“What? No way. What about my leisure management course at London Met?! I can’t party at uni if I’m shackled to some baby!”
Noah grinned. Seeing Josh cut down to size like this was utterly blissful. “I’m sure there’s a course closer to home that’ll teach you how to wipe down gym equipment.”
Josh stood up and shot over to Noah.
“Is this the part where you try to kill me, Josh? Just to warn you, Eric knows kung fu!”
Eric looked up, sharply. “Er…”
Noah glared at him. “Shut up, yes, you do! You’re a black belt!”
“You’re scum,” Josh said.
“No, Josh,” Noah’s mum said, pulling Josh around, “you’re scum. You should leave. Now.”
Josh took one look around the room and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
His mother slumped where she was standing, unable to meet Noah’s gaze.
“Sorry you had to find out like that,” Noah said.
His mum looked up at him and nodded with sad eyes. “I’ve been … a bit stupid.” She looked back down, shaking her head.
“Yes. You have,” Noah agreed, surprised and pleased at her admission. “Very stupid.” Could it be? Could she be turning over a new leaf, finally becoming the mother he deserved?
His mum looked back up sharply. “Well, don’t be a dick about it.”
Or not. “You know, Mother,” Noah said, “you’re so wonderfully kind and nurturing, it’s a wonder someone hasn’t snapped up the book rights for your guide to parenting.”
She narrowed her eyes at Noah, then turned to Eric. “Has anyone checked you over properly yet?” she asked.
“I’m fine,” Eric muttered.
“I tell you what, why don’t we just pop on down to see a nurse and make sure? Just to be safe? And on the way, I’ll buy you something nice from the vending machine.”
Eric’s eyes lit up. “Like a bag of Haribo?”
Mum turned to Noah and smiled, maliciously. “Yes, Eric. A bag of Haribo.”
Noah rolled his eyes in response.
“Cool. Later, Noah,” Eric said, getting up and heading straight out the door. “Oh, look,” his mum said, pulling some coins out of her pocket as she followed after him, “I seem to have enough here for three bags. Lucky Eric!”
Noah shook his head as the door closed behind her. He didn’t feel like eating anyway. He still couldn’t quite believe he’d managed to piece everything together.
But what now? Eric Smith was his half-brother – what would that mean? Of course, no one could know about it, or Eric’s mum would be in danger from Mad Dog Razor Jaws Smith. And maybe Noah would prefer not to know either: Eric was still a no-good crook who clearly felt no remorse. And he was clearly still hiding secrets – like where the hell he’d been these past few days.
And regardless of the Jess Jackson baby fiasco, there was still one huge Harry-shaped ball of sadness in his gut.
The door pushed open and the tall, gym-toned (and very sensitive) male nurse from earlier gave Noah a kind smile. “She’s fine; she’s asleep, but she’s fine.”
“Can I see her?”
“Of course; follow me, matey.”
Matey. Noah liked it when the tall, gym-toned (and very sensitive) male nurse called him that. This was a good hospital. He would definitely give it a very favourable online review.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
They had put Gran in a small, private room at the end of one of the wards.
“Don’t worry about the heart monitor,” the nurse said, taking his cue off Noah’s alarmed expression as they walked in. “It’s just precautionary – her blood pressure’s fine, and her heartbeat’s normal. Can I get you some tea or anything?”
“Or some Haribo?”
The nurse smiled. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Noah pulled a chair up to the side of the bed, kissed Gran on the cheek and held her hand. “Honestly, Gran,” he said. “This was not one of your better ideas.”
He sighed and glanced around the room. There was a TV on the wall, a door through to an en suite, and a nice view of the park outside. It was more like a hotel room, and Noah had no doubt it would meet with Gran’s full approval. She liked things to be proper.
He felt his chest tighten. Would she still care about proper? Perhaps the dementia was worse than he’d thought. To have actually gone through with this crazy plan of Eric’s, it must have been. She was here for now, but bit by bit, piece by piece, Gran was being taken away from him.
