Changing Course

by Brey Willows

  She made her way down the long, winding staircase to the ground and back to the main hall. There was something deeply satisfying about being able to find her way back by memory. This place had been so special, such a perfect break from the chaos of her life. Now, in the midst of yet more chaos, it was again a sanctuary.

  When she entered the room she found Jessa curled on her side, fast asleep. Her face was blotchy like she’d been crying and Kylin closed her eyes. She shouldn’t have left Jessa all alone in a place where she didn’t know anyone. It had been careless, and she’d have to make it up to her. She turned to her bed.

  “Kylin?”

  She turned around to see Jessa leaning on one elbow, her eyes puffy.

  “Will you…I mean, I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but…”

  She trailed off, and Kylin waited. But instead of finishing her sentence, Jessa just moved to the edge of her bed and placed her hand in the space she’d created.

  Kylin’s heart raced. It was strange how used to having Jessa beside her in the night she had become. She sat on the edge of Jessa’s bed, took off her shoes and jacket, and lay back beside Jessa, who curled up against her with her head on her chest. Kylin wrapped her arm around Jessa and held her tight. They didn’t say another word, and she felt Jessa drift off to sleep quickly. Fina’s words ran through her head on a loop. But try as she might, she couldn’t think of a time that would be right. They were on the run, dependent on people to help them, and Kylin’s life back in Quasi was the most unstable it had ever been. Getting Jessa mixed up in any of that seemed wrong.

  No. For now, she needed to be happy with the growing friendship they had. Whatever lay beneath the surface had to be left buried.

  * * *

  Morning bird song woke Kylin, and she winced at the pins and needles in her arm. Jessa hadn’t moved from her position all night, and though Kylin’s arm was still wrapped around her, she could no longer feel it. Jessa looked so serene, but there were dark shadows under her eyes that spoke to the harrowing journey she’d been on since her ship had been torn apart in space. Kylin didn’t want to wake her.

  The choice was taken away from her when the door opened and Asol came in singing. When she saw them in bed together she stopped abruptly and laughed. “I’m gone for one night and you two make it official. You could have waited so I could watch that kind of hotness explode.”

  Kylin rolled her eyes and Jessa raised her head as she blinked against the light. Kylin gently moved her arm and grunted as the blood began to flow back into it. Jessa gave her a small smile before disappearing into the bathroom without a word.

  Asol raised her eyebrows. “Fully clothed too, huh? Not my style, but whatever works.”

  Kylin moved to the edge of the bed and stretched, her muscles popping and creaking. “It wasn’t like that. She just wanted some comfort.”

  Asol flopped onto her bed with her hands behind her head. “Yeah, I got comfort too.” She flipped onto her side and grinned at Kylin. “They really like outsiders here. You did me a favor with that lifesaving bit.”

  “You did yourself a favor with the way you told your story. It’s an oral history culture, and a good storyteller is in demand.”

  “As is someone with rough hands and a lot of stamina.” Asol’s smile suggested she’d had her fill of attention. “And wow, are they desperate for news about the outside world.”

  The bathroom door opened and Jessa came out looking refreshed. “It must be so strange to know there’s a world out there and you’re not part of it.” Jessa sat beside Kylin. “Like my life, in a way. I’ve been all over the universe, but I’ve never really been part of any world.”

  Kylin heard the sadness in the words and put her arm around her. “Now that you know what you’ve been missing, you can fix that though, right? You’ve got a chance to dig deeper whenever you go to new planets from here on out.”

  She hated the thought of watching Jessa leave to explore new places, to have new adventures, while Kylin continued on with life on Indemnion.

  Jessa nodded slowly. “That’s true. I’ve been so caught up in thinking about the time I’ve wasted that I haven’t thought about what it means to my future.” She took Kylin’s hand and squeezed it with both of hers. “You keep making me see things in a new way.”

  Kylin was saved from having to respond both to Jessa’s words and whatever quip Asol was about to make by a knock on the door. A guard pushed it open, and Tulvia stepped inside.

