How to Liv

by Megan Keith

  “Seeing as you missed it, I thought I’d bring the concert to you.”

  “Spank you!” I hugged and kissed him again. “You are so very thoughtful. Have you watched this?”

  “No.”

  “Well, let’s put it on then!”

  When the concert began with my surround sound speakers and my big screen TV, I was blown away.

  “This is like being there all over again. It was just like this,” Joel said, when he caught my happy expression. He brushed some hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “I wish I had of known you then, I would have loved to have taken you. If they ever come out again, it’s a date. Okay?”

  I swallowed hard after he spoke. We both knew what he was saying by that. If they were to tour here again it would probably be years from now. In other words, he was making a promise to me that we would still be together then. I kissed him lightly on the lips before turning back to eat lunch and watch the DVD. I couldn’t hide the smile from my face and when I snuck a look in Joel’s direction a moment later, I could see he was having the same problem.

  “Let’s get this party started!” Joel hollered when we entered Adam and Raelene’s house later that night.

  “Party’s a bust,” Raelene mumbled, giving me a hug and then Joel.

  “What do you mean?” Joel asked, walking further into the house, his arms full of alcohol. Raelene grabbed the bag of chips from my hand and pulled me along. When we reached the kitchen Adam was sitting at the dining room table sculling a beer.

  “See Raelene! We do have some friends!” I could tell by the slurring of his voice he’d already had more than a few beers.

  “He’s in fine form already,” Raelene said to me with a roll of her eyes. “Hun, why don’t you and Joel go start the fire?”

  “Sure thing, babe.”

  Adam got up from his chair and gave Raelene a kiss, full tongue and all. With a slap on her arse, he exited the room. Joel handed me a can of bourbon and cola, gave me a peck and followed. I glanced around the large kitchen and family room. It had vaulted ceilings and timber framed floor to ceiling windows running the length of the room. It was a stunning home. It was outside of town and I’d marvelled at the open streets and large yards in the area as we’d driven over. It was a great location and I think the creek Joel took me to that time was close by somewhere.

  “He’s a horny bastard when he drinks, I tell ya!” Raelene said with a laugh. Shaking her head she added, “I swear his libido and stamina is improving with age, too.”

  “How old is he?” I asked, then took a swig of my drink, trying to steer the conversation.

  “Adam is forty-one and if you wondering, I’ll be twenty-four next week. Does the age difference shock you?”

  “No, not at all.”

  “We surprised a lot of people when we got together and married so soon. Adam’s family were supportive from the start. My family took a little convincing but they eventually came around. I don’t blame them really, I mean if my twenty year old daughter ran off and got hitched to a thirty-eight year old man I didn’t know, I’d be pissed, too.”

  “Joel said it was a whirlwind romance.”

  “Yeah, you could say that,” she sniggered. “I married that guy three weeks after we met. There was no way I was gonna let some other chick get her claws in him. Luckily, Adam felt the same about me. When you know, you just know.” I nodded my head and thought of Joel. “What about you Liv? Do you know?”

  “Me?” I pleaded dumb. I knew exactly what she was getting at but I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer. The more time I spent with him the more I’m convinced that he was ‘the one’.

  “Sorry, forget I said anything,” she said with a small shrug, allowing me a sigh of relief. It’s one thing to be thinking these things about Joel, but voicing them out loud? I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. “Let’s go out with the boys.” She started toward the back door.

  “Where’s Chelsea?” I asked, following her.

  “Oh, she’s already in bed. She didn’t sleep well last night and crashed about half hour ago. Poor thing, she desperately tried to keep her eyes open, she really wanted to see you guys. So guess who’ll be jumping on your bed bright and early in the morning?”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “Yeah, sure you do.”

  We found the boys standing beside a fire in a forty-four gallon drum, talking quietly. They hushed when we reached them. Joel snaked his arm around my waist and I rested my head against his side, staring at the mesmerising fire in front of me. It was a surprisingly cool night, considering the weather we had been having, but at the same time it didn’t take long for us all to feel a little too hot.

