A Shadow Bright and Burning

by Jessica Cluess

  “Perhaps it’s a chill.”

  “Nonsense, you’re terrified.” He took my hand.

  Here he was comforting me, and all I did was lie.

  “I’m not what you need.” My voice sounded so small. I was on the verge of admission, pushing to speak the words…but the cowardice in me was too strong.

  “Of course you are. We knew this training would have its own challenges,” Agrippa said, voice soft. “We will unlock a key to steadier powers—I promise.”

  I looked into his eyes. “Do you believe Miss Agrippa was the one prophesied?”

  “What?” Agrippa released me.

  “I know she would have been a sorcerer if not for the fever. It would make so much more sense, her being chosen.” I discreetly grabbed my handkerchief and wiped at my eyes.

  “I was proud of Gwendolyn. Words fail to express how proud. But she wasn’t the prophesied one,” Agrippa said firmly.

  “But she was your daughter. You of all people should be the first to condemn me as a fake.”

  Perhaps I wanted him to.

  “Gwendolyn possessed strength and grace, but she left us before her commendation,” Agrippa said. “I refuse to accept that our one hope was carried off before she’d done anything at all. Frankly, if I reject my own daughter’s candidacy, I would appreciate it if Master Palehook would fall in line.” Annoyance crept into his voice. “I admit, it’s unheard of for a girl with no sorcerer family to display your talents, but in my opinion that only makes your candidacy stronger. It’s a miracle.”

  A miracle. Or magicianship.

  My time was running out. I knew it. Hargrove had told me to come back when I accepted that I couldn’t perform sorcerer spells. When I began to make Master Agrippa nervous.

  But I couldn’t give up. Not completely. Not yet.

  I sat before the mirror, brushing my hair with long, smooth strokes. Lilly had gone to bed hours ago, and the slumbering house creaked and settled. I paused and set the brush down. Why was I awake?

  Mist filled the room. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. Another dream from Hargrove, the last person I wanted to see. The bedroom door swung open.

  “You can leave right now,” I said as a figure moved into the light.

  R’hlem the Skinless Man stepped toward me, the candle’s glow a sheen on his wet, bloodied muscle. That one yellow eye, perched in the center of his forehead, widened.

  I hastened to my feet, knocking over half the bottles on my table. A glass vial of scent fell to the floor and shattered, and instantly the whole room smelled of lavender. I ran to the window, intending to fling it open and plunge to the street below. The window wouldn’t budge, though my muscles burned with the effort. I pressed myself against the glass as R’hlem approached.

  Scream. I must scream, but when I opened my mouth, the faintest whimper escaped. I slid to the floor. The Skinless Man’s presence filled my room. The air around him hummed with dread. He didn’t roar or wave a fan of tentacles like Korozoth, but the fiendish intelligence in his eye frightened me beyond all else.

  Leaning down, he whispered, “Perhaps.”

  He reached for me, but I rolled aside and ran for my bed. I found myself fast asleep. That image did the trick.

  —

  I WOKE GASPING, MY NIGHTDRESS PLASTERED to my body with sweat. Looking about, I assured myself that R’hlem was nowhere in sight. I smelled smoke and tasted blood….I smelled smoke!

  Fire bloomed in the center of the bed. Beads of blue flame dotted my palms. I fell to the floor, grabbed the china pitcher from my table, and poured water onto the bedspread. The fire died with a hiss, and thick gray smoke filled the air. I coughed and went to open a window. Ducking my head outside, I breathed deeply. I was all right.

  No, I wasn’t.

  I collapsed to my knees. That had been no dream. It was the bloody astral plane, just as it had been with Hargrove. How had R’hlem found me? Had I found him? Perhaps my magician powers had granted him a way inside my mind.

  Magician. The word still made me sick.

  Lilly looked dismayed when she came in, hours later, to find a scorch mark on the bed and me curled up asleep beneath an open window. Always one to find the bright side, she offered happy possibilities as she stripped the sheets. “Maybe it’s a sign that your powers are healthy.” She sniffed the air and looked dismayed when she found the broken bottle of scent on the floor. “Heaven knows how that happened,” she said.

