by Apryl Baker
“A vampire?” Micah asks, more confused than I’ve ever seen him.
“Is no that simple.” Luka’s eyes have gone back to normal. “I do not know what I am. I can walk around in the light of day. I can enter a church or holy place. Religious items no affect me. I can still use my Gypsy magic, but I need to hunt, to kill. It has strip me of my humanity. Is only with you I see glimmers of it.”
“The girl they wanted your mother to kill?” I know the answer before he says it, but I need to hear it.
“You.”
“The day at the waterfall? You did try to kill me.”
“Yes, munya, but I could no. If I had done what I set out to do, come here to kill you, my family would be safe.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No, Alexandria, I didn’t. The thought of hurting you causes me physical pain. I cannot hurt you. I will not.”
“What happens to your family?”
A deep and abiding sadness creeps into his eyes. “Is impossible to save you both. I had to make a choice. My heart, it chose you. My mother will understand. She would tell me is the right choice.”
Why would he choose me over his family? He barely knows me. My brain stutters as I try to make sense of it, and something happens. A buzzing starts in my ears and then vibrates through every cell in my body. It overwhelms me and I snap, just like that day in junior high school, only this time I have nowhere to run. My vision blurs, heat blazes to life inside of me, and I see a tinge of red. The scream comes out of nowhere. I can’t hold it back. The force that has been running wildly under my skin escapes with that scream. I feel it flow out of me. The windows in the room shatter, spilling glass outward.
Micah and Luka dive out the broken windows. Seconds later, the door slams open. Jason scrambles in, baseball bat in hand, looking over every inch of the room. Sabien is right behind him.
“What?” The fear and concern make his voice almost hard. “What happened?”
“Make it stop, please make it stop.” My hands clutch at my ears. Oh God, it’s so loud. My head aches from the intensity of the noise. Blood drips onto my lip. I can feel it trickle out of my nose. This buzzing is killing me.
“Make what stop, Alexandria?”
“The buzzing.”
“Buzzing?” Sabien is instantly beside me. “Do you hear it or feel it?”
“Both. It feels like my skin is crawling.”
Sabien smiles. “It’s all right, little one. It’s normal. You’re waking up. I know it’s scary, but the buzzing will go away soon.”
“Normal?” Jason snaps. “There’s nothing normal about hearing a buzzing noise.”
“This is how our magic awakens,” Sabien explains. I can barely focus on his words. “Soon, the noise will lesson and then disappear. Her gifts will begin to manifest themselves. She’s much younger than anyone in our family who has ever awoken. Our family, our magic, is as old as time itself. The fact she has awoken so soon tells me everyone has a right to fear her, to fear you. We must keep her safe. I wasn’t counting on this…I need help.”
“Well, right now I think the windows need help.” Leave it to my brother to be practical.
Sabien frowns and closes his eyes. The glass begins to flow back into place and becomes whole once again. He repairs both windows before arching a brow at his nephew. Jason’s mouth hangs open.
“Alexandria.” His voice is soft and soothing. “I’m going to put you back to sleep. You need to rest. Your body needs to adjust to the changes taking place. Okay?”
Changes? My skin is crawling like thousands of insects are running through an all-expense paid trip to Walt Disney bug land. My body aches. My head throbs and the buzzing swarms through my ears. Changes? It feels more like I’m being ripped apart by gale force hurricane winds.
“Maintenant sommeil.”
I barely feel the pillow under my head before I black out. Again.
Bright sunlight assaults my eyes when I open them hours later. I snap them shut. I do not like waking up to the sun. My eyes are very sensitive to bright sunlight. It actually hurts, especially with the early morning sun. Dad had special curtains made years ago to block out the light for my room. Even at Compton, I’d had the black-out shades because of my eyes.
Cracking my eyelids, I look around. I don’t recognize the room. It’s old, the furniture antiques. I’m in a massive king sized bed, and the sheer white drapes hanging from the top of the canopy are a gauzy material. The delicate white and blue tones of the room is meant to be comforting, and it is. They are my favorite colors. We must still be at Uncle Sabien’s.
