by Renee Rose
For the first time, I note signs of chinks in her armor when she flinches and licks her lip briefly. I see her tongue, and recognize that I should probably want to bite it or kiss it. I think about Kianna and her soft, small, wicked little mouth.
I stifle a groan and adjust my pants. Veck! This is not the time. Or, rather, it could be the time, but the physical manifestation has been brought about by the absolute wrong female.
“I will pierce you with my crystals at the solstice. The light, it will heal you the rest of the way.” My voice is hopeful. I can hear a tone in there that I don’t myself understand. Like I’m pleading with her. “It will make us happy together.”
She looks at me. “Do you really believe that?” It’s the first time she’s spoken with any emotion at all. And it sounds like anger.
I look away for a second. “I’ve heard the light has restorative properties.”
“That, yes. But the other?”
I shake my head. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you?”
“For me, specifically?”
I continue without answering. “I was going to be the best fighter Zandia has ever seen, then I was injured. But I can pass my skills on by mating a Zandian female who is as strong as I am.”
“So I’ve been told, by Dr. Daneth and King Zander. They are all eager to see me bred.” She sounds disgusted.
I swallow, my misgivings growing larger. “I promised my father on my honor I would mate a Zandian.” I offer it like an explanation. An excuse for why this wrongness must be right. “And that Zandian female is you. You are what I’ve wanted my entire life.”
She tilts her head. “Do you know what I’ve wanted my entire life?”
Startled, I open my mouth. Hell, I never even asked. Never considered her thoughts on the matter. “What?”
She stands up. “To be free, for one. To be here, on Zandia.” She waves a hand. “I dreamed of it every night, Mykl. Every planet rotation. It was the only thought in my head. Everything I endured, each planet rotation longer, was so I could be here.” She glares at me, fierce.
“And now you are here.”
“And now that I’m here”—her voice falters—“I’m lost.” She stops talking and turns her back to me. “And what is being offered to me is not what I need.”
“Perhaps…” I don’t know how to talk of these things. “Once you are here longer, you will learn to enjoy your situation.”
She looks at me again. “Other beings speak of true happiness. Joy. Love. Do you think…” she whispers the next thing, her large eyes darkening, “I could ever have that, too? With you?”
I look away because my lungs hurt, for some reason. My mind races. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t you want that for yourself?” She touches a branch on a nearby tree.
My answer is immediate. “I have my promise to keep. Fulfilling that will make me happy.”
She lets out a humorless laugh. “Many promises end up being chains that can choke a being instead of saving him.”
“What does that mean?” I growl, but I’m not mad at her. I’m just frustrated. And curious. For all the hours we’ve spent together, this is the most real, meaningful conversation we’ve exchanged. It’s like I’m finally getting to know her, the real her. Not just a random Zandian female, but her.
“A chain of pain that hurts not just you, but many others.”
I think immediately of Kianna. Arc and Bow. Hektor. And this female in front of me.
“Do you prefer Hektor?” I hold back my breath. The strange thing is, I hope that her answer will be yes. “Do you wish to mate him instead of me?”
“I want time to decide.” She looks at me. “But yes, I think I do.”
The elation makes me giddy and my head spins. But the promises…
“How do you know? You barely know Hektor. What is it that makes you know… he’s the one?” I lean forward, intent on her face. As if her reply will help me understand something about myself.
“When I first saw you, I felt immense gratitude and relief. I knew I could trust you. But when I saw him?” A little smiles spreads across her face. “It was like a thunderbolt, Mykl. Like my empty chest was ripped open and filled back up with something beautiful.” Her smile broadens. “And he felt it too. I sensed it.”
“So that was it? You just… knew? Like that?”
She nods. “I didn’t know such a thing was possible. But yes, exactly like that.”
“We don’t have that with each other, you and I.” I’ve known it for some time now. Still, saying it terrifies me. Because it means that my carefully planned out life is going to deviate in a way I can’t predict.
