the boys' room watching them sleep. God
she’s beautiful. How am I supposed to
choose between her and someone I haven’t
even found yet?
I sit with my back against the wall,
opposite her. April turns to look at me,
and she looks so sad. This isn't fair. I can
feel that anger I used to have clawing its
way back to the surface. This is straight
up bullshit. Why would our paths cross just
for us to be pulled apart? The anger is
building, my hands ball into fists, and
everything is taking on a red haze. I look
at April. Her eyes get wide, and she looks
scared. The anger dissipates. It’s gone as
quickly as it started.
That’s when I know that there’s no
choice to be made. If stepping away from
them keeps them safe, then that’s what I
have to do.
Chapter 31
April I just had a hard-core make out session on my bed, and now I’m sitting on the floor staring at the kids while they sleep. How can everything change in the matter of minutes? How can I be walking this guy I’m in love with down the stairs to kiss him goodnight one second and then be running up the stairs fighting tears the next? I’ve never believed in fate for this reason. We made it down the stairs before I sensed the same presence that I had felt at the bookstore. The only difference was that this time it wasn’t being directed at me. Taking the stairs by two, I cleared them in seconds to stand in the doorway of myboy’s room. MY BOYS, they’re mine, and no one was going to change that. He was gone. They were still sleeping, but that weird sensation was still around me.
I slid to the floor, my back resting on the door frame. That’s when I heard a voice. “Ap ril you have done well. Taking on the responsibility of three boys is very admirable, but your biggest threat is about to surface. You must be ready.”
“I understand, but will I know who I need to protect?”
“You will know which child they seek because that child will find an object. Pay no attention to the object; its magic has run its course and only serves as a beacon to true power.”
“Okay. When will they be coming for him?”
“When the moon is full. Be ready. Don't let yourself be distracted. No distractions!"
When the moon is full? That’s only a week away. I look at my phone. It’s past midnight now, so it’s exactly a week from today. How ironic that the full moon is going to land on Friday the 13th. Now I just have to wait and see which kid's life is in jeopardy. No big deal, I got this handled. No distractions is playing on repeat in my head. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I know who It’s, but I just can’t bring myself to look at him. He slides down against the wall across from me. I can feel his stare boring into my back, and I try to fight our connection. I cave and look at him. I see the same sadness in his eyes that I know are in my own. Defeated. That’s how I feel.
I always knew I shouldn’t have let someone in. I need to always keep my guard up. That’s what I always did before. I knew my purpose was meant for something greater. I knew it was the boys, and now I know It’s a specific one. It’s not fair to have Logan put in front of me just to have him taken away, especially after I opened up and trusted him. The goddesses have a sense of humor. Why show me love just to take it away? I’m still staring at Logan when his gaze switches to anger. He balls his fist and has this eerie red glow. My eyes open wide, and for the first time, I’m terrified of Logan. He must have seen my fear because his anger is immediately replaced with concern, then sadness again, and then resolution. Whatever he was fighting, he found his answer.
I don’t know what he is worried about, but I know that after tonight, everything is going to be different. Do I take a chance or just let go now? I’m at war with myself. If I keep him, then he may become a distraction. If I let him go, then I lose the love of my life. I have tonight, and that’s more than I had yesterday.
A lump has formed in my throat, so my voice comes out as a whisper, "Stay with me tonight.”
My eyes begin to focus, the unshed tears are starting to clear, and his flawless face becomes clear. I can see the same battle playing out inside him. His eyes search my face, touching every feature, and then he looks in my eyes. His choice has been made, and I’m nervous that he’s going to say no.
“I’m not going anywhere, not tonight anyways,” he replies.
Something is wrong. I can see he wants me to overlook the last part of his statement, but all my attention focuses on that small piece. Why is he leaving? I should be happy about that, right? I can’t have a distraction, so why is it suddenly hard to breath? I hold my breath because if I try to breathe right now, I’m going to lose it.
“Breathe baby.”
So I do. Logan is kneeling in front of me with his hands on my face. I look into his eyes and see that he’s worried, so I try to pull it together. A few shaky breaths later, he removes his hands, stands up, and puts his hand out for me to take. So I take it. I reach out to enjoy the last piece of this because tomorrow is a new day, a new day away from distractions, a new day away from Logan.
He’s leading me into my room by my hand. I’m suddenly excited, scared, and unsure. A million other emotions are zinging through my system as well. Only one thing takes center stage though, love. Love trumps it all. Love for him. Love for the boys. Love for life. Love for making good decisions, even when I don't want to. Tonight I’m going to allow myself to love Logan and be loved by him. I turn on the lamp next to my bed, pull the sheets back, and pull off my t-shirt. All I'm left in is a pink kami and some tennis shorts. I can feel him staring at me, but I’m not ready to look at him yet, so I walk into the bathroom. I pull down my damp hair and brush it out. I brush my teeth and decide I can't stall anymore, so I walk back to the bedroom. I was in there for at least five minutes, and he’s still standing in the same position. I walk around to the other side of the bed and get in. Finally looking at him, he’s biting his lip. If that isn’t the sexiest thing, I don’t know what is.
