She stood, the letter crumpled tightly in her hand. She had to meet her daughter. She had to.
“I got ’em,” Debbie said, standing in the doorframe. “They’re washing their hands. Dat and Jeremy are on their way in.”
Debbie looked at her mother. “Are you all right?” Her eyes were wide, and her forehead was creased.
Nancy nodded. “Jah. Of course. Thank you. Now, go in and pour the milk, will you?”
Nancy didn’t know how it would work out. She only knew that it must. She simply had to meet her daughter. She heard Abel enter the house. She could easily tell it was him by his heavy tread across the floor. He saw her standing in the door and glanced down at her hand, noting the letter she held. His eyes met hers, and his expression tightened.
He walked to her. They stared at each other for a long moment, and then he pried the letter from her hand and read it. His jaw visibly tensed, and he took in a sharp breath.
“I guess it was only a matter of time,” he said.
“Jah,” she whispered, her heart beating wildly.
“Well?”
She looked at him. She had no words.
“You haven’t answered?”
She shook her head.
“Mamm?” Jeremy questioned. “You comin’? Debbie said dinner was ready.”
Abel looked back at him. “Go ahead and dish it up yourselves. Your mamm isn’t feeling well. I’m taking her upstairs to rest.”
“Mamm?” Gracie said, a tremor in her voice.
“Come on, Gracie,” Debbie said. “Help me get the dishes.”
“You okay, Mamm?” Jeremy asked.
“She’ll be fine,” Abel said, taking Nancy by the elbow and leading her upstairs.
Nancy let him steer her into their bedroom. He shut the door, and Nancy didn’t move. She stood stiff as a fence post in the middle of the room.
“Nancy, sit down on the bed before you fall over,” Abel said, frustration raking through his voice.
Nancy did as she was told.
Abel sat next to her. She could hear his heavy breathing, but she held her breath, bracing herself for his words.
“All right,” he said, taking her hand in his.
She jerked back. “What?”
“I said all right.” He looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face.
Nancy’s mouth fell open. She stared at her husband, unable to take it in.
He shook his head and gave her a sad smile. “Don’t look at me that way. You’d think I was a monster or something.”
She blinked.
He frowned and ran his hand over his beard. “Maybe, it’s true. Maybe I have been a monster.”
Nancy closed her mouth and swallowed. She could hardly believe her ears.
“Say something,” Abel said.
She opened her mouth again and tried to speak, but her throat had gone dry, and she couldn’t get a word out.
“Nancy?”
She fell on him then, wrapping her arms around him and hanging on as if she were in danger of falling into a large abyss. His arms came around her, too. She smashed herself more firmly against him. She couldn’t get close enough. She couldn’t hold on tightly enough.
“There, there,” he murmured into her ear. “Ach. I’ve made a mess of things.”
She shook her head. “Nee, nee,” she choked out.
“Jah, I have.” He pushed her away from him so he could look into her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you saying she can come?” Nancy could barely speak. What if she had misunderstood him? What if that wasn’t what he was saying at all?
Abel grabbed her shoulders, his eyes filling with tears. “She can come.”
“Oh, Abel!” Nancy cried, throwing herself into his arms again. “Thank you. Thank you.” She could hardly breathe. She could hardly think. She could hardly fathom what was happening.
Abel buried his face in her shoulder and clung to her, too. “I’ve missed you,” he said. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” Nancy said with a sob.
Abel squeezed her and caressed her back with his hand.
“Do you forgive me then?” Nancy murmured.
Abel’s hands went still. His breathing slowed. He let go of her and sat with his head down. “It’s my shame,” he said.
Nancy waited for him to continue, but he remained quiet.
“It was my shame,” she whispered. “My dat told me that over and over and over.”
“I’m sure he did.” Abel looked at her. “But it is my shame that I didn’t forgive you right away. I’m sorry.”
“You can’t be blamed. It was a lot.”
“Gott forgives us. We must forgive others.”
Nancy remained quiet. A thought flickered through her mind. Would Faith forgive her for giving her away? Would she? Would her children forgive her?
“What will we tell the kinner?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Faith will come,” Nancy said. “She will come immediately.”
“I know.”
“The kinner will wonder.”
“That they will.” Abel stood and walked to the window. He pushed the curtain aside and gazed out on the lawn. “I’m tired of secrets.”
Nancy went to him and put her arm around his waist. “As am I.”
“They’re young.”
“I know. We don’t have to tell them everything. We can tell them what they can handle right now.”
Abel nodded. “What they can handle right now,” he repeated quietly.
“And the community?”
“I’ll talk to the bishop. I’ll get his advice.”
Nancy’s chest tightened. “Are you sure?”
“You’ve already been forgiven. You spoke with the bishop in Hollybrook. It’s all right. I’ll explain it all.”
“I should come.”
“If you like…” He turned to her and took her in his arms again. “It’s going to be all right now.”
Tears slipped down Nancy’s cheeks. “It’s going to be all right now,” she repeated in a whisper.
