On Your Knees

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Willow wanted to cry. She hated that some group of guys had put their names on the swoop list. She hated that someone had made her so angry that she punched that person on hallowed ground. She hated that she’d let her mom down. She hated that the woman she loved was now looking at her so disappointedly.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Catastrophically (Olive’s Beginning)

  As soon as Olive entered the foster home, the younger kids who lived there rushed up to her. After a long night away, she realized, though her home was nontraditional, she had a family. Olive embraced the kids.

  “Where’ve you been? Charles has been worried sick,” said Dazia, a little girl who was in the third grade.

  Petey, a little boy in the fifth grade, said, “He sure has. Bugging me every five minutes ’bout where you are.”

  “We’re about to go to the movies with Ms. B. Come with us,” Dazia said, tugging on Olive’s shirt.

  “Where are Charles and Shawn?” Olive asked.

  “Back that way,” Petey pointed.

  “You two have fun with Ms. B. I’ll make sure the big boys stay in line, cool?”

  The two younger ones gave Olive sad faces, but smiled when she tickled them as she walked past to check on the older boys. Olive ran into Ms. B. Her foster mother was such a lovely woman. If she wasn’t almost a hundred, Olive would ask her to be adopted. She was actually seventy-nine, but to Olive, that was old. Olive wanted to talk to her so bad. But the last thing she wanted to do was burden Ms. B, because she hadn’t been feeling too well, and Olive was happy she was going out with the kids to a movie.

  Ms. B hugged Olive. “Hey there, sweetie. I know those kids blabbed about our outing. You don’t want to go with us? You back just in time.”

  “No, ma’am. I’ve got some homework to do.”

  “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself this weekend, basketball games, girls’ sleepovers, and you went to church this morning. I’m proud of you losing the attitude, talking about ma’am. You’re turning into a fine young lady. We’ll be on back. Keep an eye out for me on them boys. They hot mad ’bout something.”

  “Will do.”

  Ms. B’s son used to come on Sunday afternoons to pick her and the kids up and take them on outings. They’d go bowling, skating, and finally, after a month’s hiatus, they were going to the movies. The kids would always ask Olive to go, and she’d always say no. Now Olive was starting to appreciate and understand that she needed to accept being with the people who cared about her. She made a mental note that next time she’d go with them.

  Hearing noises from the boys’ room, Olive quickly hurried to the back of the house to see what was going on with Charles and Shawn. Why did Ms. B say they were all upset?

  “There you are. Thought you weren’t coming back,” Charles rudely said, standing near the dresser.

  Charles wasn’t looking at Olive, but she knew there was a little bit more to the rant he was giving. Shawn was snickering. Olive didn’t want to face the facts that she was having some serious feelings for her foster brother, but that was the truth. And it did seem like a two-way street since Charles was upset that she had been gone. There could only be one reason why he cared. He used to say she got on his nerves, but now he wanted her around. He liked her too.

  “I hope you had fun, at least,” Charles uttered sarcastically when she didn’t respond to his first statement.

  Olive saw Charles was salty. She went over and stood by him. She gave him a bump, hip-to-hip.

  “He want you to bump him alright,” Shawn joked.

  “Whatever, hush, man,” Charles snarled.

  “What’s going on with y’all? Ms. B said you two were mad about something.”

  Charles hit the dresser. “It’s that punk Tiger. He won’t let it go; he keeps starting stuff. I’m going to have finish it, though. Word’s out he gon’ take me.”

  Panicked, Olive said, “What? We need to leave and go to the police! Where did he say that? You’ve got it written down?”

  “I told you you shouldn’t tell her, man,” Shawn said.

  “You right,” Charles agreed, then he went over to Olive. “Don’t worry. We got this.”

  With eyes watering, she said, “Y’all got what? You don’t own no guns.”

  Charles went over to a drawer and pulled out a silver handgun.

  “You got a loaded gun in this house with those kids?” Olive said, outraged.

  “Naw, girl,” Shawn said, and he reached in another drawer, got some bullets, and threw them to Charles.