  I knew.

  Sitting at my vanity as Lilly brought me tea, I rubbed my head and thought. If I was not the sorcerers’ prophecy, didn’t I have a responsibility to step down and allow them to find the right person? But if I told them, the best scenario would be that I was put out on the street, along with Rook. After everything I’d done to keep us here, I couldn’t face that.

  I would work hard for the Order. I would be England’s most faithful servant, chosen one or not. If only I could control my bloody powers.

  Glancing in the mirror, I noted how awful I looked. My reflection was hollow-cheeked and sallow. The sleepless nights had taken their toll.

  And after the dream of R’hlem, I doubted I’d ever sleep easy again.

  “Was it a nightmare, miss?” Lilly said, handing me a cup of tea.

  “Yes. A bad one.”

  She clucked her tongue. “We’ve all been havin’ our share of nightmares.”

  “You’ve had them?”

  “No, not me.” She winced as if she regretted bringing it up. I guessed quickly and set my cup down.

  “Rook? Is he all right?”

  “He’s been sleeping badly. Keeps crying out with his headaches, ever since the night you fought Korozoth. You can hear it all the way in the women’s quarters.”

  Why hadn’t Rook told me about his pain? Then again, when was our last proper conversation?

  These past two weeks I’d seen him a few times out in the stables, but it had never been for long. He was busy with work, and I was always thinking about my next lesson. I couldn’t recall anything we’d said to each other that went deeper than a few pleasantries. Wrapped up tightly in my own problems, I’d forgotten my friend.

  “Lilly, you should have told me,” I said, ashamed.

  “He asked me not to. Said you had enough to deal with without worrying about him.”

  —

  THAT AFTERNOON, I SLIPPED DOWNSTAIRS TO the kitchen to see if I might find Rook. I thought perhaps he was in the yard when I heard the music, a violin and cello, sonorous and sad, and, above it all, Rook’s high, clear voice.

  “She hears me not, she cares not,

  Nor will she listen to me;

  And here I lie, in misery,

  Beneath the willow tree.”

  It was a song we had learned from the villagers near Brimthorn when we were children. In the morning we’d sneak out and watch the men on their way to work, singing it.

  “My love has wealth and beauty,

  The rich attend her door;

  My love has wealth and beauty,

  But I, alas! am poor.”

  Why did those words make me cringe? I peered around the corner and found them, Rook seated and singing, Lambe with a violin beneath his small chin, Wolff at the cello. As they finished the song, Lilly applauded and rushed forward.

  “Oh, I’ve never heard anything so beautiful. You’ve a heavenly voice,” she said, seating herself beside Rook.

  “That’s kind, Lilly, but I’m not that good.” He laughed.

  “Oh no. I think it’s the most wonderful—”

  Pretending I’d not been eavesdropping, I entered the room. Rook rose at once. “Miss Howel,” he said.

  He would never need to call Lilly miss. The thought made me ill. Lambe and Wolff stood and clapped Rook on the shoulder.

  “You’ve a true voice,” Wolff said. “Thank you for accompanying us. We needed the practice.”

  “It’s a pleasure,” Rook said. The boys nodded to me as they left.

  “I sensed he req
uired some cheering up,” Lambe whispered. In that moment I loved him, and hated myself.

  “Can I help you with anything, miss?” Lilly asked.

  “I was hoping to speak with Rook privately.”

  “Of course.” She beamed at him. “Meet you in the stables later? Jimmy’s teaching the girls the waltz.”

  “Yes.” Rook’s smile faded as soon as Lilly had gone. “How are you, Nettie?” He took a sudden interest in a broom and would not look at me. Well, why should he be pleased with my visit? Now that I thought about it, this was the first time in two weeks I’d bothered to see him alone.

  “Lessons are going along. How are you?” I sat down on the bench and waved him to come beside me. He sat as far away as possible, and folded his arms together so as not to touch me even by accident. He acted as though I were diseased.

  “I’m well,” he said, voice tight.

  “Lilly told me you’ve had headaches, so I know that’s not true,” I muttered.