Chapter Eight
Faith stood frozen. The air conditioner hummed in the background, punctuated by a soft metallic clink. Her cell phone dinged once. Then again. She could hear Penny’s grating music through her bedroom wall. She disliked Penny’s music, but that day, it barely registered.
Faith thought she would cry, but no tears came. She was, in truth, unable to move.
Her eyes went dry and she blinked, feeling her lids scrape over the surface of her eyes. She gulped down her sandpaper throat. And then she crumpled to the floor. She pressed the letter to her chest and then she did weep. She pulled her knees to her chest, trapping the letter between her legs and her stomach, and she rocked herself.
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you.” She breathed.
It had happened. It had happened!
She jumped up and raced through the house to the kitchen. Mrs. Baldwin looked up from where she was stirring some batter. “Faith?” Her face went tense. “What’s happened?”’
Faith rushed forward and grabbed her mother in a huge hug. “I’m going! She’s said I can come!”
Her mother went stiff. “What?”
“Oh, Mother!” Faith cried, letting her go. “Look! Look!” She thrust the letter toward her mother. “She’s said I can come!”
Mrs. Baldwin’s hands shook as she read the letter. Tears filled her eyes. “Faith,” she said, “this is wonderful news. Truly, I’m so happy for you.”
Faith snatched the letter back. “Me, too. Me, too.”
“When will you go?”
“Today.”
“But it’s late. And what about your classes? Maybe you can make arrangements for next week.”
“Next week?” Faith’s voice was shrill. “No, Mother. I must go immediately.”
“But your classes…”
“I don’t care about my classes.” Faith hesi
tated, seeing the crestfallen look on her mother’s face. “I’ll email all my professors. It’ll be fine.”
“Call your father. Tell him.”
“I will.”
“Talk to him about your plans to go.”
Faith faced her. “Mother, please don’t put anything in my way. Just be happy for me. I have to go immediately.” She peered out the window. Her mother was right, it would be dark soon. She could go first thing in the morning. “It is turning dark. All right. I’ll be leaving in the morning. First thing.”
Mrs. Baldwin ran her hands down her apron. “Good. And of course, you’re right. You need to go tomorrow.”
Faith could see the effort her mother was making.
“Your father and I can come with you. We’d like to meet her, too.”
Faith blanched. “No!” she blurted. She drew a deep breath. “I mean, not this time. Please. I have to go alone. You’ll meet her. I’ll ask about it. But we can hardly all gang up and go, can we?”
Mrs. Baldwin blinked rapidly. “No. You’re right again. No. It’d be too much. You’re right.”
Faith took a step closer. “Mom, it’s going to be fine. I promise. I’ll tell you everything when I get back.”
If I come back. The words came unbidden to Faith’s mind. She nearly faltered as she leaned forward to hug her mother again. She pushed the words away.
“Thank you, Mom. Thanks for supporting me in this.”
Mrs. Baldwin squeezed her tightly. “You’re welcome, dear. You know your father and I love you very much.”
“I know,” Faith murmured into her mother’s shoulder.
It only took ten minutes for Faith to pack. Her hands trembled the entire time. When she was finished, she set her suitcase and backpack by the door. A sudden question occurred to her. Would she be staying at the Landover Bed and Breakfast again? Would they have a vacancy? Or would her mother invite her to stay with her?
She read Nancy’s words for the hundredth time…
I have spoken with my husband. We would both like you to come. Faith, I have wanted to meet you for nineteen years. I can hardly believe it’s happening.
“I can hardly believe it, either,” Faith whispered, tracing the loops of Nancy’s writing with her finger.
She looked at her phone. She’d already called her dad. Now, she needed to call Seth. And Cassie. She picked up the phone and stared at the screen. Why was she hesitating?
She called Cassie.
“What’s up?” Cassie asked.
When Faith told her, Cassie screamed for a good ten seconds. Faith burst out laughing, and the two of them jabbered for twenty minutes. Finally, Faith told her she had to go, and Cassie wished her buckets of good luck.
She switched on her bedside lamp, and its yellow glow fell over her. Now for Seth. She punched his number.
“Faith,” he said, his voice pleased. “I just got off my shift. What are you doing tonight?”
“Seth?”
“Yeah?” His voice turned wary.
“I’m going.”
“What?”
“I’m going. She’s written.”
Seth exhaled loudly. “Oh, Faith! That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.”
Tears sprang to Faith’s eyes. “Thank you.” Her voice was breathless.
“When are you going?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, Faith.” He fell silent. And then, “Do you want me to drive you?”
“No.”
“What about your classes?”
“I’m skipping.”
“Well, I know that. But do you want me to talk to your profs?”
“I already emailed them.”
“Okay.”
“Seth?”
“What?”
“I’m scared.” She blew out her breath.
“Faith. It’s gonna be fine. Man, I can hardly believe it. You’re actually going. You’ll be fine.”
Faith’s grip on her phone tightened. “Yeah, I know. I’ll be fine. Of course, I will be.”
“You can call me anytime. You know that…”
“Yeah. I know that.”
“Aw, Faith. I’m happy for you.”
Faith nodded, even though Seth couldn’t see it. “I need to go now.”
“Okay. Call me later.”
“Yeah. I will.”
