Crash & Burn (Into The Fire Series Book 10)

by J. H. Croix

  I giggled. Henry, roused from his dog sleep, lifted his head and gave it a little shake, his ears flopping wildly. Otherwise, he didn’t move, looking back and forth between Remy and me.

  My eyes flicked down to see Remy’s arousal tenting the sheets. My mouth watered and my hands itched to reach down and touch him. I knew just how he would feel—warm and hard, the skin velvety soft.

  But I couldn’t, not with Henry staring at us expectantly.

  “Shower,” Remy said firmly.

  Kicking the sheets off, he rose from the bed, entirely unselfconscious and glorious in his nudity. As I shifted to roll over and follow him, I became acutely aware of the slick heat between my thighs.

  I’d never been one to think quickies were worth it. But then, I’d never been with a man like Remy. In a matter of seconds, Remy was sliding into me from behind. I slapped my palms against the shower wall and thanked God Remy had a firm grip on me. Without him, I was certain I’d have melted to the floor. He sent me flying with the heat of his release filling me.

  It was so raw, so elemental, I was left reeling afterwards. He kissed me with the water pouring over us.

  A short while later, as I started scrounging something up for breakfast, he took Henry out for his morning walk and fetch. My heart kept pounding, while anxiety spun through me. Because, you see, I loved this. Every single minute of it.

  I could handle the good sex with Remy. He was all kinds of sexy. Yet, I was unprepared for the way his strength would call to me, and the way his gentleness tempered that very strength.

  We had coffee and I made scrambled eggs with bacon for breakfast. We left my house together, with Remy following behind me into Willow Brook until he turned off at the station, and I kept going to my office.

  I was falling in love, and I was crazy to let it happen.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Remy

  I took a sip of the coffee in the kitchen at the station and grimaced. Glancing to Levi, I said, “Damn, man, this stuff’s got to be hours old. You coulda warned me.”

  Levi chuckled. “I guess I’m more desperate than you. I didn’t sleep a fucking wink last night. Well, that’s not true. Maybe I cleared a full hour in fifteen-minute increments,” he replied with another healthy gulp of what I knew to be shitty coffee.

  “Glory keeping you up?” I asked as I poured out what little was left of the coffee, rinsing the pot, and starting a fresh pot. Levi and Lucy had a little baby girl only months ago.

  Levi nodded, taking another gulp of his coffee. “Yeah, and Lucy’s got a cold. Not that she slept much more than me because she’s miserable with coughing, but yeah, I’m fucking tired. Too tired to make a fresh pot of coffee, so thanks for that. How are things with you?”

  “Well, I slept last night, so I’m a step ahead of you.” I turned and rested my hips against the counter running along the wall while we waited for the coffee to brew.

  Levi cracked a weary smile in return as I considered that I slept like a damn baby last night. Rachel was responsible for that. I’d come to appreciate sleep. It had been fleeting at times over the past few years. Grief did funny things. Stealing sleep was yet another box I could check of the things I lost when grief crashed over my life in waves.

  But I found sleep easily with Rachel warm beside me and a sense of pure contentment spinning through me. Once I’d woken, I buried myself in her sweet heat all over again.

  Yet, I’d seen the anxiety flickering in her eyes this morning and knew I needed to take this at her speed, much as I wanted to rush it. I figured something out, damn quick, when it came to Rachel. She was the one and only woman for me.

  Years back, when I was nothing but a horny teenager, my dad told me I would know when I met the right woman, and I would be willing to fight for her. I knew my parents had a good thing. Until I met Rachel, I hadn’t quite understood what he meant. She was it. She was everything. She was also feisty and scarred underneath it all.

  So, I’d bide my time, even though it would be the hardest damn thing I’d ever done.

  Levi cut into my thoughts. “I know you just made the coffee, but mind if I have the first cup? Before the pot’s full?”

  When I looked into his bleary eyes, I took pity on him. “Of course not.”