“Hektor has been visiting me in the sick bay.” She clears her throat.
“Behind my back?” Despite the fact that I want her to choose Hektor, it still rankles that I’m not in charge of this situation.
She rubs her lips together. “Hektor would be willing to share me. I understand that is the way now—many males mated to a single female. Are you willing to share?”
My lip curls before I can stop it. Sharing a female would be impossible for me. I can barely stand other beings in general. Living with more than one? Having to negotiate and yield to other males? Never.
If I were honorable, I would offer to share her. Especially since she clearly prefers Hektor. But her interest in Hektor feels like an out. Maybe a sign, not that I believe in signs.
She lets me off without answering. “Hektor said that on the way to get me, you did something miraculous. You steered the craft through the most difficult band of light asteroids that exist—all manually—and only because your human Kianna helped you focus.”
My human. Kianna.
My face grows warm. “He should not have spoken of that.”
“He said the look on your face when you figured things out was like lightning hit you.”
“I suppose it felt like that, in a way.” I close my eyes. “It was fundamentally startling.”
As I think about how I felt on the craft, so close to Kianna, something suddenly becomes clear in my mind. “My promise to my father, I’ve been thinking about it the wrong way. I need to focus on the spirit of the thing, not the words. I can’t be locked into that.”
She nods.
I stand up straight and look into her eyes. “I release you from your promise to me. Do you release me?”
“I do.” She smiles.
I pull her into my arms for a hug. “Thank you. I will never forget this.”
Kianna
* * *
I take a breath and knock. “Cressa?”
She’s down the hall from me in the dorm, but I’ve never visited her quarters.
When she opens the door, her eyes are red. Once she realizes it’s me, her face goes stiff. “Kianna, I don’t want to talk to you right now. Anyway, don’t you need to get ready for your ceremony?” She glances at my arms. “Is that your gown?” Her voice goes up. “Mother Earth, do not tell me that you’re asking me, of all beings, to help you prepare.” She narrows her eyes and starts to close the door. “Go to your best friend Mirelle for that.”
I put my foot into the opening so she can’t close the door. “Wait.” I swallow hard. “You’re not going to help me get ready. I’m going to help you.”
I raise my arms up, offering her the gown. And the crown of flowers that I made using the blossoms I started picking with Mirelle. “Please.”
“Are you mocking me?” She blinks.
“Can I please come in? It’s important.”
The tone of my voice, or maybe something in my face convinces her. She opens the door wider and steps back.
I enter. It’s homey and warm, full of bright colors and pretty fabrics. I place the gown on her main hoverseat and lay the wreath beside it.
“Cressa, I’m not getting mated to Arc and Bow.” I wind my hair back into a ponytail with my hands, then let it loose. “But I think you should.”
“What?” She’s so
startled that she stands still, and her mouth hangs open. The look of joy and trepidation in her face kills me.
“You should have them. Not me.”
“What, you don’t want them anymore, so I should take your leftovers?” Her voice is scornful, and then she starts crying. “What are you doing?” She sinks down and puts her face into her hands. “Oh, Mother Earth. Help me.”
I tentatively put my hand on her shoulder. When she doesn’t brush me off, I hug her. “Cressa, they don’t love me. And I don’t love them. It was all a big mistake. They are young and thought they should ask me, and I only said yes because, well, that’s complicated. But we don’t belong together.”
“I knew that much.” She sniffs.
“That planet rotation at the grotto? You asked about one of them becoming a lieutenant?”
“Arc,” she says immediately, looking up, her eyes shining. “He’s so smart and talented!”
“Yes, and I can’t even remember which one it was.” I flush. “That’s how unmatched we are.”
I add quickly, “And they have nothing to say to me. But when you came up that day, they both lit up. Like they were full of joy.” I shake my head. “I’ll never feel that way with them. And they won’t, with me. It would be wrong to accept their crystals. We’d all of us be miserable, eventually.”
