by Alma Nilsson
“But Drusilla, you just have to think of it differently. This isn’t Earth. Please?” Dera had heard that some of the other humans had struggled with slave artists aboard the Zuin. However, she couldn’t believe it because she had also heard the wild rumors about Captain Kara and the slave artist Sera.
Dru shook her head, “I can’t, and I know what you are saying, that Ket won’t accept this arrangement. But I can’t accept this. It’s too much for me.”
“Because of what happened? The rape?”
“I don’t know,” Dru admitted, somewhat shocked that Dera knew something about her past, but then reminded herself, Her mother is the First Imperial Doctor, of course, she knows everything about me if her son is courting me. “I don’t think so. That was terrible but this is more than that.”
“Something to do with your human culture? Your father?”
“I never really knew my father,” Dru admitted and then added, “Don’t say anything about it.”
Dera nodded, “I wouldn’t betray your secrets. We are in a holy place now. This is gods’ speak.”
Dru nodded.
“I think you should try again. Maybe try to focus on what specifically bothers you about it while it is going on so then you can overcome it.”
“I don’t want to overcome it, I don’t think.”
“But you cannot only be with Ket. It’s not natural.”
“It seems like the most natural thing in the galaxy to me.”
“I don’t understand.” Dera sighed, “Please try again?”
Dru looked at her friend and knew that she meant well so she nodded agreement to try again.
They walked back together in silence. When they reached the spa, Dera said, “I’ve arranged for some women today.”
“I’ve never been with a woman before, I ...” she trailed off.
“What is happening on Earth that you have never been with a woman before?”
“What do you mean, ‘What is happening on Earth’? Honestly, Dera, you know we don’t have sex spas and slave artists. Well, I mean we have prostitution, but most people stay loyal to just one person in their relationships, I think.”
“Until that relationship ends and then a whole family is broken apart and what pleasure did you take from having sex with the same person for so long? In the Alliance we have a bit of this excitement, it makes everyone’s life more interesting and it is regulated. More importantly, it allows us to remain married to the same people and maintain social order so that we can focus on important things. I think if we could have turned off our sexual desires to only pursue academic and technological pursuits, we would have done that a long time ago as it wastes so much time, sexual desire.”
“But it is a natural part of life for all species. I think, humans enjoy the constant battle for romance, to keep it alive. And we celebrate for those people who have found love. You call it a waste of time; we call it the only reason to be alive.”
“Not all species reproduce according to their primal bodies’ desires. Some species have managed to breed it out and reproduction only happens through science now. One of our vassal planets, JXR-25 is like that. The people there live completely asexual lives and accomplish so much. Don’t you think humans could have accomplished more if you weren’t wasting your time chasing after love and good sex all the time?”
“I don’t know. I have never thought about it like that. We abolished marriage because it was seen as a trapping from a different era in human history that had many other detrimental elements such as slavery.” Dru specifically used slavery as her example.
“Yes, slavery is bad but sometimes necessary, but you know Alliance slaves have not really been slaves for generations now, it is just a name, a class, but they choose their professions just like the rest of us.”
“What is an Alliance marriage like Dera?”
Dera considered how to answer this in a way that would please Drusilla, “Being married in the Alliance is a comfort, it gives you a place, a starting point, a family. Of course, you can never walk away from it like humans can from their families, but there is some security in that too. As for your being able to find a man who would only be sexually loyal to you, I can’t say.”
“I don’t see myself ever changing on this. I can’t share.”
“You never know. People do change over time. Now, it is time to think about the midday meal and your first sexual encounter with a woman.”
“Dera …”
Dera smiled, “Why are you so unwilling to try? Maybe you like women more?”
“I don’t know what to do with a woman,” Dru admitted. “I’ve never felt attracted to a woman.”
“Are you not a woman yourself? Haven’t you ever been curious? In the Alliance women freely enjoy all sexual pleasures with men and women. If I could never marry and always be with a woman, I would, but with the current demographics situation I know what I must do for the Empire. Fortunately, I like variety, but if you are afraid to try with a woman …” Dera knew that Drusilla didn’t like being deemed afraid to try new things.
“Dera, will you marry then?”
“If I chose not to marry it would be severely detrimental to my career and bring shame on my family. In the past, when the population was almost equal between men and women, some men and women chose to never marry and people looked the other way, now people say we must all do what’s right to maintain our civilization.”
“You mean pure civilization?”
“I didn’t want to say it to you, but yes, that is what these people mean and there are a lot of them, as you know well. People like Rez. She thinks it’s better that I would sacrifice myself than you marry an Alliance man and pollute our species.”
“Do you believe that?”
“No, of course not. But I also believe that humans are the Lost People, Rez does not. Her family has never been religious, they only consult logic instead of their hearts.” Dera touched her heart with one finger as she spoke of the Lost People to indicate this was something she believed to her core.
“I’m sorry that you must marry a man when you don’t want to.”
Dera smiled, “And this is why we are friends Drusilla. You were taken as a prisoner of war and brought here to solve our problem. Sold by your own government, but you still find it in your heart to feel sorry for me. And we will see what happens. Maybe in the end things will relax and I’ll be able to do what I want.”
