Country Roads

by Nicole Hurley-Moore

  Nicholas let out a small chuckle. ‘Coffee would be good but you can keep the deli. So, how’s the book coming along?’

  ‘Slowly. In fact I do believe Davey would say it’s like pulling hens’ teeth.’

  ‘That bad?’

  ‘Oh yeah – okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. I’ve made progress, but because I didn’t write for such a long time, it’s taken a while for me to get back into it. Like everything, I suppose it just takes time.’

  ‘You might be onto something there.’

  ‘So is there anything I can do for you or is this just a social visit?’

  ‘I was in town and all of a sudden I realised I didn’t want to go home to the silence just yet.’ Nicholas shrugged. ‘Funny, for so long I’ve kept to myself and now, every now and again it gets too quiet.’

  ‘Perhaps it’s time to start looking forward, instead of back?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Good, because next Saturday is poker night and you’re coming.’

  ‘Oh, I’m not sure.’

  ‘Come on – it’s just beer and pizza, not a lifelong commitment.’

  ‘I’ll think about it.’

  ‘Good. You’ve got options, Nick, you just have to be willing to explore them.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘That life is out there waiting for you. Maybe it’s time to try and start living again, instead of just surviving? Rumour has it that Tash has a thing for you.’

  ‘I don’t know anything about that – but Tash is nice. She always takes the time to say hello when I go into the bakery.’ ‘Well, all I’m saying is that perhaps it’s time to join the human race again.’

  Nick glanced up at the door through which Jules had disappeared before looking back to Matt. ‘I’ll think about it.’

  ***

  Bec pulled up outside Matt’s cottage and frowned at the small bright blue hatchback that sat in the drive. She had decided to drop by on a whim; well, that wasn’t entirely true. The fact was she’d had Matt in her head for the best part of the afternoon and she couldn’t wait to get some quality alone time with him . . . preferably in his bed. She hadn’t expected him to have company. Bec got out of the car and shut the door. That wasn’t fair, was it? She should realise that Matt had his own life and that he wasn’t just waiting for her to come by. But there was something about the night that felt familiar and made Bec shiver. Perhaps it was the chill in the air, or the way the moon hung low in the sky, or how the light from the cottage windows spilled out into the darkness. Bec squared her shoulders and tried to ignore the tense feeling which was beginning to form in her stomach.

  She opened the old iron gate and it squeaked softly as she pushed it back against the ancient rosebush. A woman’s laugh echoed from inside and Bec stopped dead in her tracks and stared up at the closed front door. She should turn around and go home. Matt was obviously entertaining, and the last person he’d want to see was her. She winced at the thought. They had no claim on each other but she realised that the idea of him with someone else stung. Bec went to take a step back but stopped. She was never one to run away. No, it was better to know what she was up against than to obsess over what may or may not be going on.

  She took a breath, marched up the stairs and knocked on the door. She could hear the low rumble of Matt’s voice coming from inside but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Then the voices were drowned out by the sound of Boxey barking. After a moment or two the front door was yanked open and Matt stood there with the soft light pouring out around him.

  ‘Bec! Hey, I didn’t realise you were dropping around tonight,’ he said with a smile. ‘Come on in.’

  Bec stood there for a second, confused. He sounded as if he was actually happy to see her. A man who has just been caught red-handed with another woman didn’t do that, did he? Boxey jumped up on her leg and Bec gave him a pat.

  ‘Hi, Matt. Sorry, I didn’t realise you had company.’

  ‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous,’ he said as he grabbed her hand and drew her inside. ‘In fact, this is perfect timing.’

  He guided her into the kitchen. A woman with dark shoulder-length hair leant against the kitchen bench. She was wearing jeans, gladiator heels and a pale pink top. The girl was pretty, soft looking and feminine, and reminded Bec of a fresh rosebud. She glanced down at her own well-worn jeans and boots and wished that every now and again she could pull off shoes like that.

  With a tug of his hand, Matt brought Bec in front of the girl.

