Matters to Me: A Football Romance (The Hart Series Book 4)

by M. E. Carter

  I look at the floor and try to imagine if I were in that situation. Would I stay for a degree and make sure I had a back-up plan for retirement? Or would I go so I have the ability to support my family now?

  “It’s not that simple,” I finally admit. “I’ve been so focused on getting into the pros, I forgot about life.”

  “Nope. Don’t know. Explain.”

  I blow out a breath as I come up with the words. “I think maybe when Lauren broke her leg, I realized that could’ve been me.” As the words come out of my mouth, I suddenly understand exactly where my hang-up is. “In my mind, there is nothing beyond playing ball. Nothing. But what if I’m injured before then? Hell, what if I’m in a car accident? Or get bitten by a dog.”

  “What? Who do you know that has a dog?”

  I roll my eyes. He’s not following anymore. “My point is, there’s no guarantee I’ll even be strong enough or healthy enough to play. If I leave now and something happens, I won’t even have a degree to fall back on. I’ll have to re-enroll in school to get the degree so I can get a decent job. I don’t want that.”

  “So, you think concentrating on your back up plan is the way to go?”

  “Yeah. Maybe? Hell, I don’t know.” I rub my hands down my face in frustration. “The only thing I know for sure is I need a shower, stat. And then I need to get my woman from the gym and take her back to the room.”

  Jaxon narrows his eyes and stares at me. He’s assessing me. It kind of weirds me out. And then he blurts out exactly what’s on his mind. “You finally hit that, didn’t you?”

  I shove him off the bench and onto the floor. “Shut up, man. I’m not answering that question.”

  Stripping off the rest of my clothes, I wrap a towel around my waist and head to the showers. He just laughs behind me.

  I’m glad someone is amused. Me? I’m still just… confused. I’ve been dreaming of the combine for as long as I can remember, but for some reason, it doesn’t feel right. I’ve gone over it in my head a million times, and I can’t figure out why. The only thing that’s different in my life, the only thing that’s changed, is Lauren.

  As the water rains down on me, I think about what an unexpected blessing she is. She’s understanding of my schedule and supportive of my career. She’s an athlete herself so our priorities align. And she’s just… fantastic.

  Smart and funny and feisty. Lauren keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh. But I also have the need to protect her. And I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t hate the idea of leaving her so soon into this relationship.

  Still, is that a reason to put my dreams on hold? Is that even why I’m considering waiting another year? Or is she a convenient excuse for what I should be doing anyway?

  Sighing, I shut the water off and grab my towel. The one thing I know for sure is I can’t make this decision without getting some input from an expert. I don’t know anyone who has trained more players for the NFL than Coach.

  Having made one decision, although it almost seems like a delay tactic in some ways, I head back into the locker room where only stragglers remain. My guess is most everyone went straight to the gym to lift. I think I’m better off waiting for that, especially since I want to have this conversation sooner rather than later, and I don’t want Lauren to have to wait for me.

  I get dressed quickly and grab my phone to shove it in my pocket, but the flashing blue light stops me. It’s not unusual for me to have a text or two, but this time feels different. I can’t put my finger on why, but it’s like a sinking feeling in my gut. Psychic Heath is back.

  Unlocking the screen, I have five missed calls—three from my mother, two from my oldest sister—and a string of texts telling me to call home asap. I don’t bother listening to the messages, I just dial my mom.

  “Shit,” I grumble as it goes straight to voicemail. Hanging up, I call Jackie instead.

  It barely rings once before she answers. “Heath?”

  “What’s wrong?” I bark out, terror racing through my body.

  “You gotta… come… home….” She says through her tears. “It’s… it’s Dad.”

  That’s all she says before I race out the door, singularly focused on getting to my truck and getting on the road.

  “What happened?”

  “He had a heart attack.”

  My breath whooshes out of me and it’s all I can do to keep myself from collapsing as she speaks.

  “It was bad, Heath. We called an ambulance, but he stopped breathing and he turned this weird color.”

