My Only Reason (A Love is Love Book Book 1)

by Leigh Lennon

  “Is the cabin all locked up?” I ask with our bags in my hand and the large Yeti cooler in his.

  “Yeah, man. I hate that we have to get back to the real world, but one day, and soon, we’ll be back here. Next time, we’ll bring Brooklyn. And she’ll school you on fishing.”

  The corners of his mouth turn into a bright smile. He loves ribbing me over my lack of fishing skills.

  “Yeah, I’m sure the princess can teach me a thing or two.” I wonder how we’ll conduct ourselves in front of Brooklyn, but it’s a worry we can save for another day. We crawl into his truck, and as he backs up, my hand finds Crush’s knee, and this encourages a broader smile from him.

  “Mom and Dad fly in on Wednesday and have already requested your presence at dinner, so I’m certainly not telling my mom no.”

  I squeeze his knee. “So, what you’re telling me is that I’m going to dinner with y’all on Wednesday? It’s sort of like giving you a blowjob, babe. It’s not an imposition.”

  He gives me a side-eye, accompanied by a grimace. “You can’t do this to me while I’m driving.”

  I turn my attention to the growing erection that can’t be hidden in his athletic shorts.

  “If I didn’t think you’d wreck, I’d do something about this.” With my threat or promise, he responds to me with the bird, but knowing I can turn my man on, anytime and anywhere, does something for the ego.

  The drive seems fast, and I’m watching life pass me by in the passenger window, and the next thing I know, we’re pulling into his garage next to my Lambo.

  “Hey, girl, did you miss me?” I call out when I catch sight of my car. Crush lifts an eyebrow at my greeting for the Lambo. “What can I say, babe? It’s the only girl who’s ever given me a woody.”

  He throws his arms around my neck, pulling me in for a long sensual kiss the second his garage door shuts. “I can allow this, I guess,” Crush interjects, “but I better be the only one with a pulse to ever give you a woody.”

  Wednesday rolls around, and I’ve not stayed over with Crush all week. We weren’t sure if leaving his house in the early morning hours would be picked up by the paparazzi. I don’t always know when I’m being followed or watched. According to Crush, they still follow Alison around. However, in Crush’s mind, she’s missed the fame of being married to a well-known football player.

  We’ve arrived at the practice field at the same time to walk together, normally in peace and quiet. “I miss you,” I say each morning, but I know he feels the same way, and fuck, do I want to pull him into an embrace.

  “What do you think about coming over tonight after dinner? I want to spend some time with you,” I suggest. As though Alison understands something is good in Crush’s life, she claims she’s been called away on a family emergency, and Brooklyn’s spending the week with her dad. A nanny comes early in the morning to watch her for the day. I knew if I were to go over there, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off him.

  “I’m sure Mom and Dad will take Brooklyn back to the house after supper. And I can stop by for a couple of hours. But…”

  “My second garage bay is open. You can use it,” I explain.

  “By the way, Mom can’t wait to see you, though she’s already warned me that she’s going to let you have it.”

  His mother has always been spirited, but I’m not sure if this word does Kimberly Colton justice.

  “I figured that much.” We cross through the front doors to the facility.

  “We’ll make up for some lost time tonight, pretty boy,” he whispers, and when he says shit like this, though it’s meaningful and truthful, it makes me want to push him against the lockers and just thrust my cock into him.

  My phone beeps, and like the nosy son of a bitch Crush is, he peers over my shoulder.

  “Ry?” My name on his lips comes out as more of a warning than the question it had been meant to be.

  “Listen here, Mr. Commanding, Garrison and I have always been friends. He sort of guessed there was something on your end that you’ve been battling with. But, believe me, he won’t become territorial. Although he’ll continue to be my friend, caveman.”

  We pass the hallway, where the voices of the other players can be heard all the way from the locker room. “We’re not done talking about this, PB.”

  I furrow my brows together and worry about the wrinkles on the top of my forehead. “Big country, I’m not fond of the shortened version of pretty boy, and yes, this subject is fucking closed.” He gives me a forced smile, walking in front of me, and I admire his ass in his athletic shorts, even if he’s pissed me off with his ultimatum.