  ‘Bec, this is my sister, Juliet Harvey. Jules, this is Rebecca Duprey.’

  The tension in Bec’s stomach melted away. God, she felt like an idiot – she had to stop jumping to conclusions and assuming that everyone was a two-timing jerk. ‘It’s good to meet you,’ she said as she extended her hand.

  Juliet wasn’t having any of it. She ignored Bec’s outstretched hand as she stepped forward and gave her a hug.

  ‘Oh, it’s so good to finally meet you. Matt’s told me all about you,’ she said, giving Bec one last squeeze before releasing her.

  Bec was a little dazed. ‘Has he?’

  ‘Oh yes, Matt’s always talking about you and the town and your farm, Bluestone Ridge, isn’t it?’

  ‘Really?’ Bec cast a glance at Matt and saw that his cheeks were flushed. She smiled back at the girl. ‘That’s really interesting, Juliet – what else does he say?’

  Matt recovered quickly. ‘Just that I really like living here and the novel is coming along. Oh, and that my neighbour is okay.’

  Bec nodded slowly. ‘Okay?’

  ‘Well, I’d say great, but I don’t want it to go to your head,’ Matt said with a wink.

  ‘Okay, changing the topic before it gets awkward and I get weirded out. Have you always lived on the farm, Bec?’ Jules asked as she sat down on a kitchen chair.

  ‘Yes, the farm has been in the family for generations. It’s the only life I know.’

  ‘And you enjoy it?’

  ‘For the most part – yeah, I do,’ Bec said with a smile. ‘How about you – what do you do?’

  ‘I’m a . . . no, I’m going to be a primary school teacher. I’m at uni at the moment. Our parents wanted me to go into the business sector but even though I tried for a year, my heart wasn’t in it.’

  ‘Yeah, I was so proud of her. You should have seen the way she told our parents of her change of course. She was brilliant.’

  ‘They weren’t happy then?’ Bec asked.

  ‘No, or at least not at first anyway. It took them a while to accept it. They thought my earning capacity would be better in business, and perhaps it would have been, but I figure if you’re going to spend most of your life working, you should try to do what you love.’

  Bec nodded her agreement. ‘I guess they’re happy that you’re a writer,’ she said to Matt.

  ‘Not particularly, but they’re coming around.’

  ‘Yeah, Dad doesn’t see it as a stable job. At least I’ve got one up on you there.’ Jules chuckled. ‘So is it true – has my brother actually made friends here or is he just spinning me a line, so I won’t worry?’

  Bec smiled back. ‘It’s true, he’s done some male bonding over several consecutive poker nights.’

  Jules glanced at her brother. ‘You play poker?’

  ‘I do now,’ Matt said with a wink.

  ***

  Later that night Matt stood back and surveyed his handiwork. His couch, which had a pull-out bed, was now made up with mismatched bedding and a couple of fluffy pillows. Okay, he probably wouldn’t have won any interior design awards, but at least it looked comfortable.

  ‘Are you going to be alright here?’

  ‘Oh course I am,’ Jules said. ‘You worry too much.’

  ‘I suppose I shouldn’t have turned the second bedroom into a storage space and library.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous – of course you need a library. The couch is fine, stop fussing.’

  Matt nodded. ‘Alright, if
you’re sure.’

  ‘So how’s it going with Bec?’

  ‘Wow, that came out of left field.’

  ‘Spill.’

  Matt sat down on the bed he’d just made. ‘It’s complicated.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Jules said with a grin as she sat down next to him.

  ‘We’re seeing each other but it’s casual – no strings, no commitment.’

  ‘And Bec’s okay with that?’

  ‘It was her idea.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Matt glanced at his sister and wondered why she looked so relieved. ‘Look, she was hurt a few years ago and she just wants to keep things light and fun.’

  Jules slung her arm across Matt’s shoulders and gave him a half-hug. ‘And are you alright with that? I’m sorry that Bec was hurt, I like her, but you’ve been through hell too – so how do you feel about it?’

  ‘It’s okay.’

