Fear You

by B. B. Reid

  I wasn’t in the habit of carrying it around until Mitch showed up, and Anya and Trevor were murdered. Of course, everyone thinks I killed them. Even Dash thinks so, but I can tell he tries to hide it.

  My uncle walked in, and his eyes immediately landed on me. He stood there while we stared each other down, neither one giving in. My uncle and I never saw eye to eye. I hated him from the start and he avoided me. I guess I would avoid the son of the mother you convinced to leave behind. The beginnings of a smirk pulled at my lips when guilt started to show in his eyes right before he looked away and cleared his throat. I didn’t even know why he bothered anymore.

  “Has he woke up?” he asked without taking his eyes off the floor.

  “No.”

  He released a heavy breath and shut the door before moving toward the other chair. Silence filled the room, creating a stiff atmosphere. I stared at the wall ahead, but my attention was fully focused on my uncle as he stared at his son lying in the hospital bed.

  “You know I, uh—” He cleared his throat and leaned forward in his chair. I could see him staring at me now through my peripheral. “I never got the chance to thank you.”

  “For what?” I asked a little harsher than necessary.

  “For saving my kid’s life. I… I know what the doctors might say about him being my son—”

  “He’s your son,” I affirmed. “He doesn’t deserve to have someone like Mitch being his father.”

  “I haven’t been the best father either. To either of you.”

  “I’m not your son.”

  “Yes, you are, Keiran. In the only way that counts.”

  “Is that why you made Sophia forget I existed?”

  “It’s not that simple. At the time, I thought it was the best thing to do to protect the family I still had. I screwed up. Bad. It’s something I live with everyday, and I’m reminded of it every time I look into your eyes because I know what you could have become and what you almost became.”

  “You’re wrong. There’s no almost about it. I did become, and it’s staring you right in your face. You’re fucked if you don’t see it.”

  “I’m sure you survived something far worse than I would wish on my worst enemy, but you are not beyond saving. You are your own worst enemy now, but I love you despite it.”

  “I’ve seen what your love does. No thanks.”

  “But you have it anyway. You have it from me, your brother… because he is your brother,” he emphasized when I made an attempt to interrupt him. “You have it from Dash and that girl… the one with the weird eyes.”

  “What the fuck do you think you know about her?” My body tightened in defense mode, and I had to tell myself to pipe down. I wasn’t supposed to care.

  “Not much. But I see what you refuse to, and I know you will find some way to screw that up because you think it would be better for her. You don’t do that if you don’t care.”

  “So maybe I keep her.” I felt my lip curl and eyes burn as I glared at him. “That would suit me best, and I could fuck her over along the way. At least then I could keep my personality.”

  “I won’t let you hurt that girl anymore. Sheldon told me what happened, and what you did. I know she was there the night Keenan was shot. What were you thinking?”

  “I was thinking I could get my revenge and my rocks off at the same time. I mean… why not, right?”

  He looked away from me to stare out the window.

  “I guess I can’t blame you. Part of this is my fault.”

  “You think?”

  I half expected him to lash or demand respect or whatever it is that parents do, but he didn’t. He sat back with a shake of his head and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. I fixed my gaze on Keenan. My cousin, brother, best friend, and the first person who actually gave a fuck about me. I know it may look as if I was the one to give him a chance ten years ago, but it was he who gave me a chance, and I corrupted him.

  John spun a tale of how Sophia ran off because she couldn’t handle the pressure of having a kid, and I helped him. It was a seriously fucked thing to do, but at the time, there weren’t two people who hated her more. John, for his reasons and me, for mine. I think he even regrets loving her.

  “You did the right thing, you know.”

  “What’s that?” I asked without taking my eyes off Keenan. Wake up, man.

  “Not telling him the truth about your mother and my part in your disappearance. Thank you.”

  “You know the corny line people always hear in movies? I never thought I would use it, but… yeah. I didn’t do it for you.”

  “Nonetheless—”

  “Do you think we made it any better? Telling him his mother was a selfish whore who couldn’t keep her legs closed and didn’t have the maternal instincts of a goat?”

  “Watch your mouth,” he barked.

  “Oh, that’s right. We don’t tell the truth in this family. We throw money around to cover up our bullshit and step on anyone who gets in the way. You did a fine job of raising us. No wonder our family is dying out. Who would want to be born into a scumbag family like this?”

  “Keiran, I’m warning you…”

  “At least, I know early on. I guess you can say marriage is out. I sure as fuck ain’t giving some unlucky bitch my seed so she can sprout more evil spawns just like me. I’m cruel, but I’m not that cruel. I guess that’s more than I can say for you and my pussy ass father.”

  John was out of his seat with my shirt in his hands before I could fully release ‘father’ from my lips. His eyes were nearly black with rage as he stared down at me, almost lifting my feet off the ground.

  “Watch your fucking mouth.”

  “Truth hurts like a dick in the ass, doesn’t it?” I grinned at him, and I guess that might have been a mistake because the next thing you know, I was flying across the room, crashing into the door behind me. I watched John’s face redden, and the muscles and veins in his neck pop but instead of charging as I expected, he stood in place.

