Dear Tabitha

by Trudy Stiles

  A Forever Family Novel

  Book 2

  Formatted by E.M. Tippetts Book Designs

  Books by Trudy Stiles

  The Forever Family Series

  Dear Emily - Book One

  Dear Tabitha - Book Two

  Book Three (coming Summer/Fall 2014)

  Trudy Stiles’ debut novel, Dear Emily, received stunning praise from the indie community. Read Dear Emily before you read Dear Tabitha and see what these incredible bloggers, reviewers and authors all saw in this book.

  Natasha Tomic, Natasha is a Book Junkie: “This book has the power of touching the reader so deeply by giving us unique and very precious insight into the world of child adoption, from both viewpoints of the birth mother as well as the adoptive parents. I walked away at the end of this book feeling like my heart had grown tenfold, overflowing with so many emotions, and desperately hoping that fiction, in this case, had found its roots in real life.”

  Mollie Kay Harper, Tough Critic Book Reviews: “I was blown away by the story’s originality. I was blown away by the romance and passion. I was blown away by the heartache and pain. I was blown away that I whole heartedly invested my emotions into the lives of these two women.”

  Gitte & Jenny, Totally Booked: “What a truly breath-taking, compelling and beautifully stirring debut from Trudy Stiles. The writing was truly beautiful and the story which shows the past as well as the present was so raw and gripping my heart was so full of cracks by the time I’d finished.”

  Chris’ Book Blog Emporium: “I love when a book can grip you right from the first few pages, pull you in and not let you go until the very last page. Trudy has written a page turner. Her debut novel knocked my socks off and she is definitely an author to check out.”

  Nic Farrell, Flirty and Dirty Book Blog: “I’m not sure what I expected when I started Dear Emily by Trudy Stiles but one thing is for sure, I had no idea how emotional of a read it would be. Not your fluffy and mushy love story, Dear Emily was so much more.”

  Becca Manuel, Becca the Bibliophile: ”It’s a love story that is so profound and yet it is hardly ever spoken of. It’s the story of two women, torn apart by life that had left them scarred and a bond that they will forever share in a little girl neither have met yet – Emily.”

  Rebecca Shea, USA Today Bestselling Author: “When a book leaves you thinking about it days later – that’s a good thing. This was a 4.5 star before because it was good, really good…as in amazing. It’s now a 5 star because it did something to me…it left me wanting more – needing more. That is the sign of a 5-star amazing book.”

  Jen Skewes, Three Chicks and Their Books: “I am not even sure that I can begin to express just how much I loved this book and how truly amazing and touching it was. Dear Emily is by far one of my favorite books this year. It is one of those books that will stay with you.”

  Jesey Newman, Scmhexy Girl Book Blog: “Dear Emily is a beautiful story about love, lust, family and the tragedies endured by Carly and Tabitha, our leading ladies. Trudy Stiles has woven the lives of these women both past and present, in such an amazing way.”

  Amanda Maxlyn, author of “What’s Left of Me”: “There are books that will pull you along as you read, and then there are books that will literally pull you into the story as you read. Dear Emily is the book that will suck you in with the first sentence and not let you go until the last word. Trudy Stiles has a gift. She created a beautiful, yet pained world of two strangers that become connected in the most stunning way.”

  JJ Rossum, author of “Thou Shalt Not”: “Well, Ms. Stiles, you really knocked this one out of the park. I loved it. Unique story line, characters you could root for and emotions you could really feel.”

  Kelly, Perusing Princesses Book Blog: “Trudy Stiles has entered the indie writers world with an impressive boo – get ready for the shockwaves to hit, because this is one debut you do not want to miss!”

  Kathryn Perez, author of “Therapy”: “With so many books out there today, it’s hard to find one that isn’t just a cookie cutter version of the next. I personally enjoy books that are more than a “surface” read. I like to walk away from it having gained a message. I like to feel the story and characters. Trudy Stiles does just that with this book. She conveys with her writing a beautiful story that grips you, touches you and stays with you.”

  Tiffany Marie, Everything Marie Book Blog: “The entire story will leave you in tears and provoke strong emotions from you. It is very touching and so personal, it’s hard not to love this book. For a debut novel, this book really hit the mark.”

  Dee McGee, Booze, Bookz and Bad Boyz: “I absolutely loved Dear Emily. Trudy Stiles debut novel impresses the heck out of me. She took what could have been a straight forward dark, tragic plot and turned it into a beautiful story about coming to terms with adversity.”

  Virginia, Love N Books: “Trudy’s writing is detailed, emotional and beautiful. She tugs at your emotions and makes you feel as if you know these characters. You can’t help but feel for these broken women and wish their heartache would end and they would find happiness.”

  Dear Emily

  This book is not suitable for young readers. It is intended for mature adults only (18+). It contains strong language, adult/sexual situations and some violence.

  Dear Tabitha is BOOK TWO in the Forever Family series. Dear Emily should be read first as this is NOT a standalone book.

  You know me. You know who I am. What I am.

  Damaged. Confused. Alone.

  You feel sorry for me. You pity me.

