Spider: A tattoo romance (Rough Ink Book 2)

by MV Ellis

  “To talk to you.”

  “Well, I figured that much by the way you’ve been blowing up my phone. Are you too used to getting your own way in your perfect life to take a hint?”

  I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. I sounded bitter and callous. Neither were things I wanted to be, nor was proud of being in that moment.

  “Yeah, my life’s just fucking peachy right now. I buried my dad thirty hours ago, my mom is in pieces, and I don’t know how to help her, or if I even can. I’m not sure that my intellectually disabled kid brother fully comprehends the fact that his father is never coming back, and I’ve been told to prepare for the worst when he does. But other than all that, it’s sunshine and fucking lollipops over here.”

  “I’m sorry.” My voice was small. I knew it was a pathetic offering, but it was all I had.

  “Don’t be. I didn’t call to guilt you. I called to apologize. I made such a complete asshat of myself that I don’t even know where to begin making up for it. Or if I can.”

  “You can’t. I thought I made that clear yesterday. I know you weren’t yourself. I know that. But men who can’t control themselves when the chips are down have ruined most of my life, you know? It’s easy, or at least easier, to be nice when life is going well. Not so easy when the shit starts hitting the fan.”

  “That’s the exact same thing Zed said to me when I told him what happened.”

  “Really? I think I like him already. Sounds like a smart guy. What else did he say?”

  “Basically that I was a dumbass, and I needed to fix things with you.”

  “Okay, so his thinking is solid, but I don’t think the fixing part is going to happen. I’m so broken, I’m held together with Band-Aids and strategically placed wads of gum. I’m possibly beyond repair, so adding something else broken to the mix and attempting to fix it isn’t a good idea.”

  “He said I need to fix it. The situation, not you. And look, I’ll admit that everything that’s happened with Dad hasn’t brought out the best in me, but what you saw yesterday was as bad as it gets. I’m not trying to polish the turd and say I wasn’t a douche. I was, big time, and I know that’s not good enough, but I can promise you that’s the worst version of me you’ll ever see, and hopefully never again.”

  Although all the books and websites advised not to give people second chances because they led to third, fourth, and thousandth chances, my gut, for what it was worth, was telling me to believe him and give him the opportunity to pick up where we left off.

  “Say something,” he urged. “You’re killing me here.”

  “Hmm….”

  “‘Hmm’? What does that mean? Is that ‘hmm’ good or ‘hmm’ bad?”

  “It’s a neutral-thinking ‘hmm,’ leaning toward a small sliver of positivity. A very thin sliver.”

  “Okay. I can work with that.”

  “Can you? What did you have in mind?”

  “In mind? A lot of stuff I probably shouldn’t tell you right now if I’m trying to get back in your good books, but other than that, a date.”

  “A date?” I didn’t see that coming, and the suggestion threw me for a loop. Stupid, really, a woman my age surprised when a guy asked her out on a date. It wasn’t like he’d asked for my hand in marriage, but I was so nervous, he might as well have.

  “Yeah, you know, this cute thing people who like each other do to help get to know one another a little better. Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to date a woman I’m interested in.”

  “Oh.”

  “Have I said the wrong thing?”

  “No. Not at all. It’s the right thing, I guess. It’s just that I’ve never been on one before.” I held my breath, waiting for the laughter I knew would follow. I wouldn’t blame him. The situation was truly laughable.

  “Wait. I feel like I just heard you say that you’ve never been on a date.”

  “Yeah, that is what I said. I mean, I guess I kind of have, but not really.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m struggling to wrap my tiny little mind around this concept. How could it be at all possible that a woman as… everything as you… has never been on date? Have you been living in a bunker for the past decade?” I released the breath when I realized he wasn’t going to make fun of me.

