San Antonio Rose (Historical Romance)

by Constance O'Banyon

  He moved closer to the fire and away from her. "You have done nothing to be ashamed of. I'm the one who let it go too far. I would be no better than a libertine if I took advantage of you."

  Emerada assumed that Ian was trying to be kind and not hurt her feelings. He just didn't have the same feelings for her that she had for him. "I never thought to ask if there is a woman you love."

  Ian was silent as he considered her question. He thought of pretty Pauline Harlandale, who was nothing like Emerada-Emerada was flame and filled with passion, while Pauline was ladylike and proper. Emerada could handle herself in dangerous situations, while Pauline would be terrified at the first sign of danger. Emerada fired his blood, and Pauline never had. He realized that Pauline had not crossed his mind in weeks-not since the first day he'd met this raven-haired beauty who was rarely out of his thoughts.

  He tossed a stick of wood on the fire and watched the sparks fly, deciding to answer Emerada's question as honestly as he could.

  "There is someone I have known most of my life. Her name is Pauline Harlandale. We have an understanding... of sorts. At least, her family and my mother expect us to marry."

  Emerada just looked at him, her eyes luminous in the firelight. He held himself stiff, fighting the urge to take her in his arms again. He tried to recall how he'd planned to send for Pauline when this war was over so they could be married and settle down in Texas. At the moment, he was having trouble remembering Pauline's face. His blood had never burned when he was with her, as it did now with Emerada.

  "It must be a great comfort to know where your life is going," she said.

  At the moment, all Ian could think about was the wild sensations that were coursing through his body He was thinking how softly her skin glowed in the firelight, and how he wanted to reach out and touch her. "What about you, Emerada?" he asked. "Do you have someone you care about?"

  "When I left Tejas to live with my aunt, I was too young to think about love. When we are in residence in New Orleans, my aunt is always reclusive and we do not socialize. I believe it is her time to rest in mind and body and to learn new dances."

  "And when you are in France?"

  "There my aunt protects me, and Domingo and Josifina keep all men away from me." She flexed her tired muscles and sighed. "So I have had little chance to meet any man, much less lose my heart to one."

  She tossed her long hair and fixed him with a hard glare. "The only man in my life at the mo ment is Santa Anna. I find that I am much more consumed by hatred than I ever could be by that trivial feeling called love."

  Ian spoke with amazement. "You have never imagined yourself in love?"

  "I know about the love I had for my family, but I know nothing of the love you speak of. Since returning to Tejas, I have had men say they loved me, while I knew that all they felt was lust for the dancer in me."

  He felt his heart ache for her, and he resisted the urge to comfort her again. "I believe many men love you."

  She turned to stare at him. "I do not even know what love is. Can you explain to me about the love that happens between a man and a woman?"

  "That is a question you should ask a woman. I am not sure I can explain it to you, or if I really know."

  "Josifina is the only woman I could ask, and she never married, so I am not sure she knows. Of course, Aunt Dilena knows about lovemany men have loved her."

  "Wouldn't your aunt disapprove of your... enticing Santa Anna to..." He rolled to his feet. "Damn it, don't answer that. It's none of my business what you do."

  She stood up beside him. "Then why did you make me come with you?"

  "I thought you were spying for Santa Anna. I wanted to make you admit it to Houston."

  "And now?"

  "I no longer believe that you are on Santa Anna's side in this war."

  "Then you will let me go?"

  He shook his head and moved to a wooden tub that was turned upside down, where he seated himself "No, I can't do that either. You would be in danger if you went back now."

  She dropped down beside him and arranged the blanket about her, knowing she would escape the first chance she got. He had taken her away from her mission, and she had to find a way to get back. "Tell me about yourselfwhat was your life like before you came to Tejas?" she asked, attempting to lure him into trusting her.

  He removed his wet boots and placed them by the fire. "What was my life like before I met you?" he mused aloud.

  "Why did you come to Tejas?"

  "I was born in Virginia. My father was a member of the House of Burgesses and later became Thomas Jefferson's ambassador to some obscure South Sea island. He died before I was born." He paused as if he were having trouble with his voice. Then he said in an explosion of honesty. "If I am going to be honest, I will have to admit that my father never married my mother. I am what is known as a bastard."

  She gasped, curling her fingers to keep from reaching out to him. "I... am sorry."

  He glared at her. "Are you?"

  "Not for the reason you think-I am sorry because it obviously brings you pain. It is of little matter to me."

  "The pain has passed long ago. I don't know why I am telling you about this. I never told anyone else." He smiled at her. "It seems we are baring our souls tonight, little dancer."

  "Was your life so bad?"

  "Not at all. You see, my father was on his way back to America to marry my mother when his ship went down in a storm. I missed being legitimate by one week."

  "It must have been a tragedy for your mother."

  "Yes, it was. Sam Houston had received a letter from my father, telling him of his plans to marry my mother, who waited for him in Georgia. She took my father's name, and no one questioned the marriage or my birth. I suppose Houston's presence suppressed any doubt that might have occurred in anyone's mind. My mother went to Virginia, and the McCain family embraced her as my father's wife. My grandparents were very happy when I was born. They had no children but my father. And I was their only grandchild."