  This isn’t happening. My dad isn’t dying. There’s no way this can be happening…

  “By the time the ambulance came, Mom was doing CPR and the girls were screaming. I’m in the hospital waiting room, but they won’t let me go back to see him.”

  I begin running across the campus. My truck is only half a mile away, but it feels like my legs can’t get there fast enough. I don’t know how I’m going to survive driving for hours, but I don’t have a choice. I need to get home. I have to get home.

  “Where’s Mom now? Is she okay?”

  “Yeah.” My sister sniffs and her voice calms down a bit. “They’re a little worried about her blood pressure, so they took her back to make sure it’s coming down. Heath…” A sob breaks out of her and it only fuels my desire to get there faster. “I’m so scared.”

  “I know. I’m on my way now, Jackie. Just hold on.”

  I have to get there as fast as possible. I won’t let my family down. Not now.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Lauren

  “Careful, Lauren. Stay tight,” Coach’s voice is more like background noise in my ear as my body swings around the bar, his instructions just reminders of what my muscles already know to do. “Good. Hold the handstand. Hold. Hold. Come down slowly.”

  Instead of completing another giant and swinging all the way around again, I slowly lower my hips so I’m resting on the bar.

  “Ohmygod, that felt good,” I say, a huge grin on my face making my coach laugh.

  Allowing my body to fall backward until I’m hanging, I’m careful to scoot my way over to the side where Coach helps me get down safely. I’m still not back to normal practice, but when the doctor cleared me for some bar work, I almost hugged him. Bars isn’t my favorite, but I’ll take anything at this point.

  The only stipulation is I can only use the single bar over the foam pit, just in case I fall. I won’t be allowed to dismount on purpose for a while, but in the meantime, if something goes wrong, at least there’s less of a chance of reinjury if I land in a pit of foam squares. Not that I’m physically able to fall. Coach insists I use the straps to keep me securely in place. I almost rolled my eyes at him, but the idea of having something to do besides back extension rolls and conditioning overshadowed his helicopter coaching.

  Plus, I get it. I was this close to earning a top spot. He doesn’t want me reinjured any more than I do. I may have missed my goal, but he could be missing fractions of a point for his team. As much as we like to pretend this sport is all about the individual, reality is, funding for his program relies on a good team outcome as well. Not having the best competing makes an impact on him, too.

  Unwinding my hands from the straps, I drop when I feel his hands on my waist helping guide me to the floor.

  “How did it feel?” he asks. “Too much with the weight of the cast?”

  “Not at all.” I balance on one leg as he hands me a crutch to lean on. “It definitely feels different. I won’t be doing any release moves with this baby on, that’s for sure. But it feels so good to be doing some actual gymnastics again instead of just weights.”

  He smiles in understanding. As a former gymnast himself, I don’t know how he isn’t just itching to get on the apparatus sometimes, even at his age. “I can tell you’ve been keeping up with your work-outs. Your shoulders look strong.”

  “That would be all my boyfriend’s doing,” I say with a laugh. “He’s been researching various
upper body and core exercises. I’m just following the program, so I don’t get lax while I wait for this leg to heal.”

  Coach pats me on my shoulder and gestures with his finger for the next person to climb up. “Just don’t overdo it. The last thing you need is a shoulder injury as well.”

  “Noted.” I pick up my second crutch and slowly make my way to the opposite side of the room. It’s slow going without an even surface to navigate. Mats and pads are everywhere. Usually, I wouldn’t even notice. But for whatever reason, crutches make you feel everything.

  I finally reach my goal, as in the wall, and drop the crutches to balance on one leg. Flipping myself over, I push into a handstand against the wall and begin doing pushups while upside down. Sounds crazy, but it’s like a reverse pull up. Great for the shoulders, back and arms—no impact on the legs. And one of the few exercises I’m allowed to do.

  I may hate them, but at this rate, bars may become my best event simply from all the new muscles I’ve been building.