“I love you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “I know. I love you, too.”
It’s a strange phenomenon how habit can take over and people are able drive even though their minds are not on the road. It becomes robotic, a mass of mechanical automatic actions. Hands on the steering wheel. Foot on the gas. Now, the brake. Back on the gas. Flip the turn signal. Look over shoulder to be certain. Check the rearview mirror. Pass the car on the left.
Faith drove in just such a way that early morning when she took off for Landover Creek.
The miles passed in a strange foggy blur as she crossed the state line into Indiana. Her body was tense, sitting in the seat as if she were spring loaded and might shoot out of the car at any moment. She attempted to relax. Attempted to breathe slowly and evenly. But it was futile.
Her heart sat in her throat the entire distance.
Once, she stopped and forced herself to get out and stretch and top off her tank of gas. That took seven minutes. And then she was back in the driver’s seat, a stiff network of muscles and nerves.
When she arrived in Landover Creek, she felt ready to pass out. She knew where the Hershbergers lived. After all, hadn’t she spied on them once, not that long ago? She remembered again the woman who stood on the porch calling for a girl named Debbie.
Debbie. Her half-sister…
And the boy. Jeremy. Her half-brother.
And the others. Nancy had named them off to her. Jimmy, Gracie, and Miriam.
Faith grinned, just thinking of them. A whole other family. Her family. Her flesh and blood.
She peered over the dash and finally, in that fraction of a second, she relaxed. Her muscles softened, and she came back to herself. She took a deep breath and thanked God again for this miracle.
She was now following a buggy so she slowed down, even though the buggy was off a bit to the side of the road. Her car might scare the horse, and she didn’t want that.
Who knew? Maybe it was her mother’s husband driving the buggy just ahead of her. Her mother’s husband.
What a thought.
Faith inched her way down the road. She gazed ahead, knowing the Hershberger house was around the next bend. She was almost there.
The buggy turned off a side road before Faith continued around the corner. Not my mother’s husband then. She followed the bend, and there it was. The Hershberger’s farm. Where her birth mother lived with the huge white house and the wide, welcoming porch. The looming barn and the scattered outbuildings. The chicken coop and a smaller house out back peering around the corner. Faith breathed a prayer, swallowed her nervousness, and drove down the lane.
She parked her car under a sweeping willow tree. She climbed out, paused, and then pushed a few low hanging branches aside and walked toward the front door. She could hear the voices of children inside. Her heart hammered in her chest. Those were her brothers and sisters. A baby cried, and she heard a woman’s voice.
Her mother.
She stood at the bottom step but couldn’t make herself go up. She couldn’t move.
“Mamm!” a girl inside cried. “Someone’s here! An Englischer!”
The screen door squawked open and there she was. Standing right in front of her. The two women, one older, one younger, gazed at each other without speaking. A moment frozen in time.
The woman wasn’t tall. Neither was she short. Faith’s mouth dropped open in wonder. It was as if she were looking into her own gray eyes, so similar were they. The woman’s face crinkled into a joyous smile.
“Ach! You’ve come!”
She let the screen door slam and rushed down the steps. For a fract
ion of a second, she stared deeply into Faith’s eyes and then with a gasp, she threw her arms around Faith and smothered her in a hug. Faith clung to her and sobbed. Nancy began to cry too and together they stood, pressed close, trembling with their tears.
Time had stopped for Faith. All she could think, all she could feel, was that she had come home. She was in her mother’s arms. The hole—that gaping, cavernous hole that had been a recurrent wound, a recurrent thorn in her heart—lost its edge and stepped aside. A hot wave of contentment nearly knocked Faith from her feet. Indeed, if Nancy hadn’t been holding her, she might have toppled to the ground. She lay her head on her mother’s shoulder and held on for dear life.
“Faith,” Nancy said. “Faith.”
Faith heard her mother’s voice. Heard her mother utter her name. And suddenly, the world was brighter. Better. More beautiful.
Miraculous.
Nancy put her hands on Faith’s shoulders and pushed her slightly back. “Let me get a gut look at you,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “Why, you’re beautiful, Faith. A beautiful young woman.”
Faith sniffed and wiped her tears with her sleeve. “So are you,” she blurted.
Nancy grinned, and then the two of them burst into laughter.
“Mamm?” a girl questioned.
Faith looked over her shoulder to see a row of children gawking at them. The older girl held a baby on her hip.
“It’s Faith,” the younger girl said. “Ain’t it, Mamm?”
Faith nodded, a lump growing in her throat. “I’m Faith.” She looked at Nancy. What did the children know? Did they know she was their sister?
Nancy pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and wiped her tears and blew her nose. “Jah, Gracie. Kinner, this is your new sister, Faith.”
So, Nancy had told them. Faith’s heart nearly burst with joy as she was introduced to each child. They greeted her with shy politeness, and Faith could see the lingering questions in their eyes. She tried to keep her own eagerness under control. She didn’t want to scare them off.
“Faith and I will be talking out here on the porch. Debbie, fetch us some lemonade, will you? And I want you all to carry on with your chores. You’ll get your chance to visit with Faith later.”
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