Broken Dreams

by Nick Quantrill

  ‘Hello’ Sarah said to Donna. ‘We meet at last.’

  She said hello.

  ‘Thanks for agreeing to meet us.’

  Donna shrugged. ‘I wanted to check this place out.’ She took a deep breath and waited until she had our attention. ‘And I wanted to make my position clear to you. I’ve no interest in seeing my mum again.’

  I nodded. ‘We’re not here to make you do anything you don’t want to do. Your mother asked us to look for you because she wanted to make contact before it was too late. You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?’

  Donna nodded and said she also understood. ‘It’s none of my business.’

  ‘I’ve spoken to your mum’ Sarah said ‘and she’s really sorry about what happened.’

  ‘About what happened? She doesn’t know anything.’

  ‘She regrets listening to your father’ Sarah explained. ‘She really does. I’m not trying to justify what she did, but she knows it was wrong. All she wants is one more chance.’

  ‘She can’t have one.’

  ‘She’s dying.’

  ‘I know.’

  I said nothing, but weighed her up. There was no doubting she was cold; her mother’s imminent death didn’t bother her in the slightest.

  ‘Your brother would love to see you’ I said.

  Donna looked away. ‘I can’t see him.’

  ‘Why not?’

  She composed herself. ‘How’s he doing?’

  ‘Good. He’s got a job, seems to be doing well for himself.’

  ‘I was worried about him.’

  ‘After Jimmy?’ I asked.

  ‘How do you know about him?’

  ‘Your uncle told us.’

  ‘He had no right.’

  ‘He was trying to help us.’

  ‘Did he tell you how the family treated Jimmy?’

  I said he’d told us.

  ‘They practically disowned him’ she continued. ‘Jimmy needed their help and they didn’t give him any. Dad was too busy sitting on his arse watching TV, gambling what money we had away and my mum let him. She didn’t say a thing. I was probably too young to understand at the time, but I know now. Jimmy was crying out for their help and they didn’t offer any.’

  It wasn’t how Derek and Maria had told the story, but that wasn’t important. ‘I know your mother regrets it.’

  Donna laughed and shook her head. ‘But she did nothing about it. I can’t even begin telling you how horrible growing up in that house was. Dad thought he could tell everybody what to do, but yet sit in his armchair doing nothing. Once Jimmy died, I could barely breathe in that house. Whenever I went out, I had to tell him where I was going and who I was out with. It was horrible, yet Gary could do as he pleased, just because he was bigger than my dad. I hated living there.’

  It didn’t sound any worse than the house I grew up in, but it wasn’t my place to comment. ‘It got worse when you started the band?’

  ‘A lot worse. He didn’t like me performing in the clubs he drunk in because he said it was embarrassing for him. He didn’t like my friends, he didn’t like the way I looked. Never mind I was doing something positive about my future.’

  ‘He wanted you to settle down with Tim?’

  Donna nodded. ‘Tim was a lovely bloke; probably still is, but we were too different. He was keen to buy a house and all that kind of stuff. I wasn’t ready for the commitment. My dad thought I should snap Tim’s hand off; damaged goods like me don’t always get a second chance.’

  ‘The abortion?’

  She nodded. ‘I was a kid. I didn’t know what to do, so I did what I assume most teenage girls do and turned to my mother. The one thing I asked of her was she didn’t tell my dad. Of course, she told him and he went mental. He called me all sorts of names and made me feel worthless. He even refused to come to the clinic with me, can you believe it?’

  Sarah reached across the table and offered her a tissue. I felt terrible for bringing the bad memories back. I took a deep breath. ‘And you fell pregnant again?’

  Donna wiped her tears away and stared at me. ‘You say it like it’s bad.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to’ I apologised. I appealed to Sarah, but she ignored me. ‘Chelsea?’

  ‘She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I thought I wanted to be a famous singer.’ She laughed. ‘But all I want is to be a mother, if that makes sense?’

  ‘It does’ said Sarah, explaining about Lauren.

  ‘How old is she?’

  ‘Nearly ten.’

  I asked her about the factory job and explained I’d spoken to her ex-boyfriend.

  Donna thought about it before answering. ‘I don’t know what I was doing, to be honest. I missed home, so I moved back for a while and got a job.’ She put her glass down and looked at us. ‘I wasn’t sure how I felt about my mum, so I wanted to be a bit closer to see if I could figure things out.’

  ‘But you didn’t make contact?’

  She shook her head and picked up her glass. ‘No. I knew almost as soon as I was back. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I’d started to see Simon, and it was just nice to have someone who was interested in me. Chelsea liked the school she went to, so it was easier to stay.’

  ‘Weren’t you worried you’d see people?’

  ‘I lived on the other side of the city and I never really went out.’

  I nodded. Hull could be a big city when you wanted it to be. It was a weird situation, but it seemed to make sense to her. I asked her what had happened with the band.

  ‘It just didn’t work out’ she told us. ‘We started out by singing in clubs and pubs in Hull, but I thought we were better than that. I wanted us to be a proper band, write our own songs and play with musicians, not backing tapes.’