  Crush lets Garrison’s phone call affect him during practice, as his throws are all either too long or too short.

  When the entire team is out of earshot, Dallas jogs up to me. “Problems in paradise?” he asks, but answering his question would be a betrayal of trust with Crush. And when I don’t answer, he continues. “And I know I can trust you with my secret for this very reason. But figure out a way to get his focus back on the game.”

  I didn’t realize he’s so insecure about my friendship with Garrison. But Satan herself cheated on him, so it’s understandable.

  When there’s a break to our practice, I make my way toward my quarterback when Coach stops me. “Whatever is up his butt, fix it, Hanley, and fix it fucking now.”

  Crush sits on the bench on the sidelines near the middle part of the field. “Crush,” I begin, and he puts his hand in the air to stop me.

  “She cheated on me, Ry, in our bed, and even though I couldn’t always give her a hundred percent of me, I tried, for our child, for us. And the idea of this repeating itself with someone I’m fully invested in causes me to never want to love again.”

  I have this urgency to pull his hand into mine, anything to take away this pain. “I can’t imagine what it was like to catch Alison like that. But I’m not Alison. You have to trust me, or we can’t build anything.”

  “But can’t you choose anyone but a former lover?” His eyes have tears that flood his crystal blues.

  “Garrison is the reason I’m out and proud. He’s been there for me, and I’d do anything for you, Christopher. I’d give up my friendship with him, but do you really want to ask me to give up something this important? Is this how you want to start our relationship together?”

  He’s quiet, and when he doesn’t answer me, I continue. “I’ll let you stew on that. Garrison will understand—I know he would—because he also understands I’ve never loved like I love you.”

  I push to my feet, and I want to do something, anything to comfort him, but I don’t dare draw attention to ourselves. “Come find me when you’re ready to talk. Remember, Christopher Colton, it has always been you. Only you.”

  I walk away, carrying my helmet in my hand. This is a decision he’ll have to come to on his own.

  Crush’s throws improve, but after a long day, he’s gone by the time I shower and change. When I glance at my cell, a smile pulls at my lips with his name on the phone.

  Crush: I was an asshole. Can you forgive me?

  I don’t think. I don’t have to.

  Me: Already forgiven.

  The dots appear as I wait on his reply.

  Crush: Since I’m forgiven, does this mean we’re still on for tonight?

  Me: Fuck yeah. I’ll meet you at the restaurant.

  I start to type babe, but I delete it and send it. I’m through the double doors, my mind on getting to my man, when someone calls my name behind me. “Hanley.”

  Dallas jogs to catch up with me. “Whatever you said to Crush worked. And whatever I think is going on between you two”—his voice lowers—“I want you to know I won’t say anything.”

  I give him a curt nod because I don’t want to confirm anything, but in my smile, he has my thank-you. “So, I’ve been thinking about what you’ve said. I’m looking at hiring a PR consultant to go over what this may look like, coming out. I’m tired of not being myself.�
�

  “It’s a good plan, and the team I used was worth every penny. I’ll forward you the information tonight. I have someplace to be, so I’ll send it later. Is that cool?”

  “Yeah.” He looks away and quiets instantly.

  “Something on your mind?”

  Taking in a deep breath, he looks around for anyone who may overhear. He shoves his hands in his pockets as we continue to walk to our cars.

  “You know the man I told you about?”

  I give him a little nod, waiting for more. “I tried to reach out to him over the weekend—to tell him I’m coming out. He’s open and has been. He’s not particularly in an easy field for being gay, and he came out, anyway. He thinks it should be just as simple for me to tell everyone to fuck off.”

  “Well, the one thing I learned is that you can’t compare yourself to anyone else in this world. You do you, and if he’s ready to accept you back in his life when you come out, then he was worth it. If he doesn’t, it wasn’t y’all’s time.”

  “Hell, Ry, I have to admit, you’re one wise fucker. The guy who makes you an honest man will be lucky as fuck.” I know he more than suspects something with Crush and me, but just like Dallas, it’s not Crush’s time either, and I won’t put any pressure on my man.