She was the kindest, funniest, wisest person he’d ever known. She loved him. And he loved her. But all the things he hadn’t said. Hadn’t asked.
She was the only person who had ever called him “handsome” or “clever” … told him how proud she was of him… She had often told him what he meant to her, but he’d never really told her what she meant to him.
She wasn’t dead. But was it still too late? Too late to say stuff that would really mean anything to her? And he was struck, in this terrible moment, with how fragile and temporary life was. How we’re only here for a relatively short time anyway – and how that time can be even shorter with a twist of fate, a bit of bad luck.
You shouldn’t wait for tomorrow to do the things you want. You shouldn’t wait for tomorrow to tell the people who matter to you how you feel about them. There’s no guarantee you’ll get that chance again.
And he didn’t suppose anyone lay on their deathbed and thought to themselves, You know, I’ve done nothing that I wanted to do, I did nothing controversial, I didn’t wear that fabulous outfit, I didn’t say what I really thought, I didn’t kiss that person, but at least no one ever gossiped about me and said stuff behind my back. I can die happy.
Why was it that you had to be facing the very worst thing before you could see what it was that really mattered?
The door edged open. “Noah?”
He turned to see Harry poking his head round the door, wrapped up in a blue Parka jacket, cheeks red from being outside in the cold. The fur trim around Harry’s hood looked warm. Looked soft. Looked puppy-dog cute. And all at once everything bubbled up inside of him and he started crying.
…Just like the last time he saw Harry. He really needed to get a grip.
“How is she?” Harry said, coming in. “Come on, it’ll be OK,” he murmured, as Noah got up and collapsed into his arms.
“She’s fine,” Noah said, gulping tears back and burying his face into Harry’s shoulder. “She’ll be OK. For now.”
“Good.”
Noah sniffed, extracted himself from Harry and wiped his eyes. “I thought… I didn’t think you’d want to be here, I mean…” He pulled a tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose. “Why did you come?”
“Because my best friend’s gran is in hospital and I knew he’d be totally gutted because he loves her more than anything.” Harry pulled his coat off and hung it on the back of the chair. “Seriously, do you need to ask me that?”
Noah shrugged. “Sorry. I just thought you might be busy with Connor. I didn’t know if… Sorry.” He glanced at Harry and tried to give an apologetic smile, but what he really wanted to do was go in for another hug. There was something deeply warm and comforting about Harry’s hugs. Harry’s arms and shoulders felt strong, but gentle. Harry’s neck was strangely attractive… Noah kind of wanted to … nuzzle it. Was that weird? Even if it was, he still wanted to. And Harry’s hoodie smelt of fabric softener – Lenor Moonlight Harmony, if Noah wasn’t mistaken. Nice choice.
Harry held up a bag of Haribo. “A really hot nurse gave me these to give to you. Got an admirer, have you?”
Noah managed a half-hearted chuckle, sighed and blew his nose again. “Sorry, this is really unappealing, I know,” he muttered, trying to fold the soggy tissue up in as dignified a fashion as possible. He snuck a glance at Harry, who was looking back, smiling a very disarming smile at him.
“What?” Noah said. “I’m sorry, OK? I know I’ve been a dick about
lots of things.”
Harry shrugged. “Yeah? Like what?”
“Everything, you know. I am sorry, truly.”
Harry nodded. “Cool.”
“Cool.”
Noah looked back at Gran. Then back at Harry. Harry was still looking at him with those deep brown eyes of his. What more did Harry want? He looked back at Gran again, then gave Harry a bit of subtle side-eye to see if he was still looking at him and he was, so what the hell?!
“All right,” said Harry eventually. “This is crazy. I’m going to say something, and I want you stay completely silent. Like, not a word. OK?”
Noah nodded, tight-lipped.
“OK,” said Harry. “So here’s some stuff that I know, and some stuff that I think. Let’s start with the stuff I know, because that’s the easy bit. I know there’s no one else in the world I enjoy spending time with as much as you. I know you get me like no one else gets me, and I know I definitely get you, and not being rude, I think that’s probably a pretty rare thing. For example, I know you’re very fussy about bread-roll-and-butter etiquette, like when I buttered the whole roll at that Pizza Express, rather than breaking bits off and buttering individually.”
