by Palmer, Dee
“It’s just after seven in the evening.” She is stroking my arm, it tickles but feels nice.
“Wow I must’ve been out of it to sleep right through a whole day.” I keep trying to smile but my face just won’t play.
“It’s Thursday Bets, you’ve been unconscious for three days, you lost a lot of blood.” She starts to sob and I move to pull her too me. Everything I do is in slow motion but she feels the extra pressure and moves in for a semi hug.
“But I’m Ok now right?” She nods, God she looks sad. “Obviously I won’t be winning any pageants at the moment unless there’s a category for sexiest hospital gown model.” I manage a small smile and feel really pleased that my face is making progress to react appropriately, but my tiny smile disappears when I see Daniel stride in to the room. His face is impassive, his eyes are dark and I can feel the tension radiate from him.
“What?” I look to Sofia.
“Daniel called me, you were found outside his building. The guard from the building called the ambulance but you didn’t have your bag so he didn’t know who you were.” Daniel steps closer and I jump and press back into my pillow, I can’t have him near me. He freezes and his eyes flash with a look of pain, join the club.
“What do you remember?” His voice is cold and commanding. He steps back into the corner of the room. It hurts to frown but again I am pleased I am having some normal facial responses as I try to think what happened.
“A man attacked me from behind, threw me against the wall, he tried to . . .” I take a sudden gasp of air. “ He . . . he . . . I stuck my thumbs in his eyes and he let go a little, I head-butted him but caught my nose.” I raise my hand to my face at this painful recollection and feel the enormous swelling that no longer resembles the shape and colour of my nose but more like that of an aubergine. “ I ran, I just ran . . . I’m sorry I went to your building. There was no one around, no one to help. I . . . I just ran.” My face stings as the salt from my tears soak the grazes on my skin and I close my eyes. Sofia is right at my side her gentle lips kiss my hair and she continues to stroke my arms at the one part of my body that isn’t bruised. My whole body tenses violently at her voice and the sound of her heals clicking across the floor in my room.
“Oh darling, Oh Boo . . . are you alright?” She gushes. “I came as soon as I heard.” If she doesn’t recognise the look of hatred in my eyes she must see Sofia’s.
“Back up there!” Sofia snarls. “She doesn’t need an infection too!” Kit halts her advance to my bedside.
“How?” My voice is barely audible but I want to know. “How did you find out?” She looks confused.
“That’s not important, I’m just glad I’m here to take care of you now.” She steps closer and takes my hand loosely. “You know I forgive you, when I heard, when I thought I might lose you I realised, you are my family and I forgive you.”
I know it could be the drugs but I feel really dizzy and sick.
“Where you raped?” She asks as if she were asking if I’d like some coffee.
“What the fuck Kit! What kind of question is that? What the fuck!” Sofia shouts incredulous.
“I just want to know, you know she might need extra support.” If she’s trying for compassion she is way off.
“No she wasn’t raped!” Sofia spits out. “And she has all the support she needs. She has me, she has my family, so you can fuck off!” Her anger is justified but Kit wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want something. Kit gives a tight smile its then she notices him, she looks shocked and a little panicked. Her face is doing a quick calculation to see if she has revealed anything she shouldn’t but she relaxes when she is happy that she is still portraying the injured sister, more so because of Sofia’s open hostility.
“Daniel darling, what are you doing here?” Her voice changes, her tone chills me. “Are you? Is she, the two of you?” He steps swiftly across the room and wraps his arms around her waist, shaking his head at the very thought. It’s no good I reach for the grey card bowl and heave, only liquid. I clearly haven’t eaten but the small amount of liquid is torn from my stomach with violent heaves that rip the acrid material up my throat, burning as it leaves my wracked body.
“She was found outside my building, I don’t know why she was there.” He sounds angry when he adds. “Do I look like a man who needs to settle for sloppy seconds.” I hear Sofia gasp but before she can jump to my defence Daniel is thrown across the room. My sister stumbles from his hold as Marco charges hitting Daniel side on, driving him in to the wall. Before he can throw a punch I have leapt out of the bed knocking my IV stand and dragging it across the room, the drugs must be strong because I still feel no pain. I pull at Marco’s arm, screaming but it is not my screams that stop all the activity; it’s Sofia’s.
