by Liz Durano
“I’m not sure yet if I want to be or not,” I reply when we’re inside the elevator. “I don’t want to mess up the status quo if we don’t work out in the end.”
“Ah, that.” Addison chuckles, gently covering Piper’s ears, her voice lowering as she continues. “Sometimes you gotta fuck status quo and just do it, you know? You never know it just might work.”
As she opens the door to the apartment, we find ourselves face to face with Campbell who is buttoning his wool coat, a beanie covering his head. Jordan is in the kitchen and the apartment smells of pot roast.
As Addison says hello and breezes past Campbell, I stop at the landing and do my best not to stare. He looks just as surprised as I am.
“Hi,” he mumbles as behind him, Jordan helps Addison remove a still-sleeping Piper from her carrier.
“Hi.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re leaving, Cam.” Addison says as she slips the empty baby carrier off her shoulders. “Aren’t you staying for dinner?”
“He’s been dying to leave for the past half hour but I needed him to help me with dinner since he paid more attention to Mom’s cooking tips than I ever did,” Jordan says before disappearing into the nursery with Piper.
“Jordan wanted to surprise you by making dinner,” Campbell says. “I just figured I’d give you guys some privacy.”
“Privacy Shmivacy. Tell Piper that,” Addison says, laughing. “Anyway, stay and join us, Cam, unless you’ve got a date or something.” She pauses, turning to face me. “I hope you’ll stay, too, Cait. I’d love to talk more about your dissertation.”
As I open my mouth to say no, that I’m busy—doing what, I have no idea, maybe I’ll finally learn how to crochet something—I know it’s rude and cowardly. I’m also not the type to run away from things like this.
“Sure, I’d love to,” I hear myself say as Campbell, his gaze never leaving me, shrugs off his coat and hangs it behind the door.
“Just like old times,” he says as I glare at him, the temptation to pull him to me and kiss him growing greater with each passing second.
When Jordan returns to the kitchen, Campbell and I help him set the table and I’m grateful for a task… any task to keep my mind off what happened last night even though it’s useless, for here Campbell is in the flesh, tempting me with his charming smile, those hard six-pack abs hiding beneath his light blue shirt and a firm ass that has the audacity to be covered by jeans.
While dinner is “just like old times,” it also isn’t. For how can it be like old times when all I can think of whenever I look at Campbell sitting next to me is the way he kissed me last night. And when his hand brushes against mine as he passes the salt or the salad is how he made me feel so beautiful when he held me, his lips against my ear whispering words I’d never heard him say before when we were just friends. I’m simply too distracted, betrayed by my body and my mind that used to have no problems discussing gene mutations that increase the risk of cancer just before I got on the plane to New York. Instead, all I can think of now is the sound of Campbell’s voice when he groaned my name.
By the time we both walk out of Jordan and Addison’s apartment two hours later, my smile is just a little too broad and my voice a little too loud to mask all the giddiness I’m feeling inside.
“Hey, Cam, you’re gonna drop her off, right?” Jordan calls out from his front door as Campbell and I head toward the elevator.
“I can make my way home on my own no problem, Jory. No need for a chaperone.” I punch the elevator button. It’s not as if Jordan hasn’t asked the same favor from Campbell so many times in the past; it’s just that things are different now and I can’t help but feel defensive. I can find my own way home, thank you very much.
“Yeah, I’ll drop her off, man, no problem.”
“Thanks.” Jordan gives him a thumbs up before closing the door and for the next few seconds, Campbell and I glare at each other until the elevator doors slide open.
But all that suppressed tension fades away the moment the doors slide close. Suddenly, all my self-control is gone… just gone. And so is Campbell’s. I lean against the back wall of the elevator as he steps toward me, his blue eyes seeing right through me. I feel his fingers stroking my cheek first and when I close my eyes, the warmth of his lips on mine. The feel of his stubble comes after, when my lips part and his tongue slips between my teeth, probing, searching, claiming. His other hand slides along my waist, pulling me to him, possessive. I smell his cologne, the scene awakening all the sensations from last night when he took me to the edge and then back again and again until I begged him to let me come. Why does it feel as if the man I’d been searching for in others back in LA was right in front of me all along?