“Like some sort of caveman!” Noah said. “Practically picking up hunks of meat with your bare hands and hurling the bones over your shoulder.”
Harry blinked at him.
“Sorry, that was … very rude of me,” Noah said.
“I had some other funny ‘things I know’, but I’m not going to say them now—”
“Oh no! Go on, say them! Say them! I won’t speak,” Noah said, putting his finger to his lips.
Harry wavered a moment before clearing his throat and continuing. “I know I’ll really annoy you if I adopt an upward inflection at the end of a sentence when it’s not a question. Like this? Like, this is about the worst thing I could do?”
“GAAHHHH!”
“You said you wouldn’t speak.”
Noah took a deep breath. “Intolerable.”
Harry reached out and put his hand on Noah’s shoulder. “I know we’ve been friends for ever. I know I feel like being more than friends. I know I don’t just like you; it’s so much bigger and more powerful and out-of-this-world-amazing than that. I know I don’t want to be without you. I know I want to kiss you. I know I want to do more than just kiss. I know you’re scared, and I know this came out of the blue, and I know you sometimes care what people think way too much.
“But I think you feel the same. I think you like me too, but I think you have a hard time saying it out loud because you’re nervous about what that means and you’re quite shy, really, and I think that’s cute.”
Harry’s hand dropped away. “So, here’s what I’m proposing. Connor does like me, and, you know, he’s a nice guy. But he’s not my guy. My guy is you, Noah Grimes. And I told Connor that. And he’s cool, he gets it. I don’t want to be with Connor; I want to be with you. And I think you want to be with me. And you don’t need to say anything. It’s hard for you, I get that, so don’t say anything. Unless I’m wrong. Unless I’ve got it all wrong and I’m an idiot, then you should say something. You should tell me.”
Noah looked him in the eyes. “No.”
“No?”
“No, Harry. I want to say something.”
Harry nodded and swallowed. “OK.”
“So, I know and think some stuff too. And being silent about it is no good because I think you’ve got to tell people these things. Because you never know when…” He indicated Gran. “Right? When it’s gonna be too late.”
Harry nodded.
“And also, Gran’s advice was to shut up and let people do and say what they like. And to an extent, I agree. Let them. Who cares? But then another part of me thinks you shouldn’t hide who you are. You should be proud of it.”
Harry raised an eyebrow.
“So, I think everything you just said was a pretty … accurate description of the way things are. But I’m going to say it. I’m going to say –” he swallowed “– I think you spent most of last night writing that speech, didn’t you?”
“Maybe,” Harry said.
“Because, I mean, if that was spontaneous, then I doff my cap to you, sir.”
Harry shrugged. “I gave it a bit of thought.”
“That time in sick bay, when you came in with the black eye? Why didn’t you tell me you’d got into a fight because of me?”
“Because you’d told me you didn’t need protecting, so I thought you’d be annoyed.”
“I may have slightly changed my mind about that,” Noah said.
“Yeah?”
Noah smiled. “I love you.”
“Really?”
“Really. I don’t know if that means I’m gay. I’m not sure I really know much, the more I think about things. And maybe I need to stop thinking about things and just… I guess, what I feel about you…” Noah swallowed and looked Harry straight in the eyes. “Will you be my boyfriend?”
Harry’s eyes nearly popped out. “Did you actually just … say that? Like, so completely plainly?”
“I did, I did,” Noah said. “Don’t leave me hanging now.”
“You’re OK with people knowing?”
Noah shrugged. “People can think and say what they like. They will anyway. And who cares?”
“Oh my God…”
“I know,” Noah agreed, “it’s a brave new policy. But it’s right. There’s something else I know too.”
“Yeah?”
“I know I want to kiss you. Like, now.”
Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around him, pushing their bodies together, and it felt so right. So totally right. He felt like the luckiest boy in the world. On top of the world. King of the world! Harry’s lips soft against his own, their cheeks brushing, him tasting sweet … like Haribo… Had Harry already opened the bag that the hot nurse had given him?
