by Liz Durano
I hate sneaking out like a thief but I promised Roxy I’d meet her for breakfast and the last thing I want her to see is me looking like I do with my mussed hair and raccoon eyes from my mascara. One look at me and I’m sure anyone would know that I just had a hell of an amazing night. But as I make my way down to the lobby and walk past the doorman, it hits me. How many women have walked out of Campbell’s apartment like I just did?
I shake my head. Stop it, Cait. Why should it matter if it’s only going to happen for one night?
The doorman hails a cab for me and I don’t care about the cost to get back to Forest Hills. It beats riding the subway looking like I do, extending my walk of shame to the next borough in the bitter cold of winter. Already, it looks like it’s getting ready to snow. It’ll be the first time since I’ve been back in New York.
At least, it’s early enough that traffic isn’t as bad as it would have been if I’d waited. When I get home, the house is quiet and I hurry up to my room like a thief returning to his hideout with a secret stash. Only mine are made of contraband memories of one night that should never have happened.
Eight
A text message wakes me up at eleven in the morning.
Got time to hang out?
I reach my arm toward the space next to me and find it empty. Caitlin’s gone, a strand of her hair on my pillow and the scent of sex still hanging in the air the only evidence she’d spent the night. I hate that I’m relieved that she snuck out of the apartment, as if her presence would have gotten me in trouble with Jordan this very minute even when he’s nowhere near. But I also hate that she felt she had to leave without saying goodbye. We didn’t even get to talk about what happened and what we should do next.
I scroll through the rest of my messages out of habit, unconsciously ranking each of the three other messages according to their importance. The first is from last night, a holiday emoji from a woman I’d met at a bar while I was out with the office guys four weeks ago; the second is from Mitch at the office telling me there’s some talk about a new office opening in Paris, and the third is from my mother, a brief video clip of a crocodile—or is it an alligator—walking on the golf course where she plays with her saying in voice-over, “Can you believe this, Cam? Only in Florida, right? Love you!”
I can’t help but smile at her newly acquired knowledge on how to operate her smartphone but I admire her determination to get it right. At least, this time, her finger isn’t covering the viewfinder.
I scroll back up to Jordan’s text message and start typing my response.
Campbell: Yup, got the time. What’s up?
Jordan: I need to get Addy a present. Thought I’d check out the holiday markets. You up for that?
Campbell: Sure. What time?
Jordan: In an hour. I’ll meet you at your place.
I sit up. Shit, that would mean I’d have to explain the damn tree. I’ve never had a tree in my apartment before and explaining how I got it would bring up Caitlin’s name. There are also the obvious signs I’ve had a woman in the apartment—not that it’s anything new since Jordan and I have hit the bars during the brief time he was single, after he finally called it quits with his childhood sweetheart Rachel and before he met Addison. But the woman in question is his sister. Shitshitshit.
Wait! Why the fuck am I acting so guilty?
Campbell: I’ll meet you at the lobby. My place is a mess.
Jordan: You mean one cup didn’t make it into the dishwasher before you ran a load and you’re having an OCD moment?
I chuckle. My brother from another mother knows me too well. But I’m not really that uptight.
Campbell: Shut up. Lobby in an hour.
I toss my phone back on the bedside table and roll onto the other side of the bed, Caitlin’s scent still lingering on the pillow. It brings back the memories of the last few hours, of us making love in front of the Christmas tree and then later on the bed. No holds barred fucking that left me breathless yet begging for more. She was insatiable, but then, so was I, and by the time we were done, it was almost morning and I could barely move. But now she’s gone, our brief rendezvous over too soon.
I groan as the truth finally hits me like Mack truck, the empty side of her bed amplified a hundred times over. It was a one-time deal and now it’s back to reality.
What the fuck did I just get myself into?
Jordan meets me downstairs and we head out for lunch first, snow falling on the ground and dotting our wool beanies and coats with snowflakes. Knowing him, he’s probably been awake since six or seven in the morning, bright and early like the contractor that he is, but at least, he understands my need for sustenance. I wake up early for work, too, but right now, I’m on vacation mode.
“Last minute shopping? That’s not like you, man. You’re usually prepared.” I sit across from him at the corner diner, our booth situated right by the window where we have a view of the street.
“Try having a one-year-old living with you, Cam, and then talk to me about tackling your To-Do list. Time isn’t your own anymore and there’s also the wedding,” he says, laughing. “If Addy and I could elope and just get it over with, we would.”
“But her mother will kill you.”
“She sure will. And Mom and Dad are kinda into it now. Actually, they kinda like it.” He pauses, chuckling. “They figure it’ll prepare them when it’s Cait’s turn. Wanna bet? With her, they’ll probably go all out.”
Hearing her name sends my heart racing but I do my best to act nonchalant. Our arrangement was for one night, not a lifetime. I clear my throat, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. “That would be interesting, wouldn’t it? Seeing Caitlin getting married.”
