The Storm You Chase (Hell Yeah!)

by Sable Hunter

  Starting the engine, he began to drive as if on automatic. He watched traffic, but was unaware of his surroundings, of the time of day, or what might be going on in the outside world. His thoughts were on Jensen and what she’d been through and what she was still going through. She’d carried on with her life and work, dealing with her problems on her own. If she’d come to him from the beginning and told him the truth, how would he have dealt with it? Clint didn’t know. Of course, in light of how he’d acted when she did tell him, he was very afraid he would’ve handled the news with equal finesse – or the total lack thereof. Shame washed over him when he realized he didn’t know if he was strong enough to handle it.

  Setting a course for Nameless Road, he passed through North Austin and Cedar Park. Knowing he had to eat, he pulled into Wendy’s and ordered a hamburger. Continuing on his journey, he ate it without tasting a thing. His thoughts returned to the way she’d seduced him their first night in Montana. She’d given herself to him with her whole heart. How nervous she must’ve felt. In the heat of the moment, if he’d accidentally discovered her secret, Clint wondered how he would’ve reacted. “God, I hate to think about it,” he muttered as he drained a bottled water. Would he have been able to make love to her? Would he have humiliated her and himself by going limp? Sometimes a man’s body acted of its own accord. Clint hated to think he would’ve felt sorry for her, she would’ve hated that. Knowing what he knew now, he marveled at her courage.

  Considering her bravery, Clint felt completely unworthy of her. She was fearless, daring – going after what she wanted, making lemonade from the lemons she’d been given. And he was a dense, self-centered ignoramus who was having a problem imagining loving a woman with one breast. Love? Yes, he’d meant it when he said he loved her. But that was before.

  How did he feel now? God – he didn’t know. How could he not know?

  With Jensen, it had never been about love. She’d never asked him for anything. As far as he knew she was all wrapped up in her career, while he’d fallen for her like a ton of bricks from the very beginning. Their relationship, if you could call it that, had been sporadic. No matter that he didn’t hear from her for half a decade, she remained his ideal, his fantasy. The woman he couldn’t forget. Hell, he’d relived their first kiss a thousand times.

  The second time they’d met, things had been different. She’d come on to him like a summer storm and he’d met her more than halfway. When she crooked her delicate finger at him, he’d nearly broken his neck to get her into bed. They made love for hours and he’d gone to sleep lying next to her, dreaming about their future. As he slept, she walked out on him and he’d spent the next two years wondering what the hell he’d done wrong. Did he move on, did he forget her? Not a chance. He often wondered where she was and what she was doing – was she thinking of him?

  Little did he know she was dealing with cancer and the aftermath of a life-altering surgery.

  Clint didn’t deny he’d been serious as a heart-attack about Jensen. He’d never met another woman like her. From the moment they touched, it was like he’d been struck by lightning. Yet if he were honest, he could admit he’d anticipated a fun-filled, erotic romp of lust and love. When things got tough, he’d experienced a severe case of frostbite from cold feet. The thought of her being ill absolutely terrified him. He’d experienced loss before – and he didn’t know if he could face it again.

  As he neared the turn-off to Nameless Road, he remembered he’d invited his siblings to crash since there wasn’t enough room for them all at his mother’s house in Lago. For a minute, he considered going to pick up Rose, but quickly decided he was just too weary. Someone could drop her off tomorrow.

  Upon arriving at the ranch, he saw Colleen and Kyd were already there. After letting himself into his house, Clint could tell by the lack of noise and light that they were both asleep. Well and good. As he trudged up the stairs to his room, he calculated that he’d been up for nearly sixty hours straight. The last time he’d slept a wink, he’d been lying next to Jensen. Tonight, he’d be alone, and he missed her like crazy. Tomorrow, he’d do whatever was necessary to find out how she was doing. He didn’t know how things would end up between them, he just knew he couldn’t leave them the way they were.

  * * *

  “The more I walk, the sooner this infernal soreness will leave.”