  “I would like to take a walk along the cliffs today, and I thought we could discuss things together if you’d like to come with me.” He didn’t make eye contact, but that wasn’t unusual for the Volare.

  “We’d love to. Can you give me a few minutes to clean up?” Kylin asked.

  He bowed his head slightly. “Five minutes.”

  When he’d left the room Asol let out a whoosh of air. “Wow. He’s really intense. I can’t believe he didn’t take your head off or peck out your eyes or something when he found you boffing his daughter.”

  Kylin threw a pillow at her as she crossed the room to use the bathroom. “I didn’t boff her. And I don’t suggest you bring that up on our stroll, or he’ll throw you off the cliff and feed you to the sea prowlers.” She splashed water on her face and rinsed out her mouth, both of which made her feel better, although she’d kill for a shower when they got back. The cliffs had been part of her dreams for years, and she was looking forward to seeing them again, as well as to hearing whatever advice or plan Tulvia might have in mind.

  Asol washed quickly when Kylin was done, and they met Tulvia by the front door of the hall. He walked ahead of them down the forest path that opened onto the high scraggy cliffs. The ocean crashed in a foamy roar below, sending spray into the air. Through the mist, she could see a ship sailing by in the far distance.

  Tulvia stood looking out at the sea. “This will be the second time I’ve put you on a boat and sent you away.” He shook his head when she started to speak. “I’m not sure sending you away the first time was the right thing to do. Fina was lonely when you left. I don’t think she’s ever recovered the spark you brought out in her.” He turned to her and his eyes flicked to Jessa and Asol. “And so this time I’ll give you a choice. I cared for you, Kylin, and I still do. If you’d like to stay among us, and this includes your friends, you are welcome.”

  Stunned, Kylin wasn’t sure what to say. But the thing with Tulvia, with all the Volare, was that he was patient. She stared out at the water and considered his words. If it weren’t for her father, she might very well take him up on the offer. But he needed her, and she wouldn’t let him down. Even if that meant giving up this world.

  “Thank you, Tulvia. I can’t speak for my friends. But as much as I wish I could stay, I still have someone in Quasi who needs me, and I won’t let them down. Maybe one day I can come back and ask you to invite me to stay again.” She felt the tears threaten at the back of her eyes and blinked them away. Tulvia knew about her father, though he didn’t know about his failing health. But he’d understand what she left unspoken.

  He looked at Jessa and Asol.

  Jessa took Kylin’s hand in her own. “Thank you for the offer. I go where Kylin goes, and if she’s leaving, then I’ll follow. And I think I’ve got people waiting for me in Quasi, too.”

  Her hand was warm and soft in Kylin’s, and the words struck deep within her. They were the words she’d wanted to hear from someone else long ago, and now they were being said by someone else who was going to leave. Still, she was going to stay at Kylin’s side for a while, and she could cherish whatever moments were left.

  Asol looked perplexed. “I didn’t even know you existed, and now that I do, I’m in awe. Can I think about it?”

  It wasn’t a smooth answer, but it was a clear one, and Tulvia had always liked clarity. He smiled at her. “So, it seems we must help you get back to your home without the slavers or bounty hunters finding you. Is that right?”

  Kylin stare
d at the ground, embarrassed.

  “Obviously, you’ll go by boat, but it’s storm season and the waters are treacherous. I suggest you skirt the Ellidies on your way so that you’re always close to a shoreline should a storm catch you at sea. There’s no one on any of the islands, but at least you’ll have a place to stop if things get rough.” He pointed to the left. “I’m going to send two flyers to watch over you, and they’re under instructions to get involved if a ship should interfere with you.”

  There were no words to express her gratitude. Telling flyers to get involved meant outing their kind to the wider population. “Why would you take that risk?”

  He sighed. “Fina thinks I don’t listen to her, but I do. In my heart I know she’s right, that we need to open our island to outsiders or we’ll fade into the mists of time and become the myths people already believe us to be. But I won’t have my people captured by slavers and sold like animals. So we have to be cautious. Fina believes you were sent here to help us.” He shook his head, still looking out at the water. “Perhaps that’s true. And if it is, then we need to be sure you arrive back in your sector in one piece. After that, it’s up to you.” He turned away from the cliff and looked at the three of them. “You can stay as long as you like, and, Asol, you can give me your decision when you know in your heart what it is you want.”