As my arms circle his neck, Campbell pulls away, out of breath, studying me. “I should take you home. I promised Jordan I would.”
“He didn’t state a time, did he?”
“No.”
“That means you can drop me off in the morning. It’ll still count.”
His eyes narrow as he gazes at me. “But I thought we agreed it was just for one night. Our little experiment to get it out of our system.”
The elevator doors slide open and thankfully, no one is waiting to get in. “I think I’m going to need one more night to get it completely out of my system. What about you?”
“You know the answer to that, Cait,” he murmurs, his gaze fixed on me as the butterflies in my belly go crazy and I giggle.
“Then what are we waiting for?”
We get to his apartment in record time—fifteen minutes. We undress each other for a lot less, scarves, coats, long johns (because we’ve both been out and about), boots, and everything else—seven minutes. We’re expedient until we don’t need to be, the feel of his skin like a balm to the emptiness I’ve felt since I left his apartment this morning, and this time, it’s him leaning against the wall as I kiss and lick my way down his torso. I want to hear him beg. I want to listen to him groan my name, feel his fingers in my hair, guiding me where he wants me to be.
His cock is glorious and perfect, throbbing as I gently press my lips against it. He hisses when I move lower to lick his balls.
He groans, bringing his head back as I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and lick his length starting from the base, my tongue swishing side to side as I take my time.
Campbell groans again, grabbing my hair and then letting go. I see his abs tense, feel his thigh muscles tighten. I love the sounds he makes, the way his body trembles beneath my touch.
When I get to the tip and swirl my tongue around the head of his cock, he gasps, watching me with lidded eyes, his nostrils flaring. “Fuck, Cait. We’re in so much trouble.”
I withdraw, licking the underside of his cock. “We’ll worry about that tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” he gasps again as I take him in my mouth, loving the sounds he makes as I suck and lick him. I want to do everything we’re not supposed to be doing, experience pleasures I’ve only dreamed of doing with him before reality sets in again in the morning and family will have to come first. We can do it, I know we can.
We just have to get through tonight first.
The next morning, Campbell and I hardly look at each other or even talk. Sure, we do the usual good mornings, how are you bit but that’s about it. It’s as if the clock has struck twelve and he’s on a mission to take me home seven hours too late.
Campbell plays R&B on the radio and I busy myself by watching the city cloaked in snow pass outside the window. I wish I could rest my hand on his forearm like I used to when I had something to say or crack a dirty joke and think nothing more of it. It would have been completely normal, just two old friends hanging out.
But Campbell was right. Once you get a taste of the forbidden, there’s no way you can go back to not wanting it again.
And again.
At least, we got some sleep this time. And as if to make sure I wouldn’t sneak out of his apartment like I di
d the day before, Campbell held me all night and never let go until morning.
Still, I can’t deny the sense of loss I’m feeling, as if I’m making the biggest mistake in my life. Why is it that the man who suddenly sets my heart racing is the same man I grew up with? What did I miss? What didn’t I see all those years? Or wasn’t I just paying attention?
By the time he turns toward Forest Hills, panic hits me. I glance at the clock on the dashboard.
Nine o’clock.
It means Mom and Dad are awake and they’re sure to see me come in.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath.
“What is it?”
“Mom and Dad are probably downstairs getting everything ready for tonight.”
“And?”
“Can you drop me at the Jefferson’s?”
Campbell frowns. “That’s five houses away, Cait. Are you sure? I can drop you off at the house. No big deal. I promised Jordan I’d drop you off and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“I know, but I don’t want them seeing you drop me off this early.”
