by J. H. Croix
Jesse nodded. “Yeah, some kind of long-term one. According to Rex, those aren’t easy to get.”
“Yeah, but they’re just a fucking piece of paper,” Beck added.
Later that night, as I stretched out in my sleeping bag in the cool spring night, I knew the minute I was back within range of a computer, I’d be looking this guy up. I needed to know exactly what he looked like. It fucking tore me up to think someone hurt Rachel. It made me wonder about the shadows I’d seen passing through her eyes.
I fell asleep, thinking that the deep rush of protectiveness I felt for Rachel might be a bit too intense for the short time I’d known her.
Chapter Thirteen
Rachel
My pulse pounded in a steady rhythm as my feet struck the ground. I dodged a rock and grinned as Henry paused ahead of me on the trail, his tail wagging madly.
Henry loved running with me. Well, I didn’t know if it was running with me particularly. He loved any excuse to be outside. By chance, this was the first time I’d had the time and the weather cooperation for another run since my encounter with Remy. My glorious muddy fall, that is.
There was still plenty of mud, but I didn’t mind, jumping over a puddle and continuing my pace. The air was cool, scented with the richness of spring. The sun’s rays filtered through the trees, casting dappled patterns across the trail.
By the time Henry and I reached the end of the loop, I was sweaty, tired, and exhilarated. During the winter, I had to make do with an elliptical, so it was always refreshing to be able to get back outside.
I slowed near the trailhead, shifting to a walk and clipping Henry back on his lead. I preferred not to have him loose when we got to the parking area, just in case there were any cars passing by on the road. The trailhead was on a side road off the main highway leading into Willow Brook.
Henry nudged my knee when we reached my SUV. I reached into the back to pull out his portable water bowl, quickly filling it from the water jug I kept in the back. As he lapped at the water, I glanced up at the sound of a vehicle slowly turning into the parking area. When my eyes landed on the driver, my heart stuttered to a stop, and I was frozen with fear. My gut began churning, and I felt sick.
Bruce, the man who had haunted my dreams, shredded my self-esteem, and made me wonder if I was plain stupid, was driving. He rolled down his window and came to a stop at the back of my vehicle, effectively blocking me in.
Before Bruce came into my life, I never would’ve even noticed a detail like that. But I’d learned, painfully and brutally, just how important it was to pay attention to every little detail.
Bruce stared at me, his expression blank. His brown hair was cropped close to his head, and his blue eyes were bright. I couldn’t believe I’d ever considered him handsome. My thoughts tumbled back to the last time I saw him. It was at court when he accepted a plea deal for his assault against me, the worst one yet. Up to that point, in the short six months of our relationship, he’d been more cunning and careful. He’d only left bruises on my arms, or legs. Once on my stomach, when he punched me in the side.
But that last time, he punched me in the jaw, leaving a nasty bruise on the entire side of my face. I’d been fully prepared to testify and had felt let down when they offered him a plea deal. One year in jail, and a one-year protective order once he was out. I was supposed to take comfort in the fact he would stay on probation for three years due to his history of assault before he’d ever assaulted me.
I was frozen inside for a few moments. Blessedly, cold anger rushed in to fill the space opened up by my fear.
“Get the hell away from me,” I finally said. Henry’s hair rose on his back, a low growl coming from his throat.
“I’m not anywhere near you. Didn’t even realize that was you,” Bruce said, his tone low, the menace I knew so fucking well simmering under the surface.
He rolled the window up and drove away. I stood there, the fear rushing back the minute my anger was deflated. I moved stiffly, my hands picking up the water bowl and dumping what little water was left on the damp gravel.
Henry sensed my distress, keeping his eyes trained on Bruce’s vehicle as it moved away, disappearing down the road. He stepped closer to me, his body warm against my leg. My knees were shaking, and I could hardly breathe.
After everything played out, I recalled asking a friend how in the hell I hadn’t seen it coming. She pointed out the obvious. If abusive men started out showing their true colors, they’d never get the chance to hurt anyone. That had been cold comfort, although I had slowly come to understand I was one of millions and millions of women. Nothing more than a statistic.
In some ways, that was comforting. In others, it was so depressing if I let myself think about it too much. All I would do was cry.
I took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly. After Bruce was locked up, I just wanted to be alone. The joy of not living in fear was so pure it was startling. Even now, I was still shocked at how a mere six months in a single relationship had changed my life forever.
As soon as Bruce was in jail, I’d gone to the animal shelter and brought Henry home. Henry had become far more than a guard dog. He was my best friend. Just now, my usually wild dog held still and let me absorb his strength.
Several more minutes passed while my body vibrated with leftover fear before I glanced down to him. “You ready to go?” Henry licked my knee in reply, his tail thumping against my thighs.
Once Henry was settled in the back, I climbed into the driver’s seat, instantly locking the doors. I’d gone from being hot and sweaty from my run to cold and clammy. So cold, I was shivering all the way through to my bones.
I cranked up the heat, wondering where the hell Bruce went. I contemplated whether I should report this to the police. No matter what Bruce said, I didn’t believe him. I should’ve known he would come find me as soon as he got out of jail.