  “No, but I told you that Tommy and I first got together in high school. We went out sometimes, but we didn’t ‘date’ in the true sense of the word. Then we saw each other on and off while I was at college, pretty much just during the holidays and it was just sex. We didn’t see each other outside the bedroom—not even for Netflix and chill. Then I got pregnant with Noah, and Tommy went to jail. I was at home with a baby and kind of still with Tommy, so….”

  “Wait. Back up. You were pregnant and had a baby when your… while Tommy was in jail? How did you manage? Did you have help? I thought you said you went to college. How did you make it through school with a baby? Did you graduate?

  “Um… so you have a few questions, then?”

  “Sorry to bombard you, but it’s a lot to take in right now.”

  “It was even harder to live in, believe me.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it was. I didn’t mean to be flippant. I’m just a little shocked, is all.”

  “No shit. So to answer your questions, yes, Tommy was in jail for the first few years of Noah’s life. That stupid armed robbery thing should’ve been enough for me to kick him to the curb, but I was young and insecure, so I waited. He didn’t meet Noah for the first time until he was four years old because I refused to take him there on visitation days. Obviously in those five years, because we were still together, there was no dating other guys. And honestly? Even if I’d been single, I had enough to cope with already. I was studying, then working full-time, and bringing up my son. I didn’t need to add a guy into the mix.”

  “So you just managed? Did all that stuff solo?”

  “Yes. But what else was I going to do? Noah and I had to eat, and I had to pay rent and all the rest of it. So yeah, I did what I had to do. And let’s face it, around here, that’s hardly an unusual story. I mean, there are so many women doing the same, and more. So many deadbeat dads, jailbird dads, banger dads, and otherwise absent dads. Really it was nothing special.”

  “Well, it’s special to me. You’re special. When I was that age, my life was graffiti, tattoos, smoking weed, and getting laid. Not necessarily in that order. And if I’m honest, it hasn’t changed all that much even now. Sure, I don’t get high or get laid as much as I used to—in fact, I can’t tell you the last time I smoked—but my life existence has mostly been all about me. I’ve always been able to do what I wanted, how I wanted, and when I wanted. I feel like a chronic underachiever when I think about what you’ve been through.”

  “Not at all. Not everybody walks the same path. And it’s not like I nobly chose mine. If it wasn’t for the fact that it gave me Noah, which is by far the best thing to ever have happened to me, I would change pretty much everything about my past.”

  She wasn’t the only one. “Hmm…. Thinking about it, if I had my time over, I’d do things differently too. I’d make more use of what I had. I guess I didn’t even realize how lucky I was. I would’ve spent more time with Dad. I mean, it’s stupid—we all know our parents will die, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I kind of thought of my dad as immortal. He was so… larger than life. He was a commanding force in every room. Not surprising, given his job. I thought I had another twenty years, at least, to do all the things we’d never gotten around to.”

  “Nobody goes around predicting that their fit, healthy, active parents are going to die in a freak accident. It would be weird if you did.”

  “I guess. I just feel like I took my Dad for granted and didn’t make enough effort to see them both because I thought I always had tomorrow. Then one day, tomorrow was today, and all I had were regrets.”

  “You still have your mom, and the inimitable Benji, and right now, they need you more than ever before. I k
now it’s not the same, but you do kind of get a do-over with them.”

  “You’re right, it’s not the same, but I also appreciate the fact that they’re still here, and we get to support each other through this. I’m not gonna waste this time we have together. Benji almost didn’t make it when he was born. Like a lot of people with DS, he had health troubles, including a hole in his heart. They patched it, and he’s been okay ever since, but he’s had regular heart health exams his whole life. I’d hate to think of him not here.”

  “So don’t. Deal with what you know. The three of you are as solid as a rock. That’s a lot to be thankful for.”

  “True. Anyway, enough about me. So, Tommy got out of jail….”

  “Oh, okay. So yeah, he got out of jail, and we started playing happy families. Or as happy as you can be when the child doesn’t even recognize their own father, the man of the house can’t get work because he’s an ex-con, and the woman wakes up too late to the fact that she’s made a huge mistake.

