A Fine Bromance

by Christopher Hawthorne Moss

“What’s this?” he asked, reaching for a box that looked big enough for a large alarm clock.

  She reached to take it from his hand. “I don’t know. They were thinking of just tossing it away, but I made them sell it to me for a dollar.” She opened the cardboard box to reveal a wooden box inside. She had Robby help her pry out the inner box. He put the wooden box on the desk and tried to open it.

  “Is there some kind of trick to this?” he asked.

  His aunt just wiggled her shoulders, which she did when she was impatient for someone else to figure something out.

  Robby sat down on the desk chair and started to examine the box. It appeared to be made of some pale wood, though it was amply stained. If there had been any sort of label, it had long come off. There seemed to be a paler part of the wood where a label might have been. He reached into his pocket for his Swiss Army knife and pulled out a tool he could use to try to pry the box open.

  “Be careful!” Aunt Ivy’s voice came out a little shrill, again a habit of hers when someone else was investigating one of her treasures.

  He put his tongue between his teeth as he poked here and there. He was unable to find a place where the tip of his tool would separate the pieces of wood. He tried other angles. Then he must have pressed some sort of latch because the whole box burst open. The bottom and back remained in a piece, but the top and sides fell away, though still attached. He realized as he took the thing in his hands that the top and sides would come away from the bottom and back if he slid them forward and up. They were attached by grooves where they could be inserted again.

  “Oh my word!” Aunt Ivy exclaimed.

  Inside the box was some sort of mechanism. It was old and tarnished, almost rusted if it had originally been made of iron or steel. It was roughly round, with bits of metal ornaments all around it. The paint, most likely enamel, was covered in a layer of black grime. There were protuberances that could have been ornament or even controls.

  “Now what do you suppose that is?” Ivy asked.

  “I have no idea. It looks old, though.”

  Ivy looked at Robby and said, “Do you think so?”

  He shrugged. “Let’s get Andy to come over and look at it. Maybe his mom or dad would have an idea what it is.”

  WHEN ROBBY got home that evening, he called Andy and told him about the mysterious device.

  “What do you think it is?” Andy asked.

  “A music box? Maybe a little automaton? Or it could just be a paperweight.”

  “What is your aunt Ivy going to do with it?”

  “I don’t know. I suggested getting it appraised, but she dismissed that. She said, ‘What if it’s just junk?’”

  “True,” Andy said. “You know, Antiques Roadshow might be coming here. Let me look it up on the KUOW website and find out.”

  “That’s a great idea! If nothing else, it’ll be fun.” Robby smiled broadly. They had a plan.

  Chapter 12

  THE KAHNS asked to take Robby out to a late lunch on Saturday, but he thanked them and declined. He was going to Max’s and knew he would be sweaty afterward and would need to get dressed. He showed up at Max’s at about 10:00 a.m. in his torn sweatpants and a sleeveless sweatshirt in spite of the fact it was a chilly February in the Puget Sound region.

  He rang the doorbell and was let in by a younger child to a house full of toys and kids’ clothing and a whole lineup of shoes haphazardly tossed about by the front door. He stood, unsure if he were expected to take off his shoes, but then he saw a pile of what must be cat barf on the carpet and decided not. Nevertheless he walked carefully to avoid stepping in something. He hadn’t realized Max had so many sisters and brothers. It was a good-sized house but probably didn’t have any more than three bedrooms. His own apartment had that many.

  He saw a girl he recognized come and peer into the entranceway at him. She was Tina, a freshman. He lifted his hand in greeting and got a nod back. “I’m here for Max,” he explained.

  Max loped into the hallway just minutes later, pulling on a windbreaker. “Let’s use the garage. It’s cold outside.”

  Opening the garage door revealed a car already in the garage. Max swore and went back into the house, saying, “I’ll get someone to move that.”

  Robby watched while Max’s dad came out, pulling on a shirt, and moved the two cars in the driveway before parking the car from the garage in their place. Just as he turned off the ignition, another car pulled in behind him. A high-school-age boy got out and greeted Max and his dad. Max informed Robby, “This is Jim, Tina’s boyfriend.”

