The Widow and the Rock Star

by J. Thomas-Like

  What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I even care so much about reassuring someone I had no intention of sticking with? I liked Vivienne, but she would go back to Michigan and resume her life and I was staying in California to go on with mine. Was I losing sight of the fact that this was only a hookup that had gone on a little longer than expected? Double shit! That’s all I really needed, to lose my heart to someone who had no intention of sticking around, either.

  It was probably best if I just dropped her off at the hotel before things got any weirder or more confusing. Maybe a bit of distance was what I needed to figure things out. Me and my impulses. If I’d only told Pepper no last night, all this wouldn’t be happening. I glanced over at Vivienne, and she was still staring out the window. Well, even if things got messy, I wouldn’t regret it. She was hot and smart and we’d had a great time together.

  When I pulled into the driveway of the hotel, I waved the valet off. I swiveled to face Vivienne, opening my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

  “Is this not the most beautiful hotel you’ve ever seen? I can hardly believe they put me up here.”

  “Yeah, it’s great. I stayed here for a while before I found my first place,” I said. “My mortgage payments were cheaper, that’s for sure!” She laughed and clapped her hands together.

  “I hear you. All I know is that the bill is going somewhere else and I have no desire to see it.”

  “Hit the mini bar. Take everything,” I encouraged her.

  “I checked it out, and let Pepper raid it. But it doesn’t have ice cream. That’s my one passion.” She had a cheeky little smile on her face. “I’d probably give up a hotel this nice for some really good ice cream.”

  We sat for a moment and I struggled with how to say goodbye to her. I wanted to be gracious without sounding stupid.

  “I should give you your shirt back,” she offered, looking unsure, fingering the buttons on her chest.

  “Uh,” I stuttered. “That’s okay, you can keep it.” She frowned and looked down at her lap. Shit!

  “Okay.” She picked at her fingernails a little bit. “Well, thanks.” She grabbed her purse and reached to unbuckle her seatbelt.

  I threw the car in park and jumped out to run around and open her door before the doorman could approach. She reached for my hand and I grasped her slender fingers to naturally help her out of the car. Smoothing the skirt of her dress, she looked up to me. I couldn’t read the expression on her face until she smiled.

  “Thank you, Will. I’ve had a really nice couple of days. I’m so glad I got to know you.”

  I couldn’t believe it, but I felt my face getting warm.

  “You’re welcome,” I stammered. “If you get bored before you go home, give me a call or something.”

  “Okay.” She cocked her head to the side and her smile wilted a little. Shit.

  “Maybe you and Pepper can come hang out with me or something.” I sounded like an idiot, which was what I wanted to avoid. Shit.

  “Sure,” she said softly. She leaned up and pecked me on the cheek and then walked toward the wide glass entrance to the hotel. The doorman pulled open the heavy door and waited for her to go through. She turned one last time and waved at me. “Bye.”

  Shit, shit, shit.

  Chapter 21

  I rode the elevator up to my room on the twelfth floor feeling lonesome. The parting hadn’t gone as I planned. I wanted it to be filled with easy laughter to show Will I didn’t regret anything. Instead it felt clumsy and tense. I decided I’d write him a letter, and give it to Pepper to deliver. I could always put my thoughts on paper much more easily than I could speak. That way, I could tell him everything he needed to know about our encounter without having to really face him.

  When the metal doors slid open, I turned right and walked slowly to the door of my suite. I struggled with the credit card key a couple of times before finally letting myself in. Just like the day I arrived, I was bowled over by the sumptuousness of the rooms — expensive furniture and fixtures, plush carpeting, and pristine linens on the bed.

  “I could get used to this,” I said out loud to no one.

  I noticed the light was flashing on the telephone and figured it must be a message from Pepper or Jake. I decided to check it later, not yet ready to answer questions and give details about the last thirty-six hours of my life to anyone, friend or agent.

  I dropped my purse on the bed and stared at the piles of bags from the shopping excursion the day before. I sat down in a comfortable leather chair near the table where I stacked them all and started to go through them. I removed tags and pulled off stickers and made separate piles for shirts and skirts and pants, deliberately trying not to think about Will. Pepper certainly did have a good eye for fashion most of the time, and I found myself imagining wearing the new clothes back home in my little city.

  Suddenly, returning to St. Clair Shores seemed sad. I loved it there, but I worried it would feel claustrophobic after having spent time in such a pulsing city like Los Angeles. Shaking my head, I knew I’d never be able to write in a place holding far too many distractions, least of which was Will. Whether or not I could feel more for him than lust was beside the point, I desired him beyond reason. Until I’d had my fill, I wouldn’t be able to put a word on the page. And Pepper, Lord, she would keep me busy with parties and bars and who knew what else, just to make up for all the years we hadn’t been together. Then, of course, there was Mom. Even though she was still as active and capable as someone thirty years younger, I knew I wouldn’t consider leaving her alone. We were all we had. There weren’t any aunts or uncles or cousins, just us two. I could daydream about staying in California, but that’s all it could be. Just a fantasy.