  “The cracks started to show pretty damn quick, and I realized that jail had changed Tommy. Looking back now, I was laughably naive. Of course it fucking changed him. How could five years behind bars not change someone? I guess it wasn’t until the violence started that I knew just how much it’d affected him.”

  “Hmm.” I could almost hear his brain ticking over on the other end of the line. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Tell you what?”

  “About your son. About Noah.”

  “Ugh. A few reasons, but probably the main one was that I didn’t want to scare you away.”

  “I don’t understand.” I could hear the confusion in his voice.

  “Well, think about it. A single mom isn’t exactly considered a catch on any day of the week, let alone one with my history. I guess I just wanted to believe I could be carefree like other twentysomethings. Plus, it never seemed like the right time. I was enjoying getting to know you. I didn’t want to run you off by dropping another complication into the mix.”

  “Do you really think I’m that shallow?” His confusion morphed to shock.

  “That’s not what I meant. It’s just that when you can have any woman, why would you go for someone with my baggage? I just wanted to suspend disbelief a little longer before the bubble burst, that’s all.”

  “But that’s the thing. The bubble isn’t going to burst. I want you. Because I like you. A lot. And for the record, I’d want you if you came with a freight plane full of baggage. Any man would.”

  “And I was ashamed.” I told him the full truth, my voice a hoarse whisper.

  “Ashamed of your son?”

  “What? No. Never. I was—no, I am ashamed that I let Noah live with Tommy and you knew firsthand what a monster he was. Is. I didn’t want you to think I was a bad mom.”

  “Are you for real right now? He’s the monster, not you.”

  “I—”

  “No. I know I haven’t known you for long, and I didn’t even realize you had a kid until yesterday, but from what I do know, I’m certain you’d do everything in your power to protect your child. Always. There’s not a doubt in my mind.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Or even what to think.

  “Wow. You’re like some kind of ninja. When you called, I was still pissed at you big-time. Then you lured me into conversation with your reasonable explanations and the promise of a date, when in fact all that’s happened is that I’ve spilled way too much of my guts, and there’s been no mention of the date since.”

  “So you’ll come on the date with me?”

  “What date? There is no date. You’ve given me nothing except false promises.” I laughed, breaking all pretense of seriousness.

  “Are you free on Saturday night?”

  “No. I’m never free. I have a kid, remember.”

  “Oh.” The disappointment in his voice was obvious

  “Wait. What is Saturday? What date, I mean?”

  “The seventeenth.”

  “Hmm… hold on.” I toggled to the calendar on my phone. “I knew it sounded familiar, and I was right. Noah has his very first slumber party that night.”

  “So you’ll have a house full of kids? Maybe some other time, then?”

  “No, you dork. He’ll be staying over at another kid’s house. We’ll have the whole night. I mean… not that we’ll need that long. Because it’s just a date, I mean. Jesus. You know what I’m saying. We’ll have a whole chunk of time, and I won’t have to stress about getting home to pay a babysitter.”

  “I would’ve paid the babysitter if that was the difference between yes and no.”

  Really?

  “Well, we don’t have to worry either way. No kid. No babysitter. No stress.”

  “Okay. So can I pick you up at eight?”

  “You mean come to my house?”

  “Yeah. That’s how dates tend to work.” I let the sentence hang in the air as I thought it through. “But we can meet somewhere if you’re not down for that.”

  “It’s not that I’m not down, per se. It’s that a) I’ve never done this, and b) it’s not just me I have to factor in. There’s Noah to think about too, and because I’ve failed him so badly in the past, I’m determined to put him first always. Can I think about it and get back to you?”

  “Of course, but like I said, there’s no pressure. I can let you know a time and place to meet if that works better.”

  I felt like such a freak after the whole conversation. What woman who was closer to thirty than twenty had never been on a date, then flipped out when someone suggested something as simple and normal as picking her up at home?

