Against the Wall

by Alexa Land

  *****

  At dinner that night, I kept finding myself scanning the crowd. Skye and Dare had turned up and shared a table with Chance and me. Apparently they’d been ‘relaxing in their cabin’ all afternoon, which obviously meant they were having loads of sex.

  My best friend noticed what I was doing as my gaze once again swept the restaurant. “Who exactly are we looking for?” he wanted to know.

  Chance eagerly filled him in on what had happened with Shea and me earlier that evening, and when he finished, Skye beamed at me. “Remember, I was the first person who knew he was into you.”

  I never did see Shea during dinner, but then there were five huge restaurants aboard the ship. He could be in any one of them. Even if I did spot him, then what?

  When we finished our meal, Gianni and Nico came over to our table along with Trevor and Vincent. Trevor hugged Skye and me as he said, “Hey guys! Sorry we’ve barely had a chance to say hello. We’ve been sucked up into the Dombruso vortex. Did you know that my fiancé has thirty-three cousins on board this ship and that they’re all crazy?” He flashed a smile at Vincent. “No offense.”

  “Oh believe me,” Vincent said, adjusting his silver-framed glasses with a smile, “I’m well aware of that. It was like growing up in an insane asylum with my grandmother as warden. Which is pretty ironic, since she’s the craziest of the bunch.”

  “Guess what else?” Trevor said with a big grin. “We’re getting married tomorrow. Thanks for the heads-up, guys!”

  “We were sworn to secrecy by order of Nana,” Skye said.

  “So, are you okay with having it sprung on you like that?” I asked.

  “Sure,” Trevor said. “Nana’s so happy, and that makes us happy. Besides, we never would have been able to get away with a small wedding anyway. The Dombrusos are a package deal.”

  “What about your family?” Chance asked him. “Were they able to make it?”

  “Yup, my entire family’s onboard,” Trevor said. “My dad is parked in the sports lounge because some game’s on, and my cousin Melody and her husband and baby are at a toddler play group. As for our son, he went AWOL from the kids’ club earlier and they put out an APB on him, but now he’s tucked away in his uncle’s cabin with room service and a paperback, so all are present and accounted for.”

  “After that huge meal, we’re going dancing to burn off some calories,” Gianni told us. “It’s Lady Gaga night in the over-twenty-one lounge. You guys want to come?”

  Skye was out of his seat like a shot. “Um, hell yes!” Dare grinned and got up too, putting his arm around Skye’s waist.

  Chance and I both said we’d pass, and then I asked, “Wait, what about Family Feud?”

  “Oh crap, that’s right,” Gianni said. “If Nana asks, tell her Nico and I went out to find boyfriends. She’ll accept that excuse.”

  Once they left, and as Chance and I lingered over coffee, he said, “I’ve met so many new people today. Run me through how everyone’s related again.”

  “Dante, Vincent, Gianni and Mikey are brothers. You haven’t met Mikey yet, but he’s probably around here somewhere. They were all raised by Nana, their grandmother, after their parents were killed. Nico is one of their many cousins. Vincent’s marrying my friend Trevor, and Joshie, the kid from earlier in the Army surplus jacket, is their adopted son.”

  “Okay, got it.”

  “So, the wedding tomorrow is the Dombruso side of things. The wedding later in the week is for two guys that aren’t related to Nana, but don’t tell her that. They’re family as far as she’s concerned.”

  “Do they have actual families?”

  “One of the grooms has a huge family, but his fiancé Hunter doesn’t because they disowned him when he came out. That’s why Nana’s taken him under her wing.”

  “I see.”

  “Don’t be surprised when you meet Hunter, by the way. He used to be a famous porn star, so you’ll probably recognize him.”

  “Really? What’s his last name?”

  “His stage name was Hunter Storm, but he doesn’t go by that anymore.”

  Chance’s eyes went wide. “Hunter Storm, holy shit! He was huge, and then he just up and quit the business. I always wondered what happened to him.”

