“Okay, Lia, tell me what we can do to work on our feelings.”
“Each night before we go to bed, we reserve a few minutes for one another. We talk about our days, if something is bothering is, if something great happened. We have to communicate in order to have a successful marriage, and there’s no better way to communicate than to talk.”
“Oh I can think of a few other ways we can communicate.” He winks at me.
Giggling, I reach out, smacking his arm. “Stop, I’m being serious, Tris. I want our marriage to work. When the world looks at us, I want people to see a couple who truly loves each other. Partners in both life and work. I don’t want us to hate each other.”
He grabs my hand, pulling it up to his mouth. The simple kiss he drops there is enough to make my heart flutter. “We’re never going to hate each other.”
There’s a part of me that wants to tell him not to make promises he may not be able to keep. “How do you know?”
“I don’t hate people I love.” He pushes my hair back from my face.
“People we love can be the first we hate,” I argue softly.
“Let’s not invite trouble where we don’t have any, Lia.”
I lean in, resting my head against his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist. He holds me tightly, and I know I’m never going to feel safer than I do in his arms.
“As long as we stand together, no one will be able to break us,” I swallow roughly. “We have to keep a united front, if we have a disagreement, it gets handled here. At night, where we can talk about it in the comfort of our own bedroom.”
“I promise.” He kisses my neck softly. “Do you?”
“I promise.” I kiss him on his neck.
We pull apart, he lays down, and I lay next to him, snuggling up to his side. I can smell the shampoo and body wash he uses; it’s become one of my favorite scents. The way his beard scratches against my forehead as he tucks my body in beside him.
“Our lives are going to change.” I play with the hem of the shirt he’s wearing.
“But it doesn’t mean we have to.”
In reality I know it won’t be so easy, it’s going to be work. But I’m willing to put in the work as long as he is.
I make a noise in my throat, grabbing his hand. Our fingers entwine together, and tonight as I drift off to sleep, I do it with a smile on my face.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Tristan
“When do you plan to officially abdicate?”
It’s an answer to a question I’ve been asking since I came here. Times in the past I called this home, but right now it doesn’t feel like it. Not after he and I had it out. Truth be told, it hasn’t felt like home in a while. I’m hoping I can change that with Amelia. The quicker I can get him out of the palace and into his own home, the better it is for me and Amelia. We can start our lives and not have to worry about him moping around.
My father has been dragging his feet when it comes to doing what he’s supposed to do. My wedding is tomorrow, and I don’t want to worry about what he’s going to do.
“Tomorrow when we come to the balcony.”
I roll my eyes, sighing. I should have known he would take one last moment for himself. “It’s always got to be about you, doesn’t it?”
He’s unaffected. “I am the King, Tristan.”
“Not really,” I remind him, a smirk on my face. “The minute I turned twenty-five your time was over. You don’t have to even abdicate. By law the crown is mine.” He hates this, the way his jaw tightens, his teeth grind together. The only thing he’s known for the last twenty-six years is the throne.
“You don’t have to remind me.”
“I’m not unsympathetic to what’s happening with you, Dad. It’s time, though, time for you to find a hobby, something that will make you happy.”
His tone is resigned, a sadness replacing so much of the anger and vindication that’s been there for so long. “Your mother made me happy.”
The words are like a punch in the gut. No matter how hard he’s made life for me the past few years, he’s still my father.
More than anyone, I know this. I know the shell of a man he became once she was gone, and it still hurts that I wasn’t able to help ease his pain. I suspect no one will ever be able to ease the hell he lives in. He’s never said it, but I know he blames himself. If he wasn’t king, my mom wouldn’t have been in the situation she was in.
“There are other things that can make you happy.”
He looks over and for the first time in a long time he’s looking at me without the mask of the man he’s become. He’s looking at me like the father he was. I take this look and hold onto it. The grieving widower who doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings has been pushed aside for a short amount of time.
“I’m not so sure about that.” he rubs his chin. “I wasn’t like you. I lived my life knowing this would be the endgame for me. You knew it, but you didn’t allow it to keep you from experiencing all the things a young man does.”
For the first time in my life, I’m hearing something I’ve wanted to from my Dad. The truth, possible pride, and praise I never counted on.
“I never would have thought to break curfew, ditch my protection team, or drive my car at top speeds through the streets of Haldonia. I respect you doing that in a way.” he stops to take a drink of the water sitting in front of him. “I’ve had no life experience. Not like you have. There isn’t anything for me to compare to. I never did anything I wasn’t supposed to do.”
For the first time, I chuckle, realizing how much of a hellion I am compared to him. Maybe he didn’t know how to control me because he’d never once thought of being out of control. “You know, I never thought about it like that, but you’re right. I can’t remember you ever doing anything that angered your team, or grandfather. You truly have done everything you were supposed to do, haven’t you?”
He nods. “It’s why I’m so scared not to have this seat at the table anymore.”
I walk over, extending my hand to him. One of us has to forgive, and if it’s up to me, then that’s fine. For the good of my family and for the good of the country, I’ll take the first step. “You’ll always have a seat at my table. No matter how much we’ve argued over the years, especially since Mom died, you’ve always been my father.”