  Robby wondered what it would be like to have so many people in and out of the house all the time. While they were exchanging greetings, an older man came out of the house and shook Jim’s hand. “That’s my grandpa,” Max explained.

  The two boys went into the garage now that the car was out. Max started moving all sorts of things out of the way: boxes, bikes, trikes, kids’ toys, a couple of laundry baskets full of clothes, a car mechanic’s toolbox, and numerous unidentifiable items. He then shut the garage door. “It’s cold,” he explained, then grabbed a push broom.

  “Let me do that,” Robby offered.

  Max gave him the broom and watched as he swept the floor. When he had the floor clear, Max found a wrestling mat somewhere and dragged it out.

  “I’m going to knock you on your back,” he said, grinning at Robby. “Get into your ready stance.”

  Robby complied, facing Max. He crouched and put his arms out. Max was already in position.

  “I’m going to make you think I’m going to put you in a fireman’s carry, maybe a choke hold or inside trip.”

  In the intervening weeks, Max had taught Robby all these holds, so he knew what to expect.

  Max leaned forward, grabbed one of Robby’s shoulders, and put the other hand on the back of his neck. He started to turn him clockwise so Robby had to step around him. Suddenly, on the second turn, Max stepped into him and put his knee between Robby’s legs, pushed, and tripped him. Robby found himself on the mat with Max on his knee leaning over him.

  “Ha! That’s a neat trick!” Robby laughed breathlessly.

  “Now you try it,” Max said.

  After three tries Robby had Max on the floor. He was so winded he stayed above Max. Max’s face was tight. He struggled to shift so Robby’s knee was away from his groin.

  His voice was choked when he said, “Let’s try something new.”

  Max approached Robby in a starting stance, as if gauging for where he could get a good hold on him. In spite of Max looking here and there to choose his attack, Robby noticed Max was a little red-faced and wouldn’t look him in the eye. The exertion, looking for a hold lower on his torso, that would all explain it.

  Max lunged forward and took Robby’s shoulder in a tight grip. He tried to get one foot behind Robby’s knee, but Robby managed to prevent him this time. He tried another hold, reaching around Robby to grab a thigh from behind, but he missed his chance, and Robby stepped back. Max’s face had an intense expression, his mouth open.

  Suddenly Max stepped forward and took Robby in his arms. He pressed his lips on Robby’s, then tried to push his tongue in between Robby’s teeth. Robby could feel Max’s erection digging into his belly. He was so startled, he just let it happen. He didn’t open his mouth, but he let Max kiss him.

  Max quickly pulled away and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His face was really red now. “I thought…. I mean…. You seemed…. I wanted to….”

  Robby realized Max was in fact, as he had suspected, gay. “No, really. It’s okay. I just….” He was glad the garage door was shut, since he could hear kids’ voices on the driveway.

  Max stood with his arms hanging at his sides. He looked truly miserable. He had tears in his eyes. “This is really bogus.”

  “No,” Robby said again. “It’s okay. Really. I didn’t mind. I was just surprised.”

  Max had turned away, but now h
e looked back. “Huh?” he said, truly puzzled. “I thought, with you going to PFLAG and hanging with Andy and all that…. And you never did anything to discourage me. And I was starting to get into you.”

  “I know, I know. I… I don’t know if I’m gay or straight, so if you thought I was gay, well, you might be right.”

  Max went back to standing close to his friend. “I might be right?”

  Now it was Robby’s turn to feel miserable. “I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me. I mean, I buffed up to see if getting all masculine would make something happen, but now I’ve kissed a girl and a boy and nothing….”

  Max’s face was a picture of befuddlement. “What are you saying?”

  Robby gave him an intense look of appeal. “Nothing happens when I kiss someone. Nothing at all.”

  Max put one forearm on Robby’s shoulder. He leaned in and said against his lips, “Well, maybe you just didn’t give it a chance.” He put his lips to Robby’s and waited for him to open his mouth to let Max’s tongue in.

