railing,” I heard Cole call up to me.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I muttered to myself. If he was going to be so demanding, he should have come up here and done it himself.

  “Jackie? Did you hear me? Do the railing.”

  Glancing back down, I saluted him mockingly.

  After wrapping the railing, I moved back to admire my handiwork. As I did, I tripped over the extra roll of toilet paper and fell back into the balcony door. I scrambled back up to my feet as my heart leaped in my chest. I held my breath from a moment, waiting to see if anyone had heard me. Principal McHale was probably inside right now, a few feet away sleeping.

  When nothing happened, I let the air hiss out of my lungs, but it was too soon. A siren filled the night air and my eyes bulged. The house had a burglar alarm. For a moment I was frozen still, until I heard yelling on the lawn.

  “What the hell, Cole?” Lee shouted. “What is she doing up there?”

  “Jackie! Get down!” Alex yelled over the sound of the alarm. It helped unfreeze my mind, and I quickly vaulted over the balcony railing and onto the rose trellis.

  “Come on, faster,” someone shouted.

  I was almost to the ground when I heard a rip. My sweater was caught on the trellis by the sleeve.

  “Jackie, we need to go now!” Isaac said.

  “I can’t. I’m stuck!” I cried, trying to pull my sleeve away.

  “Who’s out there?” a deep voice called from the patio door.

  “Just take it off,” Alex said.

  I tried to shrug out of it, but I was shaking too hard. Suddenly Cole was by my side, and he yanked me from the fabric.

  “Come on,” he said, jumping down to the ground.

  “But my sweater,” I said turning back to the rose trellis. “It’s still stuck.”

  “Leave it. I’ll buy you a new one.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the cover of the trees.

  “Damn kids!” someone yelled into the night.

  Everyone ran as fast as they could back to the truck. When we got there, I was gasping for air.

  “What the hell were you thinking?” Alex demanded and shoved Cole into the side of the truck. “You did that on purpose. You wanted her to get caught, didn’t you?”

  “But she didn’t get caught, did she?” Cole asked. There was a smug smile on his face.

  “She shouldn’t have been up there in the first place!” Alex yelled. “Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean—”

  “Wait!” I said, cutting them off. I could feel my heart sinking. “You don’t normally toilet-paper the balcony?”

  “Are you crazy?” Isaac said as Danny shook his head. “That’s insane. We don’t want to get caught.”

  But I wasn’t really listening to him. My eyes were on Cole, watching the way he reacted. His forehead was bunched together in a frown as if he thought everyone was blowing the situation out of proportion.

  “Why would you lie to me?” I asked him. I spoke softly and slowly to keep my voice from cracking. But it didn’t matter—my question was filled with the ring of betrayal. If Principal McHale had seen me, it could have been the end to my Princeton dream and everything that followed after. Cole knew the importance I placed on school and my future, yet he purposely jeopardized it. I could feel the anger building up inside my chest, but then I made a terrifying realization. Tonight, I risked my future just as much as Cole did. Nobody forced me up the trellis. I climbed up all on my own. What had gotten into me lately? Never in my life had I ever been so reckless.

  Cole crossed his arms. “It was just a joke,” he said. “Stop acting like someone died.”

  Beside me, I heard Danny gasp. I didn’t turn to see the other boys’ reactions—I was focused on Cole, searching his icy gaze to see if he’d purposely meant what he said. How could he be so insensitive?

  “That was totally out of line,” Alex said, breaking the silence as he stepped in front of me to face Cole. “Apologize to Jackie.”

  “Oh, piss off,” Cole said, dismissing his brother with the wave of his hand.

  “Apologize,” Alex said again.

  “And if I don’t want to? What are you going to do?”

  “This,” Alex told Cole before slamming his fist into his brother’s nose.

  Cole stumbled back, crashing into the side of the truck. Alex rushed after him, but Isaac reacted quickly, jumping in to grab Alex’s arms before he could land another hit. Before Cole could regain his focus, Danny stepped in and wrapped his arms around his twin to hold him back.

  I should have seen the punch coming. It was long overdue. Alex and Cole were fighting before I arrived in Colorado, but I was a catalyst that instigated a full-out war.

  “What the hell?” Cole roared, trying to break free from Danny.

  It took a while for everyone to calm down, especially Cole. The other boys seemed just as mad at Cole as he was at us, and they voted to make him walk home. Thankfully, I convinced them to change their minds. I was upset about what Cole said, his words a slap across the face, but I knew things would get worse if we let him fester in anger. We all piled back into the truck, Danny taking the wheel. Cole sat in the front seat nursing his injury and swore at anyone who talked to him. I was in the back, sitting as far away as possible.

  “That was awesome,” Isaac said, still laughing. “I mean really, it was the best part of the night. I’ve never seen Cole get decked so hard.”

  “Yeah,” Danny agreed. “I wish I had Jack and Jordan’s camera.”

  “You better shut your mouth, or you’re going to wish you never said anything at all,” Cole grumbled. Everyone laughed except me.

  “Hey, Jackie, you all right?” Alex whispered in my ear. I shook my head no. “What’s wrong? I probably shouldn’t have punched Cole, but didn’t it make you feel a little bit better?”

