by Palmer, Dee
“Oh.” Now I understand the whole set up and I couldn’t love this family any more if I tried.
“You would be doing me a huge favour.” Sofia’s mums’ voice is soft and kind, “Keep an eye on my baby.” It’s Marco’s turn to blush, and like his twin he also has no shame so this is a rare occurrence and it makes me laugh loudly.
“Mum, enough!” He grumbles and picks up another potato.
“It’s really kind.” They all look my way obviously expecting me to decline, I’m not so great at accepting hand-outs but this time I want to. I want to share with Marco because I think I need to feel safe for a while. “I’d really like that.” My voice is quiet and is quickly drowned by cheers and raised glasses, wow they really thought I was going to say no. “When do you move in?”
“Oh.” He finishes his mouth full. “Next week, it’s just being redecorated, so you get to pick a bedroom colour but I’m choosing the living room, none of that pink shit!”
“Marco! Language!” His mother clips his head with her palm. He is lucky he is down her end of the table, his dad is not so gentle dishing out his discipline.
“That’s fine by me, I wouldn’t do pink all through the place.” I giggle because I probably would. “I’ll go to mine tomorrow and start packing.” I lift my glass and suggest another toast.
“To family.” My eyes well as we clink glasses again.
The next day is Sunday and it’s late evening when Marco drops me at my apartment to begin my packing. I have been at his place all afternoon supervising his packing and I got so excited that I wanted to make a start on my own. He dropped me before heading over to Rose for the night. I promised I’d call Sofia or her dad to pick me up when I’m done, ensuring I wouldn’t work too late. The flat really isn’t big enough for it to take too long anyway but it is always surprising how many boxes you accumulate when you start putting everything you own in them. I start in the living room with the easiest items, my university books and files. I have been steadily packing for half an hour when I hear my door bell. I run down thinking that maybe Rose wasn’t in after all or maybe Marco was consumed with guilt for leaving me to pack on my own when I had been helping him all day, that he returned. I laugh at that thought and open the door without looking. My reaction’s far too slow to shut it and prevent the heavy boot from kicking it back open. I fall against the corridor wall as Kit walks past followed by her ape with the big boots but that’s not what makes my stomach drop to the floor and my heart sink. It’s the bruising around his bloodshot eyes and the smell of stale smoke.
I LOOK AT my hands and can see them tremble. He stands at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me to follow Kit up. I blow out the breath I had been holding to avoid gagging on the stench of his breath and make my way up and into the living room. She is sitting on the sofa, her expression fails to hide her distain at being in my home. She pats the cushion beside her, like we are going to have a nice little chat.
“Are you going somewhere?” She indicates the boxes.
“Um yes, I’m moving but I’m staying at Sofia’s tonight.” I don’t want her thinking I am going to be here alone, well I don’t want Clive the ape thinking I will be here alone. He takes a seat in the armchair his face a dark scowl, he makes my skin crawl.
She shakes her head and a chilling smile spreads across her face. “Not tonight you’re not, you need to call her and let her know you are staying here tonight.” Her tone is utterly chilling. “And Boo,” She snarls. “Make her believe it, if she shows up, well I can’t promise . . .”
“Stop! Alright just stop. I’ll call her, she won’t come.” I pick up my phone and dial Sofia.
“Hey sister.” Kit narrows her eyes and pinches her lips flat. “I’m staying here tonight, there is so little to do I’ll get it finished tonight . . . no I know but it’s easier if there are no distractions beside it will be nice to have one last night here, Marco can pick me up in the morning . . . yes. Ok I will, thanks, see you later, love ya.” I end the call and slip the phone in my hoodie pocket.
“Oh that’s sooo sweet, love the ‘sister’ thing you two have, maybe if we’d . . . No.” She shakes her head. “No I can’t even pretend, not even now.” She sighs and waves her hand for my phone and she takes it from me. “Can’t have you calling the Calvary now can we? What is this?” She laughs showing Clive.
“My brick, it’s my phone.” Obviously.