  “Love happened.”

  “And now he’s marrying Shea’s cousin?”

  “Yup, Brian Nolan. Funnily enough, the Nolans are a family of police officers, the Dombrusos are former mafia, and they’re all on this boat together. Go figure.”

  Chance said, “Why didn’t Nana just let the Nolans handle Brian and Hunter’s wedding? It must have cost her a fortune to bring them all onboard.”

  “Because she’s incredibly generous and I’m sure she just wanted to do that for her boys.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yup.”

  Chance asked me for the time, and when I told him it was almost ten, he pushed back his chair and said, “I’d better go meet my date. I’m actually a little nervous! Isn’t that silly?”

  “Not at all. I hope you have fun. What’s this guy’s name, anyway?”

  “Kip. In case you’re wondering, I’m planning to totally lie to him and tell him I’m a college student who works in a library. Reality has no place on a cruise ship.” He stood up and looked at me. “What are you going to do while I’m out with the Aussie?”

  “I’ll probably go back to our stateroom, unless you think you might want to use it.”

  “Maybe. I bet the crew doesn’t have private quarters. I’d feel bad kicking you out, though.”

  I got up from the table and said, “I can easily go find something to do. Just text me when the coast is clear.”

  He gave me a hug and said, “Will do.”

  After he took off, I explored the ship for a while, then found a quiet nook on the top deck and settled onto a cushioned lounge chair. I could feel the motion of the ship, just a little. It was soothing, actually. We were somewhere between Oahu and Molokai, surrounded by inky black ocean with a clear, starry sky overhead. I really hadn’t expected to find any peace on a cruise ship full of kids, but this was nice.

  I’d closed my eyes and was letting the gentle rocking of the ship lull me when the lounge chair beside mine creaked. My heart leapt when I opened my eyes. Shea sat facing me, hands on his knees. “I probably shouldn’t be disturbing you,” he said. “You looked so peaceful.”

  “It’s okay,” I murmured, pushing myself into more of an upright position. “How are you feeling after that fall?”

  “Still embarrassed, but otherwise fine. My shoulder was a bit sore but some ibuprofen took care of it.”

  “Glad it wasn’t worse.”

  “Me too.”

  The conversation faltered at that point, so I just sat there staring at him. God he looked good. He was dressed in a button-down shirt and khakis, his dark hair neatly combed. I really wanted to mess it up.

  Shea hesitated before moving over and perching on the edge of my chair. Slowly, deliberately, he reached out and rested his hand on mine. My heart started beating in double time at his touch. With my free hand, I held on to the frame of the lounger, trying to physically restrain myself from reaching for him.

  “I’m not the only one who’s feeling this,” he said softly, “am I? This attraction, it’s not just me, right?”

  “It’s not just you.” My voice was barely a whisper.

  “I think about you all the time,” he said. “You think about me too, don’t you?” I nodded.

  Shea pulled something from his shirt pocket. Then he turned my hand over, put it in my palm, and curled my fingers around it. As he held my hand in both of his, he told me, “I’m yours for the taking, Christian, even if all you can give me is just one more night.” He kissed my cheek and whispered, “Nine forty-eight,” before he got up and walked away.

  I stared at the key card in my hand as I weighed my options. It was one of those pivotal moments with the power to change everything. If I didn’t go to him, that
would be the end of it. I was sure he wouldn’t keep trying to pursue something with me.

  If I went, that would mean the start of something, because I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied with just tonight. Not a long term relationship, it couldn’t be that. But still, even if we just took it day by day, I knew we’d both get attached and it would be incredibly painful to walk away when it was all over.

  I had to ask myself which would hurt more: ending this in a few months, or missing out on Shea. The second option meant never again getting to touch him, to hold him and make love to him. Never getting to know him and spend time with him. Never again caressing his skin or hearing his voice or experiencing the incredible security of his arms around me.

  I stood up, turning the little white key card over in my hand. I took a deep breath. Then I didn’t walk to Shea’s cabin.