  He walked away to the edge of a farther cliff, spread his arms, and leapt from the cliff. A wind current caught him and he soared away, around the bend of the island and out of sight.

  Jessa knocked rocks down the edge of the cliff in her attempt to keep watching him. “That’s truly something spectacular.”

  Kylin never tired of it either. “Are you sure you want to go with me, Jess? If they’re opening the island to outsiders, I could get you information when a ship is going to be available to take you out of here. You’d be safe.”

  “I feel like we had this exact conversation in Thalla.” Her smile was gentle but firm. “I’m going with you.”

  They looked at Asol.

  “Wow. I mean, wow. I can’t believe he’d let me stay. I have to think about it, though. I mean, I wanted to go to Quasi. I had it all planned out, you know?” Asol ran her hand through her shaggy hair. “When do you want to leave?”

  Before they left, she needed to have an honest conversation with Asol about what Quasi was like. But she wanted to do it privately. She wasn’t ready for Jessa to know what her world really looked like. Kylin counted up the hours. “I hadn’t planned on going past the Ellidies, but Tulvia makes sense. That puts another day on the journey, and I can’t run out of time. So I need to leave as soon as we can.”

  Asol bent to pick up a shard of crystal and showed it to Jessa. “I found out what they’re for. They take in energy from the sun, and the people use that energy to heat their nests and water. The ones along the shore and around the island create the fog that keeps them safe. It’s like some kind of living energy network.”

  Jessa took the small rose crystal from Asol and studied it. “Truly ingenious.”

  Asol was stalling, and Kylin didn’t blame her. It was a big decision. Kylin led the way back down the forest path toward the hall. One of the girls who had taken Asol away the night before stopped them, and once again Asol was laughingly led to a nest. Kylin and Jessa walked quietly together.

  “Are you still in love with her?” Jessa blurted out.

  Kylin kicked at a stone. She didn’t need to ask who Jessa was referring to. “Would it bother you if I was?”

  Jessa shrugged. “I don’t want it to bother me. But yes, I think it would. It’s illogical and emotional, but still, I can’t seem to help it.”

  Kylin brought Jessa’s hand to her lips and kissed it. “She’ll always be special to me. But that life seems like a dream from another world. Our worlds are too different. She’s happy now, and I’m happy for her.”

  She could feel Jessa relax, and it made her grin.

  “I’m sorry for asking something so intrusive.” Jessa held tightly to Kylin’s hand. “But I couldn’t breathe, and I needed to know. Thank you for answering without chiding me. I’m not used to feeling…things. I don’t understand myself right now.”

  Kylin pulled Jessa to a stop and gently moved a piece of her hair from her eyes. “Jessa, you have to know I’m attracted to you. That I think you’re an amazing woman and you’ve got the body of a cosmic goddess.”

  Jessa blushed and stared up into Kylin’s eyes.

  “But just like I’m from a different world than Fina’s, our worlds are too different too. You’re going to leave, and I’ll be left behind wondering if you ever think about me, if I meant anything to you. And I can’t take that.” She cupped Jessa’s face in her hand, and her stomach fluttered when Jessa pushed her cheek into her palm. “You’re something special. Don’t ever think that I don’t think so.”

  Jessa remained silent, and Kylin dropped her hand from Jessa’s face and took her hand once more. They walked back to the hall without saying another word, and Kylin wondered what Jessa was thinking, but she seemed so deep in thought she didn’t want to intrude and ask. Which felt more like a Jessa thing to do, really. The thought made her smile. It was good to have her feelings out in the open. Maybe it would make things easier between them, ease the tension a little. Or, maybe it would make it harder. Either way, she’d been honest, and that felt like the right thing to do.

