Together they all closed their eyes and wished, and heard the loud jingling of their wish going to the moon, and saw the sparkle of it joining the growing wish cloud and making all the hats they had been given shiver with excitement (because they were wishing hats and woven out of granted wishes). And, sure enough, suddenly the iron dish was filled, not just with hats, but with enough powdered air to last for hundreds of moon trips.
“Hoorah!” they all yelled and then breathed in big gulps of new air, just because they could.
“And now, Sky, if you would like to stop being invisible, all you have to do is wish.”
“Are you sure, Uncle Shawn?”
“Oh, yes. I am as sure of that as I am sure there is a fish tree in the sea.” Uncle Shawn reached out his hand and wriggled his fingers so that Sky would hold it, and her brother held her other hand. “Sky, if you would like to be visible then just try wishing. As long as you are sure you want your brother to be able to see you when you pinch him, and you want people to notice when you sneak a bite of their scones. And if you fart next to somebody they will probably know that it’s you.”
Sky thought about all this, but she really did want to be visible again. “I’ll try.”
“Good. Remember that you will be a bit older than when you last saw yourself. And maybe your hair will need cutting. We will wish with you.”
“Yes, we will,” said Sam.
Together they wished and wished as the dish spun up and away from the moon and Uncle Shawn caught the magnet and threw the magnet and bounced and boonced and beenced them towards home.
Our three friends’ wishes mixed together and were so powerful, and made the moon sing so loudly, that they surprised a small, young comet and made it completely change direction. The comet rushed sideways, slid right along the surface of the moon – knocking off some hats as it went – and then whizzed and plummeted towards the Earth, faster and faster.
Uncle Shawn and the twins watched as it fell and they fell more slowly and bouncily behind it.
Then they looked back at each other, and there was Uncle Shawn with his wibbly hair and his blue eyes, and there was Sam with his dirty knees and his big pullover, and THERE WAS SKY!
There was a lovely young girl – who did have very long and tangled hair. She had eyes like her brother’s that sparkled nearly as brightly as Wufflebuffle’s, and a friendly smile and long arms to hug her brother and then Uncle Shawn and then her brother again.
“Why are you crying, Sky?” asked Sam.
And because Sky kept on crying, Uncle Shawn answered for her. “Sometimes people cry when they are very happy, not just when they are very sad.”
The cloud of happiness and granted-wish magic raced towards Earth. It whizzed and fizzed far beyond the iron dish and caught up with the comet and made it whizz and fizz even faster.
Just as the comet started to roar along so quickly that it was covered in flames, Uncle Shawn wished quietly and as strongly as a human has ever wished: “I do hope that all of my friends on the farm are safe and happy and well. I really do wish that with all my heart and ears and toes.” And then he put on a very splendid purple hat and closed his eyes and wished some more.
SECTION THIRTY-SEVEN
In which we find … oh, I do hope it’s nothing horrible. In fact, I wish very hard that it’s nothing horrible and that we start to have a happy ending with everybody safe and well and with their noses still attached.
You will remember that back on Earth, Bill and Brian and all the llamas were in dreadful danger. The sticky spider suit was now acting like a kind of net and stopping Bill and Brian from moving, or helping their friends. Miranda waved her saw and laughed and then started using it to cut through the section of web hiding Brian’s nose.
“I’ll cut off the other noses while those idiotic llamas are asleep, but I want to take your nose while you’re awake!”
We can agree that’s probably the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to a llama.
Brian’s knees – with two remaining knee pads – were knocking together so fast that he might have been dancing the Waylas. (Of course, his knees would have been leaping with joy if he’d been dancing the special Peruvian Waylas dance, instead of having his nose threatened.) “Please not my nose, please ever so much. I need it.”
Pearlyclaws sidled over (he was still scared of the spiderwebs) to try to hold Brian still while Miranda cut the web to expose the poor llama’s nose. Bill was trying to kick Pearlyclaws’ shins, but the web was wrapping tighter and tighter round Bill’s legs and sticking in his fur. “I love you, Brian! Be brave!” Bill shouted.
“Emergencia! I love you, too!” Brian shouted.
This was terrible.
Travelling faster than its own sound, the young comet landed straight on top of Miranda Badger and squashed her as flat as a nasty plastic bottle filled with cruelty. The comet also caught Pearlyclaws across those horrible sneaky feet that he was so proud of. It rolled them out as flat as evil pastry and it also knocked off the end of his nose.
One moment things were awful and getting worse and the next there was nothing left of Miranda but a nasty big stain and a bent saw, and Pearlyclaws was flapping his pulverised feet and yowling in pain.
All this noise woke the sleeping llamas and, because they were startled and upset (and Carlos felt as if someone had kicked him), they all did exactly what upset llamas do. They took one look at the frightening, furious face of Pearlyclaws with its glistening head and flopping mouth and floppier feet and nipped nose and rolling eyes … and they laid their ears flat along the sides of their necks and tipped up their chins and spat great, big, hot mouthfuls of llama spit in long fountains all over Pearlyclaws. Some of it even went into his open mouth.