  I let out a laugh that was misplaced.

  What can I say? His anger amused me.

  My hoarse laugh started to die from the beginning sound of a groan as Keenan woke from his drug-induced slumber. I was completely silent as soon as his eyes popped open and immediately landed on me. Even though he was doped up with drugs and painkillers, his eyes became clearer as they took me in.

  We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity as I began to understand what he was telling me with his eyes. I nodded once before turning to leave and shutting the door. I didn’t feel the massive slump of shoulders or the rhythmic beat of my heart as it slowed or the fucking emotion foreign to me but quickly becoming familiar—Regret.

  My cousin. My brother. Hated me.

  * * *

  I drove around aimlessly until Mario called saying he wanted to meet. I wasn’t in the mood for his shit. He had been after me to work for him for a long time, and the answer was always the same.

  I wouldn’t work for anyone.

  It wasn’t until I found myself in deeper shit that I started to consider his proposition. It had been years since I had been on that side of the law, and even then, I was just a kid.

  I pulled into the hotel where he pretended to be holed up and parked. I didn’t immediately get out. Instead, I checked my surroundings, looking for any unfriendly or unwanted faces. My slime of a father managed to evade my eyes and ears, and there were even a few out there watching and listening for me. Eventually, I would have to stop playing hide and seek with my past. It wouldn’t wait forever.

  Once inside the hotel, I surveyed the lobby and surrounding areas again before moving toward the elevator. I made my way down the hallway when the elevator stopped on his floor. The door opened before I could knock, and he ushered me in.

  The room was barren and empty of luggage or anything indicating the space was inhabited. Mario was extremely cautious and distrusting, so he wouldn’t let anyone, including me, know where he laid his
head.

  “What was so important?”

  “There is something you need to see.”

  When he pulled out his phone, I quickly became annoyed.

  “And it wasn’t something you could have sent to me by email? Text? Fucking Facebook?”

  I knew my anger was unnecessary, but I was in a shitty spot. Everyone was a target.

  I needed Lake.

  I had to remind myself I wasn’t using her that way anymore. She became something more precious than my personal punching bag over the last few months and fuck me if I knew how.

  “Trust me. This isn’t something you want to be caught with.”

  He tossed the phone to me and I caught it in mid-air. I looked down at the phone and saw what looked like a video before raising my eyes to meet his and hold them.

  After moments of silent communication, I tapped the triangle symbol and the video began to play. The quality of it was good so I could see everything clearly. A bed with red satin sheets came on the screen, and a young girl, who looked around nine or ten, appeared, blindfolded with her hands restrained.

  A lump began to form in my throat as I gripped the phone in my hand. I wanted to break it.

  I knew what this was, what he was trying to show me. It was déjà vu all over again, except this time, it wasn’t Lily and me. It was some unknown victim and a grown ass man on the screen.

  Before Mario could react, his phone flew through the room at the nearest wall and shattered to pieces before falling, much like the girl in the video might have done after being—

  Fuck.

  I could form only one complete thought.

  Somebody needed to die.

  Mario remained silent against his perch on the wall as if the phone hadn’t just crashed just two inches from his head.

  “Why did you show me that?” I barked, finally finding my voice.

  “So you could wake the fuck up, man.”

  “You don’t think I’m awake?”

  The base of my voice rose to a deafening roar. So many emotions and none of them wanted. The same emotions many thought were nonexistence. I was to blame for it. The last thing the world needed was someone like me being led by feelings.

  “Not if you can continue to sit by and let this happen to hundreds, no, thousands more kids. How many do you think it’s been since you, huh? You think it stopped when you left? It sure as hell didn’t stop after you had to kill the little girl.”

  “You motherfucker…”

  His throat was in my hands as I pinned him to the wall before I could think twice about it.

  I needed to hurt someone. To lash out.

  I needed Lake.

  I needed to make her feel my sick obsession with her. Mario had at least forty pounds on my hundred-ninety, but at the moment, I was far beyond reason. It took some elaborate moves on his part to dislodge from my grip.

  “You can stop this, Keiran,” he urged through labored breaths.

  “I intend to.” I spoke calmly as if I hadn’t just tried to murder a former undercover FBI agent who’d gone rogue when the bureau determined he was corrupt and unfit for duty.

  “What do you mean you intend to?”

  “I am going to bring that motherfucker down. But on my terms.”

  * * *

  I spent the next few hours hashing out a strategy with Mario until it was well after dark. John never bothered to call after I had left the hospital, so I knew he was still at hospital letting his guilt turn him into a wannabe decent father. Imagine that.

  After reaching Six Forks, I drove down endless streets to avoid going home or the one place that would land me back in jail. I wrestled with all the different hands I was playing—Mario, Lake, Keenan, John, Mitch, and Arthur.

  I took a risk when I called my former owner because he now knew where I lived and where my family lived. He could have me killed at any time, and it was likely I would never see it coming. I did have a small advantage. It was why my heart was still beating. He wasn’t as untouchable and well hidden as he thought he was—not to someone who had been there. I may have been young, but I wasn’t blind, and the conditions I grew up in made me comprehend faster than any kid my age should have.