  “You’ve got to put that up, Charles. We’ve got to get rid of that thing.”

  Before she could say any more, Charles came over to her and kissed her passionately. “If he threatens me, I can deal with it, Olive, but if he threatens you, he’s dead.”

  Stunned and floored, she grabbed him and said, “Let me handle Tiger.”

  “You kidding? I can’t believe you dated him as long as you did. You looked the other way about his crimes. I know for a fact he done took a sucker out with you around. You can’t handle him. Can you?” Charles asked.

  Olive looked the other way. She remembered the night exactly. A guy owed Tiger some money. That guy didn’t want to get in trouble, so he brought another guy who owed him to Tiger. Olive sat in the car, but he heard screams, wails, and then dead silence. Tiger and two of his thugs, plus the guy, went in, but only three of them came out. Tiger was wiping off a bloody knife when he got back in the car. Olive never said anything. People heard about it. Tiger loved to brag, and the fact that Charles knew made her own blood turn cold in her veins.

  “Why did you kiss me?” she asked, needing not to think about the impending danger.

  “Yeah, man, why’d you kiss her?” Shawn teased, still surprised his buddy took action.

  “Get out!” Charles teased Shawn back.

  Shawn gave a nod of approval. “I’ma play Xbox in the living room anyway. Let me know when you’re ready to ride out and take this jerk.”

  “He’s not going anywhere!” Olive said.

  “I’ll be up in a sec,” Charles told Shawn.

  When Shawn left, Charles packed the gun and bullets. Olive said, “And how y’all going, anyway?”

  “Ms. B left us the keys to her car.”

  “She didn’t tell you to drive it.”

  “She didn’t say we couldn’t.”

  Charles put down his bag and put his arms around Olive’s waist. She put her hands to her lips and felt them, not believing what she felt earlier was real. Reading her mind, he kissed her lips again to reassure her. He was so sensual, and he felt so good. It was completely different from anything she’d ever felt with Tiger.

  Olive questioned, “Why are you doing this? I just got out of a crazy relationship.”

  “And ... I can’t get you out of my dreams, Olive. Tell me you feel something.”

  Just when he went to kiss her again, they heard shots ringing out through the house. Charles got Olive down as debris started flying everywhere. Olive’s heart was racing, and it felt like it went on for hours, but it was only probably five minutes of utter chaos.

  When the madness stopped, Olive asked Charles, “Are you okay?”

  Charles stood, helped her up, and dusted them both off. “I’m gonna get that son of a ... ”

  “No, calm down. I’m fine. Wait, where’s Shawn?” Olive said, wondering why he hadn’t rushed in.

  “Shawn!” Charles shouted.

  Both of them rushed to the front of the house when Shawn didn’t respond. Olive’s fears were realized when they saw Shawn lying on the floor, not moving. Olive collapsed catastrophically.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Fearfully (Octavia’s Beginning)

  When Octavia entered the school building the first Monday of February, she was all smiles. She’d been a loner for so long, but now the redhead was blossoming like a rose in the spring. She wouldn’t have to walk through the halls alone, and she’d never been more excited to get to scho
ol than she was that particular morning.

  Octavia hated that she didn’t have a cell phone and couldn’t afford one. From time to time she had a prepaid one. That’s when months were good for her father. Last month hadn’t been a good month for her dad, so she didn’t have a phone to check in with her friends. Therefore, she hoped the girls hadn’t moved their meet-up location, because she had been standing there for about ten minutes, but there was no sign of Sanaa, Willow, Olive, or Pia.

  As other students were staring at her, looking at their cell phones and covering their mouths, Octavia thought maybe another swoop list had come out. At the very least, she felt something big was going on. When she truly studied the crowd, she realized folks seemed serious. More of them looked at their phones, but no laughing ensued.

  Wanting to know what was up, Octavia went over to a stranger and said, “What are y’all looking at?”

  “There was a shooting at a group home last night. I think somebody died.”

  There was only one group home in Jackson. Octavia’s heart stopped. What if something had happened to Olive? Was that where the swoop list girls were?