  Robby thought, Even if I am into men, how will I know if I’m into Max? He didn’t especially like the taste of Max’s mouth. It was like some overly fruit-flavored gum. He finally pushed Max away with the heels of his hands on Max’s shoulders.

  “No, Max, no. It’s not working.”

  Max stepped back. “So you’re not gay,” he stated.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so. But I don’t think I’m straight either. I kissed Andy, and that did nothing for me either.”

  He realized after he said it that he had just completely confused the situation. Max didn’t know that Andy had a girl’s body. He was looking at Robby now as if he was raving. “Oh Christ,” Robby said. He looked at Max. “Wanna go get a soda or something?”

  “I’d really like a beer,” Max replied. “We can get one inside. I share my room with two of my brothers. What if we go into the backyard and sit on the swings?”

  Thinking that not having a large family wasn’t so bad after all, Robby nodded. “Would you get the beers and meet me back there?”

  Max went through a door directly into the kitchen. Robby looked around and saw a door that looked like it led into a backyard. Once out on the patio, he found he first had to navigate the toys and bicycles; then when he stepped on the grass, which was dry, yellow, and sparse, he just missed stepping into a pile of dog shit. He finally made his way to a rickety set of swings in the back. When he sat on one, he almost lost his balance.

  Max came out the back door and picked his way to Robby. He sat on the swing next to him after handing him a Budweiser.

  Robby twisted off the cap and took a long swallow. They sat a few minutes in silence. Robby could hear Max’s little sisters and brothers both in the house and in the front yard laughing, screaming, and a little one crying.

  “Where do I start?” he asked rhetorically.

  Max laughed gruffly. “How about what you said about Andy.”

  Robby groaned inwardly. “I’m not turning out to be a very good confidant. I’ve outed him twice now.”

  Max took a slug of his beer and sat forward, his elbows on his knees. He looked up and sideways at Robby. “So the secret is that Andy is really a girl? I knew that. Everybody at school knows that.”

  Robby found he wanted to argue that Andy was a boy, that he just had a girl’s body, but then he shrugged. “So… you know he was born a girl. He figured out he was a boy a couple of years ago, or rather he always knew he was a boy, but he finally told his parents, and they’re very supportive.”

  After a moment Max asked, “So is she… is he having surgery?”

  “He already had some. He doesn’t know if he’ll go all the way. You know, and have a penis made.” His face was coloring at the private nature of what he was disclosing. “But this is all terribly secret. You know that, I hope.”

  “Oh yeah, I’m not going to tell anyone. I have my own secrets.” Max took another swig and gave Robby a sardonic look. “So is he the ‘girl’ you kissed?”

  Robby felt miserable. He knew that if Andy knew he was talking about this, he would be furious. “I shouldn’t say any more. But yes, kinda.”

  “Kinda? Did you kiss or not?” Max said exasperated.

  “Yeah, we did.”

  “And?”

  Looking over at Max briefly, Robby shrugged. “Nothing.”

  Max sat up and stared at him. He demanded, “What do you mean ‘nothing’?”

  “It’s complicated. I just didn’t get aroused. My… um… dick didn’t react at all.” Robby was sure his face was now beet red.

  Max sat forward again, this time with only one elbow on his knee. “But couldn’t that be because you know he’s a girl?”

  Robby chuckled. “But he’s not a girl. He’s a boy.”

  Max gazed at him for a while, then sighed. “And with me… nothing then either?”

  “No,” Robby said miserably.

  Again they sat for some time. They heard the back door open and saw Tina look out at them, then turn around and go back in. Max said, hesitatingly, “So you never get a boner?”

  “Oh, I do. I can jerk off. I don’t picture anyone when I do that, though. Or if I do, it doesn’t make it any better or hotter. It’s really strange.”

  Max got up and walked to a garbage can. He opened it and tossed his empty beer bottle into it. Robby found himself absurdly thinking Isn’t he going to recycle that?

  Max picked his way back, checking the bottom of his shoe once. It was clean. He walked up to where Robby was sitting and said, “So it’s not that you’re not gay, but that you aren’t anything. You just don’t feel anything for me or anyone. Man, that’s bogus. What are you going to do?”