  I give Dallas a wave, and we part ways for the night, and in just a matter of seconds, I’m on my way to see Crush.

  16

  Crush

  The steak house, which happens to be my parents' favorite, always seats us in a private back room. I’m the first one to sign autographs, but with my time limited with my mom, dad, and daughter, I attempt to protect it.

  “I have another guest joining us, too,” I mention to the manager who seats us. I’d not known until a couple of minutes ago if Ry would come due to our fight from earlier.

  My mother has Brooklyn on her lap, and they’re coloring one of the many sheets the waitress set out for her. “Grammy, look I am a pretty artist.” Kimberly Colton has barely let her granddaughter out of her arms. In my mother’s words, she’s been placed on the earth to do two things—be a mother and then a grandmother.

  “So, who’s meeting us for dinner?” my pops asks, leaning closer to me because when I picked them up at the airport, I wasn’t sure about Ry, and I told my parents he was probably not able to join us. “It’s not the anti-Christ? Please tell me it’s not her.” My parents have to mentally prepare for Alison, and Brooklyn’s birthday party will be more than enough time for them in the same room together.

  “No, Pops, I wouldn’t do that to you. Or Mom.”

  My father’s eyes square in on mine. “You seem really happy. I’ve not seen you like this since well before the divorce. There’s a peace with you.”

  He’s not wrong. “Yeah, I’m pretty fucking happy, Pops,” I reply.

  “Christopher Thomas Colton, language!” My mom fusses at me even though I was as quiet as a church mouse.

  “Sorry, Mom.” I pull her in for a side hug and give her a kiss on the cheek.

  From a mirror on the far wall, I spy the manager escorting Ry back. His LSU ball cap is pulled low on his head, and he looks beautiful in a pair of faded jeans and a pink polo. I swear, he owns more pink and purple than Brooklyn does.

  “Hey, Mom, maybe this will brighten your day.” I point at the little walkway I can see from the mirror. Ryder turns the corner, a large smile on his face, and my mother recognizes him immediately. Standing up, she screams, legit screams, calling for him, holding Brooklyn, not able to contain her excitement.

  My father leans in close to me. “Is this the reason you’re so fucking happy?”

  I shrug my shoulders, and he claps his hand on my back. “You know, you’re only given so many chances. Don’t let this one slip away, son.” He crosses the room in three large steps. I’m built like my father, and with his height of six feet four and his crystal blue eyes, it’s not hard to see who I take after.

  “Ryder Hanley, I swear to the Lord above, if you ever leave me again without a good-bye, I’ll hunt you down and give you a beating of a lifetime.”

  Ry pulls my mom along with my daughter into a hug. “Never again, Kimberly.”

  “Okay, now that this is settled, I forgive you, son.” She gives him a pat on the shoulder and everything from the past is now settled.

  She turns still with Brooklyn in her arms, and Ry leans into me, and after this past weekend, I want to embrace him and plant a kiss on his face. His whisper creates goose bumps on my arms. “I thought it would be worse.”

  Ry sits across from me, but I take the opportunity to touch him with my foot as he gives me an all-knowing wink. My connection with him continues, and with the tilt of his head and the roll of his eyes, it’s his silent way of saying he loves it.

  “You promise?” my mom asks, holding Ryder tight in a hug and not letting him go.

  “Mom.” I’m trying to give Ry some relief from my overprotective mother. “He’s not going anywhere.”

  “And I’ll be at someone’s birthday party this weekend?” He begins to tickle Brooklyn as my pops holds her in his large embrace. “Anyway, princess, someone told me there’d be steak and mashed potatoes. Do you think I’ll miss that?”

  “You bet your bottoms dollas we have steak,” Brooklyn declares, and I move to grab her, to buckle her in the back of my truck. Knowing I’d use the excuse of doing party planning tonight to make it to Ry’s house, and for this little rouse, my parents and I brought two cars.

  “Okay, peanut, promise you’ll be good for Grammy and Pop Pop, okay?” I ask.