  “You’re right about that,” Bettina agreed as she walked next to Jensen who was hobbling down the hospital corridor. “All I’m asking is that you take it a little slower.”

  “This is slow. I’m barely moving. I just want to check on Ollie again. Last time I talked to him he was experiencing double vision.”

  “Mr. Boyd has a doctor. A capable one.”

  Jensen grumbled under her breath. “You don’t understand. I specialize in brain injury.”

  “And you’ll be home practicing soon enough, your chart says you’re going home in the morning. One more night is all you have left. Besides, you don’t need to be worrying about this patient, he’d doing great.”

  Jensen didn’t say more, but she didn’t turn around to return to her room either.

  When she darkened the pilot’s door, she tapped lightly. “Can I come in?”

  “Certainly. I’d be glad of the company.”

  “Buzz me when you’re ready to leave. I’ll come walk with you,” Bettina told Jensen with a warning look.

  “Maybe.” Yes, she knew she was being difficult. She was just in a really bad mood. “How are you feeling?” she asked as she carefully took a seat. “Ow. Ow. Ow.”

  “I think I’m doing better than you,” he answered with a chuckle. “Sorry, sound carries in this place. I know I’ve said it before, but I want to thank you for finding us and saving me. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you.”

  “Oh, you’re welcome. I’m just glad we were able to help.”

  “The work you and your team are doing is invaluable. Did I hear you say you’re going home tomorrow?”

  “I am. All the way back to Texas.”

  “Me, too. In fact, I’ll be flying out of here with you on the Duke’s plane.”

  “Where do you call home, Ollie?”

  “Waxahachie. Ever hear of it?”

  “Oh, yes. I’m a Waco girl, not too many miles south of you. Are you married?” Jensen regretted her question when she saw his face cloud with sorrow.

  “I used to be. Would be thirty-five years this coming June. She passed last year.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Ollie.”

  “Yea. Cancer. Breast cancer.”

  Dread lanced through Jensen’s middle. “I lost my mom to the same thing. It’s hard.” She made no mention of her own problem, the words just wouldn’t come.

  “Yea, she suffered a long time. Went through a mastectomy, a reconstruction, another mastectomy. Radiation. Chemo. None of it did any good. I lost her anyway.”

  The pitiful words echoed in Jensen’s mind. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Ah, what’s to say?” He straightened the covers over his legs. “Have you heard from Ms. Pepper and Mr. Judah?”

  “Joseph said they’re doing well.”

  “Excellent. I do enjoy flying him across the country. He’s a good man to work for.”

  “I’m sure he is.”

  “Are you married, Dr?”

  “Oh, please call me Jensen. And no, I’m not married – unless it’s to my work. Although, I have tried to make more time for the good things in life the past couple of years.”

  “You’ve got to, life’s too short. My Eloise used to beg me to travel with her and I kept putting it off. Flying was my job and I didn’t want to do it on my days off. Now, I wish I’d taken the time. Regrets, they’re awful, Jensen. They can haunt you.”

  “So, I hear.” So, she knew. “I guess some regrets are inevitable.” She’d already experienced some herself. Even though she knew it was the right thing to do, Jensen regretted telling Clint the truth. Having him ang
ry and disappointed with her was far better than the pity and distaste he’d shown her before receiving the call about the plane crash.

  “Perhaps.”

  Hearing the weariness in Ollie’s voice, Jensen pulled herself up and stood a minute to steady herself. “I guess I’ll see you on the plane tomorrow.”

  “I’ll be there. I wish they’d let me sit in the cockpit. I’d give my eyeteeth to pilot one of those fancy Gulfstream jobs.”

  “Let them know. No regrets. Remember?”

  He shook his finger at her. “Don’t you forget it either. We’ve both had a close call, we’ve got to make every minute count.”

  She walked over to his bed to pat his arm. “Good advice, Ollie. Sleep well.”

