“Amelia.” He looks down at me.
I’m torn. Should I curtsy? Are we going to shake hands? At one time I knew exactly what I would do, but now I see how he treats his son, and I can’t bring myself to do what I should.
“Call me Phillip.” He reaches out his hand to me, the same way he did to Tristan.
Even that strikes me as odd, I’m not related to him, and he’s just greeted me the same way as he did his son.
“Nice to see you again, Phillip.” I keep my eyes cast downward. I don’t want to engage, and I feel like it’s the appropriate thing to do.
“What are your plans?” Tristan asks as we walk into the Palace.
Immediately I notice how many people flank us. I can see some wearing badges. Aides, members of the press, and other security now that we’re here. It never occurred to me how many more people would be in our lives once we took up residence. It’s just one of the new things I’m going to have to get used to.
Shannon stands beside me as my hair is being fixed, reviewing the schedule we have over the next week and a half. She’s doing her best to keep me in the loop about what I’m wearing and where we’re expected to be. Tristan and I split up hours ago. Him to go talk to his father about the ceremony taking place tonight, and me to get ready.
“My head is spinning,” I admit to her. “I knew this was going to be a lot, but I don’t think I realized how much it would actually be.”
“It’s understandable.” She hands me an energy drink with a straw in it. “But as long as you have me by your side, you’ll be fine. We’re in this together.”
I smile at her, grateful and thankful to have her with me. There’s only so much I can take on - on my own. To know she’s here, just in case I need her, is more than I know other people in my position have had.
All around me there are noises, voices of people speaking, it occurs to me they’re speaking at me, not to me. It’s too much to take on today, but I know if I want this nation to see me as their Queen, I’ll have to stand up for myself. I take a fortifying drink of the water someone placed in front of me. It almost hurts to swallow, my throat is so dry. I’m not sure if it’s out of thirst or fear.
If I’m honest with myself I know the answer.
Fear.
I’m scared I’m going to fail. Not be the woman Tristan needs, not be the woman this country needs. What if I’m an embarrassment to women everywhere and not the empowering role model I want to be?
“Whatever is going through your head right now, leave it.” I hear Shannon. “You gone pale as a ghost all of a sudden. Whatever you’re thinking about. Stop. You’re going to do amazingly. Tonight will be a success, and then you’ll have your wedding.”
“I’ll have Tristan.” I smile at her in the mirror.
“You’ll have Tristan,” she confirms.
Maybe that’s the scary part. I’m not sure I’ll ever really have him. There’s always going to be someone who needs him just as much as I do.
His loyalty will never truly be mine.
It will always lie with his country.
The thought scares me more than I’m willing to admit, but I just put a smile on my face. I pray no one sees what’s going on behind my eyes. Truth is; I’m terrified.
Chapter Thirty-One
Tristan
“She looks scared to death.”
His tone is accusatory and it pisses me straight off. Not for me, but for her. There’s no reason he should be commenting on her, not when she’s the person he picked, and she’s going to be my wife. I’ve never stood up for anyone else. Toward the end, I should’ve stood up for my mother, but I didn’t. I regret it every single day, and I’ve promised myself I won’t have those same regrets when it comes to Amelia.
I turn to my father, facing him for the first time since we walked into his study. Actually, guess it’s my study now. It’ll take a while for me to get used to calling things that have always been his, mine. “Wouldn’t you be scared to death? Look at what she’s facing.” I sweep my arm across the room, hoping he understands the scope of everything involved with being the face of this country. “She’s doing a great job, handling everything that’s been thrown at her. Lesser women would have cracked under then pressure, but not her. She’s held it together, and she’s helped me hold it together. None of this is easy for anyone.”
“It was for you,” he argues. It’s always been a thorn in his side how well I seem to adapt to situations out of my control. A part of my personality learned from my mother. “But you didn’t realize it. You took and took, didn’t know how good you had it, Tris. I hope you’re ready for your new station in life.”
I’m not, and we both know it. Admitting it does me no good.
“I was born for this,” I remind him. I don’t have a choice, and I never did. “It was planned for me as soon as I was born a boy.”
“We all were, Tristan. I just don’t know if you’re prepared.”
There’s a part of me that hates what I’m about to say to him, there’s another part that knows it’s exactly the truth. He’s been so wrapped up in his selfishness for so many years, he can’t see past it. The minute my mother died, he withdrew and he’s never been able be the father he should have been. “Your fault.” I throw the words at him. “You had two jobs. Rule this country and make sure I was ready for my turn. You ruled this country well, no one will ever be able to say you’ve been a shitty ruler. But as a dad? You failed.”
“You think so, don’t you?” His eyes light with a fire I haven’t seen in years.
“The country is doing fine, but I’ve not been okay for years. I’ve been able to adapt, because that’s my personality. But I haven’t been okay. You know it and I know it. You just ignored it.”
“We’re going to do this now, huh?” Father looks around, seeing everyone staring at us. It’s not like him to do this in a public setting. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to clear the room.”
