Her face is flawless. And those lips! They look soft and perfect for her face. I want to devour them to see if they’re as soft as they look. She has blonde hair with a red undertone. She’s wearing some faded jean capris with holes in them, not the kind of holes you get from excess wear, but the kind that you can buy. She has a black shirt on that’s been cut to form a scoop neck. I notice the front of the shirt has lettering on it, and my breath catches. It says Adelitas Way 2011 and has a sparrow up on the right side by her breast.
The sound of her voice breaks me out of the daydream that was forming. Her voice is soft and sweet. You can tell she’s shy.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, umm, fall into you and, uh, mess up your shirt.”
Mess up my shirt? Oh she’s talking about the wrinkle marks from her hands. I smile at her, “No, I’m sorry. I was so busy talking to Gran that I got distracted, and I wasn’t paying attention to see if
someone was outside.”
This girl has me all over the place. I just want to grab onto her and kiss her senseless. What the hell is this about? I don’t ever act like this. It’s totally
different from when I went out with... I can’t even remember her name.
“No harm done. Thanks for, umm, catching me?” I wonder why she phrased that as a question. She has to be feeling it too. Her eyes are shining like they have a secret. I find myself wanting to know her secret. She starts to walk around me, and her words finally catch up to me.
“No problem at all,” I say a little late. Then I start walking away before I make a bigger fool of myself.
As I make my way to the car, I can still feel her hips resting in the palm of my hands. I can still smell her and see the flush of her cheeks when I caught her checking me out. The electricity is running through my veins. What the hell was that? How can my attraction to her be so strong when I don’t even know her? I shake my head and try to focus. What was I supposed to go do again?
I start the car, and the bass removes the lingering fog that was hiding in the recesses of my mind. Just forget abouther Logan. You probably won’t ever see her again anyways. With that settled, I head toward Wal-Mart to get the stuff Gran needed. My thoughts are muddied with the girl with the soul-searching eye. Every time I close my eyes, I see those soft, pink lips calling to me and begging me to devour them. Thinking about her eyes, I feel lost, but at the same time I feel at home. I’m walking through the store to the coffee aisle. I don’t even remember getting here or grabbing a cart. This girl has completely taken over every thought in my head and has sent my heart beating faster than it should. I want to see her again. I need to, but why?
I get all the errands done and start to head back to the bookstore. I’m driving down Bermuda, heading toward St. Rose where the shop is, and the damn song plays again. This time I have a face for the song. Just when I finally got her out of my mind, she’s been brought back to the surface because of this song. Maybe Gran will have some answers.
I’m almost to St. Rose when I see the elementary school on my right. Kids are playing out on the field, and my eyes start searching for the four that I picked out of the building 5 years ago. I never got their names or checked to see how they were doing. I remember all the flowers and balloons that Gran had saved. A few cards were drawn by those kids. I’m relieved that I was at least able to save them. I’ll always regret not being able to save my mom though. I miss her like crazy every day. I’m thankful for Gran though. I don’t know where I would be right now without her. She’s the grandma I never had. Don’t tell her I called her that. She might throw a fit.
I pull up to the store and park in my normal spot. My heart starts to hammer away. My breathing accelerates, and I fumble to get the shopping bags out of the car. I start making my way to the door. The weird sensation I felt when I was leaving is absent. She’s not inside. I guess that means she has already left. Disappointment washes over me. I drag my feet inside to find Gran at the counter smiling at me.
Chapter 19
April I’m so excited about getting a job at the bookstore that I’m literally dancing in the car. I’ve always wanted to work around people who share the same passion that I do. I’m riding high on the excitement as I pick up the boys up from school and head home to get them some snacks before venturing out to the park to blow off some of their energy. Taking care of 3 boys is enough to make most people go insane, but having 3 boys that are so close in age is beyond insanity. We make it to the park finally, pull their bikes out of the car, and start the trail. I should probably get a bike so I can keep up with them better, but they’re good, and we make a game out of it. We do about two or three laps around the park and put the bikes up, so they can play for a little while on the playground. After a few hours, we head back to the house to do homework, eat dinner, and take bath. Then, It’s time for them to go to bed.
