The Wonder of You

by Harper Kincaid

  “So you knew then?” I asked, making sure she wasn’t getting crushed by the crowd.

  “All I knew was that I found him intriguing and that he scared the heck out of me. He was a Grangeworth. You know what my maiden name was? Polinski. Doesn’t exactly scream money or connections.”

  “I didn’t know that,” I said.

  We were finally outside, but her driver hadn’t arrived yet.

  The check girl ran out, with her fur. “Mrs. Grangeworth! You forgot your coat!”

  I took it from her and gave a tip. I helped her put it on.

  “Thank you, darling,” she said, beaming up at me. “I wonder who taught you to always have a few extra dollars in your pocket?”

  I chuckled. “You did,” I said, smiling down at her.

  She nodded. “You know, I loved my husband very much. And he loved me and he loved your mother. The heart wants what the heart wants.”

  You’re an incredible lady. He didn’t deserve you.

  She wasn’t done. “He loved me so much, he thought it would hurt me to know about you, because I couldn’t have children . . . what a schmuck.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “He would’ve gotten such a kick out of you,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Men can be short-sighted. But so can young girls who feel out of their depths, especially in a new city.”

  I met her penetrating gaze.

  She leaned closer. “Don’t give up on her. She’s scared out of her mind. Alice has had to work for every scrap she’s gotten and she’s afraid one mistake will make it all go away.”

  I stilled. “Wait a second, how do you know her name? How do you know anything about her?”

  The driver pulled up, rushing to open her door.

  She patted my cheek. “Because I look after those I love, but don’t tell anybody. I have a reputation as a raging piece of work to uphold.” She winked and got into her car. “And bring her by. I’ll pretend she’s my daughter and show her off at the club. I love it when I make Kathy Hilton feel so bad she eats her feelings.”

  “Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago.”

  ―Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

  Alice

  “Can I read your statement?”

  It was the night before my hearing and I must have written and re-written the damn thing a hundred times. I was so fried I was apologizing in my sleep. I tossed the legal pad to my sister, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms.

  “Sure, take a look. I’ve got like, a dozen different versions there.”

  She gave a tight smile, picked up the pad and sat down in her favorite chair. Caroline had just gotten home from work and looked wiped, but I knew she was pushing all that aside to help me any way she could.

  It was a special kind of hell, watching someone read what you wrote.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” I asked.

  She shook her head, her eyes not leaving the page.

  I sat back and waited. I was not a patient person by nature.

  It seemed to take her forever. I wanted to close my eyes in the worst way, but then I might fall asleep and I knew that would really peeve her off.

  “Okay, I’m done,” she said, keeping the pad in her lap.

  “And?”

  She met my eye. “You know I love you.”

  “Of course,” I said without hesitation. “Wow, that must have really sucked if you’re starting with the ‘I love you’ speech. Didn’t you like any of the drafts?”

  “No,” she said.

  “Great,” I mumbled.

  She smiled. “Do you know how over-the-moon proud I am of you?”

  My throat got all tight. “Ro, don’t you start now.”

  I could tell by her expression, she wasn’t playing.

  “It’s always been you and me. No matter what deadbeats mom brought home. No matter what all the busybodies said in town, it’s always been you and me, the Leighton sisters.”

  She got up from her chair and sat right on the edge of the coffee table, elbows pressed to her knees, her upper body leaned forward. She took my hands in hers.

  “I thought I had done right by you,” she said.

  My eyes almost popped out of my head. “You did. You have!”

  She shushed me. “I taught you how to put on make-up. I remember teaching you how to use a tampon when you got your period. I was the one who took you to buy your first bra down at the Walmart. I also taught you all the manners you’d need with that high cotton, piece of crap, Chad, even though they’re the ones who should have been bending over backwards to make you feel comfortable.”

  “I know, Ro. Where are you going with all of this?” I asked.

  “I taught you everything I know, but I forgot to teach you how to fight.”

  “I don’t understand—

  She interrupted. “Look at me,” she commanded, her gaze scoring into mine. “You. Did. Nothing. Wrong.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes.

  “Say it,” she gently commanded.

  I rolled my eyes. “C’mon now,” I said, trying to pull away.

  But she wouldn’t let go.

  “Say it, Alice.”

  She was dead serious. I wasn’t going anywhere until I did what she asked.

  “You’re not going to sit on my chest and dangle a spit ball over my mouth until I do what you say, are you?” She used to do that when we were kids.

  I was going for levity. She responded with determined stoicism.

  I let out a frustrated sigh, looked her in the eye, and I said it, “I did nothing wrong.”

  She nodded. “Again.”

  I swallowed. “I did nothing wrong.”

  “I almost believe you,” she said, a hint of a smile coming up. “Again.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out.

