Learning to Breathe

by J. C. McClean

  “You were great today!” I told Danny, grinning like an idiot.

  He laughed. “Thanks. I haven’t won the competition yet though.”

  “But you will.” I told him firmly.

  He shook his head. “You haven’t seen Lance swim; it’s like he’s part fish.”

  I laughed and then looked at Danny intently. “Don’t doubt yourself. I believe you can do it and so should you!” I told him sternly.

  He smirked. “Perhaps you should take your own advice.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “It’s not me we’re talking about here.”

  “I know but don’t think I don’t know how nervous you are about tomorrow. Don’t pay any attention to Kimmy – she’s all talk.” Danny insisted firmly.

  I sighed heavily. “Was she always like that?”

  Danny shrugged. “I dunno. She was different back when we were together. She was nice, kind, and really fun to be with. Then the whole Josh thing happened and everything changed. I changed. I guess she just couldn’t cope with me being so sad all the time. She wanted to have fun and party all the time but that just wasn’t me. I told her I needed time but she wasn’t prepared to wait for me. The very next day, she got together with Lance.”

  I squeezed his hand sympathetically. “That sucks.”

  He nodded sadly. “Yeah, I just couldn’t believe it. Lance was my best friend and he stabbed me in the back. He couldn’t handle the new me either … he didn’t understand why I couldn’t move on and forget about it. I guess people just don’t understand how hard it is unless they’ve experienced it themselves.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, back in Langley Falls, everyone treated me differently for about a month. After that, they forgot and moved on with their lives but I didn’t. That’s when my mother forced me to go to a counsellor – Dr Kendrick. I saw her twice a week for 6 months and I didn’t even tell her what really happened when Dad died. She never pushed me for details but I knew it frustrated her. In the end, she encouraged me to make friends and be more sociable. So, in a way, she did help me – just not in the way she expected.”

  Danny looked at me thoughtfully. “You’ve never told me this before.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, well, I’m just proving your point – Dr Kendrick never really understood what I was going through but you did.”

  He nodded, looking thoughtful for a few minutes before he eventually smirked at me. “Well then, I’m glad Kimmy broke my heart.”

  I frowned, totally puzzled. “Why?”

  “I wouldn’t have met you otherwise!” Danny exclaimed.

  I laughed. “You can be so corny, you know that!”

  Danny shrugged. “That doesn’t make it any less true.”

  “Well then, I’m flattered.” I grinned at him.

  “So you should be!” He let out a low chuckle and then turned serious. “Now, about tomorrow … you’ll be fine. I’ll be there, cheering you all the way. Don’t even give Kimmy a second thought – she’s not worth it.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  “Good. Now, let’s stop all this serious talk and focus on something more important – like what we’re gonna spend our winnings on!” He threw me a killer grin and I couldn’t help but laugh; his cockiness had taken over once more.

  Chapter Forty-One

  My lungs felt like they were on fire. I could taste the salty water but there was nothing I could do to stop it from rushing into my lungs. I was choking while I screamed out for help and I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I could feel strong arms around me and hear someone comforting me.

  “Darcie, you’re going to be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise …”

  The dream changed.

  Kimmy appeared by my side, pushed my head under the water, and held it there. I struggled to throw her off but she was too strong. The water was rushing into my lungs and eventually I was too weak to fight any longer. I decided to accept my fate.

  The life was slowly draining from me but I could still see Kimmy’s smug face. She was clearly enjoying watching me slowly suffocate.

  “You knew it would come to this!” she taunted. “You don’t deserve him and you never will.”

  My vision started to blur but I could still hear her, crystal clear.

  “It’s best just to accept the inevitable Darcie!” she jeered. “After all, you shouldn’t even be here in the first place …”

  I jolted upright, breathing heavily and sweating profusely. I glanced at the clock – 5.31am. Running a shaking hand over my face, I swung my legs out of bed and got up. I headed to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Once I was changed, I made my way downstairs and scribbled my mother a note: I had to get out of the house.

  Grabbing my phone, I left the house and just started walking. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go but I just knew that I wanted it to be somewhere that was quiet and where I could be alone.

  In the end, my feet took me to the park. There were only a few people walking their dogs so it was perfect. I sat down on one of the benches and held my head in my hands.

  Why was I letting the dream bother me so much?

  I sighed heavily, lifted my head, and looked at my watch – 6.43am. Reluctantly, I stood up and slowly made my way back to the house.

  My mother was already up when I eventually made it home. She was in the kitchen, making some breakfast and was humming happily to herself.

  I flicked the kettle on and my mother smiled at me.

  “I saw your note. Did you have a nice walk?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I just needed to clear my head.”

  My mother nodded and turned back to the toaster while I made myself a cup of coffee – I was feeling too nervous to eat anything.

  I glanced at my watch again – 7.32am. Just less than hour left until I had to be at the leisure centre. Sighing heavily, I gulped down my coffee and went upstairs to pack my swimsuit.

  As I packed my bag, I couldn’t shake the bad feeling I had about today. Maybe it was the dream or maybe I was just being paranoid but I sensed that something major was going to happen today. Feeling a little uneasy, I glanced at my watch again – 7.54am. I sighed heavily … I guess it was time to accept my fate.