It’s hard to push the saliva down my throat. I’ve never been scared of him, even when I’ve made him furious. Tonight though, I’m slightly worried. There’s something about the way he’s behaving I don’t understand. The look on his face is dark, full of thunder and hell-bent on injury. I’ve seen it a few times before, not always pointed at me, but I’m going to get the full brunt of it tonight. I have no doubt about it.
“Clear the room!” he says again, turning into the man I know. Getting frustrated when someone doesn’t immediately bow to his authority is one of his signature moves.
Parker steps forward. “Sir?”
Our eyes meet and we have an entire conversation in the span of a few seconds. That’s how well we’ve come to know each other. His loyalty is to me, not the crown. He doesn’t want me to do this, but there’s no way I can’t. If I’m ever going to get out from underneath what holds me down, my father and I have to have words. They have to be the words of an adult too, they can’t be the anger of a child. “Go.” I nod to him. “It’ll be fine.”
“Taking orders from you now, is he?” Dad rolls his eyes.
“I’m his King.” I take great pleasure in taunting him. If there’s one thing he hates, it’s being reminded he’s about to give all of this up. “All that’s left is the ceremony. Both you and I know the ceremony is just that. Ceremonial. Legally I’m the King of Haldonia.”
“Be that as it may.” Dad buttons his suit jacket. I’ve always hated when he pulls this mood. It’s like he’s buttoning himself off from the rest of the world, putting on some sort of mask that allows him to be someone else. “I’m still not sure you or your soon-to-be bride are prepared. Does she know you killed your mother?”
My blood boils. I run hot a lot of the time anyway, but right now I can feel the rage bubbling just beneath the surface. His accusations have bothered me for years, but tonight, I’ve had enough. “I didn’t kill her,” I argue.
“You might as well have,” he yells. Here it comes, how much he hates me. I’ve wanted him to s
ay these words to me for so long. It hurts, but at the same time, I’m happy it’s finally out in the open. “She left here that night because you and I couldn’t get along.”
“Because you stopped seeing me as your son,” I yell back at him. These are the words I’ve wanted to say for so long. “The minute you realized you were going to give up your crown to me, the second you knew I would make a good leader, you stopped treating me like a son. You started treating me like an enemy.” I’m doing my best to keep the emotion out of my voice. But then I can’t. He needs to know. He should have known all along, tradition is tradition. “I loved you,” I whisper. “I would have done anything in this world to make you proud of me, but all you wanted was control. The law of succession is just that, Dad.” I shake my head. “A law. Regardless of what you want, I would still be taking the throne.”
“Don’t turn this around on me. I don’t want control. I want someone who will know how to bring this country into the next decade. Someone who has the best interest of the people at heart. Not someone who will run when it gets tough. Serious decisions have to be made when an entire country counts on you.”
“But when your son counts on you, it doesn’t matter? Does it?” I throw it back in his face. With most men, they would have the decency to feel bad. Not my dad, I think he takes some great pleasure in not being emotionally invested in anything other than the throne he sits atop.
“Run along, Tristan.” He smirks.
“I did run,” I admit. “I was a teenager. Of course I ran. She was my mother and she was gone. One day she was here, and the next day she wasn’t. She was the one who made my days better, who cared how I felt. I was angry and I needed you, but you weren’t around. You were so deep in your own misery you couldn’t see how much I needed you. I still do, but you don’t want to hear that either.” I run my hands through my hair. “I don’t know what you wanted from me then and I sure as hell don’t know what you want from me now. I’m sick of trying to figure it out on my own.”
“For you to take responsibility.”
“For what?” I scream, not understanding why he’s so upset.
He advances on me, wrapping his hands around my neck. He squeezes, and it’s right then I realize he’s lost his damn mine. “You killed her, Tristan. If she hadn’t left here so upset, she wouldn’t have gotten in the car with you, she wouldn’t have driven so fast.”
Surprise causes me to try and inhale deeply. He’s really doing this to me right now? My heart breaks in half because I know there’s no way for us to come back from this. He’s never assaulted me before, and I can’t believe he’s doing it to me right now.
I’m pulling his hands from around my neck. Trying to make him see what he’s doing. He’s seriously coming unhinged. Luckily I’m stronger than him, and I manage to slip the grip he has on me. “The paparazzi killed her,” I say the words as calmly as possible, trying to diffuse the situation. “If they hadn’t been following her, she would have cooled off and it would have been fine. It was an accident.” I do my best to try and get between him and his clouded memories of so long ago. I have no doubt he’ll severely injure me if I can’t get him to calm down.
“Nothing is ever an accident, Tristan. There’s always a plan.” He shakes his head. “Always a plan. Even when you don’t think it’s possible.”
He drops his hands from around my neck, leaving the room like nothing happened. As I watch him walk away, I can’t help but wonder exactly what he meant by those words.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Amelia
Today has been one of the longest days I’ve had since we came to the Palace. The final wedding dress fitting and the last of the decisions for the wedding have been made. I get the feeling tonight is the last night Tristan and I will ever be normal again. It makes me sad, we had gotten into such a good routine, and now here we are. I haven’t even seen him today. Tomorrow night we won’t be sleeping with one another, so we have to make this count.