  I am so tired of being afraid.

  “I did nothing wrong,” I said, actually starting to feel it.

  They took my photo without my consent. I’m not letting them take anything else from me.

  “There she is,” she whispered. “One more time.”

  “I. Did. Nothing. Wrong.”

  “That’s my girl,” she said, letting out a deep sigh. “Now you’re ready.”

  She was right.

  I was ready.

  I was also lonely, missing City more than I expected. I could keep busy all day, but as soon as my world got quiet, as I drifted off to sleep, that’s when it hit me everytime: Letting him go was a big mistake, maybe the biggest I’ve ever made. And I didn’t know if I could fix it.

  “Have I gone mad?” Alice asked.

  “I’m afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usually are.”

  ―Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

  Alice

  “I thought you said this was supposed to be a small, informal hearing?” Lulu asked.

  Rayna tsk’d while looking around. “Yeah, there’s nothing small or casual about any of this. It looks like you’ve got the whole school here.”

  “No, this can’t be for me,” I said. “Maybe there’s a rally going on today, although it looks like it’s about to rain cats and dogs any second now. Not a good day for a protest.”

  I didn’t blame them for being confused. I perused the printed-out email from my advisor. She had outlined how everything was to proceed.

  “It says here there are four members on the university’s ethics committee, along with the dean of my department. Each gets a vote,” I said. “I don’t understand where all these people came from.”

  I was there with my best friends, all whom had taken the day off of work to accompany me. Rayna said she had her lawyer and the pres
s on speed dial, in case ‘heads needed to roll.’

  God, I loved them so.

  As I walked through the crowd, and I’m talking hundreds of people, I couldn’t help but scan their faces, hoping to see his.

  “I don’t think he’s here, honey,” Caroline said.

  She knew me too well.

  I nodded, taking a deep breath. “I should have told him about today.”

  She grimaced. “Actually, I texted him the info yesterday,” she said. “But he didn’t respond . . . I’m so sorry.”

  Don’t start crying. If you start, you won’t stop. You can fall apart when this is all over.

  “Thanks for trying,” I said, giving a small smile.

  Thunder rumbled over our heads, followed by lightning crackling through the sky.

  “Let’s hurry,” I said.

  Suddenly, I heard someone from the crowd cry out, “Hey, it’s her! It’s Alice!”

  “Alice is here?”

  “Make way! Make way!”

  Just like Moses at the Red Sea, swarms of people parted right in front of us, making way so we could keep going.

  “Go get ‘em, Alice!”

  “We’re all behind you!”

  “Tell the patriarchy to shove their double standards up their asses!”

  We got to the building, walking to the top of the steps, but before I went in, I turned towards the crowd, amazed there were so many people out today. For me. Some even had picket signs.

  I had no idea how they had found out what was happening, but I sure didn’t want to let them down. So, I channeled one of my idols, Winston Churchill, and flashed ‘V’ for victory fingers.

  The crowd went wild and the thunder grew louder.

  Campus police ushered us inside the space, which looked just like a courtroom to me. The room was huge and the committee was already seated at the front.

  I was on trial.

  “So much for informal,” I scoffed.

  “I bet they saw all the ruckus and upped their game,” my sister said.

  It was standing room only, but there was a seat for me next to my advisor at a table in front of the committee. I took my seat and was grateful there was a bottle of water waiting.

  “Perfect timing,” she said, covering the microphone in front of us. “I already gave my statement. Now the committee will ask you some questions and you’ll have a chance to read your prepared remarks. Are you ready?”

  “You bet,” I said—and I meant it too.

  One of them banged a gavel several times, calling for order.

  “It has come to the attention of this university’s esteemed committee that you, Alice Elizabeth Leighton, were photographed in the midst of a lewd and lascivious act, which was published in a local newspaper earlier this month.” The committee member held up the paper. “For the record, is this—in fact—you in the aforementioned picture?”

  “Yes,” I said.

  What an asshole.

  He held up a booklet. “Upon entering this esteemed university, did you sign our Student Handbook?”

  “Yes, I did,” I said.

  He’s really going to drag this out. That’s fine. Bring it, grandpa.

  “I see,” he said, thumbing through it. “Did you happen to read the section on student conduct?”

  “Yes, I did read it.”

  “Then you are aware in Section III, Article XI it states ‘conduct which is disorderly, lewd, indecent, or which disturbs the peace may serve as cause for suspension or expulsion.’”

  “I am aware of the policy, but I do not believe I violated it.”

  Another committee member piped in. “Yes, we heard from your advisor that this photograph was taken without your knowledge or your consent.”

  “That is correct,” I said. “I would also like to say for the record during this ‘informal’ hearing, I object to the term ‘lewd and lascivious’ used to describe what was happening in the photo.”