  “Let’s sit,” Joel said, moving us to chairs a bit further back. Joel and I remained close, his hand on my thigh.

  “We decided to postpone the party until next week,” Adam explained. “It’s Raelene’s birthday, so I hope you two can come back again next Saturday night,” Adam spoke directly to me. It made me feel good, to be so easily accepted as one half of a couple – his brother’s partner.

  “For sure.” I looked at Joel for reassurance because I still felt a little odd answering for both of us. But then Adam was his brother and Raelene his sister-in-law so of course he would come. “Oh shit! I forgot, I have Eric’s 30th that night!”

  “That’s okay, we can do both.” Joel gave my thigh a squeeze then leant over to give me a quick kiss.

  “Okay,” I replied with a smile.

  Raelene took a seat on Adam’s lap and I felt a pang of jealously from out of nowhere. Not that I wished I was Raelene, or even that I wished I was on Joel’s lap, I felt jealous of what they had. They were happily married with their own beautiful home and a gorgeous little girl. Raelene had achieved the dream that I had given up on and she was so much younger than me. Looking to the handsome man beside me, I wondered if it could really happen for us. We’d been together for such a short time, but looking at him, I really wanted that future – what Raelene and Adam had.

  “So, should I be nervous? Meeting your parents.”

  “My parents?” Joel asked, furrowing his brow.

  “Yeah. I presume they’re coming next Saturday.”

  “Why?” He looked genuinely confused.

  “Well, because they’re Raelene’s in-laws,” I explained. I looked back to Adam and Raelene who looked a little dumbfounded, too. “What?”

  “Did you actually think we were brothers?” Adam said and then threw himself into a loud belly laugh. I wasn’t smiling and neither was Joel when he met my glare.

  “I’m sorry, I should have clarified. I call Adam my brother because for all intents and purposes he is… but we’re not really related.”

  “Well, I guess that explains a few things,” I said, trying to seem unaffected by the revelation. “You look nothing alike. I presumed it was because you had different fathers or something.”

  “We do.” I turned back to look at a grinning Adam. “We also have different mothers!” He started laughing again.

  “Sorry Liv.” Joel’s hand rubbed my thigh. “I should have said that from the start, I’ve just got so used to thinking of him as my brother that I didn’t think.” I could see the worry in Joel’s eyes so I offered him a weak smile.

  “I guess we don’t know each that well,” I said softly, hating the realisation.

  “Come here,” Joel said, suddenly standing and grabbing hold of my hand. I allowed him to pull me up from the chair and walk me away from the fire. I didn’t miss the nod Adam gave him or the smile of encouragement that Raelene offered us both when we walked past them.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just over here, where we can talk.”

  He pulled me along a narrow garden path that meandered through some tall trees, the full moon in the clear sky guiding our way through the darkness. There were no street lights in the area so I imagined it must get pitch black out here when the moon isn’t so bright. When he reached a b
ench seat he sat down and pulled me onto his lap.

  “Please, don’t do this,” he whispered.

  “Do what?”

  “Get mad. Pull away from me. I can see it on your face.”

  “I don’t mean to Joel, it just threw me for a loop is all.” I ran my hands through his hair and looked him in the eye trying to convey that I wasn’t really upset. I was, however, disappointed at the reminder that we really didn’t know each other very well and yet I could see a future with him – that scared the crap out of me. What if he isn’t who I think he is at all?

  “I can read you, you know. You’re shutting me out again. You need to trust me, I’m in this for the long haul. Don’t let your past scare you off from having a happy future with me.” He brought his hands up to the sides of my face. “I wasn’t living until I met you. I was just going through the motions, work, come home, work, come home… My only social life consisted of these three here in this house.”

  “That sounds vaguely familiar,” I sniggered, realising how I had been doing pretty much the same thing.