  You know what I’ve done. What I’ve given up. Who I’ve given up.

  You try to understand what I’ve been through and how I can go on with my life. But you can’t possibly understand.

  I’ve lost too much. Sacrificed too much. Given up everything so that I can find myself.

  Well, I’m done.

  I’m done walking away from everything that matters.

  It’s time for me to heal.

  It’s MY TURN to earn…

  Redemption.

  Love.

  Family.

  “Dear Tabitha” is the second book in the “Forever Family” series.

  “Dear Emily” is Book One.

  To My Family

  Your constant love and support allow me to dream

  I love you

  Forever…

  Content Warning

  This book is not suitable for young readers. It is intended for mature adults only (18+). It contains strong language, adult/sexual situations and some violence.

  To contact Trudy:

  Email

  Facebook

  Goodreads

  Twitter

  Past

  Age 14

  I CAN’T stop shivering. I’m cold and scared. Terrified. Blood covers my clothes from the gushing wound in my side.

  I can’t die here.

  Not like this. I’m afraid to die.

  No one will know where to find me. I’m in my safe place, and even my sister doesn’t know that I always come here to hide. I’ve been coming here since I was three years old. After that first time…

  I’ve been hiding in the crawl space for the past hour or so. At least I think it’s been an hour. I can’t hear anything at all because of the ringing in my ears.

  I take a deep breath and pain shoots across my ribs. I grasp my side and feel the warmth seeping through my shirt. More blood. I continue to shiver as a wave of nausea overcomes me. I start to choke and gag on the bile rising in my throat. I don’t want to die, but I think he’s killed me this time.

  God, I hope my sister Reagan is okay. I hope she doesn’t come back to the house today. She left home a couple of years ago and came here today to make sure that
I am settling back in.

  You see, I’ve been staying with Dax and his family for a few months since the last time Pops beat me up. But Pops convinced me to come home this weekend and things have seemed okay, until tonight when he snapped and really did a number on me because he didn’t like the dinner I made for him. Pancakes. I thought I was doing the right thing since he always loved them before. I thought I was doing something he would like. I always try to do what he likes to avoid ending up like this…

  I was wrong.

  Tonight, when Reagan felt the tension in the air, she left. She always tries to avoid the violence that erupts when Pops has a bad day. Thankfully, he’s never laid a hand on her.

  From what I can remember about my early childhood, Pops would rough Mom up frequently, usually when she didn’t prepare dinner on time or do the dishes. Reagan also told me stories that helped fill in the gaps in my own memories. He beat Mom over little things, but he hasn’t struck a woman since that first time I got between him and my mother when I was only three years old. Reagan told me that, during one particularly terrible fight, I got in the middle of Mom and Pops, and started punching him and biting his knees. I endured the first beating of my life that day, lost two baby teeth, got two broken ribs, and found this hiding place. From that day forward, Pops only directed his anger toward me.

  Mom. I think of her and wince. I miss her every single day of this suck-tastic life.

  I hated all that he took from her. I despised watching her cry over him on a daily basis. I hated seeing her get hurt. After I started taking the brunt of his anger, things settled down for Mom just long enough for her sickness to take it all away.

  I feel dizzy now. I rest my cheek on the cold, damp floor as I try to picture her face.

  Mom.

  I can only see her ice blue eyes filled with sadness. I close my own eyes and try to feel her around me. “Mom,” I whisper against the cement.

  Freaking cancer. It took her away from me. From our miserable excuse of a family.

  God, I miss her. I feel like I may see her soon…

  My ears are ringing loudly now, and I feel as if I’m spinning. I hear muffled noises somewhere above me.

  “Alex!”

  That isn’t Pops’ voice. I strain to hear and realize that Reagan is screaming my name.

  “Alex!”

  I struggle to speak but can only taste the vomit in my mouth. Or is that blood? I try to lift my head, but I can’t. I just can’t.

  “Alex!” Her screams get louder and more frantic as loud footsteps pound the basement stairs above me.

  She’s looking for me.

  Oh no. God, please, Reagan, don’t lead him down here. He doesn’t know about this place. I’m safe here.

  “Alex! Please answer me!” She’s sobbing, and I hear her trip on the stairs.

  “Reagan?” I manage to say, my voice gravelly.

  “Alex. Where are you?” Her desperate cries turn to wails. “There’s blood everywhere!”

  I suddenly realize I must have left a trail down the stairs.

  “In here,” I whisper as the ringing in my ears completely takes over my hearing. I drift toward the unconsciousness that has been trying to engulf me for the past hour.

  “No! Wake up!” She shakes my shoulders, and the pain in my side becomes totally unbearable. “Please, Alex!”

  I manage to pry my eyes open and see a blurred face above me. She’s beautiful with long, flowing, golden hair like an angel. “Mom?”

  I see her ice blue eyes and swear I’m looking at my mother right now.

  “No, Alex, it’s not Mom,” she says desperately as she reaches for me.

  She pulls me into a sitting position then suddenly gasps.

  A warm rush of fluid flows from my side, and then I puke all over her.