  I ran.

  Chapter Eight

  I was winded when I finally reached cabin number nine forty-eight. It was right next door to mine. For a solid minute, I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath. Then I swept my hair back from my face and brushed the white card over the keypad. It unlocked with a click. It was fairly dark inside. I passed the closet and the split bathrooms and stepped into the main part of the cabin.

  Shea was naked on the bed. He wasn’t in some sexy pose though, like in the movies. Instead, he knelt in the center of the mattress, sitting back on his heels, a throw pillow on his lap to cover himself. His nervousness showed in his eyes.

  I had to pause and just stare at him for a moment. His smooth skin was luminous in the soft light of the two little sconces that flanked the bed, his handsome face upturned to me. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I said softly. He ducked his head shyly, but I reached out and cupped his chin, lifting it until he met my gaze again. “I mean it,” I murmured before leaning down and brushing my lips to his.

  Shea set the throw pillow aside and laid back against the bedding, offering himself to me. He still looked nervous, as if it was his first time all over again. I pushed my shoes off and climbed onto the bed, drawing him into a hug. Shea slid his arms around me and held on tight. A sigh slipped from me. I realized it was a sigh of relief, as if I’d been waiting and waiting for this moment. And really, I had been.

  We kissed softly, for a long time. It made my heart ache. I needed this, I needed him so desperately. I knew I’d never have my fill of Shea. Even if we spent every moment together between now and June, it wouldn’t be nearly enough.

  After a while, he pulled back and looked at me, concern in his eyes. “Are you okay, Christian?” His voice was so tender.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Because you’re shaking, sweetheart.”

  “I know,” I murmured. “I’m sorry. I’m such a mess when I’m around you.”

  “Don’t apologize.” He held me for a while before tilting my chin up and kissing me. Eventually he deepened the kiss. I melted into it.

  I ran my hands down his broad back as my cock stirred, then slid my thigh between both of his. We worked each other up slowly with soft caresses, until he crawled between my legs. After he unbuttoned my pants and slid down the zipper, he stroked my erection through the fabric before pulling my briefs down to just beneath my balls. When his warm, wet lips wrapped around the head of my cock, I moaned with pleasure.

  Shea sucked me carefully at first, ramping up his efforts as I responded to him. It felt incredibly good, but I whispered, “I need to be inside you.” He slid his mouth off me, rolled onto his back and parted his legs for me, running his palm down my arm.

  I worked him open carefully using a little tube of lotion from the bedside table, then wiped my hands on some tissues and fumbled for my wallet. There was one condom in it. I was achingly hard by now, my hands shaking a bit as I tore off the foil wrapper. When I tried to put it on, I accidentally drove my thumb right through the thin sheath and swore under my breath. I held it up to show Shea what I’d done and said, “Did you pack any condoms?”

  He grinned at me. “No. I had no idea you’d be on this cruise.” I grinned at that, then stretched out beside him and settled into the crook of his arm.

  “Didn’t you think there’d be any other single guys on the ship?”

  “I didn’t care.”

  “I’m really sorry I broke the condom.”

  He looked in my eyes and asked, “Have you been checked?”

  “Yeah. I get checked twice a year, even though I never have unprotected sex. Well, except for that first time.” I broke eye contact. “I got checked over and over after I was raped. I was so worried. The results always came back negative, though.”

  “This has to be your call,” he said, “but I’d be willing to go without.” I looked up at him and he said, “I get tested yearly as part of my routine physical, and I’ve had sex with exactly one guy. He used a condom.” He grinned at me.

  “Why did you get tested before you had sex?”

  “Because I come in contact with drug paraphernalia on the job. I’m always extremely careful, but it doesn’t hurt to get the test and gain that extra peace of mind.”

  “Why would you believe me, Shea? You barely know me. What if I’m lying to you?”

  “You’re not.”

  “You’re right, but how do you know that for sure?”