  I nodded and leant forwards. ‘Frank Salford offered to help, didn’t he?’

  ‘How do you know about Frank?’

  ‘Lisa told us about him managing the band.’

  ‘Frank knew what he was doing. He was in the business. He was the best person in the city for us. He put us in a studio to record a demo and asked around in London on our behalf. I like Lisa, I really do, and it’s all in the past now, but if she’d had the drive, we’d have succeeded. I know we would have. We were good.’

  ‘What was the problem with Salford?’

  ‘Who said there was a problem?’

  ‘He’s not a popular man.’

  ‘He was nothing but professional when dealing with the band.’

  ‘Away from the band?’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean’ she said, turning away from me.

  She understood perfectly well what I meant. I waited for her to continue.

  ‘We had an affair’ she eventually offered.

  ‘Did it get you special favours?’

  Donna laughed and looked at me like I was an idiot. ‘Quite the opposite.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  She put her drink down and stared straight at me. ‘Do you want to know why I left Hull?’

  I nodded, wanting her to say it.

  ‘Chelsea.’

  I nodded. We’d done the maths. Donna had left around the time of falling pregnant.

  ‘Tim’s not the father, is he?’ I said. ‘She’s Salford’s.’

  I went to the bar and bought more drinks. Returning, I noticed the addition to the table. Donna introduced him as her boyfriend. He’d been sat elsewhere in the pub whilst we’d talked. She said he knew everything.

  ‘I told my mother when I fell pregnant again’ she explained. ‘I have no idea why, but who else could I turn to? I told her not to tell Dad this time, but of course, she did.’

  ‘What happened?’ I asked.

  ‘He went mad. Said I had to get an abortion, but I couldn’t go through with another one.’

  ‘But you let your parents think Tim was the father?’

  ‘That was wrong of me.’

  ‘But it was easier?’

  Donna nodded, the c
oldness returning. ‘I suppose. I just didn’t want to tell them the truth. It wouldn’t have done any good.’

  I supposed that much was true. ‘Did you tell Salford?’

  She nodded but said nothing.

  ‘He didn’t take the news well?’

  ‘He told me to get rid of it. Offered me money.’

  The golden question. ‘Does he know he has a daughter?’

  She shook her head. ‘No.’

  We drove home in silence after agreeing to talk about Donna Platt in the morning. Anastazja had fulfilled her promise and prepared a meal for me. Looking around, it felt like my flat was no longer my own. It had been cleaned, tidied and a makeshift bed was in the process of being made on the sofa.

  ‘I will sleep on here’ said Anastazja, pointing to it.

  I removed my coat and shoes and told her it was fine. She could take the bed and I’d sleep on the sofa. I’d spent half my life sleeping on them; it wasn’t a problem.

  ‘I have food’ she said.

  It smelt good. I hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. ‘I’m surprised you found something in this place.’

  ‘You are not trying hard enough.’

  ‘Clearly.’ The food was good. ‘Have you been alright today?’ I asked.

  Anastazja nodded. ‘Yes. No problem. I have just watched the television. I hope you do not mind?’

  I shook my head and wondered what I was going to do with her. I didn’t mind her staying in my flat, but it was a situation which needed resolving.

  ‘What have you been doing today?’ she asked me.

  I told her about Donna Platt.

  ‘So she will not talk to her family? That is incredible.’

  ‘Her father didn’t treat her particularly well.’

  ‘It sounds like he was concerned for her. As any father would be.’

  I wanted to ask her about her family, but it wasn’t any of my business. I tried to explain about Ron Platt. ‘He had his own troubles. He worked on the trawlers, bringing fish in from the North Sea. It was a hard life.’ I tried to explain how hard it had been for him, but I doubt I did it justice. I also didn’t want to sound like I was apologising for his behaviour. ‘When the industry was wiped out, he couldn’t get another job. It’s the story of the area he lived in, really.’

  ‘I understand, but if you lose a job, you get another one? You start again?’

  ‘He couldn’t adapt to it, or find one.’ I shook my head. ‘I don’t really know.’

  ‘He could have been a better father, though?’

  I couldn’t disagree with that. His teenage daughter falling pregnant must have been a shock, but it was something lots of families get through. I tried to put myself in his shoes in an attempt to work out how I’d feel if my daughter formed a band. It seemed harmless enough in itself, and the fact Donna had some focus and ambition had to be a good thing. I wondered if it was Salford’s involvement he objected to? Derek knew all about Salford, so it was a fair assumption Ron also knew the man. In that context, his behaviour was understandable. It also made Donna’s decision to leave Hull, carrying Salford’s baby sensible. Her father wasn’t going to offer any support and I couldn’t see Salford welcoming the news. It left Donna’s mother, now dying, powerless. There wasn’t going to be a happy ending for her.

  ‘What does your girlfriend think?’

  ‘Girlfriend?’

  ‘The lady you work with.’

  ‘Sarah’s not my girlfriend.’

  ‘I see.’ Anastazja looked embarrassed.

  ‘Why would you think she was my girlfriend?’

  ‘I thought she was. She is very fond of you, I can tell that much.’ She laughed. ‘I am a woman.’