My brother is asleep on the floor, a baseball bat clutched in one hand and his old stuffed dog, Pup-Pup, in the other. He told me he got rid of the toy years ago. Such a liar. My bear is beside me, too. Jase must have made a run to the apartment.
The next thing I notice is the massive headache. It feels like my head is going to crack open. Yesterday comes flooding back and I am wracked by a bad case of the shakes. Memories hound my mind, tormenting me.
My head feels like it’s imploding as image after image rushes back and I remember, not just yesterday, but all of it. Dear God, please, I don’t want to remember, but either God isn’t listening or doesn’t care that I can’t take much more.
The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout, I hum to myself as I run to the swings. I love the swings. The air is cool as it bathes my legs, and I shout for Mommy to swing me. We are in matching blue dresses, and Mommy laughs as I tell her to swing me higher, and I scream when I go up higher than ever before.
I see it when I am up in the air. It is a big, black cat. I tell Mommy to look at the kitty. I hear her breath catch in her throat and she pulls me off the swing. Then she puts me in the yellow bubble slide and tells me not to come out until she comes to get me.
Mommy looks scared. I’ve never seen her scared before, and I start to cry when she leaves me. The big cat walks toward her, growling and snarling, its teeth gleaming in the sunlight. I don’t hear what Mommy says, but then she lets out a big roar and then she…she…she changes. My mommy is gone, her clothes on the ground, and where she was now stands a big wolf. It growls at the cat and snaps its teeth.
The big cat launches itself at the wolf, and the wolf jumps to meet it. They clash mid-air and fall, their bodies twisting and rolling as they fight. I see their teeth tearing into each other, see them snap and snarl as they try to kill each other. I cry louder. Where did my mommy go?
The cat lets out a cry and I hear something snap. The wolf has the cat pinned down and is tearing its throat out. Then the wolf looks up at me and I shrink back. Is it going to eat me too? It turns and grabs the big cat and pulls it into the woods.
I don’t know how long I wait in the slide, but I can hear Mommy call my name. I peek out of the slide and see her tugging at her clothes as she limps toward me. It takes her a long time to get me to come out of the slide. I am so scared, but she promises me it will be okay. The big dogs are gone, even the dead ones. Where did they go? I cry harder, and then I stop. The fear goes away and I can’t remember anything. Everything is okay.
My mother must have caused me to forget. I’d been hysterical, crying, and unable to move out of fear. She’d done the only thing she could to calm me down. She must have used some kind of magic. In doing so, she’d relieved the fear in that moment, but those memories have haunted me all my life. They’ve made me think I’m insane, that I was destined to be committed to a mental hospital. All these years, I’ve thought I was crazy, but I’m not. Everything I’ve ever dreamed about is real. Those vague memories that have haunted me day and night are awful, and they’re as real as the sunlight pouring into my brother’s window. I’m not crazy. I’m just really, really messed up.
How can this have happened? It isn’t fair. Everything about me has been lies. Even now I feel it, this alien force running through me, laughing at me. I don’t want to be a freak of nature. Isn’t it enough that I’ve grown up feeling out o
f place, like I don’t belong, thinking I’m crazy? HA! I guess I’ve been right all along. I don’t belong. I am different. A freak show.
I should have known what little happiness I’ve found over the last few weeks wouldn’t last. How could it? Eventually, everything I love is always taken from me. Why? Why can’t I just be a normal person with a normal life and normal friends?
My thoughts flash to Micah and Luka. A shifter and a self-proclaimed monster. Which is worse? What am I supposed to do? How can I be friends with them anymore? How can I not? No matter how scared I am, I need them. The thought of never seeing them or speaking to them again terrifies me more than the knowledge of what they are.