  “Oh, please, Pops,” she calls me what I call my own Pops. “They want to read me many books. I’ll have to beg to makes them to stop.”

  I swing my gaze to my mother. “Promise me, you’ll obey, too, Grammy?” I tease.

  “Scouts honor, son. Don’t be out too late.” It’s certainly the motherly thing to say regardless of my age.

  “When were you a Girl Scout?”

  She ignores me, but I still overhear her. “We’re getting rid of your grumpy pops, now let’s go party, baby.”

  As I lean against my Charger Hellcat, my grin widens, and I look around to make sure I’m not in anyone’s earshot. “Hey.” I want to touch him and run my fingers through his thick black hair.

  “Hey, you,” he responds. “Want to pull into my garage when we make it back to my house?”

  “Good idea, pretty boy.” He’s leaning against his Lambo across from me. “So, you ready?”

  “The question, big country, is are you ready? Because once I get my hands on you, I don’t think I’m going to let go.”

  My keys are in my shorts pockets. I hit the key fob to open my door. “I’ll race you there, pretty boy. And what you said you’ll do to me, it better be a fucking promise,” I demand.

  “It’s more like a threat.” He slides into his Lambo, and we both race toward his house. Yeah, it may be a threat, but it’s a threat I’ll fucking relish.

  I’m following him close, and when both of the bays of his garage open, we slide in side by side. I don’t dare leave the comfort of my car, not until the garage doors are completely shut, and we both fly out and meet halfway.

  His hands almost sting my cheeks when they make contact with me. “Fuck, Christopher. After only three days away from you, I’m going crazy. I have to touch you. I need to taste you.”

  “Pretty boy, I went for six years without you, and I shouldn’t have to wait anymore to do this.” My lips part, and I lick them. I’m salivating looking at this man’s mouth.

  “Kiss me, big country. Mark me so deep that I can fill your lips on me every day. And when I sense your mouth on me in my memory, my cock will come to attention.”

  There’s nothing else to say, so my lips crash upon his. Pushing his mouth open with my tongue, I mark him with a little love bite. Ry’s chuckle vibrates through my mouth, and I wrap him close to me.

  “Let’s take it inside, babe,” he breathes out when he pulls back fr
om me with his broad toothy grin. His smile is sexy. His laughter is sexy. His words are sexy. He’s absolutely sexy.

  “Love this idea, Ry.” I’m kissing him as we shove through his door, around his kitchen, into his den, to finally end up in his room. But I push him onto the bed, and he loves my harshness, my toughness. I know I couldn’t hurt him with my strength, and it’s one of the million reasons I love being with Ryder.

  After stalking the couple of inches between us, I crawl onto the mattress and over his beautiful body. My face hovers over his, and I hold myself up with one hand while caressing his stubble with the other. “Ryder, you know I love you, right?”

  The mocha hues of his eyes glisten, and his entire face shines in the semi-darkness of the room. “I love you, too. Fuck, I love you so much, I can’t even breathe when I think of the life we can have together.” Ryder’s declaration isn’t a surprise, yet I covet these words anyway.

  “I want it all with you, too.” I roll over and pull his body next to mine, rubbing the taut muscles on his stomach, listening to him breathe. “You know, my dad suspects something is up with us.”

  He turns to his side. “Seriously?” However, his tone indicates he’s not freaked out.

  “My pops told me not to let fate slip by a second time—you know, it’s some fatherly advice they learn over the years. But I’m positive my mother doesn’t know. Not that she wouldn’t welcome you with open arms, but it was something my dad always said he’d keep between us, being my story to share with Mom when I was ready.”

  “Fuck, I love your parents.” There’s a flash of anger for a brief second, concerning his own parents, but it subsides. “Kelsey and Loretta are coming up for the first opening game. And if you’re okay…”

  “If you trust her, Ry, I trust her,” I reply and he leans in and kisses me on the top of my forehead.

  “However, I’m positive that someone else knows.” His statement is so casual. My pulse starts to quicken, and I break out in a sweat. “He can be trusted. He’s not going to throw us under the bus.”