  I crank out twenty push-ups and carefully step down, very aware that the blood is now rushing out of my brain. Hands on my hips, I take a slow, deep breath and relax.

  “How does it feel to be back on bars?” Ellery skips up to me a smile on her face. “You looked great up there.”

  I smile at the only friend I have on this team. It doesn’t bother me that no one talks to me again. It’s way better than being harassed on the regular. Besides, none of them matter in the long run anyway, and clearly my injury took away whatever threat I was. Whatever sneers I used to get are non-existent now. Essentially, they just ignore my existence. So, there you have it. I have one friend, possibly some enemies, and a whole lot of who-gives-a-shit. Works for me.

  “It was fun. There’s only so many giants you can do, but hopefully Coach will let me out of those straps now that he sees I haven’t been slacking on my weight training.”

  We both take a breath and simultaneously step into handstands to begin more pushups. I do more than she does, probably due to my new muscles, care of the football team, but when I step down, she still has a smile on her face.

  “What has you so happy today?” I ask as I lean my hand against the wall for support.

  She bites her lip and then blurts out, “Can I ask your opinion on something?”

  That’s odd, but I guess you can’t tell who is on your side on this team anyway. Maybe it’s not as weird as I think. “Sure. Do you want me to be honest or validate how you already feel regardless?”

  I have to give Ellery credit—she pauses to think on my question. I appreciate that about her. Not a lot of people want the truth no matter what, but she seems to.

  “Yes. Yes, I want honesty. Even if it’s painful.”

  I’m not sure if she’s trying to convince me or herself. That has me concerned. “I don’t want to tell you something that will hurt your feelings.”

  “Oh no.” She grabs my arm like she’s trying to comfort me from some big disappointment. “It’s not even about me. It’s about someone else.”

  I wish I was a better person, but now she has me intrigued. She wants my opinion on a person? A person in this gym? I have zero problems with honesty about that.

  Holding in a laugh, knowing I’m the only one feeling amused by this, I plaster on my best supportive friend look. “Sure. Who do you want the skinny on?”

  “Kevin,” she gushes, a starry-eyed look on her face as she turns to watch him work out.

  I’m a little confused as to why my opinion matters, but for some reason, it does. Judging by the swoony expression she’s sporting as she watches Kevin on the rings, I’m guessing she wants me to say he’s a good guy.

  Truthfully, he’s not a bad guy, especially compared to just about everyone else in this room. He did hand me my clothes when Con had no problem letting me lay in his bed, vulnerable and humiliated.

  But Kevin didn’t stand up for me either. Never told them they were being douchebags. Never stopped them from treating me like trash.

  Still, that doesn’t make him the ringleader or even part of the treatment. It just means he’s kind of a pussy and not strong enough to stand up for something that isn’t right.

  I guess they all can’t be Heath Germaine. And doesn’t that make me a lucky girl?

  “Yeah,” I finally say carefully. While Kevin isn’t my choice personally, Ellery’s not me. They may end up being perfect together. Who knows—maybe she’ll be the one he feels strong enough to fight for. “He’s a decent guy. I don’t know much about him truthfully.”

  “He’s so great,” she gushes, eyes still on the man of her dreams as he holds a front support, body inverted, his arms out straight. He looks a little wobbly if I’m honest. Could probably benefit from Heath’s exercise regime. Wobbly or not, at least he gets to dismount, I think to myself irritated but plaster a smile on my face when Ellery finally tears her gaze away to engage in our conversation. “He called me the other day after I fell on beam and made sure I was icing the bruise. And then he brought me some Icy Hot after I was complaining about a knot in my shoulder.”

  That may possibly be the worst attempt at wooing I’ve ever heard in my life, but it seems to be working on her. I pick my words carefully to make sure I’m being truthful without ruining her current fantasy.

  “Of all the guys in this gym, if I had to choose one of them for you to date, it would be Kevin.”