  “My sweater is back there,” I said, trying not to cry. After climbing into the truck, I couldn’t stop replaying the entire night in my head. I had remembered something incredibly important.

  “So?” Alex said, shrugging, “It’s just a sweater.”

  I turned to Alex with watery eyes. “It has my name on it.”

  Chapter 14

  The sun was pouring through my windows in the morning, and I rolled over with a groan. Every part of my body was sore, and I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep.

  My alarm was going off, but I let it screech as I tried to remember why I was so tired. When I spotted my muddy shoes on the floor, everything came rushing back to me and I slapped my clock off angrily. Getting out of bed was the last thing I wanted to do, but I let my bare feet hit the cold wooden floor and I padded down to the bathroom.

  Frustrated with Cole, myself, and everything else, I squeezed the toothpaste tube a bit too hard and blue goo shot all over, squirting over the side of my brush.

  “Damn it,” I said grumpily as I flicked the excess toothpaste off into the sink.

  As I brushed my teeth, I thought about the day to come. I bet I would be called down to the office during the day. All the receptionists would glare at me with disapproving looks. Then I would be led back to the principal’s office where he would be waiting behind a big wooden desk, my black sweater in hand. My future was ruined.

  I’m sorry, Mom, I thought to myself.

  Sighing, I spit out the toothpaste and quickly splashed some water on my face. After grabbing my robe, I turned off the lights and headed back to my room. When I stepped inside, I gasped in surprise. Sitting on the end of my bed was my sweater.

  I rushed downstairs and flung my arms around Alex. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I kissed him on the cheek.

  “You’re welcome?” Alex answered, somewhat confused.

  “You don’t understand how relieved I feel,” I told him.

  “
Relieved about what exactly?” Alex asked me.

  “My sweater,” I said, holding it up. “I just can’t believe you went all the way back out there to get it for me.” Alex stared at me and didn’t say anything. “You did go get it, right?” I asked him.

  “Well, now I’m really wishing I’d thought of that,” he said, sounding disappointed in his answer, “but no, I didn’t.”

  I turned my head to the other boys in the kitchen. My eyes searched Cole’s face for an answer, but he raised his eyebrows, as if to say retrieving my jacket was the last thing in the world he would do.

  “Danny?” I asked. He looked up from the morning paper with an apologetic look and shook his head no.

  “You?” I asked, turning to Isaac.

  “Sorry, Jackie,” he mumbled through a mouthful of cornflakes.

  “Then who?” I asked out loud.

  “Isaac,” Katherine said, coming into the kitchen with a coffee mug in hand. “Can you wake up your brother? I can’t believe he’s still sleeping.”

  “Sure thing, Aunt Katherine,” he said, getting up and putting his cereal bowl in the sink.

  “Lee?” I wondered out loud.

  “No, dork,” Isaac said and rolled his eyes. “My other brother.”

  During the car ride to school, all the guys chatted about the end-of-the-year party they always hosted. They planned on having it this weekend when Katherine and George were out of town. I listened quietly and watched Lee from my spot in the backseat, trying to understand why he, of all people, went back to get my jacket. Lee was the only one who didn’t seem excited about the party. Maybe it was because he had his face pressed up against the passenger-side window, half asleep.

  “All right, everyone out,” Cole said when we pulled into the parking lot. I quickly opened the door and grabbed my bag from the back.

  “Ready?” Alex asked me when he retrieved his.

  “Just go without me,” I said, still watching Lee slowly unbuckle his seat belt. “I’ll catch up later. There’s something I have to do.”

  “Okay,” Alex said before kissing me on the cheek and heading into school.

  As I expected, Lee was the last person out of the car, being as tired as he was. By the time he grabbed his backpack from the truck bed, the rest of the guys had already gone. He didn’t even notice me leaning against the back of truck as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

  “Lee,” I said as he started to walk away. He stopped for a second but then continued to walk. “Lee!” I called again. When he didn’t turn around, I ran after him and grabbed his arm. “I know you heard me.” I spun him around.

  He just stared at me with a blank look.

  “Well?” I asked him, hoping he would spill the answer to my unasked question.

  “Well, what?” he said, shaking my hand off his shoulder.

  “You know,” I told him.

  “No, I don’t,” he said before turning and walking away.

  I stood rooted in my spot for a moment, shocked. What was his deal? Why would he do something nice for me and then pretend he didn’t?

  “Lee, why did you go get my sweater for me?” I shouted. My question made him stop. For a moment he just stood there, his back to me, and then I realized he was waiting for me to catch up. “Why?” I asked again when I was standing right next to him. “I know you don’t like me.”

  “Jackie,” he said, looking right at me. “Just pretend it never happened, okay?”

  The bell rang, signaling we needed to head to first hour.

  “No,” I said sternly. “I want to know why you did it.”

  “We’re going to be late for first period,” he said, starting to climb the steps.

  “I don’t care,” I told him, surprising myself. “I know you don’t either.”

  “Fine,” he grumbled. Lee led me to the back of the school and over to a cluster of trees that couldn’t be seen from any of the building windows.