  Danny was waiting for me when I arrived at the leisure centre. My mother left for the viewing gallery again, citing that we should have some privacy, and I didn’t argue with her. Danny grinned and bounded over to me to give me a bear hug.

  “So, how’s the nerves Gilmore?” He asked when he eventually let me go.

  I shrugged and tried not to vomit as I spoke. “Okay, I guess.”

  Danny smirked in a knowing way. “Uh-huh, so that’s why your face is a fetching shade of grey then?”

  “Gee, thanks.” I retorted, biting back a laugh.

  “Hey, I’m just being concerned. Seriously, are you okay?” He looked at me sympathetically.

  “I dunno.” I sighed heavily. “Why did I agree to do this in the first place?” I asked, now genuinely bewildered by my rash decision.

  Danny chuckled. “Because your super awesome swim teacher thought it would be a good idea!”

  I raised my eyebrows, “Oh really? Well, ‘oh great one’, remind me – why is it such a good idea?”

  “It’s a good idea because it means you’ve fully conquered your fear. It’s all part of the Flooding Technique.” He told me knowledgeably.

  I threw him a sceptical look. “Yeah and when did you get your Psychology Degree?”

  Danny grinned. “Hey, I went through it myself. Trust me; I know what I’m talking about.”

  “Uh huh.” I muttered dubiously. “Well, for both your sake and mine, let’s hope your right.”

  “Why? What will you do if I’m wrong?” Danny challenged, a smirk playing on his lips.

  I grinned playfully and narrowed my eyes at him. “Oh believe me Danny-boy, you don’t want to know how evil I can be; trust me.”

  Danny roared with laughter. “Okay Gi
lmore, consider me forewarned.” He then pulled me into another bear hug and kissed me quite fervently.

  When he pulled back, he threw me a sly smirk. “Feel more relaxed now?”

  I frowned at him. “Your cockiness never fails to amaze me, you know that?”

  I then threw him a small smile. “But yeah, I do feel better.” I admitted reluctantly.

  Danny chuckled. “Well, I guess I gotta go get a seat. Good luck today. Look for me in the stands.”

  I nodded and with a quick peck on the cheek, Danny was gone. It was then that I slowly made my way to the locker room to face my impending doom.

  Kimmy was already there, looking supermodel perfect in her revealing pink swimsuit. I quickly made my way into a cubicle and changed as slowly as possible so that I could avoid her. However, I could only delay the inevitable for so long. Reluctantly, I exited the cubicle and found her right beside me.

  “Ah, Darcie!” she sneered. “Ready to lose today?”

  “That’s the best ‘psych out’ you could come up with?” I retorted drily, eying her with great dislike.

  Kimmy flipped her long blonde hair and sniffed contemptuously. “Whatever. You’re still gonna lose today.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t care either way.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “Maybe Danny will care.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Danny’s not that shallow … unlike you.”

  She glared angrily at me. “You’d better watch your back bitch – I’d hate for you to accidentally drown or something.”

  I let out a roar of laughter. “You forget that Danny was my teacher – I think I’ll be okay. Thanks for the concern though.” I added sweetly.

  I then glanced around and noticed that the other girls were now standing around, staring at us nervously. Kimmy’s gaze flickered over to the audience too.

  “What are you all staring at? Don’t you all have bikini lines to wax or something?” she barked at them and they quickly dispersed. She then whipped her head back to me.

  “Oh that’s right! Lover boy taught you how to swim – how sweet! Did he teach you how to lose too?” She asked scornfully.

  I shook my head wearily. “You really need to get a life Kimmy. Seriously. Oh, and while you’re at it, you should work on your come backs …‘cause you really suck at them.”

  She laughed manically. “I need to get a life? Puh-lease! You’re really pathetic, you know that? You’re the one who needs to get a life. I mean, seriously, falling for your swim teacher. How clichéd is that?”

  I feigned a yawn. “Not as clichéd as being the bleached blonde, jealous bitch of an ex girlfriend.” I replied drily.

  Kimmy glared at me. “We’ll see who’s jealous when I win today.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Again, really? What’s with all this fight talk of you winning? Are you overcompensating for something?”

  “Says Little Miss Snarky.” Kimmy scoffed. “What’s your deal, huh? Why are you even doing this competition if you had no interest in swimming over a year ago?”

  She turned up her nose and glared at me scathingly. “Were you afraid that you’d lose Danny if you didn’t take an interest in his favourite hobby? Are you really that pathetic that the only reason you’re doing this is so that you’d be able to cling onto him?” she taunted, smiling evilly at me.

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “I really don’t believe that it’s any of your business. Besides, the only pathetic thing I can see is you. You really think that winning today is going to get your ex boyfriend back?”

  “Who said I wanted him back?” Kimmy snapped, clearly indicating that I’d hit a nerve.

  “Oh please!” I shot back exasperatedly. “Your heavy flirting yesterday and your obsession to win the competition? You’re about as subtle as a brick.”

  Kimmy glared at me. “You don’t deserve him.”

  “And you do?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

  Kimmy just glowered at me.