  Too bad there were still so many other secrets she couldn’t, wouldn’t, share.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jessa sat on a cliff edge staring out over the water. Kylin had gone to see about getting their boat ready, and Asol was still being entertained by the locals. Unwilling to lie in bed crying again, she’d decided to explore and spend some time in the sun. Children had run alongside her for a while before they’d disappeared into the forest, chasing a pretty glowing ball.

  The island was so serene, a true haven in a world of chaos and injustice. She thought of Kylin’s assertion that she could stay there on Volare and wait for information about a ship. Kylin’s admission that she had feelings for Jessa had been both welcome and distressing. While it was good to know she wasn’t alone in her growing feelings for Kylin, it hurt unexpectedly deeply when she said there couldn’t be anything between them. She understood, of course. Emotional entanglement during this enterprise would only end in anguish for them both. It was sensible. Staying here and letting Kylin go on her way would make resisting her feelings far easier.

  But she couldn’t stomach the idea of being away from her. Not when she was still stuck on this planet, and not when she thought her crew might still be waiting for her in Quasi. Once she was on a ship back to Othrys, she’d have to deal with all that had happened here. She didn’t have to yet, though. She would enjoy the rest of the time they had together, even if it meant they had to look over their shoulders until they were back in Kylin’s home territory.

  She threw a pebble and watched it arc down to the water, where it sank without disturbing the water. Did anyone miss her? Were they searching? Or, like the pebble, had she sunk without a trace, not to be missed?

  “Those seem like heavy thoughts on such a beautiful day.”

  She looked up and saw Fina smiling down at her. Not exactly the person she wanted to see. Granted, Kylin said she wasn’t in love with her anymore, but next to her, Jessa felt like dull moss on an old stone.

  “May I join you?” Fina settled in next to her, also dangling her legs over the cliff.

  “Of course.” It wasn’t like she could tell the princess to find somewhere else to be.

  They sat in awkward silence, but Jessa had no idea what to say to her. The image of her having sex with Kylin anywhere and everywhere was never far away.

  “She’s quite special, you know.” Fina rolled a pebble between her fingers. “I don’t think there’s another like her in all the universe.”

  And there it was. Kylin might not be in love with Fina anymore, but the love and longing in Fina’s voi
ce was clear. She wanted to have this conversation about as much as she wanted to lick the seaweed below. “Yes, I think you’re probably right.”

  “We weren’t meant to be. We had a moment in time, but that’s all we were given. It’s a gift to be able to see her again at all.” She glanced at Jessa and then looked back out at the water. “Anybody could see how much she cares for you.”

  “Yes. She said as much earlier.” Jessa figured she may as well be direct, if Fina wanted to talk about it.

  “She did?” Fina gave her a small smile. “I’m happy for you both.”

  It galled her to say the words out loud, but she couldn’t let there be confusion. It would feel too much like a lie, and she hated liars. “Perhaps under different circumstances your happiness would be warranted. But she feels, and I agree, that we’re simply from worlds that don’t mix. And getting involved…” Now that the words were out, they tasted metallic and bitter.

  Fina sighed. “The problem is, Kylin is always from a different world from the people she loves. She chooses women she feels she can’t have. It keeps her from getting close to anyone, from really giving her heart.”

  “She gave it to you,” Jessa said softly.

  Fina laughed. “We gave our hearts to each other, but deep down, I think she knew she’d leave. In me, she again chose someone she wouldn’t be staying with, no matter how much she cared for me.”

  Jessa thought about that. She didn’t know enough about Kylin’s other romantic partners to know if there was a pattern, but it sounded like Fina knew full well. And if that was true, then it was incredibly sad. But then, who was Jessa to say anything? She hadn’t allowed anyone close either, but mostly because she wouldn’t let anyone get in the way of her career ambitions.

  “Where I come from, my people believe that emotions overall are a hindrance. We live in an ordered, egalitarian society where knowledge is sought above all else, and we’re expected to achieve great things.” It felt so strange to be speaking so openly like this, but once she’d started, Jessa didn’t want to stop. “We marry for convenience or strategic alliances. Love is considered a waste of time, although it’s good if you can like and respect the person you’re with. Obviously.”