Dru wondered then if Dera only had befriended her for Dera’s own benefit to show that human women could be integrated, so that she would have a better chance at never having to marry. She knew if she asked Dera she would probably get the truth, but she did not want to hear it either way. Sometimes living in ignorance was better.
After lunch, Dera suggested they go swimming.
“I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”
“We swim naked. Humans have this reputation for being so wild and carefree, but I think you are all so misunderstood.”
“Do you think I am so prude then?”
“Absolutely, besotted by one man, afraid to have sex with women and now you want clothing to swim in,” Dera admitted with a smile. “But you are still my friend and I will just accept this as part of your humanity.”
Dru didn’t reply. She didn’t know what to say without coming off as offensive. She just followed Dera down to a secluded part of the lake for swimming. The air was cold when Dru removed her dress. She assumed the water would be even colder. But the sun was setting over the mountains and the sky was turning red. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and she liked the experience of being so free to swim like this in nature. She followed Dera into the ice-cold water. She was trying to move at all times as to not become too cold.
“Is it too cold for you?” Dera asked.
“Possibly. Let me see if it gets better in a minute.”
Dera smiled, “One minute, okay.”
After one minute, two more women came into the water. One came right up behind Dru and began
caressing her breasts. Dru could feel the slave’s small adorned breasts pressing against her back. Dru closed her eyes and thought, Just try to enjoy this. It is new. Be Alliance cool.
Then the woman’s hands moved in between Dru’s legs caressing her lightly there and she whispered in her ear, “I heard that you were special and now I know that you are very special, human.” Dru welcomed her touch and leaned back into the woman her jewelry rough on her back. She was touching her so perfectly, unlike any man, Dru thought it must be a dream.
Dera stole a look at Dru and was pleased that she had not run away yet and then went back to what she was doing with her beautiful petite slave artist.
Dru said to the woman after a couple more minutes though, “I can’t do this,” and moved slightly away and then headed back to the beach. She was shaking from the cold. The slave artist followed her.
“Is there something you would like me to do differently?” she asked seductively.
“No, I just… it’s not for me right now.”
The slave artist nodded and walked away. Dru looked at Dera in the water being pleasured and decided to go back to the room and warm up. Once in the room, she got into the shower but at the top temperature it only got as warm as lukewarm. She washed off anyway and then looked at herself in the mirror and said quietly, “Who are you? Why can’t you do this?”
Then she had the strangest sensation that she had done this before. It was her but not her. She touched her reflection in the mirror and almost passed out she felt so dizzy. What is going on? she thought. As soon as the moment was there it was gone and so she tried to forget about it or make excuses, blaming the cold.
She got dressed and then got into bed to try and warm up.
When Dera arrived, still wet from swimming, she told Dru she would be ready soon to go eat the evening meal, but when she saw Dru in her bed with her clothes on shivering, she came over to her, “Are you okay?”
Dru nodded, “I’m just cold. I have to warm up. Then I’ll be fine.”
Dera smiled, “You look ridiculous in bed with your clothes on.”
“I know.”
During the evening meal Dera asked Drusilla if she could pinpoint why she didn’t want to be with a slave artist.
“Well, there were a couple of reasons. First, I was freezing cold. Second, I just couldn’t be with another woman. I like men so much. Third, I like one man in particular so much I only want to be with him.”
“But why?”
“I thought about that a lot while I warmed up in bed with my clothes on,” she smiled, “and I think I just want one constant here.”
“You have me.”
“I know and I appreciate that, but you know what I mean?”
“I think I do, and I can’t help but wonder if your opinion would change once you married and became a part of a real House.”
“House Human is as real as it gets,” she defended them even though she knew it wasn’t.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know, but I also want people to start taking us more seriously too if we are here to stay.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean disrespect…”
“Not consciously.”
“I’m sorry. I only meant that when you are married your husband and the vast number of people in a House, which House Human does not have, might make you feel more at ease and less alone.”
“Oh.”
“I know I say racist things sometimes, but most of us are trying to be more inclusive.”
“Keep trying,” Dru gave her friend a little smile. “And as far as being married and feeling more secure, I don’t know if that would help. I just need to think about this whole thing for a while.”
They enjoyed the rest of their evening not talking about sex or anything but their hopes and desires for their careers.
When Dera returned home, she sent a message to her brother. “May the gods bless you; I don’t know what to do. Boru Spa was a disaster. Drusilla doesn’t want to have sex with anyone but you. She tried but she said it felt wrong. I tried to explain Alliance sexual culture to her, but when she tried again, she also resisted.” Dera sighed, “I’m sorry Ket. I don’t know what to tell you. I think she loves you and because of that doesn’t want anyone else to touch her. I didn’t want to speak for you, but I did tell her that I didn’t think you would accept exclusivity, that no Alliance man would accept a monogamous relationship with his wife. She told me she didn’t think she could have it any other way, even though she understood this may mean giving you up. May the gods guide your way.”
Ket then opened the message from Drusilla. It was apparent that she had been crying as her eyes were red. He felt terrible for her.