  “Okay. And Chris?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  “For what? I’m the one who should be thanking you for taking the call and not blocking my ass. And for giving me a chance to explain and hopefully redeem myself.”

  “I don’t know. Just for not treating me like a freak, I guess.”

  “You’re not a freak, so why would I?”

  Either he was a great liar or out of his fucking mind. I hadn’t quite worked out which yet.

  “Whatever you say. And I know you don’t like it, but I want to apologize for flying off the handle yesterday. You were under the worst imaginable stress, and I should’ve cut you some slack and given you the benefit of the doubt. I overreacted and I’m—”

  “Don’t.”

  I didn’t, but I’d already said enough to let him know how I felt.

  29

  Spider

  As I pulled up to the curb at the spot Emi had told me to meet her, near the L, I thought back to Zed’s words when he’d found me sitting slumped against the wall of the hall where my father’s wake was being held, my knees bent up and my head between my hands.

  “You okay, brother? Everything getting too much?”

  “No. Yeah. I don’t fucking know. I mean, it’s my dad’s funeral, so that’s obvious. But it’s not just that. I think I screwed up with Emi. Bad.”

  “You sure?” He crouched down, facing me. “Because whenever I saw her today, she was trying to be discreet while watching you like a hawk as you moved around the room.”

  “Get out of here.”

  “Nah, man, for real. She was pretty subtle, but I saw it enough times for it not to be a coincidence.”

  “Well, she couldn’t get away from me fast enough just now, so even if she was doing what you say, that’s well and truly over now.”

  “What makes you so sure? What did you do?”

  “I lost my fucking mind and behaved like almost as big an asshole as her ex.”

  “That’s a big call. I’m gonna need specifics so I can judge for myself.”

  “Okay, well, you’d better sit your ass down, then. Your old knees won’t last the length of this story.”

  He flipped me off but sat down regardless.

  I told him what happened in ball-clenching detail, including the other occasions Emi had done a d
isappearing act. When I finished, there was an extended pause.

  “Say something. Don’t leave me out to dry.”

  “You’re lucky I don’t string you up by your scrotum, you fucking doofus. I know you’re stressed and grieving, but that was a skull-crushingly dumb move right there.”

  “I know.”

  “Nah, I don’t think you do. After everything you knew about her history, that’s the move you played—the obsessed, irrational, paranoid boyfriend? Except you’re not even her boyfriend and now probably never will be. You don’t think she’s had enough of that shtick to last several lifetimes and a couple dozen Hallmark movies?

  “I know.”

  He scoffed. “You know, but yet you still fucked up.”

  “No need to keep reminding me. I get it.”

  “I seem to remember a certain god-of-war type pulling me up when I was being a douche with Vivi. Just paying it forward, that’s all, man.” He had a point.

  “Well, thanks. I think.”

  He took my sarcastic apology as a sign for him to continue pointing out what a moron I was.

  “If I were her, I’d run a fucking mile, block your number, and hope to God your paths don’t cross when the case goes to trial. I mean, if there’s one thing everything that’s happened with Vivi taught me it’s that what you find out about people when the sun is shining doesn’t mean diddly-squat. What counts is how people behave when you’re knee-deep in Shit Creek together, or holed up in a hotel room waiting for the hospital to call with news about a kid who’s not even theirs….” He got a faraway look in his eyes and cracked out an uncharacteristically goofy grin.

  “Earth calling Zed. Come in, Zed.”

  He snapped back to reality.

  “Ah, yeah. I was just thinking about….” He shook his head quickly. “Actually, scratch that. You don’t need to know what I was thinking about.” The grin morphed into a smirk.

  “Thank Christ.” Though I had a fair idea.

  “Anyway, the point is that life is full of trials, but it’s how you react in a crisis that counts. You scored big with the way you dealt with the whole armed siege thing, and in return, she’s been there for you since your dad died. But you’ve fucked it good and hard with this stunt.”