  Robby looked up at his friend and gave him a lost look. “I don’t know if there is anything I can do.”

  Later that evening, Robby found it difficult to concentrate on the competition.

  Andy kept looking at him strangely. “What’s eating you, bro?” he asked.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  His brow knitted, Andy said, “Well, all right. Maybe later?”

  “Maybe later.”

  Chapter 13

  AUNT IVY had the little device, or so it proved to be, cleaned by a neighborhood teen boy who had cars he was fixing and had all the solvents and rags he needed. She called Robby to come over when the boy delivered it back to her. “You won’t believe how beautiful it is.”

  When he arrived at her door, he found it unlocked. He went in and walked up to her office.

  “Robby, look at this lovely thing!” Aunt Ivy crowed.

  “Aunt Ivy, you need to start locking your doors. Someone could come in and steal something or attack you.” It was an old argument they had, and as always, Aunt Ivy ignored him.

  “There’s nothing worth stealing in here, and who would attack a decrepit old woman?” she said.

  His eyes lit onto the device, now shiny and clean, in an honored position on her desk. It looked like an egg with four little legs and lots of decorations on it. The surface was a deep red with gold and white flowers, tiny ones, going up the sides and around the middle. It had little gold fleurs-de-lis stamped on the red enamel.

  “Look what it does!” Aunt Ivy said. She took the top and bottom in her hands and opened the egg by pressing a latch that was hidden in the gold filigree around its middle. It popped open and revealed a tiny ballerina inside. She started to turn on a mirrored base, while a music box played a little tune Robby didn’t recognize. The interior of the egg was lined with some sort of gold satin.

  “How did that satin manage not to get really filthy?” Robby asked.

  Aunt Ivy shrugged. “The egg was airtight.”

  “Huh,” he said. “What is that melody?”

  She shook her head.

  “It sounds familiar somehow,” Robby said absently. He picked it up and turned it this way and that. He found the hole where a key would be inserted to wind the music box spring. “Did
you find a key?”

  Aunt Ivy looked at him. “No, there wasn’t one, but we found something else that worked. And I don’t know what the song is. I think it might be Tchaikovsky, but I can’t place it. I don’t know all his works.”

  Robby continued to examine the egg. “You know, Aunt Ivy, that PBS show Antiques Roadshow will be in Tacoma next month. We should take the egg there and see if it’s worth anything.”

  Aunt Ivy had a dreamy look in her eyes when she nodded to Robby. “That’s a good idea,” she said.

  He called Andy on his cell phone. “You should go ahead and sign up for Antiques Roadshow. I think Aunt Ivy might have something here.”

  “Can I come look at it?” he asked.

  “Sure. Can you come over today?”

  Andy hesitated. “I have to help Mom with something, but I can ask her to drop me over after that.”

  Nearly two hours later, Andy was at the door. Robby had locked it when he arrived, so he had to go answer it.

  “Hey, Andy, come upstairs and see this thing. Aunt Ivy has it in her office.”

  The two trudged up the stairs and into Ivy’s little office. They found her on her computer looking at other eggs.

  “Are you finding anything, Aunt Ivy?” Robby asked her.

  She put up one finger to indicate “Just one minute,” then read something to herself and slowly turned. She started to speak but froze when she saw Andy’s face. “What is it, dear?” she asked.

  Andy’s eyes were wide open and his mouth round in an astounded O. He came forward to where the egg sat on the desk to the right of the mouse pad. He reached for it, then stopped and asked, “May I?”

  Ivy nodded and said, “Of course, dear.” She watched as Andy gingerly picked up the egg and looked at it.

  Ivy reached up and pressed the spring latch. The egg came open, the ballerina started to spin, and the music started.

  “Ohhhh…” came from Andy’s open lips. He listened for a few moments. “That’s the waltz from Yevgeny Onegin! By Tchaikovsky. It’s tinny, so it doesn’t convey the richness of the full orchestra, but I’m sure that’s it.”