  “You are engaging in sexual intercourse in the picture, aren’t you, Ms. Leighton?”

  “Yes, but as a graduate student of your esteemed clinical psychology and human sexuality studies department, I refuse to label a loving act between two consenting adults ‘lewd and lascivious.’ The lewd act occurred when a couple of jerks took our photo—without consent—and sold it for money, just because my partner happens to be a well-known member of this city’s artistic community.

  “One could also say this hearing today is also a lewd act, bringing a woman in front of an all-male committee to endure institutionalized ‘slut shaming.’ Shame on you. I did not give those men permission to photograph and sell my image and I do not give you permission to judge how I express myself in private, and since my partner owns that building and the land it occupies, the entirety of this supposed ‘lewd and lascivious act’ is, in fact, private, and none of your business.”

  Everyone behind me in the ‘courtroom’ stood up and cheered, a roar of applause and hollers the likes I’d never heard.

  “You tell ‘em Alice!”

  “No more slut shaming!”

  “Time’s up! Time’s up! Time’s up!

  He slammed the gavel down, just as the thunder shook everything in the building. “That’s some storm outside,” I said to Ms. Joan.

  She laughed. “That’s some storm inside.”

  “The committee will take a five-minute recess!”

  “I didn’t get to read my statement,” I said.

  “I think they got your message,” she said while shaking her head, smiling.

  All the girls rushed up.

  “Oh my God, you were on fire!” Rayna said. “I got the whole thing on my phone!”

  Lulu was practically hopping in place. “I cannot believe how rude they were, but wow, you sure told them!”

  Then there was my sister.

  She had no words.

  But her pride shone bright and blinding.

  And that’s when I knew. I had already won.

  It took us a while to get out of that room, but eventually, the university police were able to clear the people out so I could exit the building. Sheets of rain came down, making people scatter.

  “Here, I brought you one,” my sister said, handing me an umbrella.

  “But what about you?” I asked.

  She dug into her bag and, of course, there was another one.

  “I’m always prepared,” she winked.

  I undid the snap and opened it up, but the storm was so bad, even with an umbrella, rain was coming at us in all directions.

  “Alice, look up,” one of them said.

  “What?”

  I couldn’t see a thing. I walked down the steps with my umbrella in hand. The last of the crowd was running in all directions, people using newspapers and their backpacks to cover their heads.

  Except for one.

  He was standing in the rain.

  And he was waiting for me.

  I didn’t care about anything else except getting to him.

  I dropped the umbrella and ran as fast as I could.

  He opened his arms wide and I fell into them.

  All the air whooshed out of my lungs as I buried my face in his neck and let out all the misery I’d kept in over the last couple of weeks.

  “Oh, there’s my girl,” he said into my skin, his mouth finding mine. “You were magnificent, the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.”

  I paused. “You saw me?”

  “I was in the back,” he said, smiling down at me. “What? You think I’d miss a good ol’ Southern smack down?”

  I swallowed the lump of tears in my throat. “Dare, I am so sorry. I shut you out . . . you have no idea how much I’ve missed you . . . I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “I’m here. In fact, I traded in my first-class ticket for two economies.”

  He was quoting my new favorite movie, The Goodbye Girl.

  “God, I love you,” I blurted out. His whole body stilled. “Oh crap, is it too soon? Did I
freak you out?”

  His hold tightened. “You kidding? I’ve been in love with you since I rummaged through that bag of magic tricks you haul around.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “It was the vibrator that did it, wasn’t it?”

  His eyes welled up as he kissed my forehead. “Dixie, it was everything. You are my Wonderland.”

  The End

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  Rule Breaker

  Heart Breaker

  Girl Breaker

  Bind Me Before You Go

  This is the book I’ve wanted to write for a long time and it wouldn’t have happened without the help of some extraordinary people.

  First off, I thank God because, well, you’re the man. You’ve got my back and you love this dirty girl unconditionally. Thank you for all the blessings you’ve given me and those I love.

  I would also like to thank my beta readers, Lisa Waldorf-Lee, Devon Hemsley, and Carrie Durbin. You are my magical, glittery, badass unicorns! Thank you to Rebecca Norinne for the most gorgeous cover on the planet. You got this project from minute one and I am grateful for your artistic vision and overall sassy mouth. Also thank you to Jamaila Brinkley for organizing my favorite writing retreat, which gave me the time and space to bring a grown-up Alice to life. A huge thank you to Delancey Stewart, who was editing this book until the very last minute. Your insights and guidance were invaluable and I adore you. Thanks to Jessica Estep and Kelly Simmons from InkSlingers—you two are my dream team of publicity and common sense. Thank you for listening to me rattle on.