Uncharacteristic wetness can be seen in his eyes. He wipes discretely at it. “I admire you. As soon as you realized Amelia was here for you, you took her away from the scrutiny of downtown Haldonia. It’s obvious how close the two of you have become in the last few months. More than anything I wish you a life of love and a million memories. Sometimes memories are all we have left. I hate to be the person to remind you of that, and…” He stops for a moment, picking at an invisible piece of lint on his dress pants. “I’m sorry for what happened. When I put my hands on you. It never should have come to that. I’m terribly sorry, Tristan. I’ve had time to think about it, and put it into perspective. That angry man wasn’t me when I took this throne, and I don’t want it to be me as I leave it.”
“Thank you.”
There’s nothing more I can say. This man whose purposely kept himself closed off from everyone since my mother passed away is finally opening up. The way I’ve wanted him to my entire life. On the eve of my wedding, it’s almost too much for me to emotionally deal with.
I promise myself I will.
If he’s been brave enough to do this type of work on himself, the least I can do is appreciate it, and acknowledge it wasn’t easy.
“Tomorrow is okay with you?”
He phrases it in a question and for the first time in my life, I get he’s actually t asking my permission. He’s not being a smartass and framing it in a way where I’ll be expected to say yes. Perhaps believing he’s been doing that for so long is my fault. Maybe I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt when I should have.
“Tomorrow is perfect.” I open my arms, and he falls into them.
&nb
sp; Giving me the hug I’ve wanted far too often in my life, and never received. Those memories he talked about? This will be one of the best ones I carry with me, through whatever it is the future brings.
“Nervous?” Parker asks as he enters my office.
Dad left almost an hour ago and I’ve been sitting here, stewing in my own thoughts, trying to get them together. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, at least for me, and it’s starting to become abundantly clear the closer we get. I wonder what Amelia will look like possibly thirty years from now as we welcome a new King and Queen to take over Haldonia. That’s my plan. Five years before we bring a child into this craziness. I have a feeling it’ll be as soon as possible, though. I have a lot of love to give.
“Slightly.” I give him a smile.
He gives me a smile back. “That’s why I’ve brought you this.” From within his suit pocket he pulls two cigars out. “Figured we could toast on your upcoming nuptials.”
Parker has been my best friend for years, even though it’s arguable we shouldn’t be friends. He’s the person in charge of my protection and for intents and purposes I’m his employer. But I trust this man with my life. I trust him with everything. He’s never given me a reason not to, and he’s seen me at some of the worst times I’ve had. If there’s one person I want with me tonight, it’s him. I want him to see the man I’ve become and leave behind the kid I was.
“Nice.” I reach out to take the cigar.
It takes us a few moments but we get them cut down and lit. “I’m proud of you.” Parker blows a plume of smoke.
The words stop me, causing me to parrot them back. “Proud of me?”
“You’re not the same Tristan I used to know. You worry about Amelia more than you worry about yourself. You stand tall when people question you, and you worry about your country. While so many have called you spoiled, you’ve grown up. You’re becoming the man your mom would be proud of. The man she saw you becoming. This country will move into the next decade with you at the helm, and I have no doubt we’ll succeed. With you guiding us, we’ll be the best we’ve been.”
It takes me long moments to speak around the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Parker.”
“You know me, my Lord. I don’t say things I don’t mean. I don’t give praise just for the sake of giving it. You’ve earned it. It’s my pleasure to serve you.”
The talk is deep for the two of us. It’s not how we normally spend our time together, but knowing he’s proud of me is akin to knowing my father is proud of me.
And if that’s how I’m entering into this marriage. Then I know I’m giving Amelia the best I can give her.
Which helps me know for her, I’ll be the best man I can be.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Amelia
The room I’m in is opulent.
I don’t think I’ve ever been in an opulent room before. Granted, my family is well off, but we’re nothing like the royals.
Even though this is the house we stayed at for the last six months, I never came into this room, on the fourth floor.
Tristan and his crew are staying at the Palace. The trip will be made with me in a car, my father and Shannon by my side. I’m already shaking, thinking about it.
The bed is huge, big enough for at least six people, if I’m being honest. With just me in it, it’ll feel even smaller.
My phone makes a noise from where I laid it on the desk. It hasn’t made a noise in so long, it takes me a moment to realize what it is. Tristan and I have been together since then day after we were introduced, and I haven’t needed it.
Running over to it, I grab it up like it’s a lifeline. When I see Tristan has sent me a text, a stupidly excited smile spreads across my face. It feels huge, but I can’t even make myself care.
T: Be sure and get plenty of sleep tonight. Tomorrow will be a very long day.
A: I’m not sure how I’m going to get any sleep, Tris. First we’re going to be on actual TV tomorrow.
I’m not sure what’s freaking me out more. The fact I’m not sleeping in the same bed as him, or that millions will see me. Millions tuned in to see Phillip marry his queen. More will probably tune in to see us. I’m worried people will pick out something stupid I do, then I’ll be a meme for the rest of my life. It’s a legitimate fear, and I don’t know how to stop thinking about it.