That fact alone makes me wonder if they haven’t done something to me. I’ve never needed someone so badly that being separated from them actually causes me physical pain. That’s how I feel about Micah. He’s become a part of me. No, he’s always been a part of me. I’ve been dreaming of being a wolf since I can remember. Even though I hadn’t met him, deep down, I’d felt him. From the beginning, I felt at ease, at peace around him. All of those things that had defined me before simply melt away in his presence. I’m not shy, embarrassed, or self-conscious around him. He makes me whole.
And Luka? Rude, arrogant beyond belief, and very mysterious. At least the mystery is solved. Well, sort of. He’d managed to ingrain himself into my life too, worked his way into it. Why? Why is he so important to me? I should run screaming from him. He came here with the intent of killing me to save his family. He could have hurt me at any time he wanted over the last few weeks. Instead, he chose me over saving his family. That scares me. I think I’m falling in love with him, but what does he feel for me? Is he just saving me because it’s the right thing or because he has feelings for me? I simply don’t know.
So where does that leave me?
In a hell of a mess, that’s where.
Chapter
Seventeen
It’s been a week since the proverbial crap hit the fan. Jason and I are both ready to hurt someone, I think. Our anger levels are off the charts and flaring regularly. Uncle Sabien convinced us to stay at his house for a few days, but we only lasted overnight. Being in that house, surrounded by photos of our mother, was too hard. We understand her reasoning, but she was wrong to do what she did, to leave us behind. Forgiveness isn’t as easy as understanding.
Jason seems to be coping better than I am, though. He makes it look so easy. Sure, his temper is flaring like mad, but dealing with what we learned? He’s gone about his everyday life like the world as we knew it didn’t end. Then again, he doesn’t constantly feel like a freak show with his skin crawling either. Nor does he have friends who are monsters. I laugh harshly. Who am I kidding? I’m just as much a monster as they are. That’s why I’m freaking out so much. I am a monster. The gene is in my blood, dormant for now, but it can one day wake up with a vengeance.
Micah and Luka have been playing ping pong on my phone all week. If one isn’t texting, the other is. I can feel Micah’s anxiety. It’s the weirdest thing ever. I actually feel him. He worries about how I’m taking all this. He’s afraid he’s lost me. I don’t know how I know all this, but I do. It’s my gut telling me the truth of it.
Then there’s Luka. I keep seeing his eyes right before he’d dived out my window. He knew he’d scared me. I’d seen the same fear in his eyes that I’d seen in Micah’s—the fear of losing me. Maybe he does feel more for me than an obligation to keep me safe.
I know I need to talk to them at some point, but it’s all I can do to concentrate on going to class. My mind is whirling with questions and fears. I see trackers in every face that comes within walking distance of me. Avoiding Luka and Micah has been harder at school, but I’ve managed.
Dad convinced us to spend the weekend with him. He’s distraught, and I can see the pain it’s causing Emma. She loves him like he loved our mother. Emma is seeing that truth, and it’s tearing her apart. Jason and I are at a loss of how to help her except to show her how much we love her.
I curl up on the bed and try to get comfortable, my mind drifting back to my boys. I need time to get used to me before I talk to them. How am I supposed to face them when I can’t even face myself? I don’t know what to do. I’m not afraid of them. I’m afraid of me.
Something at my window distracts me. I bolt up, fear overshadowing everything else for a second. More trackers? No. Trackers wouldn’t announce their arrival. Getting out of bed, I creep over to the window and pull back the heavy drapes. Pebbles hit the window and make me blink. Looking down, I see Micah and Luka whispering to each other. Micah scoops up more pebbles.
Neither of them does the whole patient thing very well. They probably got tired of my ignoring them. Luka sees me staring down at them, a frustrated look on his face, and crooks his finger at me. Then he points down, a silent command to come out. Oh, he did not!
I take a sheet of paper out of my notebook and with a bright red sharpie write the word NO. I tape it to the window and pull the curtains closed.
So, there! I feel childish, but oddly empowered too.