  Over the years, his illegal slave ring had become too big and ultimately, so had his visibility. There were many moles on his payroll who were willing to talk for extra cash. But while his operation was a little less of a secret, it didn’t make him any easier to catch. Like me, kids had managed to escape here and there, but Arthur kept his own hands clean. Legally, his wife runs a home for runaway or homeless children. To keep up pretenses, they often toss some of them back into the streets or turn them into authorities, but the kids they keep are never seen again.

  They never took kids over twelve. The younger they are, the easier they are to lure and control. The infants they acquire are always sold by their parents, just as I was, but are in less demand.

  The thought of being sold made me relive almost every hell I had gone through in order to survive.

  “Is that what you want to hear? That I am afraid of you? That I am still afraid of you? Yes, I am afraid, but it’s all I will ever feel for you. It is the need to survive. You can’t control me beyond that…”

  Monroe’s word rang loud in my ears and I felt as my hand gripped the steering wheel tighter and anger rolled over me in hard, unyielding waves. For ten years, she let her fear override her better judgment and called it surviving. She was weak… and maybe just a little bit of a masochist. So what did that make me?

  She could have stopped me a long time ago, but instead, she chose to give in. She wanted to preserve her precious innocence. I know she thought I was talking about sex. That was just the bonus.

  What I wanted to steal from her ran far below the surface. I wanted to see her selfish side. I wanted to see her save herself. I wanted to corrupt her. Why? Because I fucking hate heroes.

  The rest of the world would have fought back and damned their family, friends, and whoever else I could use against them. They would have done it out of pride because their ego wouldn’t allow them to admit defeat.

  The truth was, not many people had the strength to do what she did. Chances were, I would have killed her aunt and broke her little friend. She was smart enough to see that. Over the years, I would push and take just to see how far I could go before she would bend. I wanted to knock her off her pedestal and dirty her up, but she fought me. All this time she thought she was losing because she didn’t see what the real fight was. In the end, she didn’t break, and I became less concerned with her morals and more interested in owning her.

  When I was finally prepared to let her go, she fucked herself and me by turning me in. Her defiance was unprecedented. While I wanted to corrupt her, I still demanded the control. She needed to realize she would always be mine.

  By the time I stopped the car, I was in dark place, and in an even blacker mood. I realized I wasn’t home but it was too late. I needed to satisfy an urge and I wasn’t about to deny myself.

  Chapter Seven

  Lake

  When Aunt Carissa called to tell me she would be driving up to visit Grandma Lane for the entire weekend, I was relieved. It would be hard to answer her questions when he showed up because I knew he would come. It was just a matter of when. His pending arrival kept me on edge for the rest of the afternoon.

  Willow begged me to come stay with her, but what good would that do? I couldn’t hide forever, and he knew as much. I couldn’t hide, but I could do the next best thing.

  After an impromptu stop, I finally made my way home just before dark. Stashing my purchase somewhere safe, I made my rounds through the house to make sure every door and the window were locked. I threw myself into homework and college applications for the rest of the night, ignoring my racing mind and tense body.

  I wasn’t waiting for him.

  Satisfied I might still have a future, even after the less than ideal school year, I decided a long soak was in order to rel
ieve my anxiety and strained muscles.

  Seeing Keiran today set me back a few milestones. He certainly didn’t look and act like a guy prepared to leave someone alone. He’s been out for three days, and I wondered if he even went to see Keenan in the hospital.

  How was he able to get out on bail?

  I thought about what Sheldon had told me earlier this afternoon. Was he really going back to get them because I called his soul ugly?

  The doorbell rang as I was searching for bath salts. A quick look at my phone perched on the vanity told me I hadn’t had any missed calls and it was well after midnight.

  It didn’t take an elaborate or scientific guess to figure out who it was. I raced downstairs but paused near the entryway with my hand near the knob.

  One day, I would question why I opened the door. One day, I would question if it was the smarter choice, but today, I had something to prove. He needed to know the girl who would cower before him was gone.

  I finally gripped the doorknob, but a combination of nervousness and sweat made my hand slip, so I slid my palms roughly down my jeans and tried again.

  Racing heart? Check.

  Fast breathing? Check.

  I willed my emotions under control before snatching open the door. A snarky remark was on the tip of my tongue, but when I realized it was Willow standing on my doorstep, and not my tormentor, I bit back the remark and ignored the disappointment.

  “Willow? What are you doing here?”

  I forced my eyes to remain on her to keep from searching the night for him. Out of fear? Hope? Why did I want him on my doorstep so much?

  “I’m sorry,” she apologized as she brushed past me. “I just had to check on you. I know you’re going through this new phase where you’re not afraid of Keiran anymore, but I couldn’t stop worrying. He fucking burnt two people alive.”

  The door closed a little harder than I had intended. “You don’t know that.”

  “Now you’re defending him?”

  “No. I just—” I stopped to consider my words. Keiran nearly broke our friendship before. I wasn’t about to let him have a second go at it. “I don’t want an innocent man to go to prison. What if Sheldon is right?”