  “You know that’s not gonna happen. Hospitals aren’t made for sleeping, just as soon as I doze off some nurse comes to poke on me again.”

  “Yea, I know.” She gave him a wink and started the slow, painful progress of returning to her room – without Bettina’s aid. After all, she would be alone once she got home, might as well get used to it.

  * * *

  Once he did go to sleep, Clint slept like the dead. For once, he didn’t dream.

  Upon rising the next day, he found his siblings already gone. Glancing at the clock, he could see why. It was after ten. He hadn’t slept this late in a long time. After a quick shower, he tried Jensen again. Still no answer. He couldn’t help but wonder if she was staring at his name on her phone, pressing DECLINE.

  “Dammit!” Clint tossed the phone on his bed. He deliberated with himself for a moment, then grabbed his phone to access the internet. Soon, he had the number for the clinic in Kalispell. “There’s more than one way to do things.”

  Two rings later, the call was answered. “Kalispell Care. May I help you?”

  “Yes, this is Clint Wilder. You have a patient, Jensen Mistretta. Right? I need to know her condition.”

  “I’m sorry. We only give out information to relatives.”

  “Uh.” Clint hesitated, then just went for it. “I’m her fiancé. Is that good enough? And I said I’m Clint Wilder. You might recognize my name. I play for the Houston Texans. Football.” Nice, Clint. Smooth.

  “She’s no longer a patient. She was released this morning.”

  Exasperated, Clint shook his head. “You could’ve told me that to start with.”

  “Sorry.”

  “She’s on her way home.”

  “Great. Thanks.” He clicked the phone shut. “Time to face the music.”

  …Eight hours later, however, Clint wasn’t thinking about anything but his sister. Just after lunch, he’d walked into the hospital to visit Bethany and found his family gathered in the hall completely shell-shocked. “What’s wrong?”

  “Bethany’s worse.”

  “What do you mean? Why didn’t you call me?”

  Colleen came to him, putting her arms around his neck. “We knew you were on your way here. We wanted you to drive safely.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked again, his voice loud and demanding.

  Kyd spoke softly as he held his mother close. “Staph infection. MRSA.”

  Clint knew what those letters meant and how dangerous the infection could be. “How?” he asked the nonsensical question. The germ lurked in the very places where people went for help. Just one careless act could bring about an outbreak. “What are they doing for her?”

  “They’re trying several antibiotics. MRSA is resistant to the more commonly used ones.”

  “Why are you all standing out here?”

  “We can’t go in to see her. Not yet. She’s been quarantined.”

  Again, Clint felt completely helpless.

  Over the next three days, he stayed at the hospital. As before, it was touch and go with Bethany, but she hung on. The family rallied and took turns sitting with her once the ban on visitors was lifted. For Clint’s part, he never left. He made a place for himself in the waiting room and stayed ready to do what he could for Bethany and for the others who came to sit with her.

  Periodically he tried to call Jensen, but never had any luck. He even called her place of business, but they said she wasn’t in. Her secretary asked if he wanted Jensen to call him back when she returned, but he declined. Clint decided he’d gotten the message loud and clear. She didn’t have any intention of talking to him. Worried and weary, he admitted her decision might be for the best. He didn’t know what he would’ve said to her anyway. The apology he wanted to give her might be all he had to offer.

  In the dark hours of the night when he was all alone in the waiting room, trying to rest in those torture devices they called chairs, Clint would research breast cancer. He studied images of women who’d had mastectomies. This was the first time he’d ever looked into the subject. He’d been under the erroneous belief that only older women suffered from breast cancer. Jensen’s case wasn’t unique. He learned one in eight women would develop invasive breast cancer over the course of their lifetime. Seeing the scars on their chests made him feel angry that such suffering existed.

  Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine what Jensen might look like. From the beginning, he’d been enchanted with her appearance, completely under her spell. He was beyond attracted to her. And he loved her breasts. He’d fantasized about them. The first time he’d made love to her, he couldn’t keep his hands off her breasts. Of course, the second time they made love; she’d prevented him from touching her. At the time, he’d bought her story that she wanted to play a game. Now that he knew the truth, every move she’d made, every word she’d spoken had a deeper meaning.