  “You changed that. You’ve made me realise what I’ve been missing. You. I’ve never felt so alive.”

  “It’s the same for me Joel.” I brought my arms around his neck.

  “I don’t want to go back.” He swallowed, looking at me intently. “It’s no way to live, Liv.”

  “Live Liv,” I said with a laugh and he joined in, the seriousness of our conversation momentarily forgotten. When our laughter faded I let out a sigh. “I just don’t like being out of the loop. I’ve had enough of that in the past. So tell me why are Adam and you so close?”

  “Well…” He visibly swallowed as he looked over my shoulder. “I guess it’s because he was there for me when no one else was. I’ve known Adam since I was about sixteen and he was in his early twenties. He was a fuckin’ ratbag back then.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “But we were mates and I looked up to him. After I had some issues with my mum he took me under his wing, helped me out.”

  “What kind of issues with your mum?”

  “Big ones. Let’s just say we don’t talk anymore.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “Never met him.”

  Joel finally looked back at me with a small, sad smile. The music that was playing softly back at the bonfire, suddenly got louder.

  “This is a conversation for another time. Let’s go and have some fun!”

  I couldn’t disagree with him. We had come to have a good time and the alcohol in my system was already going to my head. He’ll tell me when he’s ready.

  When we re-joined Raelene and Adam at the fire, they were slow dancing to Third Eye Blind’s ‘Motorcycle Drive By’. It was obvious they were lost in a moment, especially when the song finished and they started kissing passionately.

  “Ahem,” Joel cleared his throat, letting them know we were back. “That’s enough of that old man.”

  Adam and Raelene reluctantly parted lips but still kept a firm hold on one another.

  “Fuck you with the old man shit Joel, you’re only as old as the woman you feel. And I’m feeling about twenty-three years old today,” he said with a dirty smirk. He squeezed Raelene’s butt to prove his point and planted one more firm kiss on her lips before she pulled from his arms.

  “I don’t know about you guys but I’m ready to kick this music up a notch!” she said with a shake of her head, as if to clear it. Walking away from the fire, she motioned to me with a sweep of her arm. “Come on Liv.”

  I followed her to the side of a large shed where there was a table set up with an iPod dock. A big tub filled with ice was under the table so I grabbed myself another drink while Raelene and I had a friendly argument over what music to choose, eventually settling on some INXS.

  When we returned to the bonfire, Adam and Joel were having a heated conversation that abruptly stopped as we got near. Both boys smoothed their expressions into more cheerful ones. Joel pulled me into his arms and I went willingly. When I pulled back slightly, a moment later, I caught the tail end of a silent exchange between all three. Raelene gave me a forced smile before looking away and Adam shook his head at Joel with a scornful look.

  “What was that all about?” I whispered to Joel, when Adam and Raelene were no longer looking in our direction.

  “Nothing. I’ll tell you another time. Okay?”

  He pulled me back against him and started to move to the music. All I could do was nod and join him in the slow dance.

  “STOP RIGHT THERE!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

  I pried Joel’s arms off me and pushed him away. I tried so hard not to laugh as I screamed the next line to Meat Loaf’s ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’. Raelene and I were trying to outdo one another and singing girls vs. boys with Adam and Joel. We were all very much inebriated, without a care for the neighbours. When the song ended we all hugged in a fit of laughter. I was having the best time with Joel and his family, the most laughs I’d had in ages. I also felt the most loved and accepted I had in the longest time. I felt like I belonged.

  Adam stumbled and landed on his arse, causing us all to laugh even harder and louder.

  “I think it’s time I got my man to bed,” Raelene slurred. “Give us a hand honey, I can’t pull you up all by myself.” She was yanking on his arm and he wasn’t budging.

  “C’mon mate,” Joel encouraged, putting his arm out for Adam.