“Logan you can stay fully clothed if you want, or you can sleep on the floor if that makes you feel better. Just stop overthinking things. It’s just me,” I say, hoping to calm his fear.
“That’s the thing April. It’s you, and I’ve never done this before,” he whispers, sounding embarrassed.
“Logan, we can just sleep. I promise.”
Not letting him overthink this one more second, I crawl over to him, grab the hem of his shirt and yank it off. Shit. Bad move April. I knew this guy was in great physical shape but was nowhere near prepared for what I see. He is beyond sexy. His body is defined in ways that shouldn't even be legal. His pecks are so defined. I sigh. Logan laughs.
“What?”
“Did you really just sigh while checking me out?”
I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks and spreading across my chest, “Umm, maybe?”
He laughs some more, “Maybe? I heard you sigh, so there's no maybeabout that.”
“Fine. So I sighed, big deal. You can’t blame me, I mean damn, just look at you. You’re a walking wet dream. Shit. I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”
“A walking wet dream, huh? I’ve never heard that before.”
What is it about him that brings this out in me? I don’t say stuff like that, well not out loud anyway. The heat increases, and I’m pretty sure my face is the color of a tomato.
“I like doing that to you?”
“Doing what to me?” Rendering me
speechless, thoughtless, and flustered? Take your pick. I’m all of those things right now.
Bringing his hand up to my face, he traces a path from my hair line to my lips, down my neck, and across my collar bone. I shiver.
“Blush. I love it when you blush in front of me. When you bite your lip, it drives me insane, and when you shiver like you just
did, gah, all I want to do is get lost in you.” His voice is deep and sexy.
“So why don’t you?” Even I can hear the need in my voice. The very wall I’ve built my entire life is crumbling into pieces around me. He’s broken into my armor and embedded himself into my skin. My heart.
His eyes darken, and I swear I can see a fire burning inside of them, pure desire. My heart rate picks up in anticipation, my breathing hitches, and I bite my lip. He smirks. I sit back on my feet, putting space between us to try to catch my breath and calm my heart. He’s not having that though. He moves toward me, and his hands are reach up to my face. I could get lost in his eyes.
“Grr babe, if you keep biting that lip, it’s going to take all of my self-control away. You sitting like that and wearing what you are wearing is already driving me crazy. I can’t take much more.”
I’m tired of these games. I want him. I want him in every way before I have to push him away. So I take a leap and pray to the goddesses that he catches me, at least for tonight. His hands are still holding my face, so I lift off my feet so that I'm kneeling in front of him. Every inch of our bodies are touching. I grab his hands and put them around my waist, so he can pull me even closer. My eyes start to get teary when the emotion in me is boiling, so I close my eyes before he can see them. I close the gap between us and kiss him. I kiss him with everything I have in me. Every ounce of love is pouring into him from my lips. I feel his body tense, and then he relaxes into the kiss. His hands move from my waist to the bottom of my cami, tugging it up and off. He slides his lips across my jaw and down my neck, “Beautiful,” he says. My hands are shaking but not enough to deter them from their mission. His pants are unbuckled and falling off as he lays me back on the pillow.
He is absolutely breathtaking, and I’m completely taken away. His hands are on the tops of my shorts, inching them down along with my panties. I’m completely naked, and I’ve never felt more beautiful than I do right now. Right in this very moment, with him gazing at me with undeniable love, my insecurities disappear and are replaced with love and lust. Covering my body with his, I allow myself to get lost in the moment.
Lost in love, with Logan to guide me away.
Chapter 32
Logan I’m lying on my back, looking up at the ceiling and drawing invisible patterns on April’s back. One of her hands is resting above my heart. Her head is in the nook between my shoulder and neck, while one of her legs is draped across my hips. I finally understand what the big deal about having sex is. Not because it was my first time, or because of how much fun It’s, but because it was with the ONE. I know I sound like a girl right now, but It’s what It’s.
Neither one of us has fallen asleep yet. I think in some way, we both know if we fall asleep, then It’s goodbye. At least that’s why I’m still awake. I know that once I close my eyes, this will become another memory. I’m not ready for it to be over. I’m not ready to let her go. I know I have to, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
“Hey Logan?” Her voice is so soft, like she’s almost asleep.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know what’s going on between us or what’s going on in your head, but I want you to know that today was one of the best days of my life,” she says while on the verge of crying.
“Me too April. It definitely was the best day ever.”
She places a kiss on my neck and settles in. Then her breathing starts to even out. I realize she just said her goodbye. When I know she’s asleep, I tilt my head to the side, kiss her, and whisper, “I love you.”
I close my eyes, letting the feel of her skin and her love surround me and fill me up.
***
I wake up in an empty bed in a room that’s not familiar. I sit up, look around, and finally remember that I stayed at April’s last night. Everything rushes into my mind: the water fight, the mud, the kiss, the sex, and the goodbye that has to take place today. So much for waking up with a smile on my face; the smile is replaced by a frown.