  “Is this a part of some secret plan to kill me?” I questioned him as I looked around. We were completely alone.

  Lee glanced over his shoulder to glare at me. “This is where I normally come when I don’t feel like going to class.”

  “Oh…”

  “Has anyone told you about my parents?” he asked me then.

  “Your parents?”

  “Yeah, the reason why Isaac and I live with my aunt and uncle.”

  “No,” I said, not knowing where this conversation was going. I’d always wondered what happened to their parents, but truthfully, I was too afraid to ask.

  “My mom left right after I was born,” he told me. “I never even met her.” I kept my mouth shut, waiting for him to continue. “Her leaving messed my dad up pretty bad. He’s an Army officer, and instead of raising Isaac and me, he dumped us with his brother and went overseas. We only see him every few years.”

  I put a hand to my mouth to cover my surprise, but Lee wasn’t looking at me. His gaze was focused on the sky. What he was telling me was almost worse than what happened to my family. Even though they were gone, at least I knew that they loved me.

  We sat in silence for a while and the almost-summer sun warmed my skin. “Lee, I’m so sorry,” I finally said.

  “You know? You’re probably the first person to actually mean that,” he said.

  “Really?” I asked him.

  “I’ve heard so many people say ‘sorry’ to me, and it’s all fake. They don’t really know what it feels like to not have a family.”

  I nodded my head. “You know the worst part, though?” I asked him. “When people look at you differently. I’m no longer Jackie, daughter of the Howards. I’m Jackie, the girl with dead parents.”

  “Better than Lee, the boy whose parents couldn’t care less.”

  “Why do you hate me?” I said then.

  “I don’t hate you. It’s just…” Lee sighed and ran a hand through his curly hair, trying to find the right words. “Let’s just say I have mom issues. I never knew mine, and Katherine—it’s hard enough for her to pay attention to all twelve of us. And then you showed up, and my aunt felt so responsible for you that she gave up her studio. I felt like you were stealing the little time I had with her away from me.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I told Lee.

  “I wasn’t asking you to,” he said. “I went back and got your sweater because I finally realized that unlike me, you don’t have anyone.” I could tell that he was struggling for the right words. “I was too jealous to understand that you were in just as much pain as me. I was a dick.”

  Sighing, I grabbed Lee’s hand. As angry with him as I was for everything he’d put me through, at least he was telling me the truth. “Yeah,” I said, agreeing with him. “You totally were.”

  Lee cracked a smile.

  ***

  Nathan never made me nervous. There was something about our friendship—something so natural and easy—that I didn’t have with any of the other Walter boys. But today as I walked down the hall toward his room, I had to wipe my hands on the back of my skirt and push away the urge to flee.

  Katherine had picked him up from the hospital after we left for school, and when we got home at four o’clock, all the boys rushed up to visit him. He had been required to stay in the hospital for the rest of the week, so most of the guys hadn’t seen him since Saturday. I hung back, patiently waiting for my turn so we could talk in private.

  We hadn’t spoken since the morning of his seizure, and I could feel my stomach sloshing back and forth in anticipation. What Lee said to me in the ER was still lodged in the back of my mind. Yes, Monday morning we talked through our issues, but I couldn’t help but think in what if terms. If only I had pulled myself out of bed when Nathan asked me to go running—swallowing my shame and fear of seeing the other boys—then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty right now.
>
  Outside his room, my knuckles were poised above the door, but then, losing my nerve, I dropped my hand back down to my side. Gentle notes of a new song were being teased out of his guitar, and I could picture Nathan sitting on his bed, eyes closed with the instrument in hand. Maybe I could come back later, sometime when my stomach wasn’t so jittery.

  “He’s in there,” someone said as I turned to leave. “You should go talk to him.”

  Knowing who it was, I took a deep breath as I looked up. Cole had paused in the middle of the hallway, his face arranged in a tight mask. The bruise around his eye had just started fading to yellow-green.

  It was the first sentence had Cole spoken to me since Alex punched him, and in reaction, a flare of resentment danced inside my chest. In truth, I was more ashamed of myself than angry. I couldn’t help but notice the way Cole’s shirt clung snuggly around his biceps, and how, in this moment, his eyes looked bluer than I had ever seen them.

  After everything he’d done, how he’d purposely hurt me, I still felt that same flutter inside my chest, the one I’d been trying to figure out since I first arrived in Colorado. It was some type of invisible force, as if he were the sun and I was a tiny planet being reined in by his all-consuming gravity. What had Heather called it? The Cole effect.

  “Oh—right,” I said back, as if I hadn’t known. It was all I could manage because suddenly I felt like crying. This feeling was so unfair, unwanted.

  Nathan’s song stopped, and I knew he could hear us. Cole’s loud voice had given me away. However, in that moment, my anxiety about seeing Nathan evaporated. I pulled open the door without knocking and slipped inside. Anything to get away from Cole and the way he was making me feel. Hands wrapped around the doorknob, I leaned back against the wood and took slow, calming breaths.

  “Jackie?” I heard Nathan ask.

  My eyes snapped open. He was sitting up in bed, a concerned look splashed across his face. And then, as I stared back at him, I realized that it had been completely stupid of me to be nervous.