  Raelene turned the stereo off and then came up to my side. She slung her arm over my shoulder causing me to sway a little. We watched as both men lurched toward the house. It was a funny sight to see when Joel stumbled just as badly as Adam did.

  “I’m not sure who’s helping who,” I said, when they got stuck together in the door way side by side.

  “I love you man!” Adam said to Joel.

  “Love you too, my brother,” Joel returned.

  Raelene and I flew into a fit of giggles. When we finally stopped, Raelene stared at me with an unreadable expression.

  “I’m so glad he found you,” she whispered, squeezing me to her side. “He deserves to be happy.”

  I didn’t know how to reply to that. Luckily, Joel came back outside and saved me from having to. Raelene let me go and threw herself at Joel. He hugged her back but watched me standing behind her.

  “Your man is flat on his back in bed.” Joel laughed when she let him go.

  “Well, I better get to him before he falls asleep. Have fun you two!” She wriggled her eyebrows at us. “But not too much fun, remember Chelsea will be up bright and early and jumping on your bed. I’m gonna go see if my man can get me pregnant!”

  “You what?” Joel asked, in shock.

  “Didn’t we tell you? We’re trying for another baby!” She turned and walked away shouting a “’Night, guys!” over her shoulder.

  “Wow, I had no idea.” Joel turned to me. “That’s pretty awesome news!”

  “The look on your face…” I laughed at him. “Anyone would think you’d just found out she was pregnant.”

  “Sorry, I’m just really happy for them.” He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.

  “I can only imagine what you would be like if I was the one pregnant then. Shit. I just meant that- I didn’t mean-”

  “Damn your cute when you’re flustered!” Joel picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder. “Now I’m taking you to bed woman!”

  “Joel ahh!”

  “Shh!” He tapped me on the butt as he staggered towards the back door.

  “Please don’t drop me!” I squealed.

  “Keep it down or you’ll wake up Chels,” he boomed just as loudly as I did.

  I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing and allowed Joel to carry me through the family room, down the hall before he dumped me on the bed in the spare room. He nuzzled my belly and tickled my sides.

  “Stop it!” I said through giggles. “Joel don’t!”

  He finally relented and collapsed on top of me. His
head rested just below my breasts. I slowed down my breathing and played with his hair. I started to feel sleepy. Joel remained quiet and I thought he was falling asleep too, until he suddenly spoke.

  “It wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”

  “What’s that?” I continued to run my hands through his hair. He lifted his head to look at me.

  “Their life – Raelene and Adam’s?”

  “I can’t believe how much we think alike,” I mused.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I was just thinking that earlier.”

  “They’re so happy, it’s contagious.” He lay his head back down and I resumed playing with his hair in silence for a couple of minutes. “Oh, I forgot to do something!”

  “What’s that?”

  “To take advantage of you while you’re drunk,” he stated matter-of-factly, ripping his t-shirt over his head and climbing my body.

  “Well, come on then, I’m sobering by the second.” I giggled and then pulled his face to mine, sighing against the taste of his lips.

  He rolled us until we were lying side by side. His hands lightly glided across my bare midriff and undid my jeans. He gently tugged the button free and undid the zipper torturously slow, the loudness of it the only sound in the room. I held my breath. Running his hands up my belly and then under my shirt, his fingers teased the undersides of my breasts before moving back down my hips and inside my jeans. Gradually, he dragged my jeans off. I was barely able to lift my body to help him - I was weak with want and my body felt heavy with alcohol. Once my jeans were tugged free, he deliberately took his time gliding his hands back up my legs, trailing kisses behind them.

  Then he positioned himself between my legs, looking up at me with a smirk. It was always such a sexy look on him but the location made it more so, dirty even, and I loved it. My insides clenched in anticipation as he teased me by trailing his tongue along the tops of one thigh and then the other, just below my underwear line, below where I needed him.

  “Joel?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Please don’t make me beg.”

  “You do realise you are begging me not to make you beg right?”