The weird thing about today, other than falling into a complete stranger, was spending all day thinking of that stranger. After I fell into him, I couldn’t shake him no matter how hard I tried. It was the strangest thing. From the looks of things, I’m going to be working with him so I need to figure out a way to control the madness inside my head. A part of me is thrilled that I’ll be seeing him all the time. Who wouldn’t want to work with a hot guy with killer eyes and lips that probably taste like heaven? Then the other part of me is saying to get over it. Why would he give me the time of day? On top of the fact that he is gorgeous, I’m totally not his type. I have three kids! There is no way in hell would he want that, right? He looks to be about my age, which is 24, so he’s probably into the party scene, not the ‘I want to settle down and raise children that aren’t mine’ scene. Oh well. At least I’ll have something good to look at.
While the boys are upstairs in their rooms, hopefully asleep, I start to do laundry. Do you know how much laundry we go through in a matter of days? It’s unbelievable! Then there's the dishes and trash...don’t get me started. I absolutely adore those boys, and I’m so happy that I was able to adopt them, but good lord, I need to clone myself to get everything accomplished! There was a time that I thought it wasn’t going to be possible, and I would have to leave them with their unfit parents. Thank the gods that I didn’t have to. I have no clue how these boys' lives would have turned out.
Matthew is so smart. He reminds me of how I was in school. He loves science. Every day he comes home after learning something new and repeats it to me. It’s the cutest thing. Then there’s Lee. That boy thinks he knows absolutely everything about everything. He will argue his point even if he has no clue what he is talking about. He would make a good lawyer. Then there’s my baby Michael. He’s a little different since he is partially deaf. Because he was still a baby when I started taking care of them, he doesn’t really know that I’m not his biological mom, so we have a stronger bond. He has no problem calling me momma. When he wears his hearing aids. He’s almost normal, or what people consider “normal”. He’s absolutely brilliant. He always want to learn, and if you sign to him wrong, he likes to correct you.
The first time I took him to a hearing test back in Texas, they told me there was a significant chance that he wouldn’t ever speak. These people are doctors, and we’re supposed to trust them, right? Well, I was damn sure they were wrong about him. I knew he could hear well enough that he would be able to speak. So every day I worked on developing his speech. Now he’s 4 years old and putting sentences together. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal, considering that most 2 year old kids can put sentences together. Michael has just had so much progress, going from having absolutely no speech to talking like he’s been doing it for years. It’s amazing to me. Plus he proved the doctors wrong, and that is pretty awesome.
I get all the laundry done, and the house is clean for now, so I head up to my room to catch up on some sleep before we have to get up and start all over. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out for the count.
I’m walking down a street in my
neighborhood, fol
lowing this butterfly. Why on earth am I following a butterfly? It’s that pull again, that same pulling sensation I felt when I touched the guy at the bookstore. I look up at the street sign to see exactly where I was, Gillespie and Neal. I know these streets. They’re the ones I take to get the boys to school. I wonder what brought me here. There’s movement across from me. I’m standing by the stop sign on the side of the abandoned house, which really needs to be torn down. It’s an eye sore, with its boarded up windows and graffiti. Not to mention how it seems totally creepy. The butterfly makes it way over to a stranger who has knelt down. It sits atop his shoulder and waits for my feet to move again.
I make it over to him to see if he’s okay, and I scream. It’s not one of those screams you squeal when you see a spider or mouse, but It’s one of those blood curdling screams. It made him jump and turn around.