I was confused though, because I was supposed to receive a notification on the date of his release. I’d quite effectively quit counting the days, because I hadn’t wanted to let that run my life. Before I drove away, I checked my phone calendar. His originally scheduled release date wasn’t for another few weeks.
On autopilot, I drove into town. Without thinking, I found myself turning into the parking lot at Firehouse Café. It didn’t surprise me. Whenever I was at loose ends, a few minutes with Janet James, the owner and an old family friend, usually settled my nerves. The town’s original fire station, a stately, square building, had been transformed into a coffee shop and bakery years ago. The former garage offered seating for customers, with an open style bakery and kitchen in the back.
Pushing through the door, the familiar surroundings eased the tension knotted in my chest. Fireweed flowers wound around the old fire pole in the center of the space, the dashes of bright colors creating a warm, cheerful space. The tables to one side had scattered customers seated, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Janet restocking the bakery display behind the counter.
Janet’s brown eyes crinkled at the corners with her smile when she saw me. “Hey Rachel, what brings you here this time of day?”
Stopping in front of the counter, I curled my hands over its smooth, rounded edge and opened my mouth, only to have nothing come out.
“You okay?” Janet asked in return, closing the sliding case door from the back and setting down the now-empty tray in her hands. Her dark hair was liberally streaked with silver and twisted into a braid. She brushed her braid off her shoulder as she regarded me, her eyes narrowing in concern.
I sighed. “Not really. I just ran into Bruce. I didn’t know he was in town.”
I didn’t need to explain further because Janet knew the whole, awful, embarrassing story. She rounded the counter, looping her hand through my elbow and tugging me into the back. Once we were out of sight of customer, she pulled me into a hug. Janet was warm and round and maybe the best hugger in the universe. She squeezed me hard and then stepped back.
“Maybe I’m overreacting…”
Janet shook her head. “Absolutely not. If you don’t talk to him, I will.”
Looking into her kind gaze, I managed to take a deep breath finally. “Okay.”
The sound of the bell above the door out front jingling reached us. “You need to get back to work,” I said when Janet just stood there, one hand still resting on my shoulder.
“It’ll wait. You want some coffee? Something to eat?”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and smiled softly. “No, I’m all set. Just needed a few minutes. You get to work.”
Janet hesitated until I nudged her shoulder. “Come on. I promise I’ll go talk to Rex now.”
Minutes later, I pulled up in front of Willow Brook Fire & Rescue. I sat in my car for a moment, wondering again if I was overreacting. I’d yet to determine what the worst part of ending up in an abusive relationship was. The constant self-doubt and questioning was probably the most pervasive. It invaded every corner of my life, leading me to doubt even basic, no-consequence decisions sometimes. Just now, I kept questioning whether it was just by chance Bruce had been driving by, and worrying I was being dramatic.
My gut told me otherwise, quite insistently.
Henry’s friendly face loomed behind me in my rearview mirror—black with gold markings and such earnest eyes. Reaching back, I stroked his head, and he licked my hand. My shaking had finally stopped, and I took a slow, steady breath.
Just now, it occurred to me this was the day Remy had said he would text me. I’d done my best not to be too nosy, but it was quite convenient that Charlie happened to be married to Jesse, another hotshot firefighter. I could glean bits of information about the crew schedules from her without even asking.
In passing, I heard from her that Remy’s crew was scheduled out for three days doing some clearing in a fire prone area. Remy was conveniently on the same crew as Jesse. I wondered if they were back yet and if I would see him.
Remy had been filling my thoughts for days—he’d given me one of the most intense orgasms I’d ever had in my life. The yearning to be closer to him nearly swamped me whenever I thought about him.
Layering into that was the sense of safety I experienced when I was with him. Right about now, I wanted to search him out and burrow into him. Emotion lodged in my throat. I hated what had happened with Bruce. It was so embarrassing, and I wished I could hide it from Remy.
In the small town of Willow Brook, which I loved most of the time, I wouldn’t be able to keep that ugly part of my past a secret. Especially not with Bruce back in town. Another wave of emotion hit me, and I swallowed through the tightness in my throat.
Don’t fucking cry over him. He’s already caused you enough pain.
On the heels of another shuddering breath, Henry stuck his head between the seats and pressed against my shoulder. Just as I was wondering if I could simply back out and drive away, the door to the front of the building opened and Maisie Steele waved at me.
She probably saw my car. I rolled the windows down a bit for Henry, gathering every ounce of my courage around me, and climbed out.
“Hey,” I called.
“Saw you pull up,” she replied. “What’s up?”
I reached her side and tried to force a smile, but I wanted to cry.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, her arm sliding around my shoulders as she turned and walked us both through the door.
I was relieved there was no one else out in the front area. Just a few empty chairs, and Maisie’s “control station,” as she liked to call it. Maisie was a good friend and ran the dispatch line here. Dispatch in Willow Brook was essentially gossip central and Maisie knew everything. She happened to be on duty the night I finally called the police on Bruce last year.