“What’s that! Bets what happened to you? Look, look at your arse!” I crane my neck and see the gaping hospital gown revealing my welt covered arse, red and bruised. Fuck! I twist the gown to cover my exposed bottom.
“I was thrown against railings Sofs, I guess they are railing marks.” She raises her eyebrows and I shake my head for her to let it go. I wobble and grab onto Marco’s arm, he lets Daniel go so he can scoop me up and carry me to the bed. It is then that the doctor walks in.
“What are you doing out of bed?” He reprimands me, not the two that caused me to jump out of the bed in the first place. I look contrite. “Bethany, you have to be more careful. You have two broken ribs, you broke your nose and lost a lot of blood. You need to take it easy, no drama.” He looks around the room and both Marco and Daniel have the grace to look sorry. The doctor takes my chart and sits on the edge of my bed; he smiles kindly ignoring the tension in the room. “I think you will be able to go home tomorrow, do you have someone to take care of you? Your sister perhaps?” I snort, I know that’s rude in front of a stranger and again, it makes me look bad but I figure I can’t look any worse.
“She can stay with me I’ll look after her.” Marco volunteers and I can see Daniels jaw ticking, but frankly after the sloppy seconds comment I don’t even know what he is still doing here.
“Oh honey, that’s kind but you can’t look after yourself and we both know I’d end up looking after you and I’m not up to that yet.” He kisses my hand because he knows I’m right.
“She’ll be coming home with me.” Sofia informs the doctor. “Mama was very clear on the subject. In fact you might have a fight on your hands ever getting back to your place.” She grins.
“Alright then, that’s settled, now I would suggest some rest, maybe a few less visitors. I know it’s a private ward so there is a little flexibility but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to rest.” I frown, I know I don’t have private health care but he is right I do need my rest and I feel exhausted. I need to clear the room and in more than one way. I look at Daniel, his eyes dark and intense, it still sends a heat of prickles to my core but I can’t make out his expression, but you know what it doesn’t matter. I am done.
“Daniel, thank you for coming.” My voice is clear, calm and determined. “You make your feelings toward me perfectly clear, always good to know where I stand. Thank you for our time together I will treasure it, but I’m done, really, it’s enough, no-more and you,” I turn toward my sister, she has her head tilted and has a strangled smile awkwardly plastered to her face. “Well you . . . you got everything you wanted and some I would say so you can just, . . . fuck off! I don’t want to see you again . . . Ever!” I hold her glare as she huffs, indignant, grabbing Daniels arm to leave the room. She turns for her last word; I knew she would and I sigh. “Please, do go on, say what you need.”
“I am so sorry Boo but I can’t forgive you, I can’t forgive this.” She wipes her stray tear and turns away resting her head on Daniel’s shoulder. I don’t know if he looks back at me because I keep my eyes tightly shut until I hear their footsteps fade.
“I know.” I let out my breath and close my eyes. Only to snap them open when Sofia squeals.
/>
“Yeah!” She punches the air. “Oh my god Bets! You should take this more often.” She grabs my IV tube and shakes it lightly.
“Yes, I definitely need to be smacked off my tits to deal with this shit and that bitch.” I laugh and it’s the first time I feel a little relief.
“Seriously Boo you rock!” Marco agrees. “I know it’s your battle but I have wanted to tell her to fuck off for a while now and I can’t understand why you just wouldn’t do it sooner?” Marco is holding my hand tight.
“It doesn’t matter now.” Sofia interrupts stopping that line of inquiry. It really doesn’t matter now. I know I won’t see my sister again and I know I won’t see Daniel either and I have a shit load of other pain to keep me distracted, for now.
Sofia and Marco leave me shortly after and a fall in to a dream filled sleep. It feels so good and I am smiling so wide; no restriction of swelling. I lean into his warm hands holding my face; turning to kiss his palm. His minty breath feathers against my cheek as he whispers to me. “I’m so sorry I didn’t keep you safe, I didn’t know, I needed to know and you wouldn’t tell me.” He sounds so sad.