I sit up in my bed, gasping for air. How is this possible? I met this guy once, and now he’s plaguing my dreams. Or was it a nightmare? Seeing a dead body scared the crap out of me, but seeing how sad he looked terrified me. I look at the clock; I was only out for about two hours. With no sign of sleep in my future, I grab a book to read. It’s by one of my favorite authors, M. Leighton. I allow the story to take hold of me, and I lose myself in a world of mermaids, fairy tales, and forbidden love.
The sunlight is streaming into my window, so I know it’s time to get the boys up and ready for school. I love their elementary school. The kids have to wear uniforms, which makes my life much easier because I don't have to pick out their outfits. I drop them off in the cafeteria so they can eat breakfast. I chat with Michael’s teacher for a little while. I just love her. She has been the greatest. Michael has learned so much from her. Between her and my mom, he’s going to be set. I see a normal kindergarten class in his future.
I get back to the house and rush to take a shower. As I’m washing my hair, Logan’s face makes an appearance yet again.
I get lost in the depths of those gorgeous eyes. Behind closed eyes, I picture him smiling at me as he pulls me in by my waist. Then, he kisses me hard. I’ve never been kissed like that. It leaves me breathless.
I open my eyes to see the white tiles staring back at me, “I guess I still haven’t been kissed like that.”
I open up iTunes to play some music while I try to figure out what to wear on my first day of work. I need to dress comfortably obviously sinceIt’s a bookstore, but what if Logan walks in? I don’t want to look grungy, but I also don’t want to look I’m trying to gain his attention, even though I actually do want him to notice me. Why I set myself up for torture is beyond me. I make my way to the closet to grab a pair of my favorite worn in jeans. They were black at one point, but I have worn them so often that they have faded to grey. I pull on a pink spaghetti strap and head back to the bathroom to blow dry and straighten my hair. I decide against the contacts today, as my eyes are a little dry, and they would just annoy me. I put on a little foundation, add some black eyeliner and light pink eye shadow, and finish off by coating my lips with some pink tinted chapstick. I find my black shirt that looks like a net and pull it over. My black and pink Nike shoes are the last things I put on before making my way out the front door and into my white Expedition.
I miss my white mustang on days like this. When I adopted the boys, I went from a car that screamed "single" to one that said "sophisticated mommy". I put on my mixed CD and sing along to Breaking Benjamin’s song “Show me a Sign”. I totally get lost in the music. I ended up passing the bookstore. After making my way back, I park a little further away from the door because I don’t know how busy it gets and don't want the customers to have to walk far. Plus, the extra walking would be good for me. Maybe it would help me lose a little bit of weight.
The lot is pretty empty, but there are a few cars already here so, it looks promising. I walk into the shop and feel so at home that I don’t try to hide my smile. I pass a few people and say hello as I make my way to find Gran. I love the smell here. This place smells even better than other book stores because of what lies behind the curtain. I can smell jasmine, vanilla, and, of course, paperbacks. The incense burning reminds me of the perfume I wear. I always get told I smell like a mixture of jasmine, vanilla, and lilies. Lilies are my favorite flower so I like most perfume that reminds me of their smell. I also like wearing jasmine and vanilla perfumes because they provide a lingering scent, which comes in handy on hot days in the desert.
Gran is sitting at the table laying some cards out in a pattern. I decide not to disturb her, so I start to look around the store, and I’m drawn to this table that has a few various types of stones on it. I walk over to see what they’re. There are so many different shapes, sizes and colors. I run my hand through each basket, manipulating a stone from each, until I come to the last one. When I reached for the stone in the last basket, my fingers feel warmth radiating out from the stone. I looked back at Gran to see that she is watching me to see which stone I would choose. She gets up to come stand by me.
“Morning child. I see you discovered the stones?”
“Morning gran. I have, but why is this one warm?”
“Most people like to think they can choose the stone that fits their needs, but what they don’t understand is that for the stone to help them, it needs to choose them.”
“I wasn’t looking for help though. I was just admiring their simplistic beauty. I’ve always been drawn to these.”
“Well it looks like the Onyx stone chose you.”