  “Oh my God. Alex! What did he do to you?” She’s screaming now as she presses her hand to my side, presumably to try to stop either the blood or my guts from spilling out onto the basement floor.

  “Garden rake,” I manage to say.

  “Damn.” She sucks in a deep breath. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.” Determination replaces the look of terror on her face.

  She gently wraps one arm around me, lifts me onto my feet, and keeps her other hand firmly planted against my wound.

  “We need to get you out of here. Now.”

  She slowly drags me across the floor, and somehow manages to help me up the stairs. It’s funny, but I don’t feel pain anymore, just cold. Freezing cold.

  The faint sound of sirens outside grows louder. My knees buckle and the force of my falling weight pulls Reagan down with me. As my head hits the floor, I turn toward the bathroom and see a shadow swinging through the open doorway.

  I try to focus on the shadow as my sister begs me to look only at her.

  “Alex, look at me. Please, stay awake. Don’t look over there. Please, just look at me.” Her voice falters, and I realize she’s trying to protect me from something.

  Someone crashes through the front door. “Hello? Paramedics! We’re coming in!”

  The ringing in my ears returns louder than before. Muffled voices filter through as my sister instructs them to take care of me. Someone lifts me onto something padded and then I’m moving. As we pass the open bathroom, I twist my head to the left.

  The last thing I see is Pops.

  In the bathroom.

  Swinging.

  Hanging.

  Lifeless.

  I’m cold. I drift into nothingness.

  Past

  Age 22

  I STUMBLE down the stairs and out the door, distancing myself from her as fast as I can. Intense pain shoots through my abdomen, and I barely make it to the street before I puke all over the sidewalk. When I close my eyes, images of the two of them, his hands all over her where mine are supposed to be, fill my head. Vomit and bile rush up again, burning the inside of my throat and mouth. If I weren’t puking, I’m sure I would be crying like a baby. Why is this happening? Why did she do this? Loving her was the first real thing that I’ve ever done in my life. Now I have nothing. I slowly stand and wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve. I can’t believe that I just broke up with her.

  It’s over.

  I. Am. Done.

  I just put an end to the only relationship that has ever mattered to me. Tabitha is upstairs in her apartment, and here I am, puking in the street, and trying to get as far away from her as I possibly can. I’m completely crushed, and it’s all her fault. Pain shoots through my stomach again, and I lean against the building, trying to settle down.

  I’ve been so fucking patient with her throughout all of her breakdowns. Her depression. She’s hated herself for so long, and I’ve shown her what it’s like to love. I’ve tried to take away the demons that plague her. To make her forget about that monster, Tony. I’ve tried to help her to not be afraid of love. Shit, I’ve tried to help myself, too. I’ve given her all of me and more. My love, my heart, my fucking life.

  I can’t believe her. Why did she do this? I warned her about Seth.

  She was fucking kissing him! I could kill him, and I almost did. When my fist connected with his face earlier today, it felt so good. Too good. God! What is happening? What just happened?

  Why did she do this to us? She ruined us. I trusted her. Loved her.

  Fuck. I loved her with every part of me.

  That asshole has been waiting for his moment to pounce and take her away from me. To fuck her. Well, he has succeeded, and now, he can have her. She doesn’t deserve me after what she did today. Another wave of nausea passes as I wonder how long this may have been going on with Seth. Shit, I don’t even want to know.

  Has she been lying to me this whole time? Things were so real with her, or at least they seemed real to me. She made a promise that she only loved me. Only wanted me. And now she was with him.

  She’s a fucking liar. My stomach clenches when I realize there must have been something going on with them
all along. I never thought she would do something like this to me. To us.

  I saw this coming from Seth, but not from her.

  I lean against the side of her building and run my hands over my face. These hands wanted to kill today. To shred Seth to pieces. These hands almost grabbed her and shook her. The rage I felt was like nothing I have experienced before. I felt fire in my veins today, and I wanted her to burn.

  Shit.

  I take a slow, calming breath and picture my mother’s ice blue eyes. The scared and lonely eyes of an abused woman. I shudder and feel nauseous again. No. I would never do that to another person. A woman. I. Could. Never.

  Could I?

  No. I’m not like him. My pops.

  I. Am. Not. Him.

  The knot in my stomach pulls at my chest, and I feel a crushing pain as I gasp for air. My world has just come crashing down around me, and I don’t know what to do.

  I’m empty and afraid. Afraid of what I just lost. Afraid of what I might do. What I’m capable of doing.

  I wrap my arms around my stomach and deeply inhale through my nose, trying to settle myself from this revulsion and anger. I have so many scars from Pops. I was beaten more times than I can remember. I couldn’t inflict this kind of pain on someone else. Ever.

  Sadness and regret sweep in and overwhelm me. God, I didn’t even feel like this when he killed himself. What Tabby has done to me, to us, feels so much worse.

  I swallow hard to stop the bile from rising again and slam my head back against the concrete wall. Pain radiates down my spine. I need to get away from here. From her. Far away. I can’t be near her or Seth. I might be tempted to use my hands again, and I just can’t allow that to happen. I don’t ever want to become violent.