  No, I knew I’d go home and resume my life there. I would let Jake help me find someone trustworthy to run the foundation, and I would throw myself back into writing. It was really the only thing I knew how to do well, and hopefully it would bring me the peace I’d been searching for since Bruce died. Finishing The Widow’s Path would have to be the door opening to a new life. I’d already wasted seventeen years of my life being stupid, I wasn’t going to waste any more being selfish and goofy.

  I pulled off my boots, my feet screaming with relief. Tiptoeing my way into the bathroom, I started the water. A nice, long bath would ease the returning exhaustion I felt. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and pinned it up on top. My head was still buzzing weakly from the wine, and I looked forward to a good night’s sleep. I’d call Jake and Pepper in the morning.

  Carrying a large, white, fluffy bathrobe, I left the tub to fill with steaming water. I plugged my cell phone in to charge and clicked a button on the room’s phone to get rid of the annoying red light still blinking with accusation. I went to my suitcase and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and tank top to change into.

  I unbuttoned the white shirt, easing it off my shoulders, bringing it around in front of me. I decided I would have it cleaned and sent back to Will with the letter. What would I do with a man’s button-down Oxford shirt? He should have it back. I then reached around to unzip my dress and shimmy out of it, leaving it in a pile on the floor.

  Standing there, I was struck with sadness.

  “I know I’m not in love with him,” I said to the empty room. “But dammit, I like him.”

  There was no one there to answer me or argue with me about Will’s merits or faults. I heard no voice telling me I was wrong to think about going home. The room was as quiet as a morgue. Sighing dejectedly, I slipped into the bathrobe and tied it tightly around my waist. Digging through my carry on for my iPod, the heavy knock that made the door vibrate in its frame made me yelp in surprise.

  I walked slowly to the door, worried some psycho might be outside, or maybe even a photographer who followed Will and me from the restaurant.

  “Who is it?” I called nervously.

  “It’s Will.”

  I lunged for the handle and whipped it open so fast that it banged o
n the wall, making me cringe.

  In his hands, he held a pint of ice cream.

  “I thought you looked like a cherry cordial kind of girl.”

  Chapter 22

  The ice cream was a brilliant idea, I thought. I must have sat in my car outside the hotel for ten minutes mentally kicking myself in the ass for how awkward the whole goodbye thing had gone. Just because Vivienne had wanted to give me the shirt back didn’t mean she wanted me to jump into bed again. Or did she? I couldn’t stop second-guessing myself.

  Did it really matter? I wasn’t falling in love with Vivienne Stark, but if I did, it was going to take a lot longer than just a few hours together and some wild time in bed. I wasn’t going to give up my heart that easily, especially after what Lucy had done to me. But I really liked Vivienne. She was easy to talk to and interesting. She had a brain and coherent thoughts about a million different things. It occurred to me I was starving for some real conversation and a genuine person to hang out with, someone not in my band. Someone who didn’t talk to me like they were conducting an interview. Someone I didn’t feel I had to impress with witty repartee.

  To hell with it! I drove to the nearest drugstore and raced inside to the coolers. The first flavor I saw was cherry cordial and it struck a chord in me so fierce, I knew it was the right choice. Paying for it, I didn’t even wait for my change before racing out and back to the hotel.

  It took a little convincing to get the receptionist at the front desk to give up Vivienne’s room number, but having my face splashed all over the media as “one of the hottest rock stars in the world” went a long way. That, an autograph, and a selfie on her cell phone.

  Praying the ice cream wouldn’t melt too much while I rode up in the elevator, I cleared my throat and shook the tension out of my shoulders. I was more nervous than before I went on stage for a show. I stood outside the door to Vivienne’s room for all of ten seconds before I made a fist and banged on it.

  “Who is it?” she called out. I could hear the nervousness in her voice.

  “It’s Will.”

  I thought the door was going to come off the hinges, she opened it so fast. Vivienne looked adorable in the oversized hotel robe and her hair piled high on top of her head in a messy kind of bun.

  “I thought you looked like a cherry cordial kind of girl.”

  Chapter 23

  My first instinct was to jump on Will, but that would have been abusive to the ice cream. Instead, I stepped aside and let him come in first.

  “Thank you. Cherry cordial happens to be my favorite.” Taking it from him, I forced it into the tiny freezer space inside the minibar’s fridge.

  Then I jumped on him. Kissing him was so familiar and comfortable now and all the internal conversation from earlier dissipated like a puff of smoke. Will juggled me a little to more comfortably place his arms under my butt, while I wrapped my legs around his waist. He kissed back with a fierceness that surprised me.

  “Shit, the tub.” I broke the kiss, panting a little. “I forgot it was running.” Thinking he would put me down, Will instead carried me to the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the tub, not letting me go, and reached one hand for the faucet to turn off the water.

  “Looks nice,” he said, nuzzling my neck. “Not as big as mine, though.”

  I snorted, the mind-numbing haze of passion broken for the moment. I continued to sit on his lap, enjoying the feel of his arms around me.

  “Want to join me for a soak?”

  “Yes.” There was no hesitation on his part.