  He flashed me a smile. Turning, he slipped the coffee pot out and filled his mug quickly before returning it. He took a slow swallow, letting out a grateful sigh. “Pretty sure you make the best coffee out of everybody here.”

  “Hell yeah, he does,” Harlow May replied as she strode by from the back of the station.

  Harlow was one of two female firefighters at the station. She and Susannah were close. Like every single female firefighter I had ever worked with, they both more than held their own and probably had more nerve than all the men combined.

  But then, my dad had always told me women were stronger than men, so it only made sense.

  “Oh, you think?” I countered, catching Harlow’s eye.

  She grinned. “I think so. My coffee’s adequate, but it’s nothing amazing. The rest of the guys are chumps when it comes to coffee. Well, except for maybe Levi.” Harlow kept on walking with a wave.

  I idly watched her walk down the hall, her dark hair pulled up in a ponytail, and her hips swinging with her steps. I considered I should think she was beautiful, and I did, but from a purely objective perspective. Yet, I felt nothing, not even the slightest interest.

  Whatever I was about to think in that moment was drowned out with a call over the intercom. “Police need backup…”

  Levi started to push off the counter, and I shook my head. “I got it, I’ll grab Beck and we’ll go.”

  Whenever we were handling local duty for minor calls, whoever was available at that moment took care of it, depending on how many were needed. Within minutes, Beck and I were headed out to what had originally been a domestic disturbance call. After the police arrived, a man yanked out the propane line, creating a risk of fire.

  Beck glanced over from where he was driving the truck, his eyes narrowing. “You know where we’re going, right?”

  “I know the address, if that’s what you mean.”

  “It’s Rachel’s ex. This is where he lives with his girlfriend.”

  “You’re fucking kidding me.”

  “Nope. Maisie just mentioned it to me on our way out. You cool?”

  A few of the guys knew I’d been seeing Rachel, although I hadn’t discussed anything about what I knew about her ex. From Rex, I knew it was no secret around town.

  I looked out the window, watching the landscape roll by, my eyes bouncing between the trees. The snow was shrinking every day in the shady areas, with very little left. “Of course I’m fine. I might think he’s an asshole, but we have a job to do. I’m assuming Rex has backup for whatever the hell is going on with him and his girlfriend.”

  Beck slowed as he turned onto a side road off the highway. “Yeah, according to Maisie, they’ve already got the two of them separated. I guess the guy tore the line out right when they arrived.”

  With anger simmering under the surface, I stayed quiet as we pulled up. Thank God I wasn’t working alone.

  We swung into motion once we arrived. Maisie had already contacted the local propane company to seal off the line. Beck and I put out the small fire that started in the kitchen as a result. They were damn lucky it was a small tank without much propane in the line.

  My frustration, combined with my curiosity, got the best of me when we were finishing up. Rex still had Bruce over by the car. Bruce was cuffed, standing beside one of the deputies, who was jotting something in a small notebook.

  Walking past, I heard Bruce say to the deputy who’d just asked him a question, “I wasn’t fucking out near Rachel’s house again. Am I not allowed to drive out there now?”

  Approaching Bruce, I stopped right in front of him. “No, you’re not allowed to drive out there.”

  Bruce sneered. “It’s a free country, man. Don’t worr
y, I’ll go one night when you’re not there.”

  Anger flashed hot and high inside. I started to step closer, right when I felt a hand curl around my forearm from behind. “Come on, Remy,” Beck said. His movement might have looked casual, but his grip on my arm was strong.

  Realizing I was standing there with the deputy watching and Rex across the driveway, talking to the woman I presumed was Bruce’s latest girlfriend, I shackled my anger and turned away. I shook my arm free once we rounded behind the car.

  “Fucking asshole,” I muttered.

  “Exactly. He’s a fucking asshole and beneath you. Don’t waste your time on punching him in front of two cops,” Beck countered with a shake of his head. “I get it man, but don’t be stupid.”