  “Because I trust you, Christian.” He gave me the sweetest smile.

  “I trust you, too. Please though, after me? Don’t ever believe a guy who tells you he’s been tested. People lie.”

  His smile widened. “I know I come across as pretty naive, but I am actually a police officer, Christian. People lie to me every single day and it’s my job to see through it.”

  I grinned at that, then kissed his cheek. “You have a point there.”

  “So. You want to?”

  I paused to consider it. I had a lot of trust issues when it came to sex, but I knew, just absolutely knew for a fact, that Shea would never lie to me or intentionally hurt me. If he said this was okay, then it was. I nodded and leaned in to kiss him.

  Shea stroked me as we kissed and soon I was hard again. I slicked my cock, then worked a little more lotion into him and quickly wiped my hands on another wad of tissues before grasping his hips. I positioned my tip at his opening, took a deep breath and pushed. He pushed back, just like I’d taught him, and I slid inside.

  With one long, slow thrust I bottomed out in him, then held still until I felt him relax under me. I looked in his eyes as I began moving in him. When he smiled, it flooded me with happiness.

  We made love slowly, watching each other in the soft light. I’d always disliked that expression, ‘making love’, but it was so apt right now. This wasn’t just fucking. It was sweet and tender and if I wasn’t careful, I was going to get so overcome with emotion that Shea would think I was a total mental patient.

  That thought was enough to make me pick up the pace, thrusting into him harder and faster. I sat up just a little so I could stroke him and he moaned and arched his back, grasping the sheets with both hands. After a while, he cried out and shot all over his stomach and chest, rocking up to meet my thrusts.

  I came too, deep inside him, staring in his eyes as my body shook and convulsed. I never thought I’d experience this. Never. It was so incredibly intimate, more than I could have imagined. It felt like he was giving me an incredible gift, a sacred part of himself.

  When the aftershocks died down and I found my voice again, I whispered, “Thank you.” I was still inside him and laying on top of him, supporting my weight on my knees and elbows. His cum soaked into my shirt. I didn’t care.

  He put his arms around me and kissed the side of my head. “That was so intense,” he murmured.

  I raised myself up to look at him. “Too much?”

  “No, not at all. I’m so glad I got to share that with you.”

  “Me too.” I eased out of his body and settled in right beside him, my head on his shoulder, lightly tracing his chest wi
th my fingertip. After a while I asked, “Is your cabin mate going to come bursting in here any minute?”

  “No, I ended up with a bachelor cabin. I was supposed to bunk with my brother, but he works at the same station and we both couldn’t take the time off. It would have left the department short-handed. We flipped a coin to see who’d get to go.”

  “I’m so glad you won that coin toss.”

  “I lost actually, but Finn decided I should be the one to go since I’m closer to Brian. You must think he’s a grade-A jerk, but he has his moments. That said, I’m still sick about what he did to you.”

  “He really didn’t do anything. It’s not his fault that I went PTSD all of a sudden.” Shea hugged me a little tighter and kissed my hair.

  We relaxed in each other’s arms, just enjoying each other for a while, and I asked, “Are you attending the wedding tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know if I should. My whole family was invited, but I don’t actually know either of the grooms.”

  “Will you be my date?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  I grinned and said, “That’s why I asked.”

  “You said when we first met that this was only going to be about sex.”

  “I also said it would be a one-time thing.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “I’m so drawn to you, Shea, and I don’t want to fight it anymore. I can’t make you promises or tell you this is going to be a long-term thing. It won’t be. But if you’re willing to just take this day by day, I’d love to spend time with you.”

  “I can do that.”

  His eyelids were getting heavy, so I leaned down and kissed him before saying, “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He gave me the most radiant smile. “Looking forward to it.”

  *****

  Chance was sitting on the bed perusing the next day’s itinerary, dressed in a t-shirt and pajama pants when I returned to my cabin. “Don’t tell me, let me guess,” he said when he saw me. “You tracked down Shea.”