Oh well … it didn’t matter. Now they were boyfriends, they would share everything … everything that Harry had would be half Noah’s by law…
“Oh, get a room!”
Noah broke off and turned round. “Gran?!”
“I’m wired up to every machine on the planet, drips in my arms, on death’s door, and you two are standing there, sucking face!”
“Gran!” Noah said, taking her hand. “You’re not on death’s door, you’re going to be OK. And this machine, it’s just precautionary. And the drip … well, I’m not sure what that is, to be honest; the nurse didn’t say, but I’m sure it’s harmless.”
“How’s Eric?” she muttered, averting her eyes from Noah’s.
“Yes! About that! What did you think you were doing?!”
Gran shrugged. “Going to see George.”
“Gran! George is dead. He died, Gran!”
“You look like him…”
“Well, yes, maybe I do, we’re all related after all, but I’m—”
“George?”
He sighed and gave her a smile. “I’m Noah, your grandson. Your grandson who loves you very much. Who you’ve taught so much to, who has listened to everything you have ever told him, and who will always eat with the correct cutlery, be able to tell a sherry glass from a port glass and will abide by the laws of good English grammar. So, thank you, Gran. You mean the world to me.”
Gran smiled back at him, for once at a loss for words.
“But if you ever try something like this again, I swear to God, I’ll go feral, just to spite you! I’ll get everything pierced – and I mean everything. I’ll get unverified Chinese letters tattooed on my arm, I’ll play music out of my phone on public transport … I will put my feet on the seats! But worst of all, I will use the spelling T-H-E-R-E for the pronoun. Get it?”
Gran nodded. “Fair enough.”
“Eric’s fine, but next time I’ve got a secret half-sibling, you tell me, OK?! It’s ridiculous.”
Harry perched on the edge of Gran’s bed. “Eric?”
Noah sighed. “OK
, so there is a lot of stuff to tell you, and some of it you’re probably going to find surprising, and possibly hate, but you’re my boyfriend now, so you’re obliged to love me anyway, no matter how bad it is. Yes?”
Harry smiled. “Hit me with it.”
“Eric’s my secret half-brother; he blackmailed us both to get money so he could become a business associate of my dad. Who is also his dad. And Josh, who isn’t dating my mum any more, is the father of Jess Jackson’s baby.”
“Your family is a screw-up. It’s a good job you’re pretty.”
Noah giggled and gave Harry a playful push.
“So … I’m assuming you two have sorted things out, then?” Gran said.
“Yes,” said Noah. “You, Gran, can be the first to know. Harry and I are … we’re boyfriends!” Noah grinned.
Gran looked at them both. “Right. Well, the good thing about boys is you can’t get them pregnant. That’s a big part of their charm. But! I have one word for you both, and it’s very important. Condoms!”
Noah groaned. “Gran!”
“Don’t you ‘gran’ me! Do you want a nice bout of syphilis? Is that what you want?”
“Gran, obviously not.” He felt his cheeks start to redden. “But—”
“HERPES!” Gran shouted.
“Don’t worry, Mrs Grimes,” Harry said. “We’ll exercise the utmost care in that regard.”
Noah couldn’t even look at Harry. Talking about this. About sex stuff. He hadn’t even thought about any of that.
Gran looked between them both like she didn’t believe anything anyone was saying. “Well, you’re a very cute couple. Gonorrhea! Now, one of you get your phone out – chlamydia! – and find me some good old eighties tunes – genital warts! – to get me some of my energy back.”
“I’ve got just the thing,” Harry said, tapping his screen as “Alive and Kicking” by Simple Minds started playing.
Noah leaned over and gave Gran a kiss on the cheek, then gave Harry another, somewhat more lingering one, on the lips. Everyone gets a moment. A moment when everything, everything, is just right. When they are the ones having the best time in the whole world. And this was his. This was theirs. Because this was where he wanted to be. This was who he wanted to be with. This was his life. And starting now, he was going to live it.
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