  “Could I borrow your cell phone?” Octavia said to the guy she’d never met. “What’s your name?”

  He squinted and replied, “It’s Ben, and no, I don’t know you.”

  “Please, Ben? I’m sure you got an unlimited calling plan. I’m not going anywhere with it. It’s an emergency. I know somebody who lives at that house. Do you know who got shot?”

  “The news just said a teenager,” Ben said.

  “Please, let me borrow your phone for a second,” Octavia said in a panicked voice as she snatched the phone away.

  “Hey!” Ben yelled as Octavia held up one finger, pleading for a second.

  Octavia opened up her notebook. Right on the inside cover were all the girls’ numbers. She started dialing Sanaa’s number immediately.

  “Who is this?” Sanaa asked, not recognizing the digits.

  “It’s me, Octavia. I borrowed somebody’s phone.”

  “Oh my gosh, girl. Where you at?”

  “I thought we were meeting in front of the school,” Octavia said.

  “Girl, that was last week. We changed it. Come over by the cafeteria. Hurry, I need to tell you something. It’s not good, Octavia.”

  Clutching her chest, Octavia asked, “Is it true? Is Olive dead?”

  “Just come!” Sanaa shouted before hanging up.

  Sensing the worst, Octavia took off. She still had Ben’s phone in hand. He noticed and sprinted after her.

  Ben threw his keys at her back, and she stopped.

  “You got my phone!” he yelled.

  “Ouch!” Octavia said, noticing the phone still in her hand. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “See, that’s why I don’t let folks use it,” Ben said, holding his hand out.

  “I’m sorry!” She handed it to him and quickly went to the cafeteria. Before she could get there, she ran into Ms. Davis. Octavia asked, “Do you know what’s going on?”

  In a calm voice, Ms. Davis said, “One of our students was shot last night.”

  “I know, at the group home. But word’s out someone is dead.” Octavia’s eyes held panic.

  Ms. Davis touched her shoulder. “No, nobody’s dead.”

  “So Olive is okay?”

  “No, sweetie,” Ms. Davis said emphatically.

  Octavia looked confused. “So she’s hurt bad?”

  “Calm down. It’s not Olive. But I’m so glad you girls are bonding.”

  And then, as relieved as Octavia was, a knot grew in her throat. “Wait, was it Charles or Shawn?”

  Ms. Davis’s eyes started watering. When it took her too long to answer, Octavia started sprinting again. She ran to the cafeteria to see her girls.

  “We were about to leave you,” Willow said when she reached them.

  “I got held up with Ms. Davis. Where’s Olive?”

  “She didn’t come to school today. She’s at the hospital.”

  “Is it Charles? I know she’s devastated,” Octavia uttered. All the girls hung their heads down low. “Somebody talk to me! Who was shot?”

  Sanaa put her arm around Octavia. There was nothing official confirming that Octavia and Shawn had something going on, but everyone at school knew they were the cutest, newest white couple around Jackson High School. Sanaa, Willow, and Pia didn’t know how to tell her that Shawn was injured badly and barely hanging on to life.

  Octavia stomped and blurted out, “Please don’t sugarcoat anything for me. Just tell me. I can tell the way y’all are looking at me—it’s Shawn. Ms. Davis said the person is not dead, but she couldn’t say if they’d be alright. Is he gonna make it?” They didn’t answer. “I gotta get to the hospital.”

  “That’s where we’re going right now,” Sanaa said as she turned to exit the building. Willow, Pia, and Octavia followed.

  The four of them didn’t care about cutting school. They only cared about being there for their friends. When they pulled into the hospital parking lot, Olive was waiting. Sanaa couldn’t park soon enough. They all got out and hugged Olive. Tears fell from them all. They could only imagine the horrendous ordeal that Olive had been through. To be in your home and have gunfire ring out seemed crazy to them all.

  “I don’t know how I made it,” Olive said in a devastated tone.

  “You okay, though?” Octavia asked and she hugged Olive. “I’m so glad you’re okay, but what about Shawn? Is he going to live?”