  "Surely your mother did not tell you the facts of your birth."

  "Of course not. It wasn't until six years ago when I overheard my mother and Houston talking. It was late one night, when they thought I was asleep. I never told either of them that I'd overheard their conversation."

  "Why did General Houston help your mother?"

  "Since he was my father's friend, I suppose he took it upon himself to rectify the happenstance of my birth." His gaze locked with hers. "Are you repulsed by my background?"

  "Why should I be? You are the same person you were before I knew about your birth."

  He avoided her eyes, not wanting Emerada to know that her acceptance of his circumstances moved him deeply. He had often wondered what Pauline would do if she knew the secret of his birth. "You are more generous than most people would be. I'm sure if my background were made public, I would find myself alone and friendless."

  "You underestimate the impact you have on people. Knowing you, how could anyone care about such a triviality as the circumstance of your birth?"

  His head swung around, and he looked at her for a moment before speaking. "For six years I have lived with the ghost of my parents' mistakes, and you just reduced it to a triviality." He laughed, feeling strangely lighthearted. "You are an uncommon woman, Emerada de la Rosa."

  "You are fortunate to have General Houston," she said, deliberately changing the subject.

  "In many ways, he has been my symbolic fa ther through the years. Perhaps one day we will speak of my birth, but it never seems to be the right time."

  "Can you not let the past go? It has little to do with the man you are today." She stared into the flickering firelight. "Houston is a man of great honor. I have felt that about him, and now that I have heard your story, I believe it even more." Unaware that she was doing so, she wound a lock of hair around her finger. "What about your mother-did she ever marry?"

  "No. I don't believe she ever got over my father's death."


  "So Houston brought you to Tejas with him?"

  "No, he didn't bring me to Texas right away. To please my grandparents, I went to William and Mary College as my father had. Much to their dismay, in my third year I decided I wanted to attend West Point. Then, quite suddenly, last year the general sent for me." Ian smiled to himself. "My mother must have written to him that I needed guidance. She is a Southern lady who believes nothing good can be gained by going to a `Yankee' military school."

  Emerada was puzzled. "I did not know there was a division between the states in America."

  "Only in some people's minds. Some people in the South talk about a country separate from the United States. Houston thinks noth ing will ever come of it he calls it mere saber rattling."

  He watched her move back to the fire, settling herself close to its warmth. "This has been a night for confessions, little dancer."

  "Please do not call me that. I detest it when you do."

  He moved closer to the fire. His clothing was still wet, and he felt very uncomfortable. "Then I shall never call you that name again." His voice was strangely gentle. "I would not want to hurt you."

  She dipped her head. Hurt her? For some reason, her heart felt as if it had been shattered into slivers of broken glass. She tried to think of the woman who waited for him back in Virginia. Did she know how fortunate she was to have the love of this extraordinary man?

  "Did you learn to dance from your aunt?" Ian asked, taking up the thread of their conversation.

  "Not at first. She hired dance instructors for me. She is often very indulgent with me, and I adore her. She and my mother were very close, and she tried to do for me what my mother would have liked."

  "Do you miss France?"

  "I miss my aunt-but France, no. Tejas is my home; this is where my family died, and this is where I want to die." She glanced up at him. "What about you? Do you miss Virginia?"

  "Something happens to a man or a woman when they come to Texas. They either love it or they hate it. Those who hate it leave, and those who love it seem willing to die for it."

  "Under which group do you fall-hate and leave, or love and die?" It seemed to her that his eyes became even bluer as he gazed back at her in astonishment.

  "I took an oath to defend Texas with my life. So far I have done little to honor that oath."

  "But you will. The main battle has not yet been fought. That one will be fought between Santa Anna and Houston, and truthfully, I do not know what the outcome will be. Surely Santa Anna has might on his side. And if you think about it the way he does, he also has right on his side. Tejas is the territory of Mexico. He is merely trying to keep what is his."

  "Under other circumstances, Emerada, and with another ruler who represented all the people, Texas would have basked in Mexico's glory. But look what happened to your family merely because they welcomed a friend into their home. No man should have to live in fear because of who his friends are-or for that matter, what his beliefs are. There are many people who have suffered the same fate as your family. The time to say no to the dictator is past-war is the only way to achieve justice and remove him from power. Many people simply talk about this, Emerada, but you have done something about it."

  "My mission will not be finished until he is either dead or out of power."

  Ian could almost see her with a flaming sword in her hand. In the beginning he'd had very little respect for her, thinking she was nothing more than a saloon entertainer, although a better dancer than most. Now he realized she walked a dangerous line as a spy. If her true purpose was uncovered by Santa Anna, she would be put to death. "Emerada, go back to your aunt in New Orleans, or France, or wherever she is. Seek a safe haven until this is all over."

  "I shall do just that, on the day you leave Tejas and return to Virginia."

  "You know I can't do that."

  "And I cannot abandon my principles any more than you can. The day the dictator is defeated is the day I ride away, and not before."

  Tenderly he ran his hand down her silken hair. "Has anyone told you that you are a stubborn woman?"

  "Si. Many times."