A sharp knock at my window startles me. Now, how did they get up here? I know for a fact the ladder is locked up in the storage building out back. I pull the drapes open and gape.
Luka is floating outside my window! Floating! Come on!
He also looks irritated with me.
Wait. Irritated? What right does he have to be irritated? He isn’t the one who’s just had their life torn to little tiny pieces and left strewn over the floor. Irritated? If anyone has the right to be irritated, it’s me.
I hear Micah laugh.
You shut up too, I fume.
We need to talk, Blue.
We are talking.
Luka can’t hear us.
What, are you talking to each other now?
We decided to pool our resources to protect you.
I snort.
Please, Blue? There’s something you should know.
Sigh.
Fine. Tell Luka to stop floating before the neighbors see him.
I’m going to be in so much trouble if I get busted, I think as I pull on my jeans and my favorite WVU sweatshirt. Creeping downstairs, I jerk on my shoes and let myself out. I put a finger to my lips and lead them out back to the gazebo.
We sit for a minute, no one speaking, just staring. How to start? Where to start? It’s a bizarre mess to sort through, but unfortunately, I don’t have all night. My family will check on me at some point.
“So talk,” I tell them crossly. I miss the warmth of my bed as a cool wind blows around us. It’s late September, and it gets chillier at night in the mountains than it did in New York.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I know you want time to get used to all this stuff, but there’s something you need to know. We should have told you sooner, but…”
“What?” I whisper, afraid of the answer.
“The one that attack me escape.” Luka confirms my worst fear.
Well, crap.
My nostrils flare, panic creeping up my spine. That’s what I thought they were going to say. The possibility haunted me all week. The what-if scenario. They know where we are.
“Don’t freak, Alex,” Micah warns. “We’ll keep you safe. I promise.”
Don’t freak? I’m well past that point. Hysteria-induced madness.
Yup, that’s me.
Stay calm. Don’t freak. Breathe. Focus.
“How did you get away?”
“Is nothing. I am fine.”
“There’s not a scratch on you, Luka. How did you manage that?”
“He healed,” Micah tells me softly.
“Healed?” I turn my attention to Micah. “Is he like you?”
“No, not exactly, but they can’t kill him.”
“Wait, why can’t they kill you?”
Luka and Micah share a shuttered looked.
“Oh, no you don’t.” I wag my finger at them both. “No way are you g
etting all secretive on me now.”
Luka smiles. Actually smiles. It’s a smile I’ve never seen before.
“No, munya,” he says. “No more secrets. Part of my magic give me a way with animals. I can compel them to do things. Is a rare gift among my people.”
Micah snorts.
“So you, like, what, told the cat to let you go?” I grab onto something I can deal with.
“I tell it not to kill me.” Luka’s smile is sheepish. “I should have say not to harm me.”
A thought occurs suddenly, and I have an idea as to why the two of them have been at each other’s throats for so long.
“You have control over the wolves?”
Luka sighed. “Yes.”
“I knew it!” I crow. “That’s why you two have been acting like such morons.”
“Morons?” Micah is definitely offended.
“That is part of the reason Micah and I were in argument,” Luka says. His way doesn’t make them sound like morons—his point, I think. Too bad I still think they’re complete and utter morons.
Another thought occurs to me and I interrupt him.
“All those times I felt like I had to do what you said…was that you making me?”
“No, munya, I did no.” His words are earnest. “Is a terrible thing to do to someone.”
Then why do I always feel the need to do as he asks? “Was that the reason Micah was so upset with you? Did he think you were using your influence on me?”
“It did occur to me,” Micah admits, “but that’s not the main reason I wanted you to stay away from him.”
“Then why?”
“Micah is afraid I might hurt you.”
“What?” That wipes the smirk off my face. Hurt me? “No.” I shake my head, the truth of my own words stealing over me. “You would never hurt me.” I believed what he told me that day by the waterfall. It’s a truth that resounds in my bones. Luka will never harm me.