Then Pearlyclaws gave another huge howl – “MMWAAAAAAA! OWWWWWWWW!” – and with three pairs of llama eyes glaring at him, and Bill growling inside what was left of the spider costume, and Brian shouting, “Go away! Go away!” Pearlyclaws ran away as fast as he could manage, his floppy feet sounding like old towels soaked in badness. All his terrible plans were in ruins and he would never look good in sandals again!
SECTION THIRTY-EIGHT
In which there are astronomers and a very lucky kitten and maybe, just maybe, so much happiness it will make your toes feel tickled. And it could be that there are scones…
Meanwhile the young comet – now wearing Miranda’s tool belt, which it thought might be useful – bounced way up high and then came down again and squashed Cedric and Lancy Bumption, who were just about to frighten a kitten. Without Uncle Shawn’s wish they might have gone on being nasty to all kinds of people and cats.
Then the comet bounced even higher, pushed back upwards with wish energy, and went off into space to enjoy itself some more.
Astronomers, who had only just recovered from seeing the moon look peculiar, noticed a comet rushing upwards and shimmering with rainbow wish colours and decided they needed more than a cup of tea. Perhaps they would have cake and a short holiday, too.
Bill and Brian were almost as happy as a safe kitten. They were freed from the sticky spider threads and bits of safety equipment that had made their monster costume, all with the help of the World Association of Spiders.
After that, Brian and his three llama friends nuzzled noses so that they wouldn’t be scared as Brian told them the story of how they had all nearly lost their noses. They shivered and rubbed noses again.
“Even though spitting is not ladylike, I am glad that we spat all over that terrible human being,” announced Guinevere.
“He was only making my nose better so that he could cut it off!” Ginalolobrigida shuddered. “That’s not what llama noses are for. They are meant to be the first beautiful bit of me that you see when I come into a room – before you notice all of the beautiful rest.”
“Unless they are behind you and they see your big llama bottom.” Carlos giggled. And then – because he was feeling kind – he added, “Because you have a beautiful
big llama bottom.”
All the llamas grinned.
“Thank you, Brian, for being such a courageous llama,” whispered Ginalolobrigida. “You may be nervous sometimes, but when you have to be brave, you are like a lion – only llama-shaped.”
Brian blushed almost as brightly as Wufflebuffle.
“And thank you Bill, for being also so brave. We are all very sorry that your favourite lady badger love turned out to be as rotten as a bucket of fish guts left out in the sun for a year.” Ginalolobrigida nodded sympathetically.
“She was so nasty. And I was so silly.” Bill sighed. “I should have asked Uncle Shawn’s advice about being in love. I hope he’s OK. And Sky and Sam – they’ve been on the moon for ages.”
All at once, all the animals said together, “I wish Uncle Shawn was here.”
And do you know what? Just at that moment, the great iron soup dish glittered and spun and bounced down over the meadow where they were all standing. They only had enough time to say, “Hooray!” and “Look! Sky! We can see Sky!” and also, “We should make scones for everyone!” then the twins and Uncle Shawn were jumping out of the dish and there were lots of hugs and giggles and even some tickles while everyone explained what had happened to everyone else – sometimes all at once.
Uncle Shawn hugged Bill last of all. “I am sorry that I did not insist you should come to the moon with us. Or say that she seemed a very bad badger.”
“And I am so sorry that I was a foolish fool and let so many dreadful things happen,” said Bill, hugging his best friend very tight. “All the furniture has gone and there’s nothing in the kitchen, not even a pinch of flour – no one can make scones! Miranda robbed us and Pearlyclaws came back and…” He stopped talking and sniffled. He felt very ashamed.
Uncle Shawn hugged him back and patted his ears and said, “Don’t worry, Bill. We will find everything and put it back. It will be a chance to spring clean. But first we will go to Mrs MacMuckle’s World of Scones in Pandrumdroochit and have scones and a big pot of tea, and some lemonade for all the wonderful llamas, and cakes for the twins. Look at the twins! Both of them! Aren’t they wonderful? And you, Bill, you are wonderful. I missed you so much. And…” Uncle Shawn ran to the iron dish and carried back a huge, long Uncle-Shawn-armful of amazing hats. “I brought you back some wonderful wish hats from the moon. Next time we will go to the moon together. Or maybe you can bring a lady friend. The moon is very romantic.”
Bill’s hair ruffled up as he said, “No romance. No romance for a long time. Nothing lovey-dovey at all – not for years and years and years. Maybe not ever.” He held Uncle Shawn’s hand. “But it would be lovely to go to the moon. Thank you.”
“Great!” yelled Uncle Shawn. “But now … SCONES!”
Our friends ate scones and then followed Miranda’s dirty big tracks to find the cave full of their belongings and took them home again. And they opened up Miranda’s secret chest and found all kinds of things in it that she had stolen from the people of Pandrumdroochit. So they had a good time working out which thing belonged to which person and then giving everything back and enjoying tea and lemonade and thank yous.