“Ssshhh baby, it’s alright, it’s alright, I tried to but I don’t blame you baby, I don’t blame you.” I nestle into his hand his scent consumes me. “Mmmm you smell so good, I loved you so much Daniel and, and it’s Ok, I’m Ok and you helped me. You know you really helped. I think I will survive you.” I kiss his hand again but he pulls it away and I see his dark dangerous eyes, the heat scorches through my soul.
“I don’t want you to survive me, I love you, you’re mine.” He kisses me fiercely sparing no consideration to the deep bruising on my mouth, my breath hitches and my lips part welcoming his demanding tongue. God that feels so good. It is urgent and passionate; stealing my breath as I moan with need. My pulse is racing, I can hear a rapid beeping noise, my shoulder is shaken gently and a nurse fills my vision as I open my eyes.
“Hey hey Bethany.” She is still shaking me. “I don’t know what you were dreaming, my dear, but if you keep setting your pulse racing like that the doctor won’t let you home tomorrow.” She smiles and I know under the bruising my face is bright red. I may have been projecting in my dream but God that was hot!
I spend the first few days recovering in the guest room at Sofia’s parents. I catch up on all my reading and Mr Wilson was kind enough to get all the Lecturers to email their notes and assignments directly to me. It was like having private tuition. I spoke to Mags, I felt bad for not having spoken to her sooner, she must have known I had stopped taking calls; she probably wanted her phone back. She didn’t and she was really sweet, told me the phone was prepaid and still booked until the end of the month so to keep it and maybe pop it back next month because she’d really love to see me and catch up. I know it didn’t really work out but she didn’t make a big deal about that and sounded like she really wanted to see me so I promised I would pop round next month to do just that.
I have been at Sofia’s parents’ house for a whole week and really I feel much better. The bruising on my face is a nice greenish yellow and I still have two black eyes but my nose is back to its normal size, it is very tender though. My ribs are the same shade as my cheeks and are still bound with strong sports tape and the cut on the soul of my foot is healed. It’s not those injuries that has Sofia’s judgemental brow raised as I lift myself from her bed and head to her bathroom. The welts are now thin red lines and they peek out of the bottom of my pyjama shorts.
“So Miss, you gonna tell me about those railing marks?” She quips.
“No.” I quip right back and shut the bathroom door to take a pee. She bursts right in as I take a seat.
“Sofs! A little privacy here! I’ve been prodded and poked with no chance at modesty for almost a week so now I’m home I’d like to regain a little of my dignity.” I huff.
“You can ask for privacy with your arse looking like the rear end of a Grand National winner?” She has a point but I don’t know how I would begin to explain that night because that would mean explaining Lola and that I am perhaps a kinky bitch. I know she’s my best friend but I don’t think that means she needs to know everything about me, especially when I don’t know everything about me.
“You know Sofs, I think I can and I think you should let me have it. All you need to know is, I’m Ok.” I look dead into her eyes and see that she is only worried about me. She doesn’t really want to know the gory details, well maybe she does, but she really just wants to know I’m Ok.”
“You sure, it’s important Bets, you sure you are Ok, you’re not just saying that?” Her need for extra assurance is why I love her so much. She really cares enough to ask the awkward questions even if I don’t want to give her the awkward answers.
“I’m sure, promise.” I cross my heart and blow her a kiss and she walks to me when I hold my hand to stop her. “Wait right there Mrs! I am not cuddling you while I’m sat on the loo!”
“Right right.” She laughs still not leaving. My eyes widen unbelieving that she doesn’t know I want her to leave. “Oh, sorry.” She scuttles back into her bedroom and I laugh, she has no shame but that doesn’t mean I don’t either.