  She beams at me, although I know her smile is more about the idea that she and Kevin are a match made in heaven than my approval. I just gave her the confirmation she so desperately needed. And I’m sure there is an element of relief that I don’t have some random tidbit of juicy gossip that unravels her impression of him. She knows if I thought Kevin was horrible or abusive, I would tell her. I learned my lesson about not paying close enough attention to my girls and the men they are involved with, and Ellery, in her own odd way, has become one of them.

  Nudging her on the shoulder, I say, “Come on. Let’s do one more set so we can stretch and go home.”

  She bites her lip and sighs one last time before joining me in more pushups.

  Cool down doesn’t take very long. There’s not much for me to do except stretch. Even then, the cast gets in the way of most of my usual exercises, so before I know it, I’m back in my chair, fighting with the door so I can leave.

  “Got it,” a deep male voice says.

  I look up to find Kevin pushing the handle, so the door doesn’t fall on me. Ellery is right behind him, nodding with excitement at how helpful he is. I can almost hear her thinking, “Isn’t he so great? He noticed you were struggling and helped you.”

  If only she knew that he doesn’t get much more helpful than this.

  No matter. He’s her problem, not mine, and as long as he doesn’t hurt her, I don’t have an issue with him.

  I thank him as they wave and walk away together. They’ve only gone a few steps when my phone starts vibrating against me. Speaking of fabulous boyfriends…

  “Hey babe,” I say with a smile on my face, excited to hear from him. How girly am I that just getting a phone call makes my day?

  “Lauren.”

  My good mood immediately changes. His voice sounds off and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. Something is wrong. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

  “My dad had a heart attack.”

  I suck in a breath. I don’t know much about his family, but I know they’re close. This is a huge blow. “Ohmygod. Tell me he’s okay.”

  “I don’t know. He’s alive. That’s all I know. I have to go. I have to go to Lubbock today. Now.”

  “Yes. Yes of course you do.”

  “I can’t come get you.”

  “Heath, don’t worry about me. Just be careful, okay? Is Jaxon going with you? Can you even drive?”

  “I’ll be fine. They know I’m coming, and my mother already threatened to whoop my ass if I get in a wreck on the way there.”

  I laugh lightly. “Well, o
f course. She doesn’t need any more to worry about, so don’t give her a reason to take her mind off your dad.”

  “That’s exactly what she said.”

  He takes a deep breath and I just let him be silent. I’m sure his thoughts are racing, and he feels helpless. The only thing I can do is be here and allow him to feel what he feels. Finally, he clears his throat, probably of the tears he’s allowing me to be part of, even if it’s only over the phone.

  “I should probably pay attention to the road, so I’m gonna go.”

  “Okay,” I reply quietly, my heart breaking for him. “Keep me updated, and let me know when you get there, okay?”

  “Yeah. Okay. I will.”

  “And Heath…”

  “Yeah?”

  “He’s going to be fine, okay? If he’s anything like you, he’s strong and stubborn. He won’t go anywhere until he says it’s time.”

  An emotional chuckle is his response. “Yeah.”

  “Drive safe. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  The phone disconnects and I sit there staring at it, so many emotions running through me. I’m sad for him. I’m afraid for his dad. I’m worried about his drive. And I’m pissed off about my injury.

  I was never excited to get hurt, but now more than ever, I’m cursing my own inability to do things. I wish more than anything I could go with Heath, help him share driving duties, make sure he gets there okay and comfort him along the way. Instead, I’m stuck like this—needing to stay out of the way as he deals with this blow.

  Sighing to myself in frustration, I drop my phone in the fancy fabric cup holder attached to the side of my chair. I need both hands free if I’m going to wheel myself across campus.

  Too bad I did all those inverted pushups. My shoulders are going to get a double work out today.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Heath

  The normally seven-and-a-half-hour drive, not including stops, took me six and a half with two pit stops. Once for gas and once because I didn’t want to run into the hospital covered in my own piss if my bladder were to explode. It still took too damn long to get here.