  He tried to imagine how he would react to her body now. Just the thought of her only having one breast made something inside of him wither. What a loss. Such beauty should never be marred. Yet…the removal of her breast saved her life.

  “Ye, gods.” He buried his face in his hands, struggling to come to terms with something he could barely conceive.

  As the hours passed he spent his time pacing the halls, checking on Bethany, and fetching coffee for his mother who slept on a cot in her room. He paced the hall, his thoughts a conglomeration of worry and emotion.

  Would Bethany recover unscathed?

  Would Jensen ever give him a chance to explain?

  And if she did – what would he say?

  Coming to the elevator, he decided to go downstairs to buy an old-fashioned newspaper, he needed something to hold in his hands to read – and maybe shred between his fingers when he was through with it. Viciously, he punched the down button about fifty times. “Fuck! Come on!” he exclaimed as he rested his head against the cool steel surface, his brain still racing with unbidden thoughts. No matter his hesitancy, his uncertainty, his…dread – one thing was clear. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jensen. About her smile, the way she smelled, the way it felt to love her. “Fuck!” he exclaimed again, tensing when he heard someone clear their throat behind him.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled to a nurse who was entering a nearby room with an IV pole.

  Yes, he was sorry. Sorry for everything. How could this be? What kind of world produced such unfairness?

  When the elevator door opened, he stepped inside. Two doctors in white coats made room for him. It was all Clint could do not to punch them. At the moment, he despised them. Hell, he despised the entire medical community because they’d failed Jensen. Despite decades of research there was still no cure for cancer. He bowed his head and listened as the two men made small talk, laughing over some personal antidote. Clint had to jam his hands into his pockets to keep from grabbing them by the collars and accusing them of hiding a cure and perpetuating a killer disease for the money.

  Yes, he knew he was being unreasonable – and that was why he just rocked back and forth on his feet, grateful for once that he went unrecognized. Once the two doctors exited the elevator, he looked up and stared into the reflective surface. A wry chuckle erupted from his lips when he saw why he wasn’t recognized – he looked like hel
l.

  “You deserve it, buddy.” Guilt made it hard to breathe. He wished he could roll back time and replay the scene where Jensen explained her actions. When she told him the secret she’d been hiding from him. This time, he would take her in his arms and hold her close. He’d tell her how sorry he was, how he…

  How he…what? This was the juncture where his natural thought progression stalled. He still didn’t know whether he could handle Jensen’s loss or not.

  As the elevator doors opened to the lobby, his anger was directed at himself and the rest of the male gender for evolving into creatures who obsessed about breasts, sometimes missing the intrinsic value of the women who possessed them – or lost them to an infernal disease which seemed to strike out of nowhere.

  As he stalked across the lobby to the tiny gift shop, he saw his brother Rowan coming through the automatic front doors. “Hey!”

  “Oh, there you are. How’s our girl?”

  “A little better.”

  “Good. How’s Mom?”

  “Exhausted.”

  “I’ve come to relieve you.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  Rowan fell into step by his brother as he stayed on course to the gift shop. “You’ve been here for days. You need to go home and take a shower. You stink.”

  “I’ll Febreze myself. I’m not leaving.”

  They entered the gift shop and Clint made his way to the small newsstand to select a copy of the Austin Stateman and a couple of other papers. He also stopped by the candy display and chose a bag of lemon drops. “Do you want anything?” he asked his brother.

  “No, I’m good.” Rowan waited patiently while his brother checked out with the store clerk.

  When he was finished, they retraced their steps, moving on across the lobby to the elevator bank. “The doctor said she’s better, Rowan. But she’s got these red sores on her body. The infection is deep inside her muscles. I can only imagine the toll this is taking on her organs. People die from this shit.”