  Suddenly Emerada was overcome with a feeling of desperation. She knew in her heart that she was going to have to give herself to Santa Anna. There was no avoiding it. If she went back now, she would have to use her body to convince Santa Anna that he could trust her.

  She turned away from Ian so he would not see the tears gathering in her eyes. To have that monster's hands on her made her feel sick inside. To have him be the first man to take her body made her want to cry. If only Ian could be the first man to make love to her, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad when she gave herself to Santa Anna.

  She turned back to Ian, moistened her dry lips with her tongue, and raised her gaze to his. She moved closer to him and touched her lips to his.

  She was surprised by the emotions she unleashed in him. His arms slid around her, holding her like a vise. She could feel his intake of breath, the hardness of his chest, the feel of his lips on hers.

  He was drawing all her strength and stirring wild emotions she had never before experienced.

  His mouth moved from hers to her cheek, and he whispered harshly in her ear, "If only you knew the restraint I have been keeping on myself. If only..."

  He grabbed her to him and just held her for a moment. Then he lowered his mouth to hers and whispered against them, "I want you more than I have ever wanted a woman."

  With joy singing in her heart, she wound her arms around his neck. "Then make love to me, Ian. I want you to."

  With an unsuppressed groan, he eased her backward, his body moving against her. "God help me," he murmured, "because I can't help myself." He held her for a moment, breathing deeply. "I can't think or reason when you look at me with those soft brown eyes. Whenever I'm near you, I want you so damned bad it feels like my body's on fire. You feel it, too-this attraction between us." He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Don't deny it."

  "Si," she admitted. "I feel it, too."

  She tilted her head back and offered him her lips. "I feel it now."

  His mouth plundered hers, and she felt a thrill of satisfaction when he groaned and whispered her name.

  "Emerada, what are you doing to me?" He shoved her away roughly. "I won't do to a woman what my father did to my mother."

  Her eyes were wide with confusion. "You have never been with a woman?"

  He stood up and moved away from the firelight, trying to think how to answer her. "I am a man with a...healthy appetite. But I have never been with a woman who wasn't.. .experienced. It isn't my habit to deflower virgins. Even I have a code of honor."

  "What makes you think I am a virgin?"

  "Because I know now that you have been keeping Santa Anna's lust under control."

  "I have up until now," she admitted. She glanced at him. "Did you mean that you have bedded only women who-"

  He turned back to her, shaking his head. "We shouldn't be having this conversation. It's late, and you should get some rest."

  Emerada's heart was pounding so hard that it seemed louder than the rain that pattered on the roof. He wanted her; he'd admitted it. She stood up and walked over to him, dropping the blanket.

  "Look at me and tell me you do not want me."

  He dropped his gaze, refusing to look at her. "Go to sleep, Emerada."

  "I will if you tell me you do not want me."

  Ian's gaze lifted, and he stared at the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. The shadows of the flickering firelight seemed like fingers caressing every curve. Her breasts were uplifted, her head thrown back, defying him to touch her.

  With a strangled cry, he pulled her to him. "My lips can't deny what my body craves more than life."

  Ian's hands moved over Emerada's skin, and she trembled against him. He had never been so aware of a woman as he was of her. Her fingers slid into his hair, and she brought his mouth closer to hers. He heard every sigh, felt every tremor that shook her body, an
d knew that she was treading new ground and was confused by it. He also knew that he had awakened feelings that she had never before experienced.

  With each practiced touch, he knew how to make her want him more. She was his for the taking, and yet he hesitated, drawing back and gazing into her misty eyes. "Are you sure?"

  Her voice was barely audible. "Si. I am very sure."

  His groin ached and throbbed. He wanted her so badly he could hardly hold himself back. "Emerada, you will regret this later."

  "No. I will not"

  He took the blanket and led her to one of the stalls, where he gently laid her down. He still had the feeling that he shouldn't do this to her. Emerada was not the kind of woman he could make love to and then walk away. Kneeling down beside her, he touched her cheek, and she turned her head to kiss his hand.

  "Emerada, Emerada, there is so much inside of me, so much I want to say, and yet..."

  She unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, then the second, and slipped her hand inside to touch the mat of black hair on his chest. "The time for talking is over, Ian."

  He tightened his lips to keep from gasping when she moved his hand to her bare breast. "Emerada..."

  She suddenly laughed, and it was like music to his ears. "It would seem I am seducing you, Ian."

  Moving back, he ripped his shirt off and tossed it aside. She could feel the tension in him as he stripped off his wet trousers and came back to her.

  The fire had died down, throwing only flickering light across Ian's body. Emerada had never seen a naked man before, and she had never imagined that Ian was so strong and muscled or possessed such raw power. His body was hard and lean, his waist narrow, his shoulders wide, and he was beautiful to look upon.

  Gently he took her in his arms, holding her away from contact with his body. "You should never look at me like that," he said, nuzzling her ear. "It drives me out of my mind."

  Emerada pressed her body against his, and when their flesh touched, she was breathless from the contact. The intensity of her feelings made her quake inside, and she wondered if Ian could feel it, too. Warmth and pleasure spread through her, and she never wanted to lose the essence of those feelings.