Slowly all of our friends made the farmhouse cosy again. Guinevere got back her knitting needles, and in all the barns and corners the llamas set out tiny cups of water and lemonade for any spiders who happened to be thirsty.
After only a few days, everything on the farm was back to normal, only with more hats, more powdered air for moon trips, better friends, more bravery and even more scones.
Then one evening Carlos and Guinevere were being friends and playing snap, Ginalolobrigida was looking at her perfect nose in her nose mirror, and Brian was lying on his straw bed watching a special performance by the Flying Teeny Weenies – a famous spider trapeze act that Claude thought he would enjoy. And they were probably the happiest llamas alive.
On the sunset side of the farm, Bill and Uncle Shawn were sitting in their rocking chairs, being as happy as they could be and then a bit more happy than that. The sun was sinking into the sea and the moon was getting brighter and, if they tried very hard, they could hear it tingling and ringing and singing with wishes.
“I’m so glad you’re back, Uncle Shawn.”
“And I’m so glad to be with you, Bill.”
“You don’t have treasure buried anywhere, do you?”
“Ha! No, I don’t have any treasure. I have just enough and if I get any extra I give it to people or animals who need it more than me. I found out by accident that helping anyone who is in trouble feels even better than being tickled.”
“And being tickled feels very nice.”
“Of course. And hearing a joke is like being tickled in your brain and in your tummy both at once.”
They both sighed contentedly and looked at the moon together.
Uncle Shawn said, “You’ll like the moon people – they’re very nice. They just get confused sometimes. We all get confused sometimes.”
He admired the big new adventure hat that Bill was wearing. Bill loved all the moon hats Uncle Shawn brought him. Bill’s old hats had been rescued from Miranda’s nasty cave – all except the pink one which he had left there to smell of soot and mildew (along with the awful pink bow tie). This meant that Bill had more hats than ever before in his life. He thought he might even give some to the llamas when they had birthdays.
“Thanks so much for the moon hats, Uncle Shawn,” said Bill. “I’m so glad that none of them are pink.”
“And thank you for being so brave while I was away,” said Uncle Shawn. “Why is six scared of seven?” He chuckled and wriggled his fingers like octopus feet.
“Because seven eight nine.” Bill laughed. “What do you call a flying monkey?” He giggled and wiggled his paws like squid feet.
“A hot air baboon!” Uncle Shawn wriggled his wibbly hair. “Why don’t owls fall in love when it’s raining?”
“Easy!” Bill wiggled his nose. “Because it’s too wet to woo!” Then he pointed straight up at the sky. “Look! Look! Oh, I’ve always wanted to see one and now I have!”
Up above the two friends, a huge, old Milky Moon Moth was flying. Moon Moths are very rare – some people may even tell you that they don’t exist and aren’t as wide as a bus and don’t have beautiful big silvery feet covered in shiny, tiny hairs.
Delighted by the rainbow sparkles of the moon way out in space, the giant moth flew loop-the-loops and then she grinned. (Or wiggled her wing tips and nodded her head – which is much the same thing as grinning for Moon Moths.) Uncle Shawn and Bill applauded and she wiggled her wings and waved her toes to them (which was a great honour) before she slowly moved away, the scales on her huge wings glimmering like lucky wishes.
The two friends cheered and tickled each other some more with jokes, and drank proper, nice cocoa, which was just as it should be.
The sun disappeared and the moon rose high in the sky with a little shadow and a little shine, which was also just as it should be. And when anyone on Earth looked up at the moon and wished, there was a chance their wish might come true.
A. L. KENNEDY
A. L. Kennedy was born in a small Scottish town far too long ago and has written books for adults and children, but mainly adults. Before that she made up stories to amuse herself. It has always surprised her that her job involves doing one of the things she loves most and she’s very grateful to be a writer. She has won awards for her books in several countries. She has travelled all over the world and enjoyed it immensely. She plays the banjo badly, but makes up for this by never playing it anywhere near anyone else.
GEMMA CORRELL
Gemma Correll is a cartoonist, writer, illustrator and all-round small person. She is the author of A Pug’s Guide to Etiquette and Doodling for Dog People, and the illustrator of Pig and Pug by Lynne Berry, Being a Girl by Hayley Long and The Trials of Ruby P. Baxter by Joanna Nadin (among other things). Her illustrations look like a five-year-old drew them because she hires
one to do all her work for her. She pays him in fudge. His name is Alan.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, used fictitiously. All statements, activities, stunts, descriptions, information and material of any other kind contained herein are included for entertainment purposes only and should not be relied on for accuracy or replicated as they may result in injury.
First published 2019 by Walker Books Ltd
87 Vauxhall Walk, London SE11 5HJ
Text © 2019 A. L. Kennedy • Illustrations © 2019 Gemma Correll
The right of A. L. Kennedy and Gemma Correll to be identified as author and illustrator respectively of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, taping and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: a catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-1-4063-8995-1 (ePub)
www.walker.co.uk
Uncle Shawn and Bill and the Not One Tiny Bit Lovey-Dovey Moon Adventure Page 9