“Ket, I am so distraught.”
He noticed she didn’t even greet him with a prayer and so unlike her. “My poor little tabi,” he said quietly to the screen.
“I feel like I’ve no idea what is going on with your culture. Dera tried to explain it to me and it seems logical, but in my heart,” she touched her heart with one finger to indicate her unwavering belief, “I don’t want anyone to touch me but you.” She began to cry again but didn’t stop the VM, so he had to painfully watch her, unable to reach through the screen and offer any comfort.
Ket blamed himself, he had moved too quickly for her, even after seeing her initial Alliance medical examination and his mother’s warnings. He had naively thought that once Dera introduced her to women’s spas, she would naturally begin behaving like any Alliance woman. She needed to be able to have regular sex while he was away or else, she would become too strained. He couldn’t have a wife who was always just waiting for him to return, she would become irritated and possibly irretrievably angry. That is why monogamy was abandoned more than a thousand years before.
“And I can’t bear the thought of you touching someone else.”
That stopped him. He just stared at the screen. She can’t be serious, he thought. She is just upset, and she doesn’t understand.
“I just can’t do this. I understand if you want to end our courtship now.” Then she signed off abruptly crying, again without the blessing.
He stood up confused, sat down and stood up again and went to the shrine onboard the ship. It was night and he was naked. He kneeled in front of the goddess of home and thought, How could you send me the most wonderful woman but then have her demand this of me? He prayed for at least an hour. He didn’t feel any better. He returned to his room and tried to sleep. It was fitful. He poured himself a glass of Zota and drank it thinking about what he should do. He decided he would pray and wait for the answer to come to him before replying. If this was the will of the gods’, they would guide him now.
Dru woke up and was surprised Ket had not responded to her emotional message. That was not like him at all. So, she could only assume that he wanted to break off the courtship. She couldn’t’ blame him, she couldn’t be Alliance cool in this. She wanted someone to love, someone who was all her own and she couldn’t share her body with other men, nor did she want to think about him with other women.
Days passed and she heard nothing from Ket or Dera. It was the first 4th day since she returned from the Boru Spa and she looked at her underwear as she was getting dressed. She didn’t but it on, but when she went down to breakfast, one of her slaves served her Alliance bread and strawberry jam. After breakfast she went back up to her room and put her underwear on, then sat on the bed and cried. She wanted Ket so much, but she couldn’t just have sex with different men to fulfill this Alliance ideal about sex and healthiness. That evening in her study rooms, she tried to open a VM to Ket. She saw that he was available and tried to talk to him, but he marked himself as unavailable after her attempt. She put her head on her desk and cried like she had never cried before. After a long time, possibly even an hour, she rallied herself. She opened her social media and began looking at what Captain Kara and the rest of the women from the Dakota have been doing on the Zuin. She was seriously consid
ering joining them now after she finished her practicals. She wanted no reminders of the happiness here in the Capital City, if she couldn’t have her Ket. He had been her one bright spot here now that everyone else had left and now he was gone too.
The next morning during her prayers, she stood before the goddess of home and asked, “Why did you do this to me? Why did you bring me here and introduce me to Ket just to take him away? You knew I couldn’t sexually conform in this way after what happened to me.” She actually fell to her knees crying in the shrine. Her slaves were concerned and actually picked her up and led her into the great fire room. She was wiping her tears as they looked at her. She felt like an idiot in front of them.
The three house slaves in House Human had been concerned for Drusilla for weeks now. They actually felt really sorry for her, which was uncommon for Alliance slaves to take notice of any people not from slave class. She was so lonely and had no friends. All the other humans were gone. She only had work and her Ket and now he had left her too.
“Drusilla, this is an Empire full of desperate men. There will be another. Don’t cry over this one,” one of the slaves said helpfully.
Dru just shook her head and cried. And the slaves just watched her, not knowing how to comfort her.
The next 4th day, Dru only hesitated for a second before putting on her underwear, but that evening in her study room she did begin a VM to Ket.
“Ket, I don’t know why we can’t have a discussion about this,” but then she couldn’t control herself, and began to cry, and so deleted the message. When she regained some control, she began looking at the adventures of the Zuin. She thought, Even my slaves say there will be another, I must let him go. Then she cried again for about an hour, it hurt so much that he had just abandoned her without a word and got very little studying done. When she left her room that night she said out loud to herself, “This was a pointless night here. I accomplished nothing except crying. No more thinking about him. He doesn’t want me.”
As the weeks passed and she heard nothing from Ket, Dru assumed that they were really and completely finished, so she wore no jewelry except her Human House ID necklace. She knew the other Doctors at the Capital City Hospital suspected that they were no longer courting, but she was relieved that no one asked her directly though, because she honestly, didn’t know the real answer. A small part of her hoped that maybe they had not ended things and there was another reason for his silence. Dru was also happy no one asked her about him as she was afraid that if she spoke his name out loud, she might just start crying again. She had considered reaching out to Jane or Madame Bai about it but hadn’t found the energy or humility yet to do it. She just threw herself into her work and tried not to think about Boru, Ket, monogamy or marriage.