It doesn’t help that earlier in the day, Shannon pointed out the TV crews.
They’re even camped out in front of this house. I knew there would be people watching me leave and head to the wedding venue, but now it’s so much more real.
T: The only one who is going to matter will be me. You’ll be beautiful and I’ll be the luckiest man in the world.
A: Tris, I’m scared.
There I said it, told him about the fear tingling at the back of my neck.
Cold feet is one thing, but I’m legitimately scared something may happen tomorrow we can never come back from. I keep telling myself no one would try to take a shot at us, but it’s on a global stage, and there are plenty of people who would love to take the spotlight from us.
T: Scared about what?
Now that he’s asking, I don’t want to throw my fears off on him. What if I’m the one whose worrying for no reason. It’s easy to downplay it and pretend like I’m not scared to death.
A: I’m not sure, I just feel like we have a bullseye on our backs. Like someone is going to ruin our perfect day.
T: It’s normal. I’m sure all brides and grooms feel this way. I mean we’re on a global stage, Lia, but you have to know we’re going to be fine.
I don’t, and that’s why I’m worried. Instead of keeping him longer, I decide to end the conversation. Having a seat on the bed, I type quickly.
A: I know we will be. I have to get my beauty sleep for tomorrow. I’ll see you in a few hours. Love you, Tris.
T: Love you too!
I throw the phone to my side on a sigh.
“That doesn’t sound good.” Shannon makes her way into the room. “Not having second thoughts, are you?”
“No! I want to marry Tristan more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I’m just nervous.” I do my best to explain to her. “There will be a lot of people watching tomorrow, a lot of expectations.”
“No one else matters but his,” she reminds me.
“Now you sound like him,” I giggle. “In theory I know that’s right, but I’m still worried.”
“Hey, he sounds super smart.” She comes over, sitting next to me. She turns to face me, her knowing gaze almost feeling like it can see right through me. “Tell me, Amelia. What’s really wrong?”
Do I be honest with her?
Do I admit I’m not sure I’m the person everyone thinks I am?
“I feel like a fraud!” I shout, throwing my face in my hands.
“A fraud?”
It’s hard to explain, but I struggle through it, praying I can get her to understand. “You make me beautiful, you pick my clothes, do my makeup and my hair, you tell me if the jewelry I pick out matches.” I shrug, letting this insecurity out. I hadn’t planned on doing it now, but if not now, when.
She pulls my hands back. “I work with what I have, Amelia. If you weren’t already beautiful, I couldn’t make you look the way I do. Tristan loves you for who you are, and the world will love you for the same reasons he does. Don’t be nervous.”
It’s so easy for her to say, but my stomach is rolling, thinking of everyone who will see me on the screen tomorrow. There are people camped out in the royal park here, wanting to catch a glimpse of me or us as we travel through the streets. For some reason the reality of the situation is hitting me tonight, and I’m almost having a freak out.
“You’re living almost every little girl’s and some little boy’s dreams tomorrow,” Shannon laughs. “Enjoy your day. Do your best to forget about all the people watching and just focus on your husband. I mean can you imagine how hot Tristan’s going to look in what he decides t
o wear?”
“I hope it’s a tux,” I blurt out. “He rocks a tux in so many ways.”
“But what about his military uniform?”
“That’s what it’s between. A tux or a military uniform. I’ve only seen pictures of him in the uniform, but I’ve seen him alive and well in a tux. Either way I won’t be able to wait for the wedding to get over, to get him out of either one.”
Shannon laughs loudly at what I’ve just said. “He is very handsome.”
“He’s hot!” I correct her. “Dark and brooding with the right amount of mystery and danger. He’s every dream I ever had of the man I was going to marry.”
I don’t realize the truth of the words until I say them. Why am I freaking out when this is truly every single thing I want?
“Then focus on that.” Shannon claps her hands. “Focus on the fact your dream is coming true. Not that you’re scared of the future. Live in the present. Mark every moment tomorrow as a memory that won’t be erased, and above all have fun. Smile if you want, laugh if you want, cry if you want. You’re perfect, Amelia, just the way you are.”
You’re perfect just the way you are.
Those words are echoing in my brain later on when I lay down to sleep. They’re running on a loop that won’t seem to stop. I wonder if other brides have this much trouble sleeping the night before they get married.
I’m trying desperately to focus on what Shannon told me, instead of worrying about falling while walking up the stairs, or maybe having a wardrobe malfunction. It would be the one thing I’d never be able to get away from.
The phone on my nightstand vibrates again, and I reach over, grabbing it like it’s a lifeline.
T: I don’t know that I can sleep without you here.
Who knew he’d be this man when the two of us met?
A: I know, this bed is huge, and I miss the warmth of you next to me. I’m freezing.
T: That’s the one thing I’m not missing. Your frozen feet rubbing against my calf, but other than that, I miss you a lot.
Royal Rebel: A Royal Romance (The Haldonia Monarchy Book 1) Page 17