“I love them. So, so much.” She swallows. “And I was dying because you were going to mate them, and you don’t even care for them! I could see it. Everyone can see it. Everyone who bothers to look, that is.
“I love them,” she repeats, her voice trembling. “I felt they loved me too, but they were always with you.”
“Cressa, they want you. They are only accepting me because of their initial promise and their Zandian honor. I need to release them from the promise, because otherwise they’ll go ahead with it, no matter how unhappy they are.”
I stand up. “Look, the dress might not fit perfectly, but I bet Octavia can adjust it. And this flower crown is for you. Mirelle told me these flowers signify strength and love and things like that. I picked them for hours and made this. Not for me, but for you.”
I lift the thing up, adjusting the delicate ribbons that blow in the breeze from the open window, and place it onto her head. “Look.” I point her to the mirror.
She gasps and puts a hand to her mouth. “Oh, stars. It’s so pretty.” She’s mesmerized. “Kianna, is this real?” Her eyes well up again. “This isn’t a dream or a joke?”
“It’s true.” I take her hands. “And I’m sorry.”
“For what?” But she’s already picking up the gown. “You said Octavia can adjust this?” She giggles. “Oh, I never thought I could have this.” She turns to me. “But what about you?”
Her face goes solemn.
I look away. “I’ll be all right.”
“But what about Mykl?”
I squeeze my eyes hard. “He’s mating the Zandian female. I hear she’s pretty amazing. What a blessing that our planet won her back, and just before the Zandian Lights, too.”
“I won’t ever forget this, Kianna.” She hugs me, hard. “Thank you.”
“Let’s just get ready. And once you are, we both need to go explain things to Arc and Bow.”
“What if they don’t want me?” But she knows that won’t happen. She feels it in her bones, as well as I do, that those two will be overjoyed to see her in the crown instead of me. And that thought—that I’m bringing happiness to three other beings—is enough to sustain me as I help Cressa get ready for the biggest planet rotation of her life.
Mykl
* * *
It’s almost time for the Zandian Lights festival, and a crowd gathers. Every being is respectful, but the energy of the place is immense, and it’s difficult to make my way through the throngs of Zandians and humans.
Everyone is waiting for the peak light to occur. The air already shimmers and crackles with energy, and as I suck in the fresh air, I swear my lungs feel lighter than they have in several solar cycles. Maybe not healed, but fuller, easier. I stand taller, too, I think. Everywhere I look, beings glow with a beauty I’ve never before noticed.
I don’t care for decorations like lanterns and ribbons, but even I have to admit that the whole area looks fantastic, something from a dream.
“Happy Zandian Lights.”
“Happy Solstice!”
Beings hug one another, or salute, as is their comfort, and give the special greetings.
But even though energy pulls me to be part of the whole, I’m desperate to find them. I must find Kianna, Arc and Bow and halt their ceremony before it’s too late.
I just hope that I’m not too late. Maybe she gave up on me after I turned her down for the Zandian female. Maybe she hates me now. Maybe—worse—she’s indifferent, doesn’t care about me at all.
Panic seizes me and I look around wildly.
“Where’s Kianna?” I grab the nearest Zandian.
“Who?” He shrugs. “Happy Solstice to you.”
“She’s getting mated. She’s a human.” I resist the urge to shake him. “Happy Solstice.”
“Brother, I don’t know her, but there are many mating ceremonies. Look.” He points to the side, by the waterfall.
I see a trio exchanging crystals. A group of four are clustered together, looks of bliss on their faces.
Then I see them—Arc and Bow, unmistakable. Dressed in the formal Zandian clothing of white tunics and trousers.
Kianna is there between them, in a flowing gown and a wreath of flowers and all kinds of tulle and fabric in her hair. Her back is to me, and as I stare, Arc and Bow each put an arm around her and lean in.
Veck!