  ‘Oh, that’s leading. How do you really feel about it?’

  ‘That we’re hiding in the dark.’ Matt shrugged. ‘Oh, I don’t know – I suppose that sounds dramatic. She finds it hard to trust people . . . well, lovers, anyway. I don’t mind but I hope that if it continues and progresses maybe we’ll stop sneaking around and be open about it.’

  ‘I thought you said that it was casual?’

  ‘We’re only seeing each other – there’s no one else.’

  ‘So what you’re saying is . . .’

  ‘We’re together, but I’m not sure if Bec will ever allow it to become something more.’

  Jules tightened her hug. ‘You want more?’

  Matt was silent for a second. ‘You know what? I think I actually do.’

  ‘Well, that kind of sucks.’

  ‘Yeah – I know.’

  ***

  Bec felt that she’d managed to find some balance in her world. She worked hard, just like she always did – from dawn to dusk and beyond. But Matt gave her what she’d been missing for so long.

  The days were long, especially as the winter lambing season started. The ewes had to be monitored and Bec made sure they had everything they needed, which included shelter, hay and enough water and feed so both the ewes and the lambs were taken care of. Most of the ewes were still in the two large paddocks closest to the house – that way Bec could keep an eye on them. There was something uplifting about watching a tiny lamb take its wobbly first step and Bec never tired of it. Life continued on Bluestone Ridge – just the way it was meant to.

  Chapter 15

  All through the winter Matt kept his thoughts to himself. With each passing day he felt as if he wanted more from his relationship with Bec. And he would call it a relationship, because that’s what it was, no matter what Bec said. Maybe she could live with things the way they were now but Matt began to realise that he couldn’t. It wasn’t as if he wanted major commitment, at least not right away. No, he just wanted to acknowledge that what they had was more than casual and that maybe there was a hint of something solid underneath.

  He knew he needed to talk to Bec. Matt was well aware that her disastrous engagement to Turner had left her hurt, scarred and commitment shy, but he still had to say what he felt; he had to try. He knew that there was a chance that she’d walk away and what they had would end. He didn’t want that, but on the other hand, he knew things were coming to a point where the half-relationship they had was just not enough for him.

  Matt had two opportunities to talk to Bec during the week, but to his shame he lost his nerve. He wondered then if perhaps having part of her would be better than never seeing her again. But on the Sunday afternoon, sometime after three, he spotted Bec walking across the paddock towards his house.

  He opened the door before she had the chance to knock.

  ‘Were you expecting me?’

  ‘Yes, no – I just hoped you would come,’ Matt said as he stepped aside and let her pass. ‘And I may have looked out the window just before you made it to the gate.’

  ‘And here I was thinking you were psychic.’

  ‘Sorry to disappoint.’

  Bec wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘I’m not disappointed.’

  Matt bent down and kissed her. It felt good to hold her against his body. He deepened the kiss and was rewarded with a sigh. It would be easy to guide her back to his bed and touch her until she called out his name. He wanted to, more than anything, but he knew that this time he couldn’t back down. He had to say something.

  Matt broke the kiss and placed his hands on Bec’s shoulders. He stared down at her for a moment. She smiled back and for a second, once again, he almost wavered.

  Finally he said, ‘I can’t keep doing this. I thought I could but . . .’

  Bec frowned and let go of Matt and took a step back from his embrace. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘This – us. I thought that I could keep seeing you, being with you casually like this, but I need more.’

  ‘Why? I thought this was the perfect situation. No strings attached, not having to answer to one another – you know, just some good old hot sex.’

  ‘Maybe it was perfect at the beginning. The midnight rendezvous and the unexpected hook-ups, but don’t you see, sweetheart – it’s turned into so much more. Well, at least it has for me. There’s potential here, Bec, for us to really have something.’

  She shook her head and backed away. ‘Please, Matt, don’t ruin it.’

  ‘I’m falling in love with you – how can that ruin anything? I don’t want casual or convenient – I need more.’