  The ride back to the station was quiet. All I could think was I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do when my crew got called to leave town for a few weeks. I wanted Bruce fucking gone.

  “How you doing over there?” Beck asked when I leaned my head against the seat with a sigh.

  “Fucking pissed. And worried,” I added. “He just had to go and make that fucking comment about Rachel’s place. There will be a night I’m not there. There’s not a damn thing I can do about it.”

  Beck was quiet, his hand resting on the top of the steering wheel as he steered with his wrist. “No, there’s not. Seems like this thing with Rachel might be a thing, though.”

  My heart gave a hard thump, as if in affirmation. For a beat, I almost laughed. Feelings weren’t something I talked about much, but Beck was a good guy and a friend. Much as he teased, he was easy to talk to.

  “Yeah, I guess it’s a thing. Problem is, I’m not so sure how fast she wants things to move. She’s pretty skittish. Sounds like she went through hell with Bruce.”

  Beck rolled to a stop at the intersection to turn onto the main road that ran through downtown Willow Brook. Glancing my way, his gaze was considering. “Yeah, she went through hell. Maisie says that Charlie says that Rachel really likes you. Not that I know much, but the girls usually know everything.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe so, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s skittish as hell.”

  Beck shrugged, looking away as he turned onto the road. “So what? Don’t let that stop you. No sense in not making it clear how you feel.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Rachel

  Setting down my glass of wine, I stared at Remy. “What?”

  “I saw Bruce today,” Remy repeated.

  His expression was controlled, but I sensed the anger simmering under the surface. As safe as I felt with Remy, I knew this was a sore spot for him. Hell, it was a sore spot for me. For damn good reason. Yet, it changed the way I felt when he mentioned Bruce. I didn’t want him, or anyone, to think I couldn’t handle this shit on my own.

  “Where?” My question slipped out. I was honestly curious, but I hated the brief flicker of fear that swamped me. In the time since Bruce had been in my life and I kicked him out of it, I’d learned the fear he created continued to come in waves. There was no rhyme or reason to it.

  Sometimes the waves were abrupt and nearly crushing. Other times, they were small and barely knocked me off balance. Over time, they were further and further apart, but they were still there. Just now, I knew I was perfectly safe, with Remy here and Bruce nowhere in sight.

  Yet, merely thinking about Bruce churned my stomach and probably always would.

  Remy took a quick swig of his beer before answering. “There was a police call out to where he lives with his girlfriend. When they got there, he ripped out the line to the propane tank during the end of their argument, I guess. We got called out to help deal with that.”

  “Oh,” was all I could manage in response.

  Remy answered the unspoken question tumbling through my mind. “He was arrested again.” Remy looked as if he were considering his next words. “He mentioned you and said it was a free country, so he could drive down your road.” His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “I fucking hate that he won’t just leave you the hell alone.”

  That old familiar fear clenched like a fist around my heart. I hated that I knew the feeling so well. While Bruce had been in jail, I knew he was away, so I could control my worries much more easily. I also knew, statistically speaking, I was lucky. Things could’ve been a lot worse for much longer with him. None of that changed the fact that I felt silly and stupid, and like I should have known better.

  I didn’t quite know how to deal with how Remy felt about all of it. Having him here was like having my own personal safety blanket, complete with amazing sex.

  Yet, I fought hard to handle all this on my own when it was over, to remind myself I could walk forward through life with my head high and take care of myself. Part of me savored Remy’s protectiveness, while another part of me wrestled against it. I wanted to lash out. Because I could take care of myself. I had to believe that.

  With my emotions a muddled mess inside, I sipped my wine, taking a few deep breaths, and reminding myself all I had to do was just keep moving through to the other side of the fear. I didn’t need to make decisions about anything.

  “It’s not like that’s news. Bruce is just trying to get to you. That’s the kind of shit he pulls,” I finally said, a sense of weariness settling over me. I wondered if I would have to deal with this bullshit from Bruce for the rest of my life.