Sofia’s mum has cooked the most amazing meal. I look at the table and I am sure there must be at least another ten people joining us with the amount of food piled in the centre but no, it’s the six of us; Sofia’s mum and dad, Sofia and Paul and Marco and me. She has cooked a roast and I know that’s because it’s my favourite non Italian meal. Roast lamb stuffed with rosemary and anchovies, crisp roast potatoes, rosemary buttered carrots, cauliflower cheese, spring greens with leeks and broccoli. My eyes are definitely too big for my stomach as I pile my plate with the delicious smelling food. Sofia raises her glass of wine for a toast, I’m still on pain medication so I have water but I raise it all the same.
“To family and no more hospital food.” There is a light laughter and we all chink glasses. I am so grateful to this family that literally saves my life on a daily bases. We all begin to eat.
“How have you been Paul, I mean you look well?” I ask as I try to slow down shovelling food into my face like I haven’t eaten in a week.
“I am all good sweetheart, good as new eh babe?” He nudges Sofia and she instantly blushes. It’s sweet but Paul quickly carries on when he sees her father’s scowl, I chuckle. “I’m back to work I mean.” Nice recovery. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you, my doctor said I should avoid hospitals, you know avoid possible infections, but if you look like this after nearly two weeks, honestly, I am glad I didn’t get to see you then.”
“Paul!” Sofia elbows him in the ribs and he winces but I laugh.
“What? What did I say?” He looks affronted but then it sinks in what he said. “No Bets it’s not that you look like shit, it’s just you know-” Marco interrupts.
“You want a shovel with that Paul?” He snickers and I can’t stop laughing as Paul squirms with embarrassment.
“Take no notice Paul.” I shoot him my sweetest, I’m not offended smile. “I’m glad you’re all fixed, anyway enough with the drama; what else is new?”
“Well,” Sofia’s dad joins in. “The restaurants are all coping with out you Bets so there’s no need to hurry back, you just take your time getting better.” He reaches and grabs my hand, his hands are massive and he completely covers mine and holds it. “You’re very precious to me, to all of us.” I can feel tears building and he senses this too and quickly continues. “Marco has some news.” He nods to his son and I turn to look next to me as Marco puts the largest potato in his mouth, whole. He grins. We all stare at him will he chews and swallows, he loves the attention.
“Oh yes, yes I do. I’m moving.” He seems really pleased but I hope he isn’t moving too far.
“Really, where?” I sound apprehensive.
“Not far, two streets over, a little nearer to the restaurant actually and it’s bigger, has two bedrooms.”
“Ooo fancy! Tha
t’s great though, nearer to the restaurant, not that it’s much of a commute but still and extra five minutes in bed is not to be sniffed at.” I nudge him and he puts his arm around my shoulder and hugs me. I decide now is as good as any to mention going back to my place. I am much better and as much as I love being here I do miss my own space. “I was thinking I would head back to mine tomorrow, it must need a bit of a clean by now.” The table falls silent and I look at all the faces staring at me like I had just suggested we eat babies for dessert. I press on regardless. “I am much better and-”
“You’re not moving back there.” Sofia’s dad informs me and it would seem it’s the consensus of the table with the general head nodding.
“Oh, Ok may I ask why?”
“Sure.” It’s Marco’s turn to join in and I turn to face him.
“Why?” I direct this specifically at him.
“Oh right, because we said so.” He narrows his eyes as a challenge.
“You know you can’t keep me here right?” I am a little irritated, I hate decisions being taken unilaterally, but Sofia’s mum speaks and takes all the irritation away.
“Bets, honey, I don’t want you living there alone. I won’t sleep again if you go back there but I also know you can’t live here either, not that we don’t want you because, you know we do. So we were hoping you would move in with Marco now he will have a bigger place.” Her smile is warm and loving and I can see the genuine worry in her eyes. I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want any of them to worry but living with Marco, he doesn’t have a flat he has a shag pad, I know I’ve seen the pictures! I look at him sceptically with my brows raised hoping he knows where my thoughts are right now.
“I’ll tone it down a bit if you move in Boo, you know I will.” He wiggles his eyebrows and flashes the cheekiest grin that makes me laugh. “Beside I’m going to need help with the rent now, the landlord’s a real ballbreaker.” He nods in the direction of his father who scowling but with a huge smile.