“What purpose does the Onyx stone serve?” I ask curiously.
“The Onyx represents grounding and aligning the soul with a higher power.”
“How does that pertain to me though Gran? You forget that I haven’t had a teacher.”
“Well child, your energy is all over the place. The Onyx chose you because it senses your lack of focus. By carrying the Onyx around with you, you will notice your stress level will decrease, and you’ll be able to focus more.”
“Oh okay,” I say skeptically, “so all I have to do is carry it around with me?”
“Easy as pie, right?” She laughs.
“Yes. I wonder if I could make this into a necklace or bracelet or something.”
“Go ahead and get back out to the front. I’ll take care of the Onyx for you.”
“Thank you Gran!”
I place the Onyx stone in her hand as I walk out the back room. The bookstore has picked up quite a bit. I see a few kids chasing each other in the children’s section. That's when I notice the rocking chair and the alphabet rug spread out underneath it. I wonder if Gran put that there this morning because I don't remember seeing it yesterday. I walk around the parents, who are all scattered around trying to box in the kids in, right over to the rocking chair and sit down. One of the little girls notices and runs to grab a book. She walks up to me shyly. Her voice is so sweet and innocent. I can’t wait to have a little girl.
“Hi.”
“Hey, whatcha got there?” I ask.
“I was wondering if maybe you could read me this book.”
“Sure sweetie. What book did you choose?”
“My favorite! It’s the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”
“That’s one of my favorite books too. Did you know Snow White was a princess?”
“Oh yes! I love princess books. Mommy buys me princess movies and princess dolls.”
“Sounds like you have a very nice mommy.”
“Oh I do, she calls me her little princess.”
I smile at the little girl and look up to see that we’ve drawn an audience. The little girl’s mother is standing behind her with pride emanating from her in waves. Her eyes shine like this little girl is the most precious thing in the world.
“Go ahead and take a seat princess. Maybe the rest of the kids will join us so all of your moms and dads can look around. How does that sound?”
“Yay! That sounds good to me.”
All the kids sit down around the littl
e girl who I’ll always remember as Snow White. The parents look at me gratefully as I begin to read the tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I get caught up in the story, changing my voice for each character. My voice gets deep for the males, sweet for Snow, bitter for the evil witch, and different for each of the dwarves. Time is going by so fast that before I know it, the tale is over, and all the parents are buying a copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for their demanding kids. Parents are thanking me as they leave.
All of a sudden, I’m assaulted with goose bumps running down my neck and stirrings of butterflies in my abdomen. Trying to appear normal, I walk around the book store picking up all the books that the kids knocked over. As I get closer to the coffee nook, where the register is located, the sensation in my body becomes almost unbearable, so I finally take the risk and look up to see that face I have been daydreaming about staring right at me.
Our eyes connect. It seems like he’s been waiting for me to look up. My feet stop moving, and my breathing increases. Why am I so attracted to him? This is too much. I need to break the connection that’s pulling me under. I need to turn around and walk away. Should I do that? No. I start to walk toward him. His lips start to turn up, and then little Snow White comes rushing up to me. She breaks the connection that I’m sure made me flush. I look down at her and smile. She gives me this huge hug and thanks me for reading to her. I tell her I’ll be here every day, and she can keep me company any time she wants. I look up, and he’s gone. Taking a deep breath, I continue straightening the books and trying to get the lust I feel burning inside me to calm down. It’s going to be so much harder than I realized to get through each day with him here.
Chapter 20
Logan After leaving the store last night, Gran told me I didn’t have to come in until lunch tomorrow. I go to Wall-art to make a spare key like she asked and spend the rest of the morning trying to get my mind off the girl with blonde hair and eyes so deep. I pick up some Subway on the way to the store, so Gran could have something to eat. As I walk through the door, I notice It’s more crowded than usual. Maybe the kids got out of school early. I make my way to the back of the store, where Gran always seems to be hiding, to see her bent over her table working on something.
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