  Remy reached across the counter, catching my hand in his. We were sitting at the stretch of counter between the kitchen and living room, facing each other at an angle. The feel of his thumb brushing back and forth across my wrist was soothing and warm.

  “I know that, but…” He was quiet, and then gave his head a small shake. “I don’t know the best way to do this. Here’s the thing. When everything went down with my sister, she told me afterwards that she hated how everybody protected her from stuff they knew about her ex. I’m trying not to do that. And I know it’s personal. But you mean too much to me.”

  My heart started beating so hard and fast, I could feel the echo of it through my body. I wanted to ask him to clarify just what he meant by that.

  Because I knew I was falling in love with him, and I didn’t know how to pull back anymore. Having all this bullshit happen with Bruce right now, just when this was happening with Remy, was downright maddening.

  Emotion rushed through me as I scrambled to find purchase inside. “I’m sorry,” I heard myself saying, instantly wondering why I was apologizing.

  “What the hell are you sorry for? Another thing I know from my sister is this shit just happens. It’s random as hell. Maybe I assumed because of how Shay felt that you feel the same way. I would rather let you know about Bruce’s comments than keep it to myself and worry about what he might do. If you’d rather me not say anything, just say the word.”

  Restless, I stood. I was honestly trying to react as reasonably as possible, but I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t want to be shielded, protected. I also didn’t want to be stupid. I needed to know Bruce was around and saying bullshit like that. Yet, I hated how helpless it made me feel, how it made me feel as if he was still dictating the terms of my life, because I had to think about him, to worry about him.

  Unsettled, I turned back, my arms wrapped around my waist. “What I want isn’t possible. I wish I could undo what happened, so I didn’t have to worry about any of this, but I can’t. So, no, I don’t want you to hide things from me.”

  Remy was quiet. I felt as if he was trying to read too deeply into my thoughts. Right now, I wasn’t quite ready for him to see just how messy I felt inside. Turning away again, I busied myself with washing the dishes.

  Henry snapped through the tense moment by trotting to the door and sitting down, as he politely asked to be let outside. By some miracle, I had trained him to go to the door and sit when he needed to go out. There were plenty of things he didn’t do, but he did that every time.

  “I got him,” Remy said as h
e rose from his stool.

  The next morning, Remy was called out to a fire. The night before, he slept spooned behind me. As much as I loved being held by him, I couldn’t quite relax. I was too unsettled by how quickly I was falling for him. With the intrusion of Bruce back into my world, I didn’t know how to deal with Remy’s response.

  I didn’t hold his reaction against him. Not at all. Yet, the whole mess cast shadows of doubt in my mind. What would I do if he weren’t here? Like now. I couldn’t let myself fall into a situation where I was depending on a man to protect me.

  I told myself that it was a good thing he got called out to a fire. It was a little early for a fire this season, but apparently, in an area where they’d had less snowfall than usual, some idiot had decided to start a campfire. With the dry, dead grasses easy fuel, a small fire had kicked up.

  Last night had been the first night we slept together and not had sex. I knew exactly why. I was too tense, too tied up in knots, with doubts crowding out all the goodness I felt in the small bubble of time I’d shared with Remy.

  On the way into work, I stopped to get gas. My heart stuttered and took off when I looked over and saw the vehicle I now knew to be Bruce’s. Of course, he pulled in immediately beside my car, ostensibly to get gas. I knew it was likely he had seen my car and taken the opportunity to play it off as an accidental encounter.

  The thing about having a man like Bruce in my past was we didn’t even have to actually speak for him to affect me. My body tightened with anxiety, and I felt ready to flee. My breath was shallow and my pulse took off at an unsteady gait.

  I breathed through it and got the damn gas. I wasn’t going to let him intimidate me. Driving to the office afterwards, I was relieved to throw myself into work.