She snorts and throws it in her bag. “Your right about that, I’ll get muscle ache carrying that thing around.” She sighs and straightens her shoulders. “Right, I’ll get straight to it, it would seem I need your help, again. I thought the attack.” She fixes her beady eyes on Clive and he lowers his head. “Well, had it gone as planned would’ve been enough for Daniel to walk away, just forget you and see you as seriously damaged goods. You see, he still thinks about you, I know he does. He doesn’t want you but he won’t move on either, won’t move on to me. He has just thrown himself in to his work.” Her voice is beyond irritated.
“He works hard.” I quietly admit. “But I can’t help it if he isn’t interested Kit, I’ve done everything I can.” My hands are still shaking and I have a terrible feeling growing in my stomach. I feel my other phone vibrate and I dry heave into my hand.
“Don’t you dare vomit on me! . . . You’re always throwing up!” She laughs acidly
“Yeah well you have that effect on me.” I run, hand on my mouth to the toilet where I continue to heave loudly while I answer the phone.
“What is your sister doing there?” Daniels voice is low and calm but he sounds worried and I happen to think he should be.
“How did you?” I whisper between pretend heaves.
“Not now!” He snaps. “Why is she there? Why is Clive with her?”
“How?” I can’t keep myself from asking the question I’m completely freaking out.
“You’ve always known Bethany.” His voice is dark and I relax a little, he’s keeping me safe. I heave again. “Are you Ok Bethany, what’s going on?”
“I’m heaving, and I don’t know, I’m actually really scared. Clive’s Kits driver; it was Clive that attacked me. ”
“I know.” He sounds deadly cold and angry.
“You know?” I heave for real this time emptying my stomach contents, sweat coats my face and my skin feels sticky.
“The night of your attack . . . It didn’t feel right. I checked the photographs again and realised it wasn’t you. I can’t believe I didn’t see it straight away. I was just so . . . and you didn’t trust me to tell me the truth even after the flat! Fuck! Anyway little things didn’t sit right but I wasn’t positive and I needed to know if there was a connection between the photos and the attack. I needed proof. I arranged to have a copy of the DNA from the hospital but there was a delay and I didn’t bother chasing it because I’ve been out of the country and you were safe with Sofias family. I got the results minutes ago. I called Sofia and I checked your camera. Look I’m on my way, I’ll be forty minutes.”
“No no no no oh God no Daniel, you can’t please! He’ll kill you, please!” I am panicking my heart is crashing into my chest. “Please, you can’t, you have to promise me, promise, give me your word.” He is silent. “I’ll get rid of her, just promise me! Call the police but please don’t come. Daniel, it will kill me, please.” I sob.
“I promise.” His voice is quiet. “Keep the phone on, don’t hang up, I can see you but I can’t hear a damn thing.” He growls, more angry now.
I slip the phone in my pocket and flush the handle, wiping my head and neck on the towel as I enter the living room.
“Gosh Boo you do look pale.” She actually sounds sincere. Is she for real?
“Yeah well I’ve been better, so how is it I can help you now?” I sit resignedly.
“Well like I said, Daniel has thrown himself into his work, I mean, I pop over for lunch and try and get him to engage. I’ve even asked his mother to invite us all over for dinner but he won’t set a da
te.” I am grinning like a Cheshire cat on the inside. “Anyway, I started to think he may need a little nudge and really there is nothing like a little guilt to get someone to do what you want. I mean just look at how you looked after mother. If that wasn’t guilt I don’t know what was.” She has an evil laugh.
“Are you crazy? Guilt didn’t make me look after mum, she was my mum, I loved her.” I can’t hide my own disbelief.
“Right, of course.” She starts to dig in her bag absently, clearly not understanding. She pulls out three bottles of pills which she carefully opens, cracking through the childproof seal each time. She sets them in a row on the table and sits back; my eyes must be the size of saucers.
“Kit?” My voice is trembling.
“You’ve been through so much; you’re just in a dark place. You are distraught that you have fallen so far. That you have let yourself down, that you have let me down, all the lying and cheating, well, it’s too much, it’s enough. You said it yourself ‘no-more.’” She pulls out a prepared note and pushes one of the bottles my way.
“No, Kit, you can’t be serious, you’re crazy!” But it’s my voice that is starting to sound hysterical.