“Then we should have considered that last night before we–”
“Before we what?” I exclaim angrily. “Before we fucked each other’s brains out? It’s too late for that, Campbell.”
His jaw clenches but he doesn’t say anything.
“Look, Cam, just drop me off at the Jefferson’s. Please.”
“Cait, you’re not some cheap date I just drop off around the corner and leave. You’re my–”
“–best friend’s sister,” I say angrily. “That’s what I am, Cam, and yes, you’re going to have to drop me off at the Jeffersons because I don’t want to jeopardize your friendship with my brother and my family. I thought we discussed this already. We agreed on a fling and this is pretty much it. End of the line.”
Campbell takes a deep breath and for a second, I almost think he’s going to drive directly to my house but he doesn’t. He slows down the SUV and stops right in front of the Jeffersons. When I push open the door, he touches my forearm. “Cait, listen to me. I want to tell Jordan about us–”
“No!” I glare at him. “Cam, what we had was just temporary. That’s it. Besides, I’m going back to LA after the New Year and work my ass off until I graduate so I can start working and actually be of use to my family for a change instead of just going to school all the time. The last thing I need is a distraction.”
“Is that what I am to you? A distraction?”
“I never said that.”
“You just did, Cait.”
I push the door open and step out, grabbing my wool coat from the back seat and slipping it on while ignoring him. Guilt fills me… and fear. I look at him, my hand on the door. “Please don’t let this change anything between us, Cam.”
“Everything changed the moment we decided to take this step, Cait. Don’t you get it? This isn’t just one of those wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am deals. Not anymore.”
“Well, it may not be to you but I’m not ready to lose all the years you, me, and our families have built,” I say.
“Who says we’re going to lose it? I’d rather be honest than–”
“And I’d rather not, Cam. Not right now.” I pause, hating that I can’t think straight… or see clearly for that matter. Am I honestly about to cry? “Look, Cam, please don’t let this change anything between us.” When he doesn’t answer, I continue, “I hope to see you tonight. Everyone will be expecting you like always.”
Campbell turns away from me, muttering something that sounds like “yeah” before I close the door and start walking away. I don’t hear him drive away but I don’t turn around to look either. I just keep walking, hating myself for the things I just said as if what we had wasn’t special at all, but I’m also relieved that he didn’t argue with me. It’s for the best anyway. We both need things to go back to the way they were.
I know I do.
Ten
I almost back out of Christmas Eve dinner at the O’Halloran’s but I don’t. I can’t. They’re not just my family, they’re my lifeline all year round. I don’t just show up for Christmas Day, I’m there for Thanksgiving, birthdays, even baptisms. And on the day before Christmas, I’m there early helping Mrs. O’Halloran with dinner just as I’d promised her the year before. That’s when I said out loud that I wanted to learn how to recreate a full Christmas dinner and the challenge was on. She hasn’t forgotten and neither have I.
Sometimes, when Mrs. O’Halloran has a new recipe she wants to share with me, she’ll have me come over to pick up portions set aside in plastic containers to take home. I’m not Jordan’s brother from another mother for no reason at all. They took me in when I had nowhere to go. They treated me—and still treat me—like their second son.
There’s no way I’m ruining everything over a fling. Like Caitlin said, everything needs to go back to the way it was.
I arrive at their house at ten, my dress shirt and trousers in a garment bag that I hang in the guest room for later, the presents I’ve picked out for the family arranged under the tree with all the others. In the kitchen, Mr. O’Halloran is already helping out, studding the ham with cloves.
I join them in the kitchen wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. “Where’s Caitlin?”
“She and Roxy went out to do last minute shopping,” her mother replies. “The poor girl only got today off from the hospital and she has to go in again tomorrow afternoon. So Cait offered to help her battle the crowds.”
Mr. O’Halloran chuckles. “It’s going to be hectic out there but those two ladies can handle themselves.”