  “It’s just headaches. Nothing I’ve not had before.” A moment passed in silence. I couldn’t understand our awkwardness. Perhaps I’d ignored him, but from the way Rook was behaving, one would think I’d been gone two years, not two weeks.

  “She says she can hear your cries all the way in her bedroom. Are you making the paste?”

  “I don’t take it anymore,” he said. “It interferes too much.”

  “Are you mad? Don’t you want to control this?”

  Rook grimaced. “I know how much it repulses you,” he said.

  Perhaps I was losing what little I’d left of my mind. “You know it doesn’t repulse me. I just hate to see you this way.”

  “I won’t give it up.” His bad hand tightened into a fist. “It’s all I have.”

  “That’s not true. You mustn’t let it hold you down.” To my surprise, Rook stood and faced me, trembling.

  “I don’t see it as holding me down. That’s the way you see it,” he said.

  “Why on earth should I begin hating your scars after eight years? What’s changed so drastically?”

  “What’s changed?” he cried. Then, his expression clearing, he sat beside me on the bench again. His quick shift in temperament scared me. “What’s changed?” he repeated softly. “You don’t know what we’re talking about, do you?”

  “What are we talking about?” I leaned away from him.

  “Wait,” he said. He placed his palms together and closed his eyes. Taking three deep, slow breaths, he raised his hands.

  The shadows in the corner of the room moved.

  At first I thought I was going mad, watching the inky blackness spread. The daylight that stretched across the kitchen floor seemed to shrivel and die as the shadow overtook it. The darkness was moving, growing. It congealed around Rook’s feet like an oily pool. He leaned down and traced his fingertips along the mass. It shifted and swirled in response, a living thing.

  “What in God’s name are you doing?” I breathed.

  The shadow dispersed, returning to the walls as if nothing had ever happened. Rook’s pupils were wide and dark. “I’ve shown you before. The night Korozoth attacked, I came to your room when they’d all gone.” I thought and thought…and recalled the dream where Rook floated above me, cloaked in darkness. Oh Lord. “Watch.”

  He closed his eyes and held his breath. The light in the kitchen faded rapidly as shadows billowed out from the crevices and corners. The room around me swirled into blackness. With a startled cry, I created a ball of fire in my hand. Rook and I sat in the pure dark, my flame the only source of light. He leaned close to me, our foreheads touching.

  “Fenswick gave me a potion. I thought your visit was a dream.” I brought my ball of light closer to Rook’s face. His eyes had gone solid black.

  “It all happened when I felt Korozoth’s attack. The closer it drew, the worse the agony became. And then, suddenly, I found I could call the night toward me. It was as if every bit of my body had been lit up, except that the light was darkness. I scared the horses a bit. Had to apologize to them with an extra handful of oats.” He laughed. “Used to be that I couldn’t understand why I’d been so cursed. I didn’t realize it was a gift all along.”

  “You’re happy, aren’t you?” I whispered.

  “Happier than ever, now I realize you thought I was a dream. When you stayed away, I assumed my power repulsed you.”

  “You could never repulse me.”

  “I’m sorry I doubted you.” He reached out and touched a loose tendril of my hair. Despite my fear, I let him bring his hand to my cheek. His touch was wonderfully cool. “Ever since we were children, I’ve known that we were set apart from each other. Because of this.” He waved his fingertips above the fire in my hand. The darkness over it warped for an instant. “But if we’re both different, doesn’t that bind us? I know you’ve been struggling with the sorcerers. What if we’re the only ones of our kind?” He leaned toward me, the firelight playing on his cheeks and the now-total blackness of his eyes. “We belong together, don’t we?”

  Resting my cheek against his, I felt warm as Rook sighed against me. The fire in my palm began to die, smothered by a hand of darkness. It was as if the shadows were reaching out to touch and embrace me. It wasn’t that something lived in the dark; it was more that the darkness itself was alive.

  “No,” I cried, drawing away. Instantly, the shadows dissipated. We sat once again in the sunlit kitchen. Rook looked shaken. “I don’t mean ‘no’ like that. I mean that we can’t give up on this path. To commendation, I mean.” I was babbling and couldn’t decide how to finish that thought. Rook did it for me.