  I didn’t know what to say, or think, but was saved by my mobile phone ringing. It was Coleman and he wanted to meet me. I put my plate in the sink and told Anastazja I wouldn’t be long.

  I walked back into Queens and found Coleman in a quiet corner, away from the regulars. He’d already got me a drink. I said thanks and sat down opposite him.

  ‘Thanks for coming’ he said.

  ‘Did I have a choice?’

  ‘I’m here as a favour to you, Joe. Off the record.’

  I nodded. ‘Why would you want to do that?’

  Coleman sat back, staring at me. ‘You’re not making this easy for me.’

  ‘Should I be?’

  He put his drank down. ‘I don’t think we did enough for you when your wife died, and I want to give you a heads-up.’

  ‘You didn’t do enough?’

  He lowered his voice. ‘I don’t think we followed up on the fire investigation when the going got tough. We both know it wasn’t an accident, and we both know the kids who did it were acting under orders. I tried to speak to my DI earlier today and his response was the same; he doesn’t want to dig any further.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because it’s part of something bigger.’

  ‘Salford.’

  Coleman nodded. ‘He’s a long-standing target and we expect to get to the truth about the fire when we arrest him.’

  ‘If you arrest him.’

  ‘Fair point, but we’re closer than ever. The net is closing in on him and Christopher Murdoch.’

  ‘Murdoch didn’t kill his wife.’

  ‘We’ll have to agree to disagree on that, but he’s up to his neck in shit, Joe. I’m not here to go over the whole alibi and motive stuff with you. If you can bring me something, I’m telling you I’ll make sure it’s looked at.’ He shrugged. ‘Truth will out.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re so confident.’

  ‘I’m here in my own time and out of choice. Do you think the fire didn’t affect me? I was there, at the scene, Joe. I saw things nobody should have to see. I know it was your wife who died, but that doesn’t mean you’re the only one who wants to see some results.’

  I held his stare. ‘What are you telling me?’

  ‘I’m telling you I want to see justice done, and the best way to do that is to let me do my job.’

  ‘Not good enough.’

  ‘It has to be.’

  ‘You said your boss isn’t interested.’

  ‘He’s been told not to be interested. Other people are looking at Salford. We know what’s going on. He can’t run from us.’

  ‘I want justice for my wife.’

  ‘You’ll get it.’

  ‘I don’t trust you.’ It was the truth. If you want a job doing, do it yourself, I thought.

  ‘You have to trust me.’

  ‘No I don’t.’

  Coleman sighed. ‘Leave it alone, Joe.’

  ‘No chance.’

  ‘Dave Johnson isn’t going to help you.’

  I paused. ‘What do you mean?’

  Coleman laughed. ‘Come on, Joe. We know you had lunch with him today.’

  ‘You’re watching him?’

  He nodded. ‘I told you, the net’s closing. He’s not your man.’

  ‘Who sent you here?’

  ‘I’m here because I thought I should be, and that’s the truth. No one sent me. I know you better than you know yourself, Joe and I know what you’re thinking and I’m telling you it’s a bad idea.’

  ‘What am I thinking?’

  ‘Johnson is the man with the answers; he can give you whoever started the fire. Whatever deal he’s offering you, it’s not worth it.’

  ‘Who says he’s offering me a deal?’

  ‘I am. If he wants your silence in exchange for some names, it’s not worth it.’

  ‘They killed my wife.’ I understood the point and knew my argument was weak. I looked away from him.

  Coleman took his time. ‘He might be able to give the people who lit the fire but they’re not the ones you want. It’s not the answer.’

  ‘The answer works for me.’

  ‘No it doesn’t.’ Coleman finished his drink and stood up. ‘Stay away from Johnson.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

  ‘The net’s closi
ng in on me, Joe. I need to get my affairs in order, make sure I know things are going to be okay.’

  I paid attention to Murdoch. I hadn’t been expecting him to be waiting for me at the office first thing this morning, but it wasn’t a problem. It seemed I always had more questions for him.

  ‘I’m sorry I had to be the one who told you about your wife.’

  I shrugged his words aside because he’d only told me when he had been backed into a corner. I knew where I’d find the answers and my talk with Coleman confirmed I was on the right track. He didn’t want me causing trouble, but his warning didn’t bother me. My initial anger had turned into a desire to see things through. It felt like all I needed to do was ask the right question to unlock the door; I was willing to do whatever it took for Debbie. I watched Murdoch pick up the photograph Maria Platt had lent to me.

  ‘Jennifer’s brother’s into this kind of thing. He’s been collecting them, trying to put together their father’s life story.’ He put it back down and laughed. ‘I wish I had the time for that kind of thing. They used to call him Lucky, because he was some sort of Jonah out at sea.’

  Sarah walked into the room and stared at Murdoch before asking if I was alright. I told her I was fine and waited for her to leave.

  ‘She thinks it’s a bit weird that I’m still giving you the time of day’ I explained once she’d gone.

  ‘Understandable, I suppose. I’m still the police’s chief suspect, despite everything I’ve told them. I really appreciate all your doing for me, Joe.’