Entering the bedroom, I shut the door, sighing. The wood catches my weight as I slump back against it.
“Sounds like your day has been as long as mine.”
The deep tone of his voice is welcome, and I can’t help but smile. I’ve missed him, and all I’ve wanted to do all day is see him. “It has been.”
He comes walking out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, another towel scrubbing against his hair. “I’m sick of everyone pulling at us from all different directions.” He throws the towel in the floor.
“I can see why you like it better at the house in the country,” I admit, reaching up to remove the pin holding my hair. It feels good to let the heavy mass down. My scalp throbs with soreness where it was secured. Pushing away from the door, I rub at the back of my neck as I walk closer to where he stands.
When I get within touching distance, he pushes his hands into my hair, massaging the soreness out. I moan loudly. This feels heavenly. “Don’t stop.”
There’s a deep chuckle in his chest. “Usually you’re saying those words and they have an entirely different meaning.”
I glance over my shoulder at him. “Don’t turn this into something it isn’t, Tristan. You have no idea how much my hair follicles hurt.”
He chuckles as he continues massaging my scalp. “Beauty is pain, Lia.”
I roll my eyes, turning around to face him. “Or so they say.”
He pulls me into his arms, running them up and down my body. Instead of the normal fall into passion it usually is, it’s soothing, calming me down from the crazy day I’ve had.
“In two days we’ll be married,” he whispers, a touch of awe in his voice. “Six months ago, it seemed so far away, and now it seems like it’s been nothing but a blink of our eyes.”
“I know,” I answer back, the same awe in mine. “Are we ready?” It’s a question I’ve been asking myself since we came back into the city. I don’t love it here as much as I thought I would. I guess I was under the impression I’d be a Princess in a castle, but it’s not been that way at all. This is work, and I’m more than expected to pull my weight.
He sighs, brushing a kiss against my temple. If there’s anything I know, it’s that we’re a team against anyone who wants to tear us down. “We’re ready.” He tightens his arms around me. “I’m ready, I’m more than ready to be with you for the rest of my life. I’m unsure if we’re ready for the media onslaught and the invasion into our personal moments, though.”
Pulling back, I look up into his dark eyes. They’re the eyes I’ve come to love, the ones I’ve started looking or in crowded rooms, what I see when I turnover at night in bed. He seems to not sleep lately, either afraid he’s going to miss something, or maybe his brain is churning with all the things we must do. I don’t know, because I haven’t asked, and that’s my fault.
Something I’m going to correct.
“Are you okay?” I caress his neck, pulling my hand along his whisker-covered jaw.
The side of his mouth lifts up in a small smile. “Yeah, but I’m anxious.”
My stomach turns slightly, worry creeping in. “Anxious about what?”
“Not about you,” he’s quick to assure me. “For you. Like I know what comes with this life, I know what the people of this country are going to expect. You don’t.”
“But I do,” I argue. “I’ve lived here my entire life. Part of my life has been researching your family and knowing what’s expected of me. As your betrothed, I had classes. Granted they aren’t the same as real-world application, but I’ll get through it. What I don’t know, I’ll learn. That’s what Shannon and the others here are for. I want to make you proud, Tristan.” I lean in, kissing him quickly.
“You make me proud, no matter what you do. I can’t believe I’m going to have you beside me for the rest of my life.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to have you for the rest of my life either, but you have to promise me we’re going to work together.”
He nods. “It’s
not something I’m used to. You have to understand.”
“I do understand.” Because I saw what happened when his mother died. I watched as his father kept a firm hand on the Monarchy and I have to believe he did the same with his son. “At the same time, you have to tell me your feelings.”
“I know, and that’s not where I excel.” He grins, rocking back on his feet.
“Maybe there’s something we can do to work on that.” There’s an idea niggling at the back of my mind. One I want him to agree with.
“What do you have in mind?”
“Why don’t you get dressed in your comfy clothes, I’ll get dressed in mine, and we can meet right back here.”
His eyebrow quirks, but he nods. “Okay, I’m trusting you soon-to-be-wife.”
The fact I’m about to be his wife makes me happier than I ever imagined it would, to hear him say those words means everything to me. “If you give me your trust, I promise I won’t break it.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
Quickly I start changing into the clothes I like to lounge in. A weird thought crosses my mind. When we get married and move into the big bedroom here, do I have to stop wearing shorts and a t-shirt? I make a note to ask the question.
Brushing out my hair feels amazing, especially since it’s been up all day. I do the rest of my business faster than I normally do; I want to be with Tristan more than I want to do my nightly routine.
He’s lying in bed, waiting on me, making the best picture I’ve seen in a long time.
“Took you long enough,” he teases.
I give him a look.
“Ohhh there’s that sass.”
Climbing into bed, I face him, pulling my legs in front of me. Shifting around, I sit cross-legged, putting my hands underneath my chin. “I’ll show you sass.”
We stare at one another, until he breaks into a smile.
Royal Rebel: A Royal Romance (The Haldonia Monarchy Book 1) Page 16