  “There’s only one path.” He said it like he didn’t quite agree.

  “We have to be careful. One misstep and they can be rid of us.”

  “I understand.” He took my hand. “Tell me the truth. Does it disgust you, what I am?”

  The shadows scared me; I wouldn’t lie about that. It all felt too closely tied to Korozoth, and unnatural. But the shadows were a part of Rook. “No,” I said. “But you must take care of yourself. Manage your pain. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

  “It’s not your help that I want,” he said as he drew me closer to him. Every part of me felt warm.

  I touched his cheek. “Didn’t we want to get away from Brimthorn and stay together?”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  “The commendation will secure both our futures. You won’t have to be a servant anymore.”

  “I could join the battle,” Rook said. He brightened with the idea. “We could fight side by side.”

  “Why not?” Perhaps, if the Order saw what an Unclean could do, they’d regard the less fortunate with greater respect. Perhaps they could help Rook control his gifts. “We can keep each other safe, just as we always have.”

  “Always,” Rook said. The air felt electric the closer we grew to each other. Rook laced his fingers through mine. His eyes, clear blue and beautiful again, widened. “Nettie?” he whispered.

  “Yes?” I felt light-headed, leaning closer.

  Someone cleared his throat. We almost flew apart from each other. Blackwood stood in the doorway, watching us with interest.

  “I beg your pardon,” he said. “Did I startle you?”

  “No.” How much had he seen? I stood, smoothed my skirt, and smiled at Rook. “I’ll come back and see you again, if I’ve the time.” The words sounded so dismissive I yearned to grab them and shove them back into my mouth.

  “Of course.” Rook’s face was flushed as he picked up a broom and left for the stable yard. I pushed past Blackwood and up the stairs.

  “Wait.” He came after me. I stopped. “There’s no need to leave in a huff.”

  “I don’t take kindly to being spied upon.” My hands balled into fists.

  “I merely came down to speak with you. Rook is a frightfully interesting subject, though—”

  I whirled about so fast I almost lost my balance. At least I would have taken
Blackwood with me down the stairs. “Rook isn’t an object for you to study. Do you hear?” I snatched up my skirts and ran, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

  When I heard the library door open, I knew I wouldn’t have my wish. Cursing, I held my book before my face as though it would act as a soundproof wall. Naturally, it was to no avail. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Blackwood said as he sat beside me.

  “You simply forgot how to announce your presence?”

  “That was my first glimpse of Rook. I’ve never seen an Unclean that coherent.”

  “So you enjoy gaping at the less fortunate? You should really find better hobbies.” I read the same paragraph in my book over and over, praying he’d leave. Had he seen Rook with the shadows?

  “My family owns that colony for the Unclean, so I take an interest. Most of the patients are catatonic. Rook doesn’t know how special he is. Have you considered sending him away?” He spoke in the casual manner of one conducting a business transaction. I slammed the book shut.

  “You should ask Rook and not me what he wants done with himself. Since he’s so coherent, he might like a say in his own future.”

  “It was only a suggestion,” he said, putting up his hands. “We’ll speak no more about it. Downstairs, you mentioned he suffered from pain?”

  “Did you listen to my entire conversation?” My stomach turned at the thought.

  “I came down when you were arguing over what path to take, or something of the like. You mentioned pain.” He paused. “Again, I am sorry for eavesdropping.”

  He hadn’t seen the shadows, then. In my relief, I answered his question. “He’s having terrible headaches at night. I know it’s because he doesn’t take care of his scars properly.”

  “Has he tried laudanum?”

  “The headmaster at Brimthorn wouldn’t allow it on the premises. He claimed it destroyed people’s minds.” On that one thing, Colegrind and I had agreed.

  “Bad pain is common among the Unclean. The physicians at my father’s colony use a special balm of linseed oil and verbena, which they rub on the patient’s chest. If you’d like, I’ll have Fenswick concoct something similar. That might help with his headaches.”