  “I’m so scared for him,” Olive said as she stepped back. “His blood kept gushing out of his side. He was just lying there. He wouldn’t move. It was taking the ambulance forever. I swear it seemed like his entire insides were lying on the floor.”

  “What!” Willow screamed out as she touched Octavia’s back.

  Olive said, “Yeah, but I think that was just my mind.”

  “Don’t scare us like that,” Sanaa said.

  “So is he gonna be okay?” Octavia screamed.

  Pia chimed in, “Yeah, please tell us something, especially for Octavia.”

  Olive shared, “The bullet actually went in the front of his stomach and through his back. Thankfully, it was more on his side.”

  The other four girls did not understand how this was good news. Octavia practically keeled over, unable to deal with any of this. Olive noticed her sincere concern for Shawn.

  Olive wanted to ease the worry, so she explained, “Listen, the bullet could have lodged inside his body and stayed put. I’ma be honest: we don’t know, but he’s a fighter. He hasn’t come to, but he’s stable. We gotta believe he’s gonna pull through. They’re telling us it’s touch and go.”

  Octavia wanted to fall to the ground. She did stumble a bit and was caught by Sanaa. She was so out of it, she couldn’t even tell who caught her. After all the girls got her back to being coherent, Octavia realized she deeply cared for this guy, Shawn. Replaying the words touch and go in her mind over and over had her deeply concerned, truly and fearfully.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Heavyheartedly (Pia’s Beginning)

  Pia was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. She was still sore from the abortion procedure. She was very tired of continuing to beat herself up for something she felt was best. And now, added on to her personal pain, as much as the swoop girls were trying to make her smile, this recent shooting was too much to bear. When the five girls showed up back at school after skipping part of the day, the attendance officer sent them straight to the office. Thankfully, the principal knew they were meeting with Ms. Davis and told them to head to her.

  “Girls, you can’t leave school. I saw Octavia earlier this morning, and I knew she was upset. And Olive I know you live with the young man who was shot, but girls—”

  Olive cut in and said, “But Ms. Davis, there is no ‘but.’ He is hanging on, and we only left after the doctor came out and told us it looks like he is going to be okay. I wasn’t going to leave, but Ms. B,
my foster mother, has been texting me with updates. They can kick me out of school if they think it wasn’t right for me to skip. I needed to check on him.”

  “Same with us. We’re friends with him also,” Octavia added.

  All of the girls started fussing with Ms. Davis, needing her to understand why they broke the rules. She wasn’t going to cosign on their decision, but she agreed to make sure this time they were excused. As they all hugged her, Pia sat melancholy. Ms. Davis told the other girls to go on to their last period. She wanted to talk to Pia alone.

  “I’m really worried about her,” Pia heard Sanaa say to Ms. Davis. “She might need psychological help.”

  Once they were alone, Ms. Davis turned her full attention to Pia. “Talk to me, Pia, tell me what’s wrong.”

  Pia just sat there as if she didn’t have a tongue. There was so much inside of her that she wanted to say. She also wanted to scream. She needed the hurt to go away.

  “I promise you’ll feel better if you let it out,” Ms. Davis said in a patient and caring voice.

  “I’m a murderer, okay! There! How am I supposed to deal with that? You know I was raped, and I ended up pregnant, my mom didn’t want me to keep the baby, and honestly I didn’t want to keep it either, so I didn’t. Now I’m having nightmares. I feel like I’m being haunted. And why do I deserve to live when I didn’t let my baby have the same privilege?”

  “I’m not here to judge you. You and your mother decided what you all felt was the best course of action. Because you’re having a hard time dealing with that, I want to see you through. You can’t carry this burden around. It’s done. So you’ve got to make peace with it. Let it go.”

  “How do you make peace with the fact that the baby that was growing inside of me is gone?”

  “You concentrate on moving forward. And all we can do in life sometimes is to let ourselves off the hook and go and be better than the mistakes we feel we’ve made. You can’t change the past, but you can shape your future.”