“Do you think you can handle being in here, Campbell?” Mrs. O’Halloran asks, grinning. “It’ll be hot in the kitchen, I guarantee you. I’ll be putting you to work, young man.”
Laughing, I slip on the apron Mr. O’Halloran hands me, grateful for the distraction of not seeing Caitlin everywhere I look. Of course, I’m up to the challenge, anything that will take my mind off their daughter. “Then bring it on, Mrs. O.”
Five hours later, the party is in full swing and everyone is home, even Caitlin who arrived while I was taking a shower in the guest bathroom. Music is playing and the tree is all lit up, more presents set underneath the tree as the Rowes are last to arrive. On the floor, Piper is the center of attention with both sets of grandparents and she’s loving it.
Jordan hands me a beer as soon as I make it downstairs wearing jeans and a dark knit shirt. “Merry Christmas, man. Here’s to family.”
We tap bottles. “Family. Merry Christmas.”
He takes a sip before glancing toward the living room. “Gotta give you a heads up. I hear Addy’s mom wants to pair you with one of her nieces, Emily, who’s in town for a few months. Addy’s horrified, of course, but I’m sure her mother will find a way to say something over dinner.”
I chuckle. “I’ll be ready.”
“You’re not seeing anyone, are you?”
I open my mouth to say no but stop myself. “Not exactly.”
Jordan grins. “Anyone I know?”
Before I can lie to my best friend, his parents call us over to join them in the living room and I heave a sigh of relief. Crisis averted, the inevitable lie delayed.
But where the hell is Caitlin?
Half an hour later, Caitlin comes downstairs to join us at the table. She’s wearing a red dress that fits her like a glove, its skirt flaring down her hips just past her knees. It takes all my willpower not to stare at her ass but I manage, forcing myself to pay attention on everything around the table but her—Mr. and Mrs. O’Halloran insisting on serving everyone even when Jordan tells them to sit down and take it easy, Mrs. Rowe doing the same thing until Addison orders her to sit down and eat. And then there’s Piper smearing mashed potatoes in her hair.
But even with all the commotion, it isn’t easy not to look at Caitlin, not when she’s sitting right beside me like she always does year after year. Before this moment, we’d probably be crack
ing jokes at each other, teasing each other over what we did during the year. By now, I’d probably be pouring wine into her glass like it’s nothing and put my arm around her like a friend. Because that’s what she was until two nights ago. I still pour the wine and offer her the appetizer, but she refuses to look me in the eye, her gaze directed at my mouth or my nose and never my eyes, as if she’s hiding something… as if she’s guilty.
Hell, we both are.
But I can’t help but want her to look at me. Just once. She’s simply stunning, her green eyes sparkling and her red hair falling over her shoulders in waves. And then there’s the Santa hat she’s wearing that makes me want to reach over and play with the little pompom at the tip of it. She’s barefoot, too, for shoes aren’t really required when she’s already home, and when she folds her legs underneath her and I catch sight of her cute painted toes, I can’t look away.
Why do I suddenly want to announce to everyone that–
“Campbell, could you pass the beans, please?”
I turn to Addison sitting across from me. “Sorry. What?”
“The green beans.” She points to the green bean casserole in front of me and I hand it to her. Beside her, Jordan is watching me.
Pay attention, man, before you really spill the beans and mess up everyone’s Christmas.
“I hear you’re about to graduate in a few months,” Mr. Rowe says. “You’re majoring in Molecular Biology, right? I think that was one of the majors Addison was considering before she settled for Biology.”
“Yes. I graduate in the summer.”
“Any work prospects? You going to stay there?” he asks.
“Whoever offers me the best opportunity,” Caitlin replies, pausing to pass the bowl of mashed potatoes to Jordan. “My priority is to get a job—any job—so I can start paying my way.”
“Not when you earned that scholarship, Cait,” Mr. O’Halloran says. “So the last thing I’d worry about is working. One more semester.”