“Certified, but with money comes a clean bill of health too, but really darling that’s not what we are here for. Clive get some water would you?” She looks back at me her eyes are dull, flat, lifeless. “So you will sign my little note and Daniel will feel guilty that I am alone and that he had a part in that, he won’t be able to turn me away.” She pats her hands together like a spoilt little child finally getting their way.
“But you said he doesn’t want me why would he feel guilty?” I plead.
“Of course he doesn’t want you, why would he?” She snaps with venom in her voice. “If he wanted you he would’ve taken you out in public now wouldn’t he. Oh I do love this little list; he would’ve taken you out to a restaurant even, you would’ve met his family, his friends, you were his dirty little fuck buddy and you were staff.” These words don’t hurt anymore but she terrifies me.
“Yes Kit I know this, really I do. It’s true so it makes no sense for him to feel guilty about me killing myself.” I breathe is some stilted breaths as I realise that this is her plan, she is actually planning on killing me, but she wants me to do it.
“Well he cares enough and I can use that, that is my in.” She smiles at her own brilliance.
“You’re a monster.” I cry softly “You would let him believe he had something to do with this, he’d be devastated to think he caused something like this. How could you do that to someone?” I’m shaking my head in disbelief.
“Oh I won’t let him think he had something to do with this, I will let him know he is the reason behind this.” She shakes the bottle and pours four tablets into her hand and passes them to me, I reluctantly hold out my hand and my tears start to fall.
“Why?”
“You know why Bethany, yes I am that shallow. I want money and him.” She is dismissive and agitated.
“No. Why do you hate me?”
She laughs and it chills my core. “This won’t buy you time.” She passes out more tablets and I put them in my mouth and swallow. “I do hate you. You are right about that, it really isn’t terribly complicated. I was happy before you came along, we were happy before you came along. Then my dad left and mum spent all her time with you; loved you and I had to find my love elsewhere.”
I laugh bitterly at this, “Wow! Don’t believe your own press Kit. Mum loved you fine and she didn’t make you into a slut, fucking all the boys in the neighbourhood did that.” She slaps the back of her hand across my cheek her ring catching the skin and I can feel the burn and then the cool of the blood dripping down my cheek. I turn my icy glare back to her hollow eyes. “Mum was there for you, every step of the way Kit. She always defended you, bailed you out of trouble countless times. She didn’t make you steal, she didn’t make you take drugs, she didn’t-” Her bitter laugh interrupts me.
“-Yes yes she was a fucking saint and my dad left when she had another man’s bastard because she was such an angel.” She sneers.
“What? What are you talking about our Dad left both of us.” My head is starting to feel thick, not sure if the tablets could be working so quickly or this information is causing this dulling effect.
“No you stupid bitch MY Dad left because of you!” She laughs and a cruel smile slowly covers her face. “But I did manage to stop your Father ever finding you.” I must look so confused. “Yes, this smart looking man turned up one day, really posh car. I knew who he was, you look just like him. He asked for mum and asked for you.” She pauses, relishing this disclosure. “I told him you had died, it was tragic, think I even shed a tear.”
“But he can’t have just believed you why didn’t he come back what else did you say?” My speech is starting to slur.
“It was November 27th? . . . Ring any bells?” Her voice is dripping with vile intent.
I gasp. “John’s funeral, but I didn’t go to his funeral. I couldn’t . . . I just couldn’t.” My heart sinks as I remember that day. It was all my fault and I had let him down so badly I couldn’t face the service, I couldn’t stand it so I hid on the edge of the graveyard watching until it was over. My mum took my place. “Oh God!” I cry. “If he went to the church, he would’ve seen Mum but. . . .”
“Yes stroke of luck he didn’t actually try and speak to her but I didn’t think he would after waiting sixteen years to make an appearance and then turn up too late.”
“Did mum know?”
“No, why would I tell her? You’re really not catching on with the ‘I hate you thing ’ are you? If I told her she would’ve pursued him and you would’ve had your happy ever after, well fuck that!” She spits at me.
“Why tell me, why tell me now?” I draw in a breath that fails to clear my haze.
“Oh I don’t know Bethany, how are you feeling right now, angry and cheated, hurt maybe?” She tilts her head with fake concern.