“Only if she finds a man who can handle her. She can be a spitfire, my sister, in case you haven’t noticed,” Jordan says. “She knows what she wants and she doesn’t let anything stop her from getting it. But you already know that.”
“I’m sure she’ll find her perfect match.”
“True, and he’s got to be someone who can tell her what to do for a change. Knowing her, she’d probably end up not wanting a wedding because she’d worry about the cost,” Jordan says. “But it would be nice to see Dad walk her down the aisle. He’s actually looking forward to it… and more grandkids.”
I force a smile, imagining Caitlin in a white dress even though I can’t get myself to see who’d be waiting for her at the altar—nope, can’t do that because what we had was an experiment, a one-time arrangement. Then I remind myself not to think of her at all. Or about weddings and babies.
“I’m not sure she’d like all the attention though,” Jordan continues, his brow furrowing. “You know how she is about money. She’ll think the costs associated with a wedding would be better put toward a house or living expenses for a year. She’s been pretty frugal lately.” He pauses when the server arrives to take our order before resuming once she walks away. “I told her she should take a vacation after she graduates, like I did when I took that year off. She deserves it.”
“You didn’t exactly take a vacation, man. You were building schools in third world countries… with no power tools,” I say. “That’s not exactly a vacation.”
He laughs. “To you, it isn’t. Let’s call it a working vacation. I had a blast.”
I chuckle. Classic Jordan, always busy with his hands, always wanting to help others. “What did Caitlin say about the vacation thing?”
“She wants to work and kinda start paying her way,” Jordan replies. “I just feel bad I took a year off and she kept chugging along with her studies. And she still is. But Mom and Dad have set aside enough money for her and a friend to go on a vacation for a couple of weeks. Nothing crazy, but a vacation nonetheless. Addy and I pitched in, too.”
If I had my way, I’d pay for her whole vacation. A few weeks taking her to her favorite place is a fraction of my bonus. But knowing Caitlin, she’d only feel insulted if I offered especially after what happened between us. But maybe not if I t
ake her with me on that vacation, something that goes beyond a one-night arrangement, something I absolutely wouldn’t mind at all. “She’s graduating a month after your wedding, man.”
“Yeah, we’ll be in LA then for her big day,” Jordan says. “You planning to attend her graduation, right? I’m sure she’d like to see you there, too.”
I nod. I’d already put it on my calendar. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
The server arrives with cups of steaming hot coffee and sets them on the table in front of us. “What have you been up to on your vacation, man? Seeing anyone new?”
“Catching up on sleep. That’s it, pretty much. Oh, and hanging out with you.” It’s a lie but that’s all I can think of before tackling my coffee. And for the next half an hour, we focus on eating, talking about what he’s up to now that he’s got a fiancée and a baby to keep him busy, and what time the Christmas Eve dinner at his parents’ house will begin. They used to have dinner on Christmas Day but with Addison’s parents holding their own dinner on Christmas Day, the O’Hallorans compromised. This year, they’d hold dinner on Christmas Eve instead and the next day, they’d attend the Rowe’s.
“It will be crazy like always, but that’s family for you, man. And that includes you, brother from another mother,” Jordan says, grinning. “How’s your mom?”
“She’s great. Golfing like crazy, as always.” I pull out my phone and play the clip she sent me that morning. Jordan takes the phone and plays it again, amazed, before handing the phone back to me.
“Heard from your dad?”
I hate that he asks the question no one dares to ask but I also appreciate that he does. Sure, a part of me hates Dad’s guts for leaving us the way he did but there’s also that part of me that wants to know why. Did I do something wrong? Did Mom? Was I just not good enough?
“Did hell freeze over?”
Jordan shrugs. “Guess the answer’s no.”
After lunch, we head to the Columbus Circle Holiday Market where Jordan wasn’t joking about needing to do his last-minute holiday shopping. He goes at it with such determination that it looks like he’s got everything mapped out—which stalls to visit first complete with a break for hot chocolate and churros along the way. Two hours later, he seems to have found everything: organic baby clothes and a stuffed bunny toy for Piper, a fair trade silk and cotton shawl for Addison, a ceramic bowl for his mom, a handmade leather portfolio for his dad, and a pair of felted owl slippers for Caitlin.
“What about me, man? How come I don’t get anything? You just hurt my feelings.” I say, feigning sadness as we make our way down the subway. Jordan’s next stop is the supermarket close to their Chelsea apartment where he wants to get ingredients to make a roast.
“Yeah, right,” Jordan says. “How do you know I didn’t snag you something when you weren’t looking? Hand-knit wool socks with tiny llamas from Peru, maybe?”
“Ah, never mind.”
“Seriously, I hear girls like them on guys.”
“Shut up.”
It’s the usual ribbing we do together, like the brothers we’ve become ever since Jordan asked his parents if I could live with them since they had a guest room that was only being used as storage for toys he and Caitlin had outgrown. The room had everything a teenage boy would need, a bed, a dresser, even a desk facing the backyard and a bookshelf. My mother, broke and with limited options, accepted their offer. After all, she was working in the Hamptons and that left me either following her there and transferring schools or finding a room for me to rent in Queens.