She kept her arm around my shoulders, pausing beside the counter that circled her desk. Her wide brown eyes were concerned as she peered at me. “What’s wrong?” she repeated.
A side bonus to the fact I could be a bossy bitch was, when necessary, I could kick myself through moments like this. I gave my head a shake. “Fucking Bruce is out of jail,” I spit out, latching onto the anger swirling inside.
Her eyes widened further. “What?”
“The stupid phone warning system didn’t let me know. I checked my calendar and his original release day wasn’t for another few weeks. Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but I decided to let Rex know that he showed up where I like to go running with Henry.”
Maisie shook her head, her wild brown curls bouncing along with the motion. “I’m guessing he got an early release due to overcrowding—which is bullshit, if you ask me—or for good behavior. I can’t leave the front, but you go talk to Rex right now,” she said, tugging lightly on my shoulder and aiming me in the direction of the door that led to the police side of the station.
“You sure you don’t think I’m overreacting?” I asked.
“Hell no,” Maisie said firmly, just as the station phone buzzed.
“I have to get that since I’m on duty. Go talk to Rex,” she said, hurrying around her desk. “Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
Her question rang behind me as I pushed through the door into a small hallway. Rex Masters was the chief of police for Willow Brook and had been for years. His son, Cade, was one of the superintendents for the hotshot firefighters. I was close to Cade, and to Rex’s daughter, Ella, since we went to high school together. Rex was a bit like family, which had made it all the harder when I ended up in that clusterfuck of a relationship with Bruce.
On the list of things life didn’t prepare me for was how I would feel when I stumbled into that disaster. I considered myself a strong, smart, independent woman, but inside of a matter of months, I was afraid to tell anyone what was going on and I had no idea how to get out of the situation in which I’d found myself.
In hindsight, God-awful as it was that Bruce got so violent that night, it was a blessing. It had pushed me over the edge to call for help.
Chapter Fourteen
Rachel
I knocked lightly on Rex’s open office door. Rex looked up, cracking a smile.
“Rachel,” he said, waving for me to come in. His hair was more salt than pepper these days. His weathered face and ready smile were reassuring. No matter what, Rex gave off a comforting air, as if he would personally make sure it would be okay.
For a beat, I considered leaving the door open, but I didn’t want anyone to walk in on our conversation. I closed it behind me and slipped into one of the chairs across from his desk. He removed the glasses perched on his nose. Rubbing his eyes, he smiled again, glancing down at his glasses.
“I told Georgie I didn’t need these. She laughed at me, so I had to admit she was right. Anyway, I meant to call you today.”
“Bruce is out.”
Just saying his name aloud sent a burst of fear through me. I pushed back against it, harnessing my anger.
Rex sighed. “Like I said, I meant to call today. I was out of town until this morning, but I got back and saw the report that Bruce was booked for another assault. I didn’t even know he was out of jail, much less that he was in town. Got a call in to the jail, but my guess is he was released sometime in the last few weeks. I don’t think he landed in Willow Brook any sooner than last week. Someone would have seen him.”
“I have the long-term restraining order. I saw him today. He showed up at the trailhead where I like to run when the weather’s good. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I’m pretty sure he knew I was there. He tried to play it off and said it was just an accident.” My stomach churned. “How did I not know? I was supposed to be signed up for that stupid alert system.”
Rex nodded. “The guy covering for me while I was out didn’t know the background. They booked him, but he bailed out the same night. I’m sorry, Rachel. If I had known ahead of time, I definitely would’ve let you know.
It was just chance this happened while I was out of town.”
I wanted to cry and scream all at once. I’d been constantly beating back that fear for the entire year since Bruce had been in jail. The six months I’d spent with him loomed so fucking large in my life. I hated it. It had changed everything, including me. I never guessed I could stumble into a train wreck like that.
Still clinging to my anger, I held Rex’s gaze. “I don’t know why the hell he came back to Willow Brook. Can you charge him for violating the restraining order?”
“I’ll damn sure try. The D.A. has to clear it, but I’ll do my best. Tell me exactly what happened,” he said. He spun in his chair, shifting his laptop on its rotating tray in front of him. “I’ll enter the report right now and call it in to the D.A. before you leave.”
I told Rex exactly what happened. He was helpful, but not certain. “Either way, this gives me an excuse to go have a little chat with Bruce. If the D.A. agrees to press charges, obviously we will. If not, it will be because he claims he just saw you by chance. I’ll explain to him that if he pushes it, he will face charges.”
Rex glanced down at his laptop and back to me. “Look, guys like him keep trying—again and again. When I heard about the charges when I got back today, I hoped it meant he moved on from you. Based on his track record before you two tangled, he’s not used to women kicking him out of their lives that fast. Don’t take that to mean I’m glad he’s knocking somebody else around. I just hate to see him pull this crap with you.”
I took a shallow breath, realizing my fingernails were digging into my palm. I released my grip, flexing my fingers. “Do I know her?”
Rex shook his head. “Don’t think so.”
I chewed on the corner of my lip, letting out a slow sigh.
“Let me call the D.A. right now, okay?”