  ‘What you want is quite a lot.’

  ‘Bec, please . . .’

  She walked over to the window and stared at the tangled garden outside. She didn’t say another word and Matt felt the silence slice the air between them. For a second he almost wished that he had kept his thoughts to himself.

  ‘I understand what you’re saying but I can’t give you anything more – at least not yet.’

  Matt briefly closed his eyes. Yep, he’d managed to blow the whole damn thing out of the water. He had known as soon as he opened his mouth that it was a gamble, and now he was sure that it was one that hadn’t paid off. God, what had possessed him to confront her?

  ‘I’m sorry, Matt, I really am. Couldn’t we carry on as we are, just for the time being at least? I mean, we have fun, don’t we? It’s nice.’

  ‘Yes, it is—’

  ‘But?’ Bec turned around and faced him.

  ‘I want more than nice. I want some sort of commitment, I don’t mean like a wedding or anything, just, well, you know. I guess I want to be able to say we’re together, that we mean something to each other.’

  ‘You do mean something to me.’

  ‘I do?’

  ‘Yes, but I can’t give you any more than that. I’m sorry, I can’t give you what you want. Maybe in time . . .’

  ‘Okay, I can wait if we’re talking a few weeks, even a month.’

  ‘I don’t know how long it will be. Can’t you just . . .’ Her voice trailed away.

  ‘No,’ Matt said as he shook his head. ‘If we carry on as we are we’ll be in limbo. Not brave enough to commit to each other but not strong enough to end it and walk away. I’ve spent the last few years in shadows, half-living, which really means not living at all, more like just existing. You helped me to get to this point of wanting to live again, wanting a future – a future maybe with you.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘What are you afraid of, Bec? Why won’t you take a chance on what we’ve got, what we could have?’

  Bec gave him one more look before she headed to the door. She was walking out of his life and Matt knew that there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He’d bared his soul and Bec had turned away. She paused for a second as she reached the doorway and looked back over her shoulder.

  ‘Goodbye, Matt,’ she said before she turned and kept walking.

  ***

  Bec scampered as fast as so could up the ridge. She knew Matt was
offering her a chance at something, a new beginning with a possibility of a happily ever after, and all she could do was run away. Matt had hit too close to the truth – she was frightened of so many things. The thin veneer that she had crafted for herself began to crack and shatter. Worse still, she realised Matt had an ability to see past it and into the true Rebecca. In those few moments the panic had set in and the room had closed in all around her.

  Heaven only knew what he must think of her.

  She wanted to be with him, but the thought of opening herself up to him, letting down her guard, terrified her. If she took that chance, then she’d be an easy target – vulnerable and defenceless against pain, humiliation and Matt himself.

  She rested her hand on the nearest gum tree and took in a deep breath and then another in the hope that the tight ball in her gut would ease. Bec was pretty sure that whatever she and Matt had had, she’d just managed to completely destroy. There couldn’t be any coming back from that – could there? Why had he said those things? Why couldn’t they have just gone on the way they had been?

  Bec pulled out the rubber band from her ponytail and ran her fingers through her hair. Shit, she’d really screwed everything up. The guy had just opened up his heart to her and she’d run away like a scared little kid – so much for standing your ground and facing your fears.

  With her hands still in her hair she tilted back her head and looked up into the impossible blue sky. She wished that she could rewind the last hour. She needed to be in Matt’s arms, to feel secure and believe that he actually cared for her – but that would never happen now.

  God, why was she such a screw-up?

  Bec was scared . . . she knew that. She was terrified that she would make another mistake like the one she’d made with Zane. Okay, she was aware that Matt was nothing like Zane Turner, but she recognised in herself a deep and underlying fear that she would be duped again and made a fool of. She thought she’d been in love before, and look how that had turned out. Zane had hurt her, but Bec knew instinctively that if she gave Matt the chance . . . well, he had the ability to destroy her altogether. Zane had been all wrong for her, she saw that now. But Matt . . . Matt was disturbingly right. And that was why he was so dangerous.