Through it all, not once did Jordan or Caitlin tell anyone at school about my circumstances. To them, me moving in seemed like the most natural thing in the world and there’s no denying how much their family shaped who I am today. That means no matter what happened last night between Caitlin and me, there’s no way I’m going to jeopardize that.
Nine
The moment I get home, I take a shower and dive into the warmth of my bed. My body is sore and tender, the hours of lovemaking taking its toll and all I want to do now is sleep all day. But I’m supposed to meet Addison at noon and so I need to catch up with my beauty sleep before anyone can tell that something’s amiss.
It’s also a relief to know that Jordan’s not going to be there. After last night, I don’t want to lie about my feelings for his best friend.
Addison is raring to leave the apartment and hang out the moment I arrive. I love that my future-sister-in-law is smart and funny, the perfect match for Jordan who can be just as hilarious when he wants to be.
Addison is a Filipino-American nephrologist with a private practice she runs with two other doctors. Her and Jordan’s paths would never have crossed but somehow they did. One day, she and my brother met at a small bar close to his apartment and he was smitten. She even got him to sing a karaoke duet with her, I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher. That alone is a feat because Jordan never sings, not for anything or anyone.
From what I’ve been told, they had a one-night stand two days before Jordan left for Asia to work with a non-profit. When he got back, he found out he had a daughter, Piper, who looks just like he and I did when we were babies. A redhead with intense green-hazel eyes. There was never any doubt Piper was his and Jordan took responsibility right away. I’ve never seen him so in love with a woman since Rachel, his childhood sweetheart of almost five years and the daughter of Dad’s business partner. They’d broken up three months before he met Addison and just like that, all it took was a chance meeting at a karaoke bar.
The three of us spend the afternoon at the Whitney Museum of Art and a short walk on the High Line to enjoy the sight of birds enjoying winterberries before heading back to their apartment for dinner. It’s a laidback afternoon that has me forgetting everything else but art and the joy of being around babies. I love playing aunt to Piper who’s already got the fine art of charming everyone around her down to a science.
“You okay?” Addison asks when we’re two blocks from the apartment. “You’ve been quieter than usual. Something bothering you?”
“Not really. Just…” I pause, not knowing what to tell her. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“How did you know my brother was the one?”
Color creeps on Addison’s cheeks as she gazes at Piper who’s asleep in the baby carrier in front of her. “I actually didn’t think he was the one when I first met him. I did think he was the hottest guy I’d ever met, though. Not a lot of doctors are built like your brother,” she replies.
“I’m actually glad you guys are together,” I say. “It’s like you’re both meant for each other.”
Addison blushes even more. “Anyway, I’d gone into that bar to blow off steam and we met and we hooked up. That was supposed to be it. I’d never had a one-night stand before, come to think of it, and that’s why when he asked for my number, I tried to play it cool and not give it to him. When I realized I was pregnant and he was MIA, I had it in my head to go ahead with the pregnancy and raise Piper all by myself with the help of my family.”
“It must have been hard.”
She nods. “A little bit. But it wasn’t until he walked into my office a year later that I realized he wasn’t just gorgeous, he was kind. He was responsible. I think that does something to women, the knowledge that here’s a man who’ll move heaven and earth to make sure you’re provided for and safe, like the way pheromones can cause an emotional almost primal reaction between humans.”
“I know he’s crazy about you.”
“Anyone who’s brave enough to go through the wedding arrangement with my mother and all the drama associated with it has got to be. And I’m glad he’s game. He’s actually the only man I’ve known who can handle my mother. He’s also my soulmate. It’s a feeling you can’t explain, where you know things are going to be alright when you see each other,” Addison says, her gentle smile conveying so much more. Heck, the fact that my brother, who never cooks, actually mad
e dinner speaks volumes. “Anyway, why do you ask?”
I shrug. “Just curious.”
We don’t speak for a while, too busy navigating the holiday crowds in front of a holiday market. But as soon as we clear the block, she continues, “What about you? Are you seeing someone?”
“Kinda but it’s just casual.”
“How casual is casual?” she asks as she adjusts Piper’s wool hat.
“He’s a friend.”
“Ah. Friends with benefits.”
“You could say that. Only I don’t want our benefits to jeopardize the friendships around us,” I continue. “I mean, we’re not the only ones who are friends. We have mutual friends, too.”
“Are you afraid your arrangement will complicate things with everyone else?”
“Don’t they always?”
Addison thinks for a few moment. “Not unless they keep it quiet or maybe they’ll come out and say they’re madly in love with each other and can everyone just please be happy for them.”
“We’re not at that point yet. Not even close.”
“Would you want to get to that point?”
Her question catches me by surprise but I don’t answer. We’ve arrived in front of her apartment building situated on a tree-lined block now covered with snow, saying hello to the doorman who opens the door for us. I’d originally planned on saying goodbye outside but there’s also her last question.