April walks through the door with some coffee. She looks happy and hopeful, like everything that wasn’t said isn’t going to be said. She looks stunning always, wearing my favorite blue jeans and an Adelita's Way t-shirt. Images of her tattoos show up in my head, and an old conversation takes center stage. She will have somethingconnectingyou tothat song. That's how you will know she’s the one.I walk up to April and grab her right arm. There tattooed into her skin are the lyrics I couldn’t get out of my head that day. I didn't connect that until now. It’s just more proof that we belong together, even though we’re being pulled away from each other. How cruel can life be? Pretty damn cruel.
“Why are you looking at my tattoos?” She asks with surprise.
I know I’m not supposed to lie, but what am I supposed to tell her? Do I tell her that I got a sign on the day we met that she was going to the one I marry? Umm, no. Not going to happen. So what do I do? I lie.
“Those lyrics are from Adelitas Way. That particular song is my favorite, and seeing you in that shirt reminded me of your tattoo.” My voice is strained, almost forced.
I know she can tell the difference in my voice, but she doesn’t call me on it.
“They’re one of my favorite bands too. I made this shirt last year when they came to my hometown in Texas for a concert I went to.” She shrugs like it’s not a big deal.
She amazes me. She is talented, she loves unconditionally, and she is incredible but doesn't even realize it. I’m starting to think I should have gone home last night. I don’t regret what happened between us. I wouldn’t change that for anything, but it’s making it 10 times harder to walk away.
“April, you know one of the things I love most about you?” She shakes her head, so I continue, "I love the fact that you don’t see how amazing you are. You walk around with the impression you’re not anything special, but you are. You are special to those boys, your mom, to Gran, and to me.”
She lifts her head at the last part, blushes, and smiles, a real smile that reaches her eyes and makes them shine bright. The sun hitting an emerald, it’s the color they become when she’s happy. It’s become my new favorite color. I have to say bye now, or I won’t be able to do it.
“We should get to work April. Gran will be waiting for us," I say coldly.
I don’t wait for her to answer. I walk right by her, but not before I see the hurt and confusion on her face. Have you ever been in love and had your heart broken? I just broke both of ours at the same time. I want to turn around and say I’m sorry. I would do anything for that look to go away, but I can’t. I have a job to do.
Chapter 33
April What the hell was that about? Everything was great like two seconds ago, and then he flipped. I’ll never understand how the male mind works. He’s right though; he just didn’t have to be a jerk about it. Maybe I shouldn’t have let everything happen last night. Maybe I should have let him go home. Not that I regret having sex with him, but the feelings have intensified. How could I be so stupid and think that it would be okay?
Taking a few breaths, I look at my messy bed, sigh, turn around and walk out, closing the door on everything that could have been. This is the right thing to do. This has to be done. I can’t have any distractions. I was potentially jeopardizing my purpose by getting worked up over Logan. So what if we don’t have a future? We had that one moment, and that’s enough. Right? It’s just a week until the full moon April. You can get through this. That is the mantra repeating in my head. I can do this. If Logan is still around after this week, then I’ll be the clingy girl I promised myself I would never be. I'll throw myself at him if I have to. He will have no other choice but to have me by his side.
To say the car ride is tense would be an understatement. The fact that every channel on the radio is playing “Closer to You” by Adelitas Way only makes the situation worse. So I play the CD I have in. Can you guess what song plays first? If you said Adelitas Way, you would be right. Skip. Next song is by Trapt, called “Read
y when you are". I guess I’m not going to catch a break. I let the song play because it’s an awesome song.
I make it to the store in record time. Granted we only live a few miles away, but today the sooner he gets out of my car, the better. There are a few cars in the parking lot. I hope my Snow White is inside waiting with a stack of books for me to read, so I can get my mind off of Logan. Gran is in the store when we walk in. She takes one look at us, shakes her head, and walks to the back. I mentally sigh. Maybe I should just quit. I love this store though. I love the books, the energy, Gran…Logan. I look around to see if the kids are waiting for me yet. A few are, and the others are searching for books.
I feel someone staring at me. I get the chills, and the hair on my neck stands up. I look around and see nothing strange in the store. I turn around and look outside. Standing next to my car is a guy I’ve never seenbefore, and he’s too beautiful to even try to describe. He’s smiling at me in a way that is meant to be inviting, but everything inside of me is cringing. I look to my right and see Logan by the coffee staring at the guy outside like he knows him. He definitely knows the guy, but he’s not happy that he’s here. He’s pissed. I turn to look back outside, and he’s standing in front of me. The door is the only thing that is separating us. His eyes are a deep brown color, and they have a dark shadow underneath them. His skin is pasty white and flawless. His lips are blood red. They don't look good on his face. He tries to push the door open, and my hand automatically goes up to the glass to halt the movement.
He smiles, and his eyes narrow. He tries to push again, but the movement is stopped by my hand. He’s starting to scowl, and I’m completely confused because this guy is so big that he should be able to force the door open. I can see in the corner of my eye that Logan is trying to make his way over to me, but the kids keep stopping him. I’m grateful for their distraction. I don’t need him to fight my battles. Whatever is coming for my kids is going to have to get through me first.
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