“No Kit, you can’t hurt me. That would mean I care about what you have to say.” I try to hold my head a little higher but it flops slightly.
“Really?” Her smile is pure malevolence as she pauses for effect. “You know he cried for you, he bled out in that cold alley and you weren’t there.” Her eyes sparkle with malice and evil and my body starts to shake as I slowly comprehend what she is talking about.
“You were there?” My voice is small.
“You never knew, of course I was there. You know he kept saying you were nothing like me so I told Dick to hit him, stupid fuck. But he died because of you, he would still be alive if it weren’t for you!” She takes a moment as I absorb this. “Daniel, well, if that is what happens to people you love, I don’t think this is such a sacrifice. I mean it will probably save the lives of Daniel, Sofia, Paul, Marco.” I squeeze my eyes tight as the faces of the people she lists appear before me, she nudges my knee and points to four more pills but I hesitate. “Take the fucking pills!” She shouts and makes me jump but I am starting to feel sleepy. She stands and grabs her coat.
“You are leaving?” My speech is no longer my own.
“Ah sweet, you want me to stay? Sorry darling but I have no intention of seeing the final show.” She looks to Clive who barks a nasty laugh. “No fucking DNA Clive! She already got a skin full the other night, don’t leave any here, make sure you wear a condom and that’s she dressed when you leave. I don’t need an investigation in to this, standard suicide and move on, understand?” He nods slowly not taking his eyes off of me.
“Bethany, thank you for all your help, you’ve been a star, really.” She leans down and kisses me on my head, actually kisses me. I am dazed but suddenly snap my head and stand up in her face.
“Seriously Kit, What are you doing, this is crazy, who does this? Who kills for money?” I sway a little. She laughs loudly.
“Oh Darling, now you are just being naïve.” She turns to Clive. “I’ll drive the Range Rover, make
sure you walk before you grab a taxi and don’t take all night.” She walks out of the door and I flop down on the sofa, my vision is starting to blur and I feel really woozy, like I am starting to float and my head falls back. I can feel rough hands on my mouth and some more pills put on my tongue followed by water, I swallow but then choke and spit. He curses and grabs my towel from me. I look at him, my eyes narrow trying to focus on the fuzzy image, I can make out he is taking his shirt off and sitting back. “I’m just going to leave it a little longer I don’t want any of that fighting shit from the other night, you nearly blinded me, you little bitch.” I laugh at this and I am rewarded with a much harder back hand across my cheek, a throb in my eye socket and instant pressure in my head. My eyelids droop but time means nothing it could be minutes, it could be days when I hear his voice again
“You look ready, I don’t want to be fucking a corpse.” I feel him lift me onto his shoulder my head swinging like a rag doll, my whole body feels like jelly as he throws me on my bed with a loud crack. Not sure if that is my back or the wooden slats because there are definitely no springs in my bed. He looms large and ominous above me; he has removed his trousers but has dark boxers on. He is kneeling over me and he flips me onto my front and starts to pull at the waistband of my jeans. Stupid fuck should’ve undone the buttons before he flipped me, he is grabbing my hips but his hands feel funny, smooth and slippery. He sits back with a growls and I hear a snapping sound. “Fucking latex, damn gloves can’t feel anything with them on, same goes for a condom.” He starts again at my buttons and loosens them enough to pull my jeans down to my knees. He pulls my panties down too and I start to cry loudly it’s the only part of my body that seems to be responding. Inside I am screaming at my body to move, to fight, to run . . . nothing.
I can feel his weight, God he’s so heavy I’m not going to be able to breathe. I’m going to suffocate, his face is pressed to mine and I can feel his fingers trying to get between my legs. He is fighting his own weight as his own body presses my legs together and he is roughly trying to get enough space to push into me. My eyes are tired and I know I’m sobbing, angry at my useless body, my useless exhausted body. My chest is heavy struggling for breath I can’t seem to suck in enough air, everything is so heavy, my arms, my chest and my eyelids. Then all of a sudden I am floating, it’s Ok I can breathe and a fresh gust of oxygen hits my grateful lungs. I can’t move my arms or legs but I can breathe and my eyes open as I feel a sharp pinch in the inside of my arms. Fuck that’s going to bruise and I frown and mouth. ‘Ow’