  Will stood and placed me on my feet. I untied the robe and it fell to the floor, then I slipped into the almost scalding water, while he took off his clothes. I pretended not to look, but couldn’t help myself. Watching his jeans pile up next to my robe was almost as exciting as scanning up his long, lean legs and beyond. Having a writer’s imagination was probably a good thing. When he was naked, he stepped into the tub and lowered himself to sit at the opposite end. He hissed through his teeth as the water hit his butt, sloshing over the sides.

  “Damn, that’s freakin’ hot!”

  “I like it this way,” I said coyly, batting my eyelashes at him with exaggeration. Beneath the surface of the water, I put my hands on his calves as they stretched out beside my thighs and massaged them lightly. He took my right foot between his hands and did the same.

  “I’m glad I came back.” He stared at my toes.

  “I’m glad you did, too.” I studied the hair on his legs.

  “I’m also a little bit worried.” His tone was cautious as he spoke. He switched to my left foot, pressing his thumb into the arch.

  “What about?”

  “I’m worried that all this means too much or too little.”

  I nodded my head. He put it just the way I felt.

  “Me too.”

  “I think we’ve gone beyond just a hook up.”

  “Me too.”

  “But I’m not exactly ready to run off to Vegas and marry your ass, either.”

  I brayed with laughter, yanking on the hairs of his legs and he yelped.

  “I do not accept your inept proposal, William.”

  He pretended to nip my toe and when I tried to pull away he kissed it instead.

  “I don’t expect you to blow off your meetings and spend all the rest of your time with me while you’re here. But I didn’t like how we said goodbye. It didn’t seem right.”

  I nodded and slid down a little further until the water was up to my chin.

  “I didn’t like it, either.”

  “If we want to hang out, we do it and not worry about whether or not it means anything. Yeah?”

  I sighed with pleasure as he pressed his thumb into the ball of my foot.

  “Yeah.” He switched to my other foot and I was grateful. “No pressure. We both know I’m going home in a couple of weeks and you’re going back to your rock star thing.”

  “Agreed. Friends?” he asked.

  “Of course!” I sat up straight.

  “Good.” Will nodded his head and looked visibly more relaxed. The tension in his face disappeared, and he lowered himself down below the surface until he was completely submerged. When he came back up, he reached for me.

  “Now, come here.”

  I crawled through the water to stretch out on top of him, my cheek resting on his chest.

  “Mmm, this is nice. I think I’m going to have to remodel my bathroom at home so I can get one of these suckers.”

  “Nothing beats a big bathtub,” Will murmured into my hair. He moved his hands through the water, making waves of the hot liquid wash over my back.

  I wanted to close my eyes, but my attention was taken by the tattoos on his arm. The sleeve of black ink on his left arm was mostly abstract shapes and swirls, but I noticed in the center of his inner forearm the strangest thing. I ran my finger over the face of a brown-and-black striped tabby cat. The eyes were a vibrant green and it was done so well, I thought it might start purring at me.

  “I love your cat,” I whispered.

  “Mmm, thanks. That’s Smudge.” Will tilted his head to look down at the tattoo. “I had that cat for nineteen years.”

  “He’s adorable.” I liked cats, just not the responsibility of taking care of one. “How long has he been gone?”

  “Couple years. He got old and went to sleep one night and never woke up. I miss him every day.”

  I kissed Will’s chest, making sympathetic noises.

  “He was pretty cool. Liked people, liked riding in cars. I could walk him on a leash. I even took him on the road with me a few times.”

  “Will you get another one someday?”

  “Oh yeah. I’m a total cat guy. But I’m not ready. Shit, I still tear up when I think about him,” Will chuckled. “I got this tat about six months after he died.”

  “It’s a beautiful tribute.” I rubbed the little face like he was real. “I thought about getting a tattoo after my dad died, something in his hon
or. But I chickened out at the last minute. I didn’t think I could handle the pain.”

  Will rubbed my head and I could feel a laugh rumble up in his chest. “It’s not as bad as you think.”

  The water was cooling off, but I was so comfortable in Will’s arms I didn’t want to move. I think I could have fallen asleep that way, until his hands started roaming more freely. The skin not covered by water became chilled and goose bumps broke out on my neck and arms.

  “I’m starting to get cold,” I whispered.

  “Well then let me warm you up.”

  Chapter 24

  We shared the ice cream in bed, but I let Vivienne have most of it. Cherry cordial really was her favorite because she dipped her finger into the empty carton to capture a last lump of chocolate her spoon couldn’t reach. We were swaddled in the hotel robes and wrapped up in the down comforter on the bed, a tangle of arms and legs. Her damp hair smelled like cherries from her shampoo and I tried to smooth the wrinkles from her pruned up fingertips as we held hands.

  I felt a lot better with where we were mentally after talking in the bath, but I still kept my guard up in case she didn’t believe me about the “just friends” thing. Trusting women was not in my frame of reference. Every time I did, I got my heart busted into pieces. My last girlfriend had been the worst. Lucy proclaimed a love for me so deep and pure, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker. It took a year before I let myself see she was just using me for money, fame and to further her nonexistent career. It took another six months after that to get rid of her. I wasn’t about to jump into another relationship, no matter how honest the woman seemed to be, especially Vivienne. I didn’t think she was capable of lying to anyone. Well, maybe just herself.