  I sighed heavily and shook my head. “You don’t even know me Kimmy, so why do you think I don’t deserve him?”

  I watched as Kimmy opened her mouth to say something but I interrupted her.

  “Well let me tell you what my theory is. I think you’re angry that Danny moved on and you’re jealous of how happy he is because your own relationship isn’t what it used to be. You’re bored with Lance and mad at me for being with Danny and in some twisted way you think that if you can’t have him, no one should. Am I right?”

  Kimmy scowled at me. “You just think you have all the answers, don’t you?”

  I shook my head. “I’m just telling you what I see. Besides, after what you did, do you really think he’d want to give you a second look?”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Kimmy yelled, giving me daggers.

  “You dumped him and then took up with his best friend. Danny needed someone and you just abandoned him.” I fired at her, feeling incredibly annoyed.

  On some level, I knew that I was going too far and getting too personal but I was that angry, I didn’t care.

  “Do you have any idea what that feels like?” I shot at her furiously. “Well, do you?”

  Kimmy narrowed her eyes. “What? And you do?” She yelled, deflecting my question.

  Immediately, my face fell as I thought of my father and Kimmy seemed to notice since she stared at me curiously.

  I quickly arranged my features into a neutral expression and glared at her. “I just know that if you really cared about someone, you should be there for them. Clearly you didn’t care!”

  “Whatever. I don’t have to justify my actions to you!” Kimmy yelled and then stomped off.

  I sucked in a deep breath, trying to shake off the nasty thoughts about Kimmy, and then made my way out to the pool. It was time to face my deepest fear.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  The viewing gallery was packed. I glanced up and caught Danny’s eye before giving him a small wave. He returned it and flashed me that adorable crooked grin that I loved so much. I felt calmer but I didn’t fail to notice the dirty looks that Kimmy was throwing my way.

  Ignoring her, I turned my attention to the announcer and focused on warming up; taking extra care to stretch out my right leg. The announcer called out the names of the girls who would be competing in the first race. I heard my own name and then, to my dismay, Kimmy’s.

  I suppressed a groan, pulled on my swimming cap and got to my starting position along with the other competitors. The first style was breaststroke and I was feeling rather nervous.

  Suddenly, I heard the horn blare and we were off. I felt the initial burn in my muscles as soon as I started but, after a few seconds, I quickly got into a rhythm. Pushing my arms out in front of me, I propelled myself through the water and focused solely on finishing as quickly as possible.

  I ignored the other swimmers and focused on my breathing. Danny had told me to do this when I felt the flashbacks threatening to take over and, amazingly, it seemed to work.

  The horn blared again and our times were noted down. I was pleased to find that I had been the second fastest swimmer. Kimmy was obviously first but I couldn’t help but feel proud of what I had achieved.

  I dragged myself out of the pool and watched the remaining girls compete. When they had finished and their times had been noted down, we were then sorted out into our heats.

  Unsurprisingly, Kimmy was the fastest out of us all. She was put into Group 1 and, to my astonishment, so was I. It turned out that I had been the second fastest overall. Grinning like a lunatic, I made my way to the starting position again and focused on doing the same again.

  The horn blared and I really pushed myself this time. I forced my aching muscles to work harder and focused on finishing in the top four. I succeeded and went through to the next heat.

  The next heat was tougher but I managed to come second, right behind Kimmy. Then the last heat was close. All four of us were neck and neck but, at the last second, I managed to push
myself ahead. In the end, Kimmy and I qualified for the top two with only one second of difference between our times – Kimmy being the fastest.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised that I had qualified for the Finals on Friday. It didn’t matter the outcome of the other races, I had qualified for one style so I was through.

  It was then time for the backstroke. Amazingly, I made it into the overall top two as well. Kimmy and I were both the only two through to the Finals and, judging by her angry expression, she wasn’t too pleased. I breathed a sigh of relief when it was time to take a break for lunch.

  I met my mother and Danny in the canteen and found myself engulfed in a massive hug by both of them.

  “Darcie! I’m so proud of you!” my mother exclaimed loudly, squeezing me tightly.

  “I told you you’d be great!” Danny chipped in.

  I rolled my eyes. “Hey, the competition’s not over yet.”

  My mother shook her head. “You’re through to the Finals! If that’s not a big deal then what is?”

  Danny chuckled. “She’s right you know. You should be proud!”

  I nodded and reluctantly grinned. “I know – I am.”

  My mother beamed at me and then disappeared to get another coffee.

  “So,” I began, leaning over to talk to Danny. “Kimmy’s a lovely girl! We had a blazing row before the competition.”

  Danny’s face fell. “What! What did she do? What did she say?”

  I shrugged. “She just started goading me about the competition and then things turned nasty.”

  Danny frowned. “I don’t believe it! Are you okay?”

  I smirked. “Oh don’t worry, I told her a few home truths and she backed off.”

  Danny looked at me curiously. “What did you say to her?”

  I grinned. “Nothing that wasn’t true.”

  Danny shook his head and laughed.

  “Oh and I bet she hates me even more now.” I added when he stopped laughing.

  “Why?” asked Danny, looking quite serious.

  “Because I’m through to the Finals.”