I race forward as fast as I can, pushing beings aside left and right, and when I reach them, I grab Kianna.
“Get your hands off of her!” I roar. I tug her away from them and glare at the nearest one, Arc. “I must speak with her.”
He glowers and his hand goes to his dagger. “Stand back. You are interrupting our ceremony.”
I growl. “I don’t vecking care. I have something to say to her and I must do it now. Kianna—” I whirl her around.
My hands go slack on her arms. I let go, stepping back. “Who… who are you?”
Am I going insane? This is Arc, there’s Bow. This is their mate. But instead of Kianna, it’s a human I vaguely recognize. She has masses of red-gold hair topped with a wreath of flowers, and she’s completely decidedly not the human I love.
“I’m Cressa.”
“I don’t understand. Where’s Kianna?” I feel like I’m underwater.
“Arc and Bow and I love each other. Kianna doesn’t love them. We straightened things out.” Cressa smiles. She looks beatific.
“Brother, step back. You are interrupting our ceremony.” Bow barely contains his rage. “We wish to gift her our crystals at the peak of the light. Please let us have it.” He glares at me.
Cressa looks at me with sympathy. But also some shrewdness, I think. “She said she’s going to the Outlander program directly after this ceremony. In fact, she might be headed there now.”
“She can’t do that,” I mutter. “She’s not right for that. She has other gifts, better gifts she can develop. Don’t you know that she’s a genius at mind relaxation and empowerment?” I clear my throat. “And stars, nobody would leave during the ceremony for a thing like that. I’m sure all off-planet travel is halted for the duration of the solstice. Why would you even say a thing like that?” My voice rises until I’m pretty much roaring at her. “She can’t be going to the Outlander program!”
Cressa pulls a sympathetic expression, but I swear she also looks pleased. These humans are so vecking complicated—
Arc and Bow growl and step forward, so I put up a hand. Bow my head. “My apologies. I am… feeling emotional.” I’m not accustomed to this; if it means I have a chance at Kianna, I’ll muddle through these new feelings.
I move back. “Where is she?”
“We do not know.” Bow is clearly running out of patience. “If you’re so interested, I suggest you go search for her.”
The first intelligent thing this young idiot has said. I still want to rip him apart because he was courting Kianna and probably had his hands on her at one point. I take a breath and compose myself. “I wish you three a happy ceremony and a joyous life together.” Thank veck it’s not with Kianna.
Cressa turns back to Arc and Bow, then whirls around one last time. “She said she can’t bear to be here when you start your new life with the Zandian female. But apparently you’re not mating her anymore?”
“I’m not.” I growl. “She’s with Hektor now.” It’s still not clear if she will mate Hektor alone, or a group of Zandians including Hektor. The truth is that I don’t much care, because she’s not the one for me.
“This is complicated.” Cressa smiles. “But very good. And since you said that, maybe she’s not going to the Outlander program right now. Maybe she’s here somewhere, watching the lights with Mirelle. Maybe you can find her, if you look, say, over there.” She points, then turns, and this time she’s so intent on her mates that I know none of them will hear another thing I say.
I turn around, scanning the crowd, but I can’t find her.
The sun sinks lower in the sky, and the air takes on a new intensity, as murmurs ring out from all sides.
“It’s almost here!”
“Look at the crystals glow.”
King Zander speaks from the smooth white stone dais in front of the crowd. His lovely human mate stands beside him, holding the hand of their young. “Fellow Zandians and humans, happy Zandian Lights.”
The entire crowd echoes it back, a hum of togetherness and family.
“We are gathered here to honor our community, our planet, and the one true Zandian star. We have won back our planet and are working to empower our future. I thank each and every one of you for your sacrifices and gifts that you share with each other. Together we will make Zandia a powerhouse for ourselves and future generations to come. Let us allow the crystal light to bring us new energy and strength.